Talk About Your Relationships Here

Joey the lips

ownknee wrote: »

With my boyfriend about three years & he's looking for planning permisson on a site he has.
He always talks about how it's 'our' site. But it's not. His father gave it to him before I ever I appeared on the scene. I get on very well with his family & they like me & I like them.
The thing is I'm not too pushed about the site or the house.
To be honest I am stone cracked about him but when I tell him I love him he kind of goes a bit strange. It's like he wants to tell me the same but he can't.
I know his childhood wasn't great & his parents relationship was anything but normal.
I'm just wondering if we can have a future & if anyone thinks we might get engaged anytime soon?
I know it sounds very weird & strange but at times I honestly believe he wants a future with me that includes marriage & children. The last holiday we had he asked me if I wanted the whole marriage/ kids thing.
Which by the way I do, but in the right circumstances.
I have no doubt he is Mr Right, but I wonder if he is able for children?

Only you can really know! He is a bloke we are not known for our emotions. i think your just worried! Relax Sit down and talk to him. Tell him what you want. Most importantly, ask him what he wants or thinks.

Have a good time!

Ah "the one". How TV and popular culture have ruined us.

As far as I'm concerned there is no "one". What you do is that you find someone who is compatible and who you are highly attracted to, and you work at it. If you are really compatible then it won't feel like work, it'll be fun. You will WANT to spend time together, you will ENJOY spending time together and you will not want to be apart too long. You will (hopefully) enjoy a healthy sex life together and she/he will be the 1st person you think of most of the time. You may fight and argue but as long as you communicate properly then you shouldn't have much of a problem. You commit yourself to the idea that it won't always be great but you don't quit unless you absolutely have to.

That's not "the one"...that's compatibility. Some people stick with the wrong people through all kinds of crap due to misguided ideas about "the one". My best friend stayed with a girlfriend about 2 years too long due to this. They were incompatible, had nothing really in common but were wrapped up in the idea that they were put on this earth solely to meet each other. He now looks back at that and cringes. He also is a lot happier in himself now that he's not trying to force what is not there and he knows now what he likes in a girl so that (hopefully) the next time he gets a girlfriend he will be with someone more suited to him and his interests, sense of humour (vital IMO) and personality.

I don't believe there is only one person out there that I could be head over heels in love with, I believe there are many, but I only need to find one.

John Mason

Nail and head come to mind, Neily

looney-toone

Right this is a bit of a weird one Was out this week with a friend (male) and met up with some other friends He disappears and dont see him for the rest of the nite Was pretty p'd off by this. We do have a habit of getting together when we're drunk but it never went past this. He called saying he was at his house with sum random girl (who turned out to be his waster of an ex) I just flipped inside and it was eating me up inside that he was with another girl. I just did not want him to be with anyone else. Don't know how exactly I felt but I know it wasn't right. Said all this to him and neither of us know what to make of it but I know we cant go bk to how we were as some might see we were too close anyway More or less live together at the mo same bed and all..

Advice needed people

Wibbs

OK my humble? And feel free to shoot me down in flames.....

He shifted the goalposts when he shifted his ex. You had one idea about the two of you and he's thrown a spanner in the works. You're now feeling jealous, competitive, uneasy and confused. Naturally. Anyone would to some degree when the status quo has changed.

TBH in my shameful manslut days, if I was interested in a woman and I knew she was slightly interested, but took my interest for granted, I would make sure she heard that I had looked elsewhere. That usually raised her interest in a big way. Even when I wasn't acting the dick, I have met someone and started going out with them and another woman I thought had zero interest and we were just slightly flirty mates, suddenly started to escalate her flirting to an obvious degree and even straight out pledge her undying etc. I'm sure men do similar.

People are more attracted to and want what they can't have. They really really want what they thought they had, but now don't. It makes that person look much more attractive. People tend to instinctively run after those who run away from them in situations like this. Throw in the emotional shift and your living arrangements and it's all too easy to thing there may be something there. Even if there isn't.

Step back and try and engage your head, more than your heart if you can. Are you feeling this way, because you actually want to be with this guy? Or are you feeling this way because that choice has been taken away from you? Big diff.

Wibbs

Deleted User wrote: »

I don't believe there is only one person out there that I could be head over heels in love with, I believe there are many, but I only need to find one.

I'm greedy. I'm looking for "The two":D

mollybird

looney-toone wrote: »

Right this is a bit of a weird one Was out this week with a friend (male) and met up with some other friends He disappears and dont see him for the rest of the nite Was pretty p'd off by this. We do have a habit of getting together when we're drunk but it never went past this. He called saying he was at his house with sum random girl (who turned out to be his waster of an ex) I just flipped inside and it was eating me up inside that he was with another girl. I just did not want him to be with anyone else. Don't know how exactly I felt but I know it wasn't right. Said all this to him and neither of us know what to make of it but I know we cant go bk to how we were as some might see we were too close anyway More or less live together at the mo same bed and all..

Advice needed people

been there done that. have the t shirt worn to shreads!!

i was like that with an old aquantaince for 4 long years on and off. it's the worst feeling in the world when you know they with someone else. but he used to go mad at me if i was with someone. he never wanted me to be with any of his mates and turns out i'm very very happy with a guy he used to live with for over 2 years. he ended up marrying some american for a green card.

basically you need to get this person out of your life for good or you won't be able to move on. it's clear nothing is ever going to happen for real with ye and yes you can never be friends with him again. i tried that and it never worked. we ended up hurting each other very badly. if you want to find someone real who will make you truly happy i'm afraid you must cut your contact with him hun.

best of luck xxx

nikki 122

is it a bad sign if you date a guy for 2 months and he tells you he loves you .. then f***s off to france for summer then alaska for 6 months??????

RxQueen

nikki 122 wrote: »

is it a bad sign if you date a guy for 2 months and he tells you he loves you .. then f***s off to france for summer then alaska for 6 months??????

well no..

imo an you prolly wont like it, 2 months thats what 8 weeks, not really very long together, to be even say he loves you or what not..

personally if he had his trips planned, then i really dont think he should of cancelling just because of you, if my boyf said he wanted to go travelling in the morning i personally wouldnt stop him (we're going together 8 mnths i think.. dont think i have the right to stop him, he is his own person after all)

you're young Nikki form what i remember, getting serious after about 2 months isnt going to happen..

nikki 122

i know i think i am just looking for reason to break up i don't feel same way about us as he does but i am finding it impossible to break up with him because i don't want to hurt his feelings you know am i wrong??

RxQueen

well he is going off travelling anyways
so pretty much take that as it over imo, ye not going out that long anyways

Rozabeez

+1 with emo!! there, if you're not that into him and he's going travelling, then why bother stringing him along?

Lia_lia

Are people ever afraid your partner might stumble upon this forum? I wouldn't post about my relationship here, way too paranoid! (all is dandy though!:P)

Crumble Froo

that's what alt accounts are for! :P

or, just posting enough crap that the serious stuff is nicely hidden...

or, posting in the relationship issues forum over at PI, to the best of my knowledge, if you do a post search for anyone, their posts from PI (and presumably, RI ) don't show up.

though personally, i usually rant about him on msn. :pac:

Lia_lia

Lia_lia wrote: »

Are people ever afraid your partner might stumble upon this forum? I wouldn't post about my relationship here, way too paranoid! (all is dandy though!:P)

Thank god I'm not attracted to men who can read. :P

Rozabeez

Lia_lia wrote: »

Are people ever afraid your partner might stumble upon this forum? I wouldn't post about my relationship here, way too paranoid! (all is dandy though!:P)

I know what you mean, mine post-stalks me now apparently.

I hope you read this, arsehole!!

nikki 122

emo!! wrote: »

well he is going off travelling anyways
so pretty much take that as it over imo, ye not going out that long anyways

i wish i could but he told me he wanted me to wait for him and i told him no don't think he will ever talk to me again

RxQueen

nikki 122 wrote: »

i wish i could but he told me he wanted me to wait for him and i told him no don't think he will ever talk to me again

its only 2 months he will get over it

nikki 122

ha ha true i think way ahead of myself haha we were actually chatting last day of college ha sometimes i need people to tell me what i already know it keeps me sane : )

metaoblivia

So I got dumped last week (he met someone else). I wasn't terribly emotionally involved, so it wasn't a dramatic scene or anything. It was long distance and I knew the chances were slim. I pretty much said, if you feel this way about someone else, then we're only wasting our time, go and do what you want to do and what you feel is best. And I meant it. I was hurt, but it was more of an ego blow than anything else, which I recognized. I was also a little upset because he had wanted me to come see him in a month, so I bought a plane ticket out there and... well, you know. But I knew the risk I was taking when I purchased the tickets, and within 24 hours I had made alternative arrangements and now I have a fabulous California holiday to look forward to in a month.
Anyway, the point is, we were still facebook friends and I wasn't facebook stalking or anything. I moved on pretty quickly. However, I signed in this evening and there was an updated status from him about how vindicated he feels and how he's finally with the right person and he's earned it. And it just... dug the knife into that fragile (but recovering!) ego a little further. Again, not so much to do with him, it's just that for a while now, several of the guys I've dated have ended up making a commitment... to someone else. Whom they met while dating me. The entreprenurial side of me is considering setting up a business around it. It also makes me smile a bit because I just love irony. But there's a part of me that's also... discouraged. I don't know. I guess I haven't earned that great relationship yet. :P

CoachBoone

metaoblivia wrote: »

So I got dumped last week (he met someone else). I wasn't terribly emotionally involved, so it wasn't a dramatic scene or anything. It was long distance and I knew the chances were slim. I pretty much said, if you feel this way about someone else, then we're only wasting our time, go and do what you want to do and what you feel is best. And I meant it. I was hurt, but it was more of an ego blow than anything else, which I recognized. I was also a little upset because he had wanted me to come see him in a month, so I bought a plane ticket out there and... well, you know. But I knew the risk I was taking when I purchased the tickets, and within 24 hours I had made alternative arrangements and now I have a fabulous California holiday to look forward to in a month.
Anyway, the point is, we were still facebook friends and I wasn't facebook stalking or anything. I moved on pretty quickly. However, I signed in this evening and there was an updated status from him about how vindicated he feels and how he's finally with the right person and he's earned it. And it just... dug the knife into that fragile (but recovering!) ego a little further. Again, not so much to do with him, it's just that for a while now, several of the guys I've dated have ended up making a commitment... to someone else. Whom they met while dating me. The entreprenurial side of me is considering setting up a business around it. It also makes me smile a bit because I just love irony. But there's a part of me that's also... discouraged. I don't know. I guess I haven't earned that great relationship yet. :P

I'd say its to do with you being melodramatic.

I also don't know why you'd still be friends with him on facebook, its just asking for hurt. Some might consider it childish to "defriend" him but its whats good for you and getting over it all and seeing that kind of stuff isnt.

Have to admire the self awareness and confidence to write this up though.

Go enjoy Cali!!

metaoblivia

CoachBoone wrote: »

I'd say its to do with you being melodramatic.

I also don't know why you'd still be friends with him on facebook, its just asking for hurt. Some might consider it childish to "defriend" him but its whats good for you and getting over it all and seeing that kind of stuff isnt.

Have to admire the self awareness and confidence to write this up though.

Go enjoy Cali!!

Me? Melodramtic? Never!

No, I just needed the opportunity to say it and throw it out there, which boards has provided me with. He was far more dramatic about it then I was. He was in total crisis mode and freaking out and didn't know what to do, and I was like, look, it sucks for me, but you have to do what you feel is best. I took a risk and it didn't work out in the way I had hoped.

And everything was going fine until I saw that status update tonight, and it just... made me a little sad again. And I thought, you know, instead of pretending that it's all good, I should just acknowledge what happened, acknowledge my feelings and where they were coming from, and it would hopefully make me feel better. And it has.

Oh and I intend on enjoying Cali! I'm looking forward to it so much more now, because I get to do all the things I wanted to do, and I get to see several old friends. I just can't wait!

CoachBoone

metaoblivia wrote: »

Me? Melodramtic? Never!

No, I just needed the opportunity to say it and throw it out there, which boards has provided me with. He was far more dramatic about it then I was. He was in total crisis mode and freaking out and didn't know what to do, and I was like, look, it sucks for me, but you have to do what you feel is best. I took a risk and it didn't work out in the way I had hoped.

And everything was going fine until I saw that status update tonight, and it just... made me a little sad again. And I thought, you know, instead of pretending that it's all good, I should just acknowledge what happened, acknowledge my feelings and where they were coming from, and it would hopefully make me feel better. And it has.

Oh and I intend on enjoying Cali! I'm looking forward to it so much more now, because I get to do all the things I wanted to do, and I get to see several old friends. I just can't wait!

Ive read one post of yours and I could tell already. Drama bombs galore Id imagine.:pac:

Well like I said, fair play, I dont think I could be nearly as honest with myself as you were. When myself and my ex broke up we tried the friends thing and all that but I couldn't really handle it and told her so. Havent spoken in a while now which Im not exactly happy about but makes it easier.

spinandscribble

metaoblivia wrote: »

So I got dumped last week (he met someone else). I wasn't terribly emotionally involved, so it wasn't a dramatic scene or anything. It was long distance and I knew the chances were slim. I pretty much said, if you feel this way about someone else, then we're only wasting our time, go and do what you want to do and what you feel is best. And I meant it. I was hurt, but it was more of an ego blow than anything else, which I recognized. I was also a little upset because he had wanted me to come see him in a month, so I bought a plane ticket out there and... well, you know. But I knew the risk I was taking when I purchased the tickets, and within 24 hours I had made alternative arrangements and now I have a fabulous California holiday to look forward to in a month.
Anyway, the point is, we were still facebook friends and I wasn't facebook stalking or anything. I moved on pretty quickly. However, I signed in this evening and there was an updated status from him about how vindicated he feels and how he's finally with the right person and he's earned it. And it just... dug the knife into that fragile (but recovering!) ego a little further. Again, not so much to do with him, it's just that for a while now, several of the guys I've dated have ended up making a commitment... to someone else. Whom they met while dating me. The entreprenurial side of me is considering setting up a business around it. It also makes me smile a bit because I just love irony. But there's a part of me that's also... discouraged. I don't know. I guess I haven't earned that great relationship yet. :P

oooh ouch! thats a little insensitive to post that as a status update. eek .

nikki 122

metaoblivia wrote: »

So I got dumped last week (he met someone else). I wasn't terribly emotionally involved, so it wasn't a dramatic scene or anything. It was long distance and I knew the chances were slim. I pretty much said, if you feel this way about someone else, then we're only wasting our time, go and do what you want to do and what you feel is best. And I meant it. I was hurt, but it was more of an ego blow than anything else, which I recognized. I was also a little upset because he had wanted me to come see him in a month, so I bought a plane ticket out there and... well, you know. But I knew the risk I was taking when I purchased the tickets, and within 24 hours I had made alternative arrangements and now I have a fabulous California holiday to look forward to in a month.
Anyway, the point is, we were still facebook friends and I wasn't facebook stalking or anything. I moved on pretty quickly. However, I signed in this evening and there was an updated status from him about how vindicated he feels and how he's finally with the right person and he's earned it. And it just... dug the knife into that fragile (but recovering!) ego a little further. Again, not so much to do with him, it's just that for a while now, several of the guys I've dated have ended up making a commitment... to someone else. Whom they met while dating me. The entreprenurial side of me is considering setting up a business around it. It also makes me smile a bit because I just love irony. But there's a part of me that's also... discouraged. I don't know. I guess I haven't earned that great relationship yet. :P

do you really believe you have to earn a relationship? if you do i will be waiting a while ha ha seriously though earn relationship?????????

metaoblivia

nikki 122 wrote: »

do you really believe you have to earn a relationship? if you do i will be waiting a while ha ha seriously though earn relationship?????????

Oh no, I don't. My ex does though. I was just making a joke at his expense. :pac:

liah

I'm going mental over my ex at the moment, and it's eating away at me.

I met him through an online videogame. Nerdy, right? He lived in Manchester, I was back in Canada at the time. Anyway we spent some months talking and I wanted to go to the UK anyway, so we agreed to meet once I got there, I would stay at his for a couple days, then go travelling around the rest of the UK.

Ended up falling in love with the bastard (said it within three days! But to be fair, I knew him inside and out from online, and we just were lucky enough to have the chemistry in person-- the seeds were set), and we went everywhere together for the next six months, never a second apart, and irrevocably addicted to one another.

Then my visa ran out, and I had to go back to Canada in December. He came back with me and spent Christmas with me and my family, and my family adored him. He went home just before New Years, and we tried to maintain a long distance relationship.

I tried going back there to visit him in February. Got to the airport in Manchester, and got turned away because I'd tried to return too soon-- leaving a huge X in my passport and making it nearly impossible for me to re-enter the UK. We dealt with that. He came to visit me in April for a week. It was the best we could do.

After that it went downhill. Neither of us had any time to keep up with one another long distance, and so I split up with him in hopes that maybe it would spur him to go out and get some life experience (he was younger than me and quite naïve, perfect life-- god bless him, not a fault, but his naïveté drove a stake between us at times) which I, at the time, thought was the best thing I could do for him, as since he was spending so much time trying to keep up with me he wasn't doing anything for himself in real life. We still loved each other, but it couldn't work out, especially since I couldn't go visit him with the stamp on my passport.

He was devastated when I split with him. I then came here to Ireland about seven and a half months ago, in faint hopes that since this was the closest I could get to the UK without actually going to the UK, maybe we could try again, but he balked.

He's terrified of getting hurt again, saying that if we meet up again it'll stir everything back up and he doesn't want a repeat of last time. I don't blame him, but the problem is I know that he's the one for me. I've always known that. I still love him, and I know he still loves me. It's been a year since I've seen him in person and he has not once been with another girl. He hasn't even thought about another girl in that way. And even after I split with him, I always had this "feeling" that we would end up together at the end of it all.

I want so desperately to convince him that things will be different this time, that we can go travelling together, or that he can come back with me to Canada and we can spend the summer there together and then travel after that, like we wanted to do. But I don't want to push him, either.

I can tell he wants to, he says he thinks about it all the time, but his fear's getting the better of him and there's nothing I can do about it, and it's all I can think about.

I just wish I could see him again, even if only to talk-- we didn't even split face to face and it just feels so wrong to have it ended like that. Even if he lets the fear take him over and doesn't want to get back together with me, at least we'd have ended it properly.

I don't know what to do. But it's getting me down.

Stupid relationships.

Sorry for the rant. I don't have anyone to talk to about it so it kind of just.. came out in one big go.

Wibbs

Ahh jayzuz lass that's a major pain. I really hope he gives you some closure one way or the other, hopefully in a good way. I usually dislike this closure business, but this is one case where it's sorely needed.

g'em

CoachBoone wrote: »

Ive read one post of yours and I could tell already. Drama bombs galore Id imagine.:pac:

Ah come on now, she's not being dramatic, she's being a woman. No wait, she's being human!! She got dumped, her ego got hurt and she had the balls to admit it publically. Kudos, I say. Meh, so she needed to rant about it... and did so in a "Talk About Your Relationships Here" thread... not really seeing the drama there tbh.

metaoblivia, delete him as a friend from FB like CoachBoone says. It does you both no good to have a connection to him (no matter how fickle the connection is ) so soon.

And enjoy Cali

CoachBoone

g'em wrote: »

Ah come on now, she's not being dramatic, she's being a woman. No wait, she's being human!! She got dumped, her ego got hurt and she had the balls to admit it publically. Kudos, I say. Meh, so she needed to rant about it... and did so in a "Talk About Your Relationships Here" thread... not really seeing the drama there tbh.

metaoblivia, delete him as a friend from FB like CoachBoone says. It does you both no good to have a connection to him (no matter how fickle the connection is ) so soon.

And enjoy Cali

I was only joking. I hope I didnt cause any offence to her. I certainly didnt meant to. I agree with the kudos, I said as much.

Sorry Metaoblivia, now I feel like a right douche.