Talk About Your Relationships Here

pearliefan

I thought I'd finally found someone different.. where we both have the same feelings for eachother.. but he's ignored me completely since last weekend... it hurts. finger crossed for another while I suppose!

Tragedy

MissIT wrote: »

this is going to be the last time i post about this but really need to get it off my chest..

Broke up with my ex about two months ago because i was sick of sitting at home waiting for him to want to spend time with me. I begged him to try but but he so i just had to accept it so i ended it. If im being honest with myself i don't think he ever got over his ex. Basically it broke my heart.

Anyway he said he wanted to be friends and after a few weeks i thought i could be his friend too even though I was still madly in love with him. We went out a few times as friends with our other friends and it was great but he would kind of touch me sometimes as in he would rub my leg or put his and on my back. Then one night a few days before christmas we were out and both a bit drunk he started saying we should have been great together. Starts holding my hand and kissing me.. one thing leads to another and we ended up sleeping together. Next day the d***head says "I hope this doesn't effect our friendship".

I told him i couldn't be his friend that it was too hard. So i lost his phone number and decided to move on. I was fine with it until saturday when he was in the same pub as me i didn't know what to do so i ignored him. He text me when i went clubbing and said "Im sorry for how things turned out, i really hope we can be friends. It was so hard for me not talking to you tonight". I said no but now i can't stop thinking about him again .

I really am still head over heels madly in love with this boy. I know if we ever got back together i would always come 4th on his list. I know i deserve better but the thought of not having him in my life at all is starting to kill me. aaaaahhhhh i want to cry .

Of course you're still madly in love with him, you haven't properly broken up with him, severed ties, cut links.

In your head, he's still your boyfriend, the guy you love. And because you've broken up, you have nothing to remind you of the negative sides of the relationship, you're lonely and sad and keep hearkening back to the good times and he's never around to remind you of the bad(although going from what you said, that was half the problem :P).

Move on, you obviously don't mean as much to him as he does to you and he's (subconsciously or otherwise) using that against you.

krudler

Perri_Winkles wrote: »

My boyfriend and I have been together for nearly 4 years. I love him so much and he loves me too. The thing is Im only 21. He talks about our future and its pretty much a done deal that we're going to stay together.

Only thing is, I feel like Im missing out a bit on the whole college thing, I feel old before my time, if that makes sense?? I love him so much and I do want to be with him for the rest of my life, I just sometimes wish I had met him when I was a bit older you know?

Am I being silly? We are very happy together and I cant imagine not being with him and I have no interest in being with anyone else.

I guess its the feeling of freedom I miss...

I dont know what advice Im asking for really, just needed to get that off my chest

Thats pretty normal tbh, its just that old grass is greener on the other side feeling, when we're single we want relationships and when we have a relationship we want the freedom of being single, its completely normal human nature.
Look at it this way though, there are probably hundreds of people out there every weekend looking for the thing you already have, love. Weigh it up in your mind, would you rather a loving relationship thats leading somewhere like marriage and kids and all that jazz, or endless nights in pubs, trying to pull guys who may or may not be interested in anything more than a one night or short term thing, and all the drama and complications that go with it? not that relationships wont have drama, because it will, but I'd take the relationship any day of the week if it was me

Faith

MissIT wrote: »

I know if we ever got back together i would always come 4th on his list.

I feel your pain there! Frankly I'd be lucky to come 4th on my OH's list - which he claims isn't true, but his actions tell a different story. I just decided to put up with it though. It's frustrating, but I decided I'd rather be a lower priority and still get to be with him, than be single (I really hated being single).

MissIT

Tragedy wrote: »

Of course you're still madly in love with him, you haven't properly broken up with him, severed ties, cut links.

In your head, he's still your boyfriend, the guy you love. And because you've broken up, you have nothing to remind you of the negative sides of the relationship, you're lonely and sad and keep hearkening back to the good times and he's never around to remind you of the bad(although going from what you said, that was half the problem :P).

Move on, you obviously don't mean as much to him as he does to you and he's (subconsciously or otherwise) using that against you.

I know i need to cut ties, iv tried but every time he contacts me i feel like i need him more .

Faith wrote: »

I feel your pain there! Frankly I'd be lucky to come 4th on my OH's list - which he claims isn't true, but his actions tell a different story. I just decided to put up with it though. It's frustrating, but I decided I'd rather be a lower priority and still get to be with him, than be single (I really hated being single).

Actually id be lucky to be 4th on his list too the more I think about it. I really couldn't take it anymore though. After i broke up with him i nearly begged him to take me back and would have accepted being lower on his list of priority's but thank god i didn't because I would have been misrable.

The thing is I never ever had a problem being single before i met him. I always declined offers because I was just happier on my own. But now i feel like i need him so much, I don't want a boyfriend I just want him. If he just let me cut contact it might be easier. Oh god I hate how weak i am.

Tragedy

MissIT wrote: »

I know i need to cut ties, iv tried but every time he contacts me i feel like i need him more .

I know it's extreme, but consider changing your number(if even just for a month or two).

He's being an asshole, he knows how upset you are, yet he plays the "let's just be friends" card but then goes on about missing you, sleeps with you and hopes it won't affect your "friendship".

He knows he has a hold over you.

MissIT

Tragedy wrote: »

I know it's extreme, but consider changing your number(if even just for a month or two).

He's being an asshole, he knows how upset you are, yet he plays the "let's just be friends" card but then goes on about missing you, sleeps with you and hopes it won't affect your "friendship".

He knows he has a hold over you.

I know everything you are saying is right. Im really going to stay away from him because i deserve so much better. Thank you

daosulli

MissIT wrote: »

I know everything you are saying is right. Im really going to stay away from him because i deserve so much better. Thank you

Good on you, sounds like you deserve a lot better than him, hope it goes well.
good luck

Babypanda

I learned the hard way that no fella is worth your tears..

I was meeting a fella for 2years he was my best mates cousin.. we knew each other for 3years. For the 1first year we were just texting the whole year with out meeting up . And then came the time we met up when hecame up to his cousins house which was my best mate at the time.
And it was like a fairytale we talked got on really well for the two weeks he was up we never left each others side. he was the first fella to buy me a birthday present and made me feel like i was worth alot, then there were bad times but i wouldn't care about them because i really liked him and would of done anything for him. two years down the line when i thought everything was going well he hadn't changed or any thing towards me.
He texted me telling me he was kind of seeing some one.

To be honest i've never felt that pain it was really bad. and i've necer felt so hurt.

We are friends now and talk the odd time but the girlfriend dont like the fact of us talking so i've stoped talking to him..
Do you's think i was right to stop talking to him because of his girlfriend and leave a good friendship in the past or should i just forget about the girlfriend and keep the friendship?

Misticles

My bf and I were to move in together, not long together, goin out since sept.
He dosnt live in Dublin so wed only see eachother once a week, every day would I miss you etc

Id love to come home to you and wake up to you, he was the one who suggested we move intogther so I started looking for jobs where he lives, grand, got an interview for a really good job, would of been a great start to my career, told him, he was happy etc

About 2 days later I woke up to a txt sayin Im sorry that he couldnt that he wasnt ready etc, needless to say I flipped, in hindsight I over reacted but the fact he suggested and I was willing to uproot myself for him and him to turn around and say that, just knocked me for six. After a few days of fighting about it, it brough about a whole new arguement.

He start Open University last month, a 4 year degree.
He works shift work, would have to do his study and assignments for the course, sees me at the weekend- not the full one as I work either saturday or sunday or sometimes both.

So anyways, what came about was him saying he dosnt know if he has time for me with work and study.

I told him to think about that as I wont play second fiddle so to speak considering we only see eachother once a week, its nt much to ask for- which I dont think it is.

I get that he wants to progress with his education and I have my degree already and I wouldn deprive him of that.

So he decided he wanted a break from us...

This co inciding with him starting new meds, theyre making him constantly tired, moany, depressed, everything!!! So the break in a way is good for me ha as I couldn be around him as hes just sleeping and being moody.

I spoke with him today, asked him about the break- how long it will go on for, he says he dosnt know, that he hopes not long.

Im just upset, I didnt think Id miss him as much I do, and it just hurts to think that after this break hel turn around and say he dosnt have time to make a go of our relationship that he wants to put his study first...

and like a sap, Ive done nothing but cry for the last few hours.
Been smelling his clothes for his smell but its all sniffed out

ugh I sound so sad-- oh well.

Fago!

*Hugs* ^^^^^

G86

Misticles wrote: »

Im just upset, I didnt think Id miss him as much I do, and it just hurts to think that after this break hel turn around and say he dosnt have time to make a go of our relationship that he wants to put his study first...

and like a sap, Ive done nothing but cry for the last few hours.
Been smelling his clothes for his smell but its all sniffed out

ugh I sound so sad-- oh well.

Oh god pet I really hope you're ok x

Snoopy1

Broke up with my ex in January. We had been together 6 years, and he was the reason i moved to Ireland.
Met a new bloke a month ago, it was going really well for 3 weeks, he was talking long term, and he made me feel a lot better about myself. Really liked him. Then havnt heard anything from him for a week, then one text saying he needed to clear his head.
Now im on my own, ive no friends as all my friends were friends of the ex. Dont know what i have done wrong with the new bloke. Very low, have been crying all week, fell too hard and too quick for the new bloke. Living on my own, talking to the 4 walls, havnt slept in weeks.

Pyr0

Snoopy1 wrote: »

Broke up with my ex in January. We had been together 6 years, and he was the reason i moved to Ireland.
Met a new bloke a month ago, it was going really well for 3 weeks, he was talking long term, and he made me feel a lot better about myself. Really liked him. Then havnt heard anything from him for a week, then one text saying he needed to clear his head.
Now im on my own, ive no friends as all my friends were friends of the ex. Dont know what i have done wrong with the new bloke. Very low, have been crying all week, fell too hard and too quick for the new bloke. Living on my own, talking to the 4 walls, havnt slept in weeks.

Did he say what he wanted to clear his head about ? Was it specifically about the two of you ?

I'm sure it's pretty hard for ya at the moment, ya just gotta take it day by day and try keep your head up !

*hug*

Snoopy1

Came up with some excuse that his friend had left his wife, and he was down about it, and needed to clear his head.
It doesnt hurt to send a text, but he wouldnt and i could see he was on facebook for hours but not contacting me.
I wish he'd never said the things he said, as i fell for them.
He said he would ring me monday, but im not hopeful

Pyr0

Is he the type of guy you could forget about easily enough ? I'd like to say he'll contact you for sure and all that jazz but it can go either way. I'd recommend going about your business as normal and try not to let it get to you. If he says thanks but no thanks, cool at least you know and you can get on with things. If he says yeah grand I'd like to see you again, sorry about all that etc Then great, have fun !

Snoopy1

No i really like him.
Thing is he knows im on my own, not really any friends etc, so i was trying not to be too clingey. He was the one talking about the future though, and all the long term stuff!!!!!

Wibbs

Maybe it was just too fast as you say. 6 years with one guy and a month after you fall hard for another. Bloody understandable, especially if you have no mates of your own outside of the ex and in a foreign country on top of that. It sounds like you may have projected all that on to a this new guy. A guy that you cant really know very well at all after 6 weeks or so. He may have picked up on this.

Though a bit daft of him to be going on about long term stuff in a situation like that. In his position I would be taking it very slow as I wouldnt want to be a rebound(or someone's focus cos they feel isolated). So he's not the brightest on that score in my humble.

Now he may ring on monday and everything will work out but take it slow. After the loss of 6 years, you need some sort of emotional break before you jump into something else.

My 3 cents anyway.

Snoopy1

He kept asking was he the rebound relationship, and i said no.
He was the one talking about stuff in the future which has annoyed me.
Well i will know for sure tomorrow, but im not hopeful

Misticles

Misticles wrote: »

My bf and I were to move in together, not long together, goin out since sept.
He dosnt live in Dublin so wed only see eachother once a week, every day would I miss you etc

Id love to come home to you and wake up to you, he was the one who suggested we move intogther so I started looking for jobs where he lives, grand, got an interview for a really good job, would of been a great start to my career, told him, he was happy etc

About 2 days later I woke up to a txt sayin Im sorry that he couldnt that he wasnt ready etc, needless to say I flipped, in hindsight I over reacted but the fact he suggested and I was willing to uproot myself for him and him to turn around and say that, just knocked me for six. After a few days of fighting about it, it brough about a whole new arguement.

He start Open University last month, a 4 year degree.
He works shift work, would have to do his study and assignments for the course, sees me at the weekend- not the full one as I work either saturday or sunday or sometimes both.

So anyways, what came about was him saying he dosnt know if he has time for me with work and study.

I told him to think about that as I wont play second fiddle so to speak considering we only see eachother once a week, its nt much to ask for- which I dont think it is.

I get that he wants to progress with his education and I have my degree already and I wouldn deprive him of that.

So he decided he wanted a break from us...

This co inciding with him starting new meds, theyre making him constantly tired, moany, depressed, everything!!! So the break in a way is good for me ha as I couldn be around him as hes just sleeping and being moody.

I spoke with him today, asked him about the break- how long it will go on for, he says he dosnt know, that he hopes not long.

Im just upset, I didnt think Id miss him as much I do, and it just hurts to think that after this break hel turn around and say he dosnt have time to make a go of our relationship that he wants to put his study first...

and like a sap, Ive done nothing but cry for the last few hours.
Been smelling his clothes for his smell but its all sniffed out

ugh I sound so sad-- oh well.

Dumped by phone earlier today!!!!

tweety_bird

After reading through all these stories I almost feel happy to be single. Had my share of bad ex's and experiences but currently crushing back on an ex.

We're both in our 20's, went out 2 yrs ago and only for 6 months. Broke it off in the end due to lack of time together,different jobs etc. Only problem is I'm seeing alot of him lately and because both of us are single I look at him and remember how amazing he was and all the feelings came rushing back, only problem is I'm a chicken to say anything to hinm just in case he doesnt feel the same.

Any suggestions please ??

Chinafoot

Misticles wrote: »

Dumped by phone earlier today!!!!

Sorry to hear that Misticles.

Censorsh!t

I'm so relieved to be single again. Nothing to worry about now!

Wibbs

Snoopy1 wrote: »

He kept asking was he the rebound relationship, and i said no.

Yes but understandable why he kept asking you(though asking the same question again and again shows daftness IMHO). In his position I'd figure care and taking it damn slow is what's required. I've been the rebound guy before. I'm usually the in betweeny guy more than not anyway, so Ive found there tends to be some pattern to it. Obviously not always, but someone(man or woman), recently split from a very long termer and feeling somewhat socially isolated out of that would tick those boxes. Though if she left the guy, like it sounds in your case it would be a lot less of an issue as she probably ended the relationship in her head and heart long before the official split.

He was the one talking about stuff in the future which has annoyed me.

And dead right too. It would annoy me as well. He was concerned about being the rebound guy on the one hand, yet tries to act like one? Daft and yes bloody irritating.

Well i will know for sure tomorrow, but im not hopeful

You never know. If he does cop on then great, if not, bullet well dodged. Better knowing now than 2years down the line.

Misticles wrote: »

Dumped by phone earlier today!!!!

Classy. :rolleyes: "I need a break from us/I need time apart to figure myself and my feelings out/Im not sure I'm ready/etc" = excuses and BS. Add in him apparently driving the relationship into the future(like Snoopy1's bloke) and then getting cold feet? BS x 1000. Emotionally weak men are never a good bet. Bullet well dodged.

tweety_bird wrote: »

We're both in our 20's, went out 2 yrs ago and only for 6 months. Broke it off in the end due to lack of time together,different jobs etc. Only problem is I'm seeing alot of him lately and because both of us are single I look at him and remember how amazing he was and all the feelings came rushing back, only problem is I'm a chicken to say anything to hinm just in case he doesnt feel the same.

Any suggestions please ??

Are the original reasons for the split still there? If so what will help stop the rot second time out? If not, just ask him. If that's too hard for you, then bring up the old relationship in convo in a nostalgic way and with a hint of "its a pity we never found out how that would go". Avoid any "what were we thinking, ha ha" stuff. See what he says and how he reacts. Chances are if he's interested in a sequel this should give him an in. If he's not interested you can get out of it with little embarrassment.

theg81der

Misticles he`s really not worth it, I know everyone says that but I mean it. If he wasn`t going to make you a priority now what would it be like later on!

Now your free to meet Mr. Right (or Mr. Better for you) which you duely will!

Men don`t get easier girls, after they are completly besotted and marry you they are still a pain in the ass - you never stop wanting to strangle them (maybe thats just me). The moral is enjoy you single time - buy what you want no buying dolmio even thou you like ragu lol, hog the remote watch all the romcoms you want, have your house *clean* wow what must that be like....

SeekUp

Snoopy1 wrote: »

Broke up with my ex in January. We had been together 6 years, and he was the reason i moved to Ireland.
Met a new bloke a month ago, it was going really well for 3 weeks, he was talking long term, and he made me feel a lot better about myself. Really liked him. Then havnt heard anything from him for a week, then one text saying he needed to clear his head.
Now im on my own, ive no friends as all my friends were friends of the ex. Dont know what i have done wrong with the new bloke. Very low, have been crying all week, fell too hard and too quick for the new bloke. Living on my own, talking to the 4 walls, havnt slept in weeks.

I feel your pain, particularly being in a new place without knowing anyone other than the other person in your relationship. Not sure how things worked out, but might I suggest going to a TLL meetup, or taking a class? It might really help meeting people and giving yourself something else to think about/occupy your time. It's tough to dig out of that low place, I know. But if you've got a rope of some sort, it's that much easier.

Payton

God theres plenty of stuff on this thread for movies. Having been with my wife since I was 16 and her 15, we have never really had the issues that come up here. We're married nearly 20 yrs (2 kids) still hold hands still do small little cute things for eachother, sexy txts etc. Yea some how the magic is still there and long may it last. When you wake up in the morning and look across the bed and say "yea life is good" thats what relationships are about.
I suppose you cant find true love without being hurt in some way but ive yet to experiance the hurt .
Keep slogging away. and the mantra here seems to be "No man is worth your tears, but the one who is wont make you cry" also "To the world you may be one person, but to one person you are the world".

Wibbs

Nice post there On the verge. TBH I think if you get lucky straight off the bat and stay together, first love(or first real adult love) and all that it seems to be the best bet. A lot of the best couples I know are that type like yourselves. I reckon because the innocence isn't lost. Many can get that innocence back after a few bad relationships, but many can't. I know I can't anyway. I would always have one eye open now TBH.

Kudos to you and yours though. Good to see a happy ending

PS I dont believe the BS that you need to feel hurt to appreciate things. Its often something people say to make themselves feel better. It can be true, but as a general thing I dont think so.

tweety_bird

Wibbs wrote: »

Yes but understandable why he kept asking you(though asking the same question again and again shows daftness IMHO). In his position I'd figure care and taking it damn slow is what's required. I've been the rebound guy before. I'm usually the in betweeny guy more than not anyway, so Ive found there tends to be some pattern to it. Obviously not always, but someone(man or woman), recently split from a very long termer and feeling somewhat socially isolated out of that would tick those boxes. Though if she left the guy, like it sounds in your case it would be a lot less of an issue as she probably ended the relationship in her head and heart long before the official split.
And dead right too. It would annoy me as well. He was concerned about being the rebound guy on the one hand, yet tries to act like one? Daft and yes bloody irritating.
You never know. If he does cop on then great, if not, bullet well dodged. Better knowing now than 2years down the line.

Classy. :rolleyes: "I need a break from us/I need time apart to figure myself and my feelings out/Im not sure I'm ready/etc" = excuses and BS. Add in him apparently driving the relationship into the future(like Snoopy1's bloke) and then getting cold feet? BS x 1000. Emotionally weak men are never a good bet. Bullet well dodged.

Are the original reasons for the split still there? If so what will help stop the rot second time out? If not, just ask him. If that's too hard for you, then bring up the old relationship in convo in a nostalgic way and with a hint of "its a pity we never found out how that would go". Avoid any "what were we thinking, ha ha" stuff. See what he says and how he reacts. Chances are if he's interested in a sequel this should give him an in. If he's not interested you can get out of it with little embarrassment.

No, the main reason was that we had jobs that kept us apart most of the time and we no longer do. That's a great idea thank u Wibbs xx

Payton

Maybe we are the lucky ones, dont get me wrong like any couple we have our ups and downs more ups thank god and our kids (20 and 15) are so much part of it we have learned so much from them "old head on young shoulders" if you know what I mean. I understand trust has an awful lot to do with relationships and for someone to be hurt the way people here have been hurt is unforgivable. But maybe it's part of life cycle and mine has yet to come :rolleyes:.
Life is for living and some people here have done 1000 times more things that we have missed out on like traveling, sky diving etc. But we learn from our mistakes and learn how to right them so the next time we have a cushion landing.
It's part of life to put obsicales in our way and it's how we cope with them. Theres someone out there for everyone just we need to move a few chess peices to find our check mate.