Height requirements in dating

Galwayguy35 · 09-06-2020 8:50pm

Lots of women out there who aren't bothered about height, most people do find the right person in the end.

But the harsh reality is some will never have any success finding anyone for various reasons.

kowloon · 09-06-2020 9:28pm

TuringBot47 wrote: »

Penis size isn't on display, at least nowadays,

Making a big comeback now that phones have cameras.

09-06-2020 9:54pm

Earthhorse wrote: »

Here's an article specifically relating to height (from a different author)

It's an article not a study though. So I dunno. I read a study today which said around 50% of women say they want to date "only taller men". Which is about what I would expect from an arbitrary attribute. Half of people care half don't. While I read another study which said that regardless of preferences stated in surveys - preferences are rarely reflected in actual pairings.

"We note, however, that compared to random mating the magnitude of these effects was generally low, suggesting that mating preferences were only partially realised. These results are in line with a recent study that showed that traits considered strongly related to attractiveness, such as height, are not necessarily strongly related to actual pairing"

Which is again kinda what I would expect. You could pick any attribute - like penis size for a random example - and you will get people citing their prefernces in surveys and large %s of people thinking it matters and large %s of people not giving a crap either way - but when looking at actual reality very little of this is seemingly realised there.

Theory and navel gazing is one thing - looking out the window at the actual world and what is happening there is another. And the world I see is the vast majority of people getting paired off - regardless of any one arbitrary attribute someone obsesses over.

Earthhorse wrote: »

But I’m sure there will be posters on this thread who still think it's all in people's heads.

It both is and it isn't. There are of course preferences and there are people who of course have been turned down for not meeting them. But if someone is rejected 2 or 3 times - or even 20 or 30 times - I do not think that grounds any fantastical extrapolations into generalisations about all men or all women - what they want - or their order of priorities as a whole as if they were some autonomous off the construction line clone set with a manual that all operate the same way

It is not that it is in people's heads. It is that people like me look at ourselves and our social circles and extended circles and we are simply not seeing the theory and navel gazing on the subject at all reflected in the reality around us anywhere. We are in fact seeing paired off short people. Paired off tall people. Paired off rich people. Paired off poor people. Paired off thing people. Paired off fat people. And more.

It certainly makes me an anomaly if the size thing is meant to be an issue. 5'4 and I have two fabulous looking girlfriends that many people pretty much literally drool over - one shorter than me and one taller and I have none of the other attributes that other people might assume I must have (I get comments about how I must have an enormous penis or bank account a lot - both of which are decidedly average

) to explain it away either.

I get the theory. I just do not see it bourne out anywhere. I think the reality of human romance and sex and love and relationships is simply too complex to make simplistic statements about single variables.

Thelonious Monk · 09-06-2020 10:13pm

You know what I call men under 6ft?
Friends.

riclad · 09-06-2020 10:16pm

I think women like someone who is smart. Funny
has a sense of humour, is well dressed polite, kind. Does personality not matter.
Maybe some women just go for men who are tall and handsome even if they are dull and not very smart.
And there's men who just date women who are attractive in a certain way.
I think middle class men go out with middle class women
Usually. Eg would a female doctor want to go out with a man who works in tesco.
I suppose there's women who would not find a man attractive if he is not tall.
Rich men never seem to have trouble finding a
wife even if the man is short and ugly
I think a short man can attract women by having
a nice personality and being funny and witty
It helps to be well dressed and have a cool job,
eg actor, dj, musician

Earthhorse · 09-06-2020 11:07pm

Earthhorse wrote: »

Here's an article specifically relating to height (from a different author):
https://medium.com/@SethUlinski/why-the-guys-who-own-the-internet-would-strike-out-on-okcupid-a3d9564b4516

Deleted User wrote: »

It's an article not a study though. So I dunno.

Yes, that’s why I called it an article. The article also refers to a study as I highlighted in my quote.

While I read another study which said that regardless of preferences stated in surveys - preferences are rarely reflected in actual pairings.

From the study:

We conclude that while preferences for partner height generally translate into actual pairing, they do so only modestly.

Not sure I would consider "rare" a fair substitute for "modest".

Which is again kinda what I would expect. You could pick any attribute - like penis size for a random example - and you will get people citing their prefernces in surveys and large %s of people thinking it matters and large %s of people not giving a crap either way - but when looking at actual reality very little of this is seemingly realised there.

Would you? I don’t know. And I also don’t know how anyone would discriminate for penis size in advance whereas you can for height (dick pics not withstanding which may convince a woman to discriminate for a different reason).

It is not that it is in people's heads. It is that people like me look at ourselves and our social circles and extended circles and we are simply not seeing the theory and navel gazing on the subject at all reflected in the reality around us anywhere.

That’s just your experience though and there’s enough counter examples in this thread alone to that. Which is why the studies are important.

I get the theory. I just do not see it bourne out anywhere. I think the reality of human romance and sex and love and relationships is simply too complex to make simplistic statements about single variables.

We can of course make simplistic statements about single variables. That doesn’t make them true. Nor does it mean that that is all there is to the broader subject being discussed.

Figel Narage · 09-06-2020 11:11pm

Thelonious Monk wrote: »

You know what I call men under 6ft?
Friends.

Haha, I remember some famous Brazilian model said "Any man under 6"5 is just a friend"

Badly Drunk Boy · 09-06-2020 11:33pm

Mad_maxx wrote: »

the " how is the weather up there " jokes dont bother me at all , i joke about my own height to other people but you do get tired of it being brought up all of the time , given the chance id much prefer be 5 ft 11 , there is no advantage to being very tall no matter what anyone outside the NBA tells you and countless disadvantages . add to that , i never found tall girls anymore attractive in the first place

I don't mind any of the comments either (although it's not as if I found them entertaining), and I joke about it too. I'm happy enough being 6'5" and I wouldn't change it, but I think the ideal height would be about 6'2". You'd still be fairly tall but not a freak.

The main disadvantages are the reduced selection of clothes, especially footwear, and also banging yer head in doorways.

With regards to females, I've nothing against tall women either, as they can be very impressive in stature, but most of my girlfriends have been around 5'4".

Leg End Reject · 10-06-2020 12:19am

I prefer a man to be a few inches taller than me. I don't know if that's an innate preference, social conditioning or both.

Austria! · 10-06-2020 12:19am

I'm a short guy myself, but I'm not concerned about my height and dating because there's going to be very realistic sex robots in the future.

10-06-2020 1:12am

Classic Mr F thread. 7 posts, 14 pages.

Blush_01 · 10-06-2020 1:13am

mr_fegelien wrote: »

Why are people so strict on them? I'm a 5ft 5in man and a woman on Tinder told me I was cute but too short. Said most of her friends feel the same way.

She's definitely not alone as this is a sentiment shared by many women. In fact there was a study that showed the height of a partner is more important for women than men.

What are short men supposed to do?

Their insecurities are why height is so important to them. When lockdown lifts, get off Tinder.

Online dating is a pox.

kowloon · 10-06-2020 1:30am

Leg End Reject wrote: »

I prefer a man to be a few inches taller than me. I don't know if that's an innate preference, social conditioning or both.

If you're small that's not a problem, if you're 6' 8" it might be a little unrealistic.

Also, never mix up the feet and the inches.

10-06-2020 7:28am

Earthhorse wrote: »

Yes, that’s why I called it an article. The article also refers to a study as I highlighted in my quote. From the study: Not sure I would consider "rare" a fair substitute for "modest". Would you? I don’t know. And I also don’t know how anyone would discriminate for penis size in advance whereas you can for height (dick pics not withstanding which may convince a woman to discriminate for a different reason).

I love when threads like this send me down a rabbit hole of research I might never in my life otherwise have looked into

I do not see it as unfair. I quoted directly from the study myself too. I can repeat that: "We note, however, that compared to random mating the magnitude of these effects was generally low, suggesting that mating preferences were only partially realised. These results are in line with a recent study that showed that traits considered strongly related to attractiveness, such as height, are not necessarily strongly related to actual pairing"

This was confirmed while talking about another study when one researcher noted: “These findings confirm that height is relevant on the mating market. However, the relatively limited variation in sex partner number for men across much of the height continuum is difficult to explain.". The study itself is another that in it's conclusion notes that the theory once again does not map onto the reality very well.

Again - they are saying that their own study and another both find that the theory on preferences is not reflected strongly in the realities. And that is pretty much what I would expect from my own experience of life directly and vicariously. Any random attribute I can think of where people tend to express preferences rarely seems to translate to actual pairings I see. And this is reflected in the studies.

Actually a third study on the matter found a strong correlation in pairings between a chosen partners height and ones own height. "The genetic correlation between height and the preference for a partner with similar height is 0.89, which indicates that genes affecting individual preferences for height and one’s own height are largely shared."

A few of the studies I read yesterday also showed the preferences - and their relative importance to each other - shift over time too. But it is strangely difficult. Of all the subjects I have ever sat down and researched for boards.ie like this - for some reason _this_ subject appears to have a uniquely high number of studies behind paywalls. Perhaps studies on human mate selection sell well and are profitable? No idea.

Earthhorse wrote: »

That’s just your experience though and there’s enough counter examples in this thread alone to that. Which is why the studies are important.

My point exactly - and that is why I cited two of them directly - and now even more above - rather than an article about them - and one of them directly refers to another. And they all find - like I do based on personal experience and anecdote - that the theory and the reality are not all that strongly aligned.

Earthhorse wrote: »

We can of course make simplistic statements about single variables. That doesn’t make them true.

Again - my point exactly. Which is why I do not make simplistic statements about single variables and expect them to be true like some people on the thread. Quite the opposite. I think the whole area of human relationships to be vastly complex and beyond any single variable.

But I _can_ understand why _some_ people might latch onto single variables - especially variables beyond their control - to explain away not getting what they want out of life. There are some personality types that appear to want to think they are doomed before they even try. I used to be one of them myself. And from reading many of his posts - my suspicion is the OP is very much one too.

Look - I do not think anyone is saying no one actually cares about any variable. Including height. Clearly the study I cited shows half of women do. But half don't too. So it is not the doom and gloom that incels feeling angry and disenfranchised want to imagine it is. Especially as the second study - and my follow on links - on actual pairings show that things like a preference for height is just that. A _preference_ not a rule.

But I speak mostly of the "real" world here too - which is an important caveat. I am relatively ignorant about the workings of online dating. Where - due to the existence of actual set filters - preferences are likely to translate more into actuality because they will filter out the people who do not meet them and reduce the chances the "full package" will be considered. So if angry and disillusioned incels are going to go there - I admit they are much more likely to have their paranoia about single variables strongly realised.

Thankfully I at 5'4 never had to use online dating. And never would. I would prefer to stay single forever than even try to be honest. But when I got off my ass - started bettering myself a little in a few ways - and then got out in the real world - well that is why I am where I am now.

Homelander · 10-06-2020 10:54am

I mean, it's just another preference. Some women won't like men with beards, who are bald, wear glasses, are out of shape, or whatever. If you're on the shorter side, it's no barrier to meeting someone at all.

When it gets to the point someone is blaming their height for their lack of success, it's not their height.

Mister Vain · 10-06-2020 11:51am

I'm 5'7 but my height is the least of my problems. I think women are more turned off by my duck feet and bogger accent.

Bobblehats · 10-06-2020 1:49pm

I don’t know there’s some big strapping lads going around but with heads like dwarves. Or with what appear dementia inducingly small heads, particularly when they’ve hands like shovels and I always feel in such instances less would be more.

Having said that there’s some smaller lads that look like they probably should be taller but all this coming from somebody who prioritises face (and race) over any particular body shape or dimensions. There may even be a personality in there too but the anomnity of a simple satisfactory silhouette doesn’t cut it for me that’s just shallow man

-sorry; woman. Just to clarify that’d be my other preference but I mean we’ve all got one of those. When we don’t upload a profile pic ..

Mister Vain · 10-06-2020 6:44pm

Bobblehats wrote: »

I don’t know there’s some big strapping lads going around but with heads like dwarves. Or with what appear dementia inducingly small heads, particularly when they’ve hands like shovels and I always feel in such instances less would be more.

Having said that there’s some smaller lads that look like they probably should be taller but all this coming from somebody who prioritises face (and race) over any particular body shape or dimensions. There may even be a personality in there too but the anomnity of a simple satisfactory silhouette doesn’t cut it for me that’s just shallow man

-sorry; woman. Just to clarify that’d be my other preference but I mean we’ve all got one of those. When we don’t upload a profile pic ..

Or the lads with skinny legs and shoulders wider than a pub television.

saabsaab · 10-06-2020 8:49pm

Mister Vain wrote: »

Or the lads with skinny legs and shoulders wider than a pub television.

Called a 'prison body' due to gym work but no walking, running swimming etc to develop the lower half.

Minime2.5 · 11-06-2020 12:17pm

saabsaab wrote: »

Called a 'prison body' due to gym work but no walking, running swimming etc to develop the lower half.

NewsFlash . Legs get developed in gym the same way the upper body does

Dial Hard · 11-06-2020 12:22pm

Minime2.5 wrote: »

NewsFlash . Legs get developed in gym the same way the upper body does

Not if you don't work on them, they don't. Plenty of serial leg-day skippers around.

Mister Vain · 11-06-2020 12:24pm

Yeah I believe they use "prison squats."

Minime2.5 · 11-06-2020 12:25pm

Dial Hard wrote: »

Not if you don't work on them, they don't. Plenty of serial leg-day skippers around.

True . But that's not why I corrected him . He didn't say that

Figel Narage · 11-06-2020 12:45pm

Ah lads who cares about legs really. I was blessed with large tree trunk legs but a weedy upper body that I struggle to balance out, I wish it was the other way around haha

Mister Vain · 11-06-2020 12:51pm

When I pee it comes out in 2 different directions.

11-06-2020 12:58pm

Mister Vain wrote: »

When I pee it comes out in 2 different directions.

Have you considered an anal plug?:P

saabsaab · 11-06-2020 1:45pm

Minime2.5 wrote: »

NewsFlash . Legs get developed in gym the same way the upper body does

I didn't invent the term but that is what it is. Must be most don't do much leg work in prisons.

Homelander · 13-06-2020 8:39am

saabsaab wrote: »

I didn't invent the term but that is what it is. Must be most don't do much leg work in prisons.

I think he was pointing out the fact that the reason they're like that is because they don't work their lower body in the gym.

Nothing to do with walking, running or swimming as you said.

Minime2.5 · 15-06-2020 1:12am

Oaps

Potential-Monke · 16-06-2020 2:42am

purifol0 wrote: »

gallows humour.

That's the problem. A lot of people don't get gallows humour, as they've never had to lean on it for support.

SusieBlue wrote: »

I wonder if the people complaining about women having too much choice in the dating world would themselves go for a 3/10 if they could have their pick of the 10/10’s. I highly doubt they would.

Obviously no, but therein lies the problem. Men under a certain height are most likely going to be in the lower half of that table, so won't get a look in anyway.

In my experience, 5'6" (i'm tempted to say 7, but it depends on the shoes) and it definitely affects your chances imo. It has been said to me numerous times. I somehow can manage to get women to tell me things they wouldn't normally say (I like to call it, bringing out their true selves) and the vast majority will agree that they will automatically look at the taller ones first, online or in real life.

A quick Google shows that about 49% of women won't date someone smaller than them. Average height of women in Ireland is 5'5". Put on heels and that goes up a couple of inches, so you'd need to be 5'7" at a minimum. Throw on that a lot of women believe that men lie about their height on dating sites, so even if you're telling the truth about being 5'6", some assume that's taller than what you actually are.

As someone else said above, it's grand to say "Well you can't change it, so stop worrying about it and move on", but when it's another factor that makes you feel down, it can add up. I don't know what I'm doing wrong, but I've never been successful on dating apps, regardless of telling the truth, lieing, or otherwise. I guess I just don't have a nice face, but I still managed 2 x 7-year relationships with women "out of my league" as my friends used to tell me. They were beautiful (to me at least). Then when I see what they ended up with after me, I get a small confidence boost, until I realise I'm still single and no matter what I do I can't change that.

I also don't want kids, and that's another major turn off. And of those 2 women, the first was when we were 15-22 and the second was when I was 23 and she had literally no interest in me, but as I started kissing her on my perception of the first date (which actually turned out to be me crashing an invite only party (thought I was invited)) she didn't want to lose face in front of her friends so pretended she wanted to. It wasn't until 3 years later she told me this. When asked why she kept answering my texts and calls, she said she was horny and I was, ahem, filling that void at the time, and she slowly began to like me.

So I've hermitised, and not all that bothered anymore, I've accepted the single life, which has many benefits by the way. I'm now testing the "If it's meant for you, it won't pass you by" approach, but I can't see how being a hermit at 37 and into gaming and anime make me any way attractive, but I'm not changing again for anyone, this is me and if it means I'll be single for the rest of my days, so be it. I've more put offs than ons.

Yet another unintended long post where I add absolutely nothing to the conversation, and certainly no help to the OP. But that's my experience of it.

kowloon · 16-06-2020 4:50am

Signed up for Bumble earlier, can't sleep so I've seen quite a few profiles. Interesting that height is one of a handful of stats with tags (as opposed to just writing the detail in the about me section). You can filter by height, but no other dimension or really anything physical. Given the app is designed with women's preferences in mind we can infer that height is pretty important.

Blush_01 · 18-06-2020 4:53pm

kowloon wrote: »

Signed up for Bumble earlier, can't sleep so I've seen quite a few profiles. Interesting that height is one of a handful of stats with tags (as opposed to just writing the detail in the about me section). You can filter by height, but no other dimension or really anything physical. Given the app is designed with women's preferences in mind we can infer that height is pretty important.

You mean there's no girth, length, or potency of farts metrics? Is it even a real app?

QuestionTime18 · 03-11-2020 11:20pm

A few good points made, women do care a lot about height, they tend to want tall men and not just an inch or two taller. They want men a good few inches taller, for whatever reason probably a reason they don’t even know themselves, but let’s agree it is not a “preference” it’s almost always a requirement, indeed any woman who’s insists that their requirement for tall men is a “preference” need to actually read a dictionary and try to understand what a preference is. Its annoying that there’s women out there who basically think high heels is there real height or something because they insist men should be taller then them because of high heels.

Also it’s puzzling why women on tinder put on their bios that at 5’4ft and 5’5ft they are small/ fun sized. I think they need to read up on average height of women in Ireland if they think those heights are small.

Lastly I seen a post about tall men it was full of comments from women saying how attractive tall men are and praising them. This post seems to just be mostly full of people taking the piss out of short men despite the op trying to be serious, not sure why people feel the need to make jokes about a serious topic.

Oh and OP, Elliott Rodgers was 5’9ft average height in America. His wasn’t his problem, he was just a crazy lad who couldn’t get a woman for whatever reason but him being 5’9ft wasn’t one of those reasons considering plenty of men at 5’9ft get women as it’s average height.

Idbatterim · 03-11-2020 11:50pm

SusieBlue wrote: »

Do you not think men also have their own criteria of superficial dealbreakers too? Do you have any idea how many men have ‘no fatties need apply’ in their bios?

It works both ways.

seriously, even if they dont want any fatties, what kind of idiot would put it in their bio? it would alienate a load of other women! the thing about height is, it cant be changed, where with weight, you may look at it and think, its just laziness or lack of effort, which is unattractive...

Id say 6 foot or 6'1 optimal height for a lad. because even girls that are like 5'10 or 11, many want to wear their heels and at least be the same height as lad, if not slightly shorter...

also this thing about women having all the choice! I speak to a lot of girls who date online, many **** dates, lads only often wanting one thing and usually only making that apparent, after they have got what they want... women also have the biological clock to consider if they want kids. I really dont think its quite as rosy as many here make out...

the maybe top ten to twenty percent of guys that women are attracted to, now also have massive choice on tinder! and as guys dont have the clock to worry about and generally have higher sex drives... well its obvious...

Mad_maxx · 03-11-2020 11:53pm

QuestionTime18 wrote: »

A few good points made, women do care a lot about height, they tend to want tall men and not just an inch or two taller. They want men a good few inches taller, for whatever reason probably a reason they don’t even know themselves, but let’s agree it is not a “preference” it’s almost always a requirement, indeed any woman who’s insists that their requirement for tall men is a “preference” need to actually read a dictionary and try to understand what a preference is. Its annoying that there’s women out there who basically think high heels is there real height or something because they insist men should be taller then them because of high heels.

Also it’s puzzling why women on tinder put on their bios that at 5’4ft and 5’5ft they are small/ fun sized. I think they need to read up on average height of women in Ireland if they think those heights are small.

Lastly I seen a post about tall men it was full of comments from women saying how attractive tall men are and praising them. This post seems to just be mostly full of people taking the piss out of short men despite the op trying to be serious, not sure why people feel the need to make jokes about a serious topic.

Oh and OP, Elliott Rodgers was 5’9ft average height in America. His wasn’t his problem, he was just a crazy lad who couldn’t get a woman for whatever reason but him being 5’9ft wasn’t one of those reasons considering plenty of men at 5’9ft get women as it’s average height.

im almost 6 ft 5 , its never been an asset in the slightest as im far too tall for most women , got turned down in my late teens and twenties numerous times over it

tall is good but not too tall either , anything taller than 6 ft 2 is too tall for most women

boardise · 04-11-2020 12:13am

QuestionTime18 wrote: »

A few good points made, women do care a lot about height, they tend to want tall men and not just an inch or two taller. They want men a good few inches taller, for whatever reason probably a reason they don’t even know themselves, but let’s agree it is not a “preference” it’s almost always a requirement, indeed any woman who’s insists that their requirement for tall men is a “preference” need to actually read a dictionary and try to understand what a preference is. Its annoying that there’s women out there who basically think high heels is there real height or something because they insist men should be taller then them because of high heels.

Also it’s puzzling why women on tinder put on their bios that at 5’4ft and 5’5ft they are small/ fun sized. I think they need to read up on average height of women in Ireland if they think those heights are small.

Lastly I seen a post about tall men it was full of comments from women saying how attractive tall men are and praising them. This post seems to just be mostly full of people taking the piss out of short men despite the op trying to be serious, not sure why people feel the need to make jokes about a serious topic.

Oh and OP, Elliott Rodgers was 5’9ft average height in America. His wasn’t his problem, he was just a crazy lad who couldn’t get a woman for whatever reason but him being 5’9ft wasn’t one of those reasons considering plenty of men at 5’9ft get women as it’s average height.

I seem to remember reading somewhere that there might be a primeval instinct at work in women -where they sense that a taller mate might be better fitted to protect them (and ,by extension,any kids in the family.)

chrissb8 · 04-11-2020 2:41am

Said this before and I'll say it again....if there are short men with short fathers. There are women who get with said short fathers. So yes, there are plenty of women who aren't too bothered about height.

I say this as a short a**e myself. Who hasn't really been too unlucky with women and would really put my previous issues down to confidence. Face value apps such as Tinder, Bumble etc. will only present yourself as a physical entity so a lot of women, if they are narrowed down in their tastes, go for men of tall height. This is not at all representative of the real world.

A lot of people have boiled down dating to dating apps and have drawn exclusively that women only go for men of height. No, they don't but in such a circumstance where they are judging you on looks alone, that will become a deciding factor.

QuestionTime18 · 04-11-2020 6:32am

Thing about short men is it’s not always down to having a short father or genetics, I recall reading about a lad up in Northern Ireland a few months back who suffered anorexia and because of not eating/not eating enough and being underweight he suffered stunted growth, he’s recovered now but he’s ended up at 5’5ft while his dad and mum are taller then him, women rejecting men over height/ not finding short men attractive has got to be particularly tough for him knowing he should be taller and probably not realising at the time that his height would end up stunted due to his disorder. That’s my main gripe with women rejecting short men, or indeed people making jokes/ slagging short men off, you just never know the real reason a man is short.

And in reply to the post about primitive reasons and women wanting protection / Hunter gatherers, I really struggle to understand why that would be still a thing since we don’t live in a dangerous country and these days it’s all about making money/ intelligence to make money to be able to buy food and a house, we no longer need to go hunting with spears and fight bears in hand to hand combat.

Wibbs · 04-11-2020 9:05am

QuestionTime18 wrote: »

And in reply to the post about primitive reasons and women wanting protection / Hunter gatherers, I really struggle to understand why that would be still a thing since we don’t live in a dangerous country and these days it’s all about making money/ intelligence to make money to be able to buy food and a house, we no longer need to go hunting with spears and fight bears in hand to hand combat.

Very true and a some of it is cultural(women's weight can be one depending on culture) but a helluva lot of the very basics of the things we find attractive in men and women are linked with social, biological and reproductive health and are pretty hard wired.

Wibbs · 04-11-2020 9:10am

Deleted User wrote: »

But I speak mostly of the "real" world here too - which is an important caveat. I am relatively ignorant about the workings of online dating. Where - due to the existence of actual set filters - preferences are likely to translate more into actuality because they will filter out the people who do not meet them and reduce the chances the "full package" will be considered. So if angry and disillusioned incels are going to go there - I admit they are much more likely to have their paranoia about single variables strongly realised.

+1000 Online dating is heavily skewed because of such filters and tends to favour women over men. In the sense of women will get more attention even if plain, but the type of attention is another thing. Ask any woman who has gone the online route and they'll likely tell you they get attention, but the kind they want is much rarer.

04-11-2020 9:59am

Mad_maxx wrote: »

im almost 6 ft 5 , its never been an asset in the slightest as im far too tall for most women , got turned down in my late teens and twenties numerous times over it

tall is good but not too tall either , anything taller than 6 ft 2 is too tall for most women

The problem is that most tall guys don't carry much in the way of muscle. I'm 6 ft 3 and it's only now in my 40's that I'm starting to gain weight, even weight on my arms/shoulders. Most guys I've met throughout the last few decades, of a similar height to myself, struggle to gain any obvious upper body strength (oh, we can be strong, but it's more of a lean strength rather than a muscle strength). I've known a few tall guys who have managed to get that strong look, but really, not many. (and it's very easy to lose that improvement, with strength turning to man boobs or other less attractive fatty areas)

And that's what women tend to appreciate. It's fine being tall. That is attractive to most women, but they also want a nice body to go with the overall package. This is especially true with online dating where photos are encouraged to show off appearance.

I've enjoyed being taller than most people. I don't consider myself to be very tall, but it's certainly helped, somewhat, for the initial attraction.. but at the same time, my slim frame isn't, even remotely sexy, so.. there's downsides too. (Yup, I've spent extensive time in Gyms seeking to beef up, but I've only ever managed to look wiry).

Mister Vain · 04-11-2020 11:14am

Deleted User wrote: »

The problem is that most tall guys don't carry much in the way of muscle. I'm 6 ft 3 and it's only now in my 40's that I'm starting to gain weight, even weight on my arms/shoulders. Most guys I've met throughout the last few decades, of a similar height to myself, struggle to gain any obvious upper body strength (oh, we can be strong, but it's more of a lean strength rather than a muscle strength). I've known a few tall guys who have managed to get that strong look, but really, not many. (and it's very easy to lose that improvement, with strength turning to man boobs or other less attractive fatty areas)

And that's what women tend to appreciate. It's fine being tall. That is attractive to most women, but they also want a nice body to go with the overall package. This is especially true with online dating where photos are encouraged to show off appearance.

I've enjoyed being taller than most people. I don't consider myself to be very tall, but it's certainly helped, somewhat, for the initial attraction.. but at the same time, my slim frame isn't, even remotely sexy, so.. there's downsides too. (Yup, I've spent extensive time in Gyms seeking to beef up, but I've only ever managed to look wiry).

I've had the same problem at 5'8 so its not just tall guys. Some people are just "hard gainers." My height never really bothered me too much but I hated being skinny, especially as I was killing myself in the gym and not really seeing any results. I eventually started to gain weight in my 30's though and am happy enough with my frame now at 37.

04-11-2020 2:03pm

Quick interjection... muscle does not turn to fat. That is all. Carry on.

Mad_maxx · 04-11-2020 7:06pm

Mister Vain wrote: »

I've had the same problem at 5'8 so its not just tall guys. Some people are just "hard gainers." My height never really bothered me too much but I hated being skinny, especially as I was killing myself in the gym and not really seeing any results. I eventually started to gain weight in my 30's though and am happy enough with my frame now at 37.

5ft 8 is only marginally below the average , its not short at all

Mister Vain · 04-11-2020 8:40pm

Mad_maxx wrote: »

5ft 8 is only marginally below the average , its not short at all

Yeah its not short short I suppose. I was just making the point that its not only tall guys that find it difficult to gain muscle.

04-11-2020 9:52pm

Mister Vain wrote: »

Yeah its not short short I suppose. I was just making the point that its not only tall guys that find it difficult to gain muscle.

I didn't intend to suggest that was the case... I was simply speaking of my own experience, and attaching it to another person who spoke about being tall.

DilD · 04-11-2020 10:02pm

Mad_maxx wrote: »

im almost 6 ft 5 , its never been an asset in the slightest as im far too tall for most women , got turned down in my late teens and twenties numerous times over it

tall is good but not too tall either , anything taller than 6 ft 2 is too tall for most women

I'm 6'6", was always somewhat concious of my height growing up, felt TOO tall and never seemed to see any benefit in the way of attracting women. That was until I moved to the UK, which I thought was strange given the fact that with such a larger population from different parts of the world there was no shortage of tall men, but lo and behold turns out height is in fact a big factor for women. From my experience I think its down to a woman feeling somewhat embarrased being seen with a man shorther than her, not all women are like this of course though.

lukin · 08-12-2020 11:37am

There is one incredibly important reason why most women won't date short guys; reproductive reasons. They don't want to have short children. If they have a child with him and it's a girl it isn't such a big deal but if it's a boy it is a big deal and that is what they are worried about.
Maybe a young girl in her early twenties on the dating scene won't be thinking like that but I can assure you a girl in her late twenties or thirties will be.
If you ask them they will deny it but they would wouldn't they?
They are lying.

08-12-2020 11:59am

lukin wrote: »

There is one incredibly important reason why most women won't date short guys; reproductive reasons. They don't want to have short children. If they have a child with him and it's a girl it isn't such a big deal but if it's a boy it is a big deal and that is what they are worried about.
Maybe a young girl in her early twenties on the dating scene won't be thinking like that but I can assure you a girl in her late twenties or thirties will be.
If you ask them they will deny it but they would wouldn't they?
They are lying.

Why even ask a question you already know the answer. And, if they did lie it would likely be to protect others feelings.

partyguinness · 08-12-2020 12:11pm

lukin wrote: »

There is one incredibly important reason why most women won't date short guys; reproductive reasons. They don't want to have short children. If they have a child with him and it's a girl it isn't such a big deal but if it's a boy it is a big deal and that is what they are worried about.
Maybe a young girl in her early twenties on the dating scene won't be thinking like that but I can assure you a girl in her late twenties or thirties will be.
If you ask them they will deny it but they would wouldn't they?
They are lying.

No man. Way more simple than than.

Women want to wear high heels and do not want to tower over the groom on their wedding day. Makes them feel big and awkward.

Height requirements in dating

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