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Worst/Funniest thing said in bed?

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  • 21-11-2008 2:10pm
    #1
    C0SM0
    Registered Users Posts: 104 ✭✭


    An acquaintance of mine told me a story about how one nite he was in the scratcher with this cracker he had pulled, she had him all worked up and he said he felt like his d**k was as big and as hard as he had ever felt it. then we she pulled down his cacks she took a peek and said
    "Aw look, hello little fella!"

    He was disgusted..

    So question what's the worst or funniest thing said or heard in the scratcher?


«13456

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    #2
    Dinter
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,698 ✭✭✭Dinter


    "Although I know you've just had a heart attack and must remain in this CCU bed, I'm afraid that due to underfunding, laughable resource management and your lack of medical insurance you can go fuk off and lie on that trolley."

    Say that ranks up there with the worst.


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    #3
    fullstop
    Registered Users Posts: 11,338 ✭✭✭✭fullstop


    C0SM0 wrote: »
    An acquaintance of mine told me a story about how one nite he was in the scratcher with this cracker he had pulled, she had him all worked up and he said he felt like his d**k was as big and as hard as he had ever felt it. then we she pulled down his cacks she took a peek and said
    "Aw look, hello little fella!"

    He was disgusted..

    So question what's the worst or funniest thing said or heard in the scratcher?
    An acquaintance you say? Hmm....


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    #4
    C0SM0
    Registered Users Posts: 104 ✭✭C0SM0


    Main Entry: ac·quain·tance Pronunciation: Ak-wain-tenceFunction: noun Date: 14th century 1 a: the state of being acquainted b: personal knowledge : familiarity2 a: the persons with whom one is acquainted <should auld acquaintance be forgot — Robert Burns> b: a person whom one knows but who is not a particularly close friend <a casual acquaintance>
    — ac·quain·tance·ship


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    #5
    SoWatchaWant
    Registered Users Posts: 1,213 ✭✭✭SoWatchaWant


    In the girl's house, in her bed.

    "You come here often?"


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    #6
    PurpleBerry
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,006 ✭✭✭PurpleBerry


    C0SM0 wrote: »
    An acquaintance of mine told me a story...

    Yes, I'm sure he did. That's so weird, a friend of mine told me this story about how one night she went home with this bloke she'd met in a scratcher and things were going really great until she pulled down his cacks and saw he had a pretty small dîck.

    I told her she was a dirty skânk and she told me to shut up and that "he coulda been your new daddy" Ew, Mom!


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    #7
    Honey-ec
    Closed Accounts Posts: 5,844 ✭✭✭Honey-ec


    I didn't actually say anything, but I did once get caught looking at my watch while being "entertained" by this bloke.

    Really, after that I don't think any words were necessary...


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    #8
    Puddleduck
    Registered Users Posts: 1,183 ✭✭✭Puddleduck


    'Whos your daddy'

    Seriously.

    I cracked up laughing


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    #9
    [Deleted User]
    Posts: 0 ✭ [Deleted User]


    When, in the middle of romantic troughs, you blurt out her mother's name.


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    #10
    shenanigans1982
    Registered Users Posts: 1,467 ✭✭✭shenanigans1982


    Sorry I didn't mean to put it there.


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    #11
    chin_grin
    Closed Accounts Posts: 10,808 ✭✭✭✭chin_grin


    shenanigans1982 wrote: »
    Sorry I didn't mean to put it there.

    That's how babies aren't born. Aw.


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    #12
    peasant
    Registered Users Posts: 17,819 ✭✭✭✭peasant


    Her, afterwards:

    "ceiling could do with a new coat of paint"


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    #13
    RossFixxxed
    Registered Users Posts: 2,102 ✭✭✭RossFixxxed


    "How about I'LL be kate and YOU be maddie."

    :|


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    #14
    loz
    Closed Accounts Posts: 667 ✭✭✭loz


    Whats a scratcher ?? - I dont understand Northside too well.


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    #15
    Kold
    Registered Users Posts: 12,778 ✭✭✭✭Kold


    The expulsions of gas from corpses can really ruin the mood.


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    #16
    AnonoBoy
    Closed Accounts Posts: 22,559 ✭✭✭✭AnonoBoy


    Once pulled an American bird and had her back in mine - she had come back stating that we could 'have some fun' but I wasn't getting full sex. Fair enough says I, sure there's some craic to a handjob anyways.

    In bed after me getting her all worked she looks down under the sheets and says "Too bad Mr. Happy can't come out to play properly!"

    I nearly died laughing.

    The same girl when sitting on my bed in her underwear asked to see some ID so she could text her flatmate my full name and address as a safety text which I thought was a bit odd. Considering she was already sitting on my bed half undressed it was a bit late for that. (If I was the murderous type that is)


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    #17
    seanybiker
    Closed Accounts Posts: 10,898 ✭✭✭✭seanybiker


    loz wrote: »
    Whats a scratcher ?? - I dont understand Northside too well.


    Not a notion boy.


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    #18
    00112984
    Registered Users Posts: 1,600 ✭✭✭00112984


    My ex husband once asked me to stand on one leg while he licked the toes of my other foot.

    -Love, Heather M. McC.


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    #19
    Danbo!
    Closed Accounts Posts: 3,942 ✭✭✭Danbo!


    AnonoBoy wrote: »
    In bed after me getting her all worked she looks down under the sheets and says "Too bad Mr. Happy can't come out to play properly!"


    So hang on, you couldn't get it up? Or was she a bloke and she couldn't get it up?


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    #20
    RATM
    Closed Accounts Posts: 3,591 ✭✭✭RATM


    "Coooorrrr, Pheewhh I must have forgotten to put the mackerel I bought earlier into the fridge"


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    #21
    The Master
    Moderators, Category Moderators, Music Moderators Posts: 14,308 CMod ✭✭✭✭The Master


    Obligatory "lob it in there boss" / " you're hurting me lovely" post


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    #22
    AnonoBoy
    Closed Accounts Posts: 22,559 ✭✭✭✭AnonoBoy


    noblestee wrote: »
    So hang on, you couldn't get it up? Or was she a bloke and she couldn't get it up?

    Nice try but no. I presume when she said 'come out to play properly' she meant have sex. It was an odd North American turn of phrase I've never heard since and hopefully never will again.


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    #23
    Bottle_of_Smoke
    Registered Users Posts: 9,770 ✭✭✭Bottle_of_Smoke


    I was in my teens so don't judge me.

    I knew this girl from another part of the country, both liked each other a lot but accepted we weren't compatible for a long distance relationship.

    We'd meet up a few times of year and have sex if we were single. One time she wasn't single but I was and I was trying to talk her into it. (In my defense she came into the bed *I* was sleeping in as soon as her mum left the house) It seemed to be going nowhere and I'd given up on pestering her, I then jokingly said "we don't have to kiss". She didn't think I was joking.


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    #24
    stovelid
    Closed Accounts Posts: 27,252 ✭✭✭✭stovelid


    The pink looks like an easy shot, but the brown is a bit tricky.


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    #25
    shotgun mike
    Registered Users Posts: 111 ✭✭shotgun mike


    stovelid wrote: »
    The pink looks like an easy shot, but the brown is a bit tricky.


    Best thing you do is flick off the pink to nudge into the brown. All the time avoiding any kiss on a red. god bless snooker.


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    #26
    Wurly
    Closed Accounts Posts: 3,095 ✭✭✭Wurly


    "Mmm, oh yeah Laura - I love you so much".

    My name is not Laura.

    True story.


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    #27
    milod
    Closed Accounts Posts: 757 ✭✭✭milod


    Tri wrote: »
    "Mmm, oh yeah Laura - I love you so much".

    My name is not Laura.

    True story.

    Even though I'm an atheist, I still stick with "Oh God". Much less specific :)

    Worst thing I've heard? My ex once said:

    "Will you for god's sake finish soon, I'm drying up..."

    Seriously, I know the old 'drinker's drought' is curse but that just killed the mood :pac:


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    #28
    Wurly
    Closed Accounts Posts: 3,095 ✭✭✭Wurly


    milod wrote: »
    Worst thing I've heard? My ex once said:

    "Will you for god's sake finish soon, I'm drying up..."

    Ha ha - that's awful. :pac::pac:

    Wonder why she's an ex.... She sounds like she's certainly got a way with words anyway.;)


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    #29
    homerun_homer
    Registered Users Posts: 7,024 ✭✭✭homerun_homer


    Her - "Did you mean what you said earlier?" (during the heat of the moment)
    Me *Confused, thinking hard about what I said* "Yes"
    Her - "I love you too"

    Me - *Yikes*


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    #30
    Black Swan
    Moderators, Category Moderators, Science, Health & Environment Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 47,231 CMod ✭✭✭✭Black Swan


    Pillow?


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    #31
    pallepille
    Closed Accounts Posts: 124 ✭✭pallepille


    An egg an a chicken are in bed, the egg sitting up looking well satisfied takes a long puff off a cigarette. The chicken however looking none to pleased grabs the covers and turns over in disgust................................................I guess that answers that question !!!


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