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Worst/Funniest thing said in bed?

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    #32
    Homer
    Registered Users Posts: 4,266 ✭✭✭Homer


    Me : "This is only going to work if you don't talk"

    or...

    "You dont have toys? How bout a hairbrush? No, No, not for you, for me! OH NOOOO Not that end! OOOOOOH NOOOO!" :eek:


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    #33
    chillywilly
    Registered Users Posts: 2,793 ✭✭✭chillywilly


    me and my mate are always havin a laugh together, he told me that during sex he shouts out his girlfriends dads name just for the craic.....i thought this was gas so a couple of weks ago when the girlfriend and i were messing around but we were in a very giddy mood, anyway we got down to business and i couldnt resist it......i called out her dads name and i got a swift slap across the face! I couldnt stop laughing, but my girlfriend being the legend that she is, called out my mothers name in a cunning retaliation! we were both in stitches!


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    #34
    Hellm0
    Registered Users Posts: 1,028 ✭✭✭Hellm0


    If I had to pick one, and there are many, of the special thing's my many conquests have uttered to me in pre/mid/post coital gratitude it would be this; "That'll be 50 euro please".


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    #35
    Dinter
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,698 ✭✭✭Dinter


    "Y'know with the amount of women who've vanished under the floor of my basement in the last year or so, I'm amazed women like yourself still feel comfortable going home with someone they just met."


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    #36
    Gary ITR
    Closed Accounts Posts: 16,805 ✭✭✭✭Gary ITR


    I once said

    'fcuk this, I'm going home. I'll do it meself'

    I had a severe case of brewers drought


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    #37
    Pighead
    Registered Users Posts: 14,184 ✭✭✭✭Pighead


    Pighead's usually legendary bedroom behaviour let him down once a while back after a marathon day of sweaty lovemaking.

    The lady was just about to initiate round 8 when a tactless Pighead said "Listen babes, don't mean to be funny but we've been in here seven hours now. PearTree House and Personal Issues aren't going to moderate themselves you know"


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    #38
    Kashkai
    Closed Accounts Posts: 3,399 ✭✭✭Kashkai


    Nice girl from Kerry once said to me, just as we were about to get down to business:

    "Come on in, the door's open, you're welcome to visit"

    WTF, I didn't know if she was just inviting me round for tea or if I should be looking over my shoulder for her hairy faced boyfriend to join the party! :eek:


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    #39
    pierrot
    Registered Users Posts: 634 ✭✭✭pierrot


    'Man, I don't believe you can't get a boner, what the ****'.
    Didn't stop me trying (and failing) 3 more times. Had to make a new rule for myself, one attempt and thats it, it doesn't get any less embarrassing the more times it happens


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    #40
    Hellm0
    Registered Users Posts: 1,028 ✭✭✭Hellm0


    Pighead wrote: »
    Pighead's usually legendary bedroom behaviour let him down once a while back after a marathon day of sweaty lovemaking.

    The lady was just about to initiate round 8 when a tactless Pighead said "Listen babes, don't mean to be funny but we've been in here seven hours now. PearTree House and Personal Issues aren't going to moderate themselves you know"

    Oh ho ho!


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    #41
    SheroN
    Closed Accounts Posts: 2,972 ✭✭✭SheroN


    "Get off me daddy"


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    #42
    Kashkai
    Closed Accounts Posts: 3,399 ✭✭✭Kashkai


    SheroN wrote: »
    "Get off me daddy"

    I certainly hope that was you telling your mother to get off your Daddy ;)


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    #43
    BillyGoatGruff
    Closed Accounts Posts: 364 ✭✭BillyGoatGruff


    SheroN wrote: »
    "Get off me daddy"
    How's Mr Burges.


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    #44
    Kablam
    Closed Accounts Posts: 92 ✭✭Kablam


    Is it in yet?:eek:


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    #45
    Raytown Rocks
    Registered Users Posts: 814 ✭✭✭Raytown Rocks


    Chinese chick I was banging kept shouting " pang ya, pang ya"

    How was I to know that meant wrong hole.......


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    #46
    Berty
    Registered Users Posts: 26,149 ✭✭✭✭Berty


    stovelid wrote: »
    The pink looks like an easy shot, but the brown is a bit sticky.

    Fixed that for you. :D


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    #47
    Wompa1
    Registered Users Posts: 8,168 ✭✭✭Wompa1


    My g/f and I were going out and my housemate had an exam the next morning. He asked me if I was still up at 4 to wake him up so he could study. 4am came and myself and the lady friend were going at it and she said were'nt you suppose to wake **** up....I said "You were thinking about **** too?"


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    #48
    ejmaztec
    Registered Users Posts: 23,993 ✭✭✭✭ejmaztec


    No it's not a leak in the water-bed, just my incontinence rearing its ugly head. :eek:


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    #49
    twentysomething
    Registered Users Posts: 135 ✭✭twentysomething


    "Mr Happy wants it"
    I should've gotten an oscar for preventing myself from laughing!


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    #50
    Berty
    Registered Users Posts: 26,149 ✭✭✭✭Berty


    Rolling over in the morning and seeing her and saying "how much did I drink last night" and then thinking "did I just say that out loud". "Is she awake, did she hear that?". "Who gives a **** anyway, she's kicked!"


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    #51
    Nehaxak
    Closed Accounts Posts: 2,717 ✭✭✭Nehaxak


    "Aw jaysus, that's fkin tight, aw yeah"
    "You should've told me you wanted in there, I would've washed my arse. I have a dose of the runs you know..."

    ...

    "Have you come already ? Why have you gone all soft, what's wrong ?"

    :(


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    #52
    anti-venom
    Registered Users Posts: 588 ✭✭✭anti-venom


    " oohhhhhhhh, aaaaahhhhhhhhh, I have to call my brother". Right in the middle of the shagging action.:mad:


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    #53
    Hellm0
    Registered Users Posts: 1,028 ✭✭✭Hellm0


    chef wrote: »
    Chinese chick I was banging kept shouting " pang ya, pang ya"

    How was I to know that meant wrong hole.......

    That also means "Bang!" in Korean apparently.


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    #54
    Big Knox
    Registered Users Posts: 2,315 ✭✭✭Big Knox


    Bottle_of_Smoke wrote: »
    I was in my teens so don't judge me.

    I knew this girl from another part of the country, both liked each other a lot but accepted we weren't compatible for a long distance relationship.

    We'd meet up a few times of year and have sex if we were single. One time she wasn't single but I was and I was trying to talk her into it. (In my defense she came into the bed *I* was sleeping in as soon as her mum left the house) It seemed to be going nowhere and I'd given up on pestering her, I then jokingly said "we don't have to kiss". She didn't think I was joking.

    Tell the truth, you weren't!!! :pac:


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    #55
    00112984
    Registered Users Posts: 1,600 ✭✭✭00112984


    Used to shag a particular person and, during sex, they would shout out:

    "Pat, Pat, Pat, Pat!!!!!! Oh Pat you're so fecking good, you're the best ever. Gonna make you cum, Pat, gonna make you cuuuuuuum. Pat! Pat! Pat! Pat! Pat!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"


    Pat was his name.


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    #56
    AlmightyCushion
    Moderators, Education Moderators, Technology & Internet Moderators Posts: 35,057 Mod ✭✭✭✭AlmightyCushion


    Tri wrote: »
    "Mmm, oh yeah Laura - I love you so much".

    My name is not Laura.

    True story.

    Could be worse.

    "Mmm, oh yeah Laura - I love you so much".

    "My name is not Laura, it's Fred"

    :eek:


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    #57
    Dublin_Andy
    Registered Users Posts: 148 ✭✭Dublin_Andy


    when your done, the girl screams out "im pregnant"!!! :D


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    #58
    4zn76tysfajdxp
    Closed Accounts Posts: 27,944 ✭✭✭✭4zn76tysfajdxp


    AlmightyCushion wrote: »
    Could be worse.

    "Mmm, oh yeah Laura - I love you so much".

    "My name is not Laura, it's Fred"

    :eek:

    "Jeffrey Tight Sawdust" actually.


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    #59
    Cupcake_Crisis
    Closed Accounts Posts: 21,448 ✭✭✭✭Cupcake_Crisis


    ......your dad did it better


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    #60
    darling.x
    Closed Accounts Posts: 250 ✭✭darling.x


    I once said to an ex: 'you're sticking it up the wrong hole'. He found it funny. I did not find it funny. He was trying to stick it up the wrong hole and i didn't like it.


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    #61
    monkeytronics
    Closed Accounts Posts: 191 ✭✭monkeytronics


    best one for me was with my gf.

    She's on top, we're banging away like mad and I say:

    "I ****ing love your pussy"

    She says

    "I love yours too"

    I broke out laughing she hadn't heard what I said properly. I still laugh about it to this day. classic!!!


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