Advertisement
If you have a new account but are having problems posting or verifying your account, please email us on hello@boards.ie for help. Thanks :)
Hello all! Please ensure that you are posting a new thread or question in the appropriate forum. The Feedback forum is overwhelmed with questions that are having to be moved elsewhere. If you need help to verify your account contact hello@boards.ie

Worst/Funniest thing said in bed?

Options
1235

Comments

  • Options
    #122
    lallybaby
    Closed Accounts Posts: 20 ✭lallybaby


    paul larry wrote: »
    in a random bed...girl leaves for work....her mate comes in and invites me into her bed....i oblige!!!
    "did u f**K my friend last night?"
    "no, i just kissed her, honest"
    "Ah cool, ya like ray d'arcy?"
    "Yea he's not bad"
    couldnt see where this was going until....
    "wanna take my knickers off"
    score haha had a good time till a mate rang, and she whispers "just finish off there and take that call if ya like!!!!!!!!!!":D



    Bout 2 get hot'n' heavy wid my new boyf;) n i say "hav u got sumthin?"
    to which he replies "course i do"......all chuffd he rememberd
    so he reaches accross me 2 grab his wallet,containing sed "thing" n wen he opns it, a pic of his ex grlfriend falls out n lands on my stomach:eek:........
    d mood was ruined cos we both fell about laffing:D
    didnt hold it against him tho:p


  • Options
    #123
    Numina
    Registered Users Posts: 1,258 ✭✭✭Numina


    lallybaby wrote: »
    Bout 2 get hot'n' heavy wid my new boyf;) n i say "hav u got sumthin?"
    to which he replies "course i do"......all chuffd he rememberd
    so he reaches accross me 2 grab his wallet,containing sed "thing" n wen he opns it, a pic of his ex grlfriend falls out n lands on my stomach:eek:........
    d mood was ruined cos we both fell about laffing:D
    didnt hold it against him tho:p

    In English, please.


  • Options
    #124
    Professey Chin
    Registered Users Posts: 51,054 ✭✭✭✭Professey Chin


    lallybaby wrote: »
    Bout 2 get hot'n' heavy wid my new boyf;) n i say "hav u got sumthin?"
    to which he replies "course i do"......all chuffd he rememberd
    so he reaches accross me 2 grab his wallet,containing sed "thing" n wen he opns it, a pic of his ex grlfriend falls out n lands on my stomach:eek:........
    d mood was ruined cos we both fell about laffing:D
    didnt hold it against him tho:p
    His thoughts
    Act like its funny now so you get away with it.Start laughing.
    She bought it. Now its innocent with your ex.
    Finish up here.Go home.Look at pic again. Fap-Fap-Fap-Fap-Fap-Fap-Fap
    :pac:


  • Options
    #125
    MadelineNYC
    Closed Accounts Posts: 68 ✭✭MadelineNYC


    The first time a former boyfriend and I did The Deed:

    We had already ripped off each other's clothing, were rolling around the bed naked while groping each other, mad, passionate kissing, heavy breathing, hands everywhere etc etc etc..you get the idea. Then he asked in a very matter-of-fact voice:

    "Do you want to have sex?"

    Ummmm...? Ya think??


  • Options
    #126
    Hank Scorpio
    Closed Accounts Posts: 11,631 ✭✭✭✭Hank Scorpio


    Pighead wrote: »
    Pighead's usually legendary bedroom behaviour let him down once a while back after a marathon day of sweaty lovemaking.

    The lady was just about to initiate round 8 when a tactless Pighead said "Listen babes, don't mean to be funny but we've been in here seven hours now. PearTree House and Personal Issues aren't going to moderate themselves you know"

    yawn


  • Advertisement
  • Options
    #127
    Pen1987
    Closed Accounts Posts: 870 ✭✭✭Pen1987


    "Paul? Dave? Ian?... Mary?.......... Ah ****..."

    That came after she asked me what her name was as we lay on the leaba before the deed. I was joking and trying to buy some time. She soon booted me out, heartbreak, she was gorgeous.

    The lads were dying laughing when I told them the next morning, one of them was like "YOU IDIOT, her name was "NAME"... I was chatting her up before you and got no where" hahaha...


  • Options
    #128
    CMpunked
    Registered Users Posts: 14,600 ✭✭✭✭CMpunked


    Best i heard was:

    "Aw you smell just like my mother!"
    Instant killer right there for everyone involved.

    Or the guy, rolling around with the missus lets out:

    "I was right, you've definitely gotten a little thicker"

    :pac:


  • Options
    #129
    Daisy Dweller
    Registered Users Posts: 14 ✭Daisy Dweller


    "Horsing it into her"?? "Do ya want to take me knickers off"???
    Ok - Maybe I'm just a bit of a romantic........:p

    A bloke I know met this luverly lady in a nightclub...she proceeded to invite him home........which was a caravan....in a carpark....he came out of the facility to find her sittin on the bed......nekkid from the waste down....legs akimbo....and when she seen him...smiled seductively and said...."Harseitintameboss".......:eek:

    Needless to say his night ended pretty much there poor lamb.....


  • Options
    #130
    Professey Chin
    Registered Users Posts: 51,054 ✭✭✭✭Professey Chin


    Lies. Thats an ancient story:pac:


  • Options
    #131
    Motley Crue
    Registered Users Posts: 6,382 ✭✭✭Motley Crue


    I farted in bed before, during sex, while I've been on top and inside her....at least she laughed


  • Advertisement
  • Options
    #132
    Motley Crue
    Registered Users Posts: 6,382 ✭✭✭Motley Crue


    Daisy Dweller wrote: »
    "Harseitintameboss".......:eek:...

    OMG Brilliant


  • Options
    #133
    spinandscribble
    Registered Users Posts: 3,000 ✭✭✭spinandscribble


    slideways wrote: »
    I was with a bird one night, "horseing it into to her" so to speak...

    In the middle of it she shouts out "paint me insides white"

    Nearly fell out of the bed laughin!

    i just peed a little laughing at that :o


  • Options
    #134
    staker
    Closed Accounts Posts: 5,677 ✭✭✭staker


    i asked a bird one time just to make a sheep noise while i was riding her.
    she obliged,i still laugh at her little baaaas.
    i rode a sheep:eek:


  • Options
    #135
    minidazzler
    Registered Users Posts: 14,739 ✭✭✭✭minidazzler


    staker wrote: »
    i asked a bird one time just to make a sheep noise while i was riding her.
    she obliged,i still laugh at her little baaaas.
    i rode a sheep:eek:

    Why did you ask a girl to do that???

    On the flip side, I was ridin' a sheep and asked it to speak like a person, it didn't...


  • Options
    #136
    staker
    Closed Accounts Posts: 5,677 ✭✭✭staker


    i wanted to live out a fantasy:o
    i'm jealous:mad:


  • Options
    #137
    zig
    Registered Users Posts: 1,206 ✭✭✭zig


    while travelling, I had the pleasure of waking up in a hostel in the same room as an english couple shagging, when he finished he said in his manchester accent "your still not a patch on me mates" . Needless to say there was war between the two afterwards. Brilliant.


  • Options
    #138
    Professey Chin
    Registered Users Posts: 51,054 ✭✭✭✭Professey Chin


    zig wrote: »
    while travelling, I had the pleasure of waking up in a hostel in the same room as an english couple shagging, when he finished he said in his manchester accent "your still not a patch on me mates" . Needless to say there was war between the two afterwards. Brilliant.
    Did you check if he was right?:pac:


  • Options
    #139
    stevelknievel
    Registered Users Posts: 170 ✭✭stevelknievel


    A mate of mine went home with a bird and just as he started to go down on her she said "None of that fancy stuff. Just lob it into me". Classy!


  • Options
    #140
    Professey Chin
    Registered Users Posts: 51,054 ✭✭✭✭Professey Chin


    stevelknievel wrote: »
    A mate of mine went home with a bird and just as he started to go down on her she said "None of that fancy stuff. Just lob it into me". Classy!
    Also an old fake urban myth:pac:


  • Options
    #141
    Wibbs
    Moderators, Science, Health & Environment Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 60,104 Mod ✭✭✭✭Wibbs


    Fake urban myth maybe, but I've heard similar in the flesh as it were. Along the lines of forget about that and just do me. I am a stud though with rather a large wang. So maybe that's it.

    Rejoice in the awareness of feeling stupid, for that’s how you end up learning new things. If you’re not aware you’re stupid, you probably are.



  • Advertisement
  • Options
    #142
    Professey Chin
    Registered Users Posts: 51,054 ✭✭✭✭Professey Chin


    Wibbs wrote: »
    Fake urban myth maybe, but I've heard similar in the flesh as it were. Along the lines of forget about that and just do me. I am a stud though with rather a large wang. So maybe that's it.
    As have I but that quote is far to specific to be anything else


  • Options
    #143
    wylo
    Registered Users Posts: 2,214 ✭✭✭wylo


    stevelknievel wrote: »
    A mate of mine went home with a bird and just as he started to go down on her she said "None of that fancy stuff. Just lob it into me". Classy!
    heard that one many a time, and I always thought there was "boss" at the end of it.


  • Options
    #144
    Professey Chin
    Registered Users Posts: 51,054 ✭✭✭✭Professey Chin


    wylo wrote: »
    heard that one many a time, and I always thought there was "boss" at the end of it.
    There is when people use the traveller version


  • Options
    #145
    copperfacegaz
    Closed Accounts Posts: 126 ✭✭copperfacegaz


    was once in the sack with a cork bird and in the heat of the moment she states and i quote ..... ill have it comin outta ya like buttermilk boy !!!!! ,,, think i nearly fell off de bed laughin !


  • Options
    #146
    Libertine2002
    Registered Users Posts: 86 ✭✭Libertine2002


    All I'll say is the worst name to call out durin sex is not your ex's, or her sister's.. it's your own. Apparently women don't like an over-inflated ego. :( Who knew?


  • Options
    #147
    [Deleted User]
    Posts: 0 ✭ [Deleted User]


    "Is it in?"

    "Yea, oh I'm nearly there"

    "Are u sure it's in?"


    Ouch!! :pac:


  • Options
    #148
    Pompey Magnus
    Registered Users Posts: 5,406 ✭✭✭Pompey Magnus


    During foreplay, me doing all my best moves and she comes out with: "You know, I was just thinking that we can still collect (Tesco) clubcard points for your mum while we wait for our card to arrive"

    Two things I never particularly want to hear during foreplay is references about Tesco or my mother. I was not impressed and judging by her comments neither was she :(.


  • Options
    #149
    Professey Chin
    Registered Users Posts: 51,054 ✭✭✭✭Professey Chin


    "I know youre nervous but that still doesnt make up for you being sh!t"

    Cows lucky there wasnt a lump hammer nearby :mad:


  • Options
    #150
    [Deleted User]
    Posts: 0 ✭ [Deleted User]


    chef wrote: »
    Chinese chick I was banging kept shouting " pang ya, pang ya"

    How was I to know that meant wrong hole.......

    Lucky sod,i've always fancied banging an Asian babe!


  • Advertisement
  • Options
    #151
    ThunderCat
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,385 ✭✭✭ThunderCat


    trying to persuade my misses to have a quicky (arnt they all) and she says "we don't have time". I said to her "ill bet you a tenner ill be done within 3 minuites". She took me up on the bet, so anyways we were hard at it and just as i came i shouted "stop the clock". We were both in knots laughing. I won the bet, but i dont think thats such a good thing.


Advertisement