How do you find a one night stand

GT_TDI_150 · 28-05-2018 12:14pm

daheff wrote: »

Deny deny deny

Well....you sure don't seem to have the brains in the relationship!

Anyways...any pics of the wife? Is she worth hanging on to or divorcing?

Seriously though. don't show her any pics at all. Tell her it was a once off and ya didnt stop to record the fecking act. Just forget it and get over it or follow through in the divorce.

Or tell her ya taped it all but lost the memory card...will drive her mad, shed clean the house top to bottom looking for the sd card

spindex · 28-05-2018 12:29pm

Can you give us any other clue that might narrow down the search ?
For example, did she spit or swallow ?

Specialun · 28-05-2018 12:35pm

hi Op

i was in tullamore that night. i met a guy in a shirt and jeans in the chipper. we chatted as we were eating outside.

what is you would like to discuss

mary

Minister · 28-05-2018 12:36pm

spindex wrote: »

Can you give us any other clue that might narrow down the search ?
For example, did she spit or swallow ?

Indeed! Like, did the carpet match the curtains? Was there even a carpet?

Steve F · 28-05-2018 12:55pm

Gravelly wrote: »

Tell your Mrs that the reason you banged the slag in the chipper was that she looked EXACTLY like your Mrs. Then turn it around and tell her some rigamarole about being lonely and missing her, then turn the screw and blame the whole thing on her, leaving you alone there. Finish off by storming out of the room with a "have you no thought for MY feelings, I feel so used" then run off crying.

thread/

sbsquarepants · 28-05-2018 1:00pm

Roger Hassenforder wrote: »

I reckon my auld doll would prefer if i banged a stunner than a munter. With a munter she night think "fair enough, she was fairly hot",
With a moonpig theres no excuse.

No, no, noooo.

That's a line you do not cross - you can't ever go hotter. If you absolutely have to admit to banging a chipper bird, it better be fat and hairy, poor personal hygiene couldn't hurt either - blame it on the beer goggles and tell her you couldn't even get it up and in fact had to thumb it in in desperation.

Your missus will not forgive you rear ending Dua Lipa no matter what she says!

ginandtonicsky · 28-05-2018 1:01pm

No good can come from finding her, or finding her facebook profile and letting your wife have a good stalk. Either she's quite good-looking and your wife's insecurities will go into overdrive; she's quite unattractive and your wife's insecurities will go into overdrive thinking "if his head was turned for THAT what hope do I have of ever trusting him again?". Or she's quite average/plain and your wife will wrack her brains trying to figure out if she's prettier than her and if her own sense of how attractive she is is actually BS.

Was yer wan actually hot?

Sinister Kid · 28-05-2018 1:01pm

Hector Savage wrote: »

How did she find out 3 years later ?

Did you just decide to tell her ?

I'd actually love to know how that conversation went.

Wife - "I'm not in the mood to cook tonight, fancy getting a chipper"
OP - "Well darling, I have the funniest story about a chipper...."

sbsquarepants · 28-05-2018 1:09pm

ginandtonicsky wrote: »

Was yer wan actually hot?

My own personal experience has led me to conclude that women you pull in chippers at 3am are seldom the cream of the crop:D

LuckyLloyd · 28-05-2018 1:14pm

So I reckon you phone the hotel and ask them if they have a log book of former events and could tell you what was on that weekend. Make it seem like a personal emergency or such.

PARlance · 28-05-2018 1:17pm

Gravelly wrote: »

Tell your Mrs that the reason you banged the slag in the chipper was that she looked EXACTLY like your Mrs. Then turn it around and tell her some rigamarole about being lonely and missing her, then turn the screw and blame the whole thing on her, leaving you alone there. Finish off by storming out of the room with a "have you no thought for MY feelings, I feel so used" then run off crying.

Text her 20mins later to see if she wants a Curry Chip.

Wheety · 28-05-2018 1:37pm

Don't worry OP. You don't need to find this women. The Guards will find you when she realises she was too drunk to consent.

daheff · 28-05-2018 2:14pm

Specialun wrote: »

hi Op

i was in tullamore that night. i met a guy in a shirt and jeans in the chipper. we chatted as we were eating outside.

what is you would like to discuss

mary

do you have a three year old kid???

and an itch?

trevk · 28-05-2018 2:25pm

fxotoole wrote: »

OP was Chipper Chick hotter than your missus?

Definatley not but she was in her late 40s married and had a clit piercing but a beer fox; my missus is 32, blonde tanned and hot. I know that makes me a bigger bollox

ginandtonicsky · 28-05-2018 2:27pm

trevk wrote: »

Definatley not but she was in her late 40s married and had a clit piercing but a beer fox; my missus is 32, blonde tanned and hot. I know that makes me a bigger bollox

jaysus. God help us all.

trevk · 28-05-2018 2:33pm

AlphabetCards wrote: »

Does that not worry you? Why on earth would someone do that?

Because she has a ****ing sixth sense for when I am up to something and she has basically known since then but I bull**** her and told her she was paranoid and crazy for the last 3 years and was basically a complete prick. It was kinda a relief she bluffed me into the truth

Roger Hassenforder · 28-05-2018 2:35pm

sbsquarepants wrote: »

No, no, noooo.

That's a line you do not cross - you can't ever go hotter. If you absolutely have to admit to banging a chipper bird, it better be fat and hairy, poor personal hygiene couldn't hurt either - blame it on the beer goggles and tell her you couldn't even get it up and in fact had to thumb it in in desperation.

Your missus will not forgive you rear ending Dua Lipa no matter what she says!

trevk wrote: »

Definatley not but she was in her late 40s married and had a clit piercing but a beer fox; my missus is 32, blonde tanned and hot. I know that makes me a bigger bollox

See Spongebob? See?

Muppet OP banged a moonpig and now he's in a ****storm. Much better pull out a random stunner. At least his auld dolls confidence wont be too damaged if you went for higher calibre.

Wait.
Or would it?

Play it right, and there may be a FFM on...

Hammer89 · 28-05-2018 2:36pm

trevk wrote: »

Definatley not but she was in her late 40s married and had a clit piercing but a beer fox; my missus is 32, blonde tanned and hot. I know that makes me a bigger bollox

That does narrow it down remarkably if you're brazen enough to go walking around Tullamore with a metal detector.

Seth Brundle · 28-05-2018 2:37pm

spindex wrote: »

Can you give us any other clue that might narrow down the search ?

Well, she had a cock!

wexie · 28-05-2018 2:39pm

trevk wrote: »

Definatley not but she was in her late 40s married and had a clit piercing but a beer fox; my missus is 32, blonde tanned and hot. I know that makes me a bigger bollox

Can't be too many places in Tullamore that pierce clits.

Email them all, tell them your predicament and that you'll need to come in to go through their before and after pictures

Franz Von Peppercorn · 28-05-2018 2:41pm

Sinister Kid wrote: »

I'd actually love to know how that conversation went.

Wife - "I'm not in the mood to cook tonight, fancy getting a chipper"
OP - "Well darling, I have the funniest story about a chipper...."

I’m more impressed that he got picked up in a chipper.

“Here you dere with the blue shirt and de chips. Wanna come back to shag me in the hotel?”

“Well. I really shouldn’t. I’m married”

“Come on. I’m duurty and horny”.

“Right ho. Just let me pay up here and I’ll join you for coitus presently”

Franz Von Peppercorn · 28-05-2018 2:43pm

trevk wrote: »

Definatley not but she was in her late 40s married and had a clit piercing but a beer fox; my missus is 32, blonde tanned and hot. I know that makes me a bigger bollox

She must have been a sweet talker.

Anyway if she’s married leave it be.

Gravelly · 28-05-2018 2:46pm

trevk wrote: »

Definatley not but she was in her late 40s married and had a clit piercing but a beer fox; my missus is 32, blonde tanned and hot. I know that makes me a bigger bollox

YOU'RE THE BÁSTARD THAT'S BEEN BANGING MY MISSUS? YOU'RE DEAD :mad:

fxotoole · 28-05-2018 2:47pm

"beer fox"

Thats a new one on me, lol

punisher5112 · 28-05-2018 2:48pm

That's Janine op.... Everyone has been up on her.

punisher5112 · 28-05-2018 2:51pm

fxotoole wrote: »

"beer fox"

Thats a new one on me, lol

She was a foxy lady she had to get her thrills...

Howd she get him howd she know....

All the music and the chippos

minikin · 28-05-2018 2:57pm

trevk wrote: »

Definatley not but she was in her late 40s married and had a clit piercing but a beer fox; my missus is 32, blonde tanned and hot. I know that makes me a bigger bollox

Sounds like it was a regrettable snackbox.

So... anyway... your missus likely to be a free agent any time soon? What bands does she like?

deletthis · 28-05-2018 2:59pm

Moral of the story: don't dip yer battered sausage in another mans spicebag.

sbsquarepants · 28-05-2018 3:04pm

trevk wrote: »

Definatley not but she was in her late 40s married and had a clit piercing but a beer fox; my missus is 32, blonde tanned and hot. I know that makes me a bigger bollox

Are you sure it was a clit piercing, she might just have stashed her chipper change in her knickers, you don't flash money in Tullamore if you know what's good for you.

Sounds like a right wiley old beer fox, could be tricky to track OP. Do you own hounds by any chance? They would help.

Cleopatra_ · 28-05-2018 3:07pm

What is a beer fox? Tried googling to no avail and now I'm curious!

fxotoole · 28-05-2018 3:07pm

Cleopatra_ wrote: »

What is a beer fox? Tried googling to no avail and now I'm curious!

I'm guessing it's a lady who's only foxy when you've got the beer goggles on

wexie · 28-05-2018 3:08pm

Cleopatra_ wrote: »

What is a beer fox? Tried googling to no avail and now I'm curious!

Kinda works like this

Wheety · 28-05-2018 3:13pm

Ah here if she's married, just leave it. Is that the real reason your wife wants to know? So she can try and ruin another relationship?

Gravelly · 28-05-2018 3:16pm

Wheety wrote: »

Ah here if she's married, just leave it. Is that the real reason your wife wants to know? So she can try and ruin another relationship?

Maybe his missus just wants a recommendation for a good clit piercer.

Hannibal_Smith · 28-05-2018 3:16pm

But...isn't your wife happier that you DON'T have a pic of her? What if you find a pic, show her and she goes all 'I can't believe you kept her picture?!'

Gravelly · 28-05-2018 3:18pm

Hannibal_Smith wrote: »

But...isn't your wife happier that you DON'T have a pic of her? What if you find a pic, show her and she goes all 'I can't believe you kept her picture?!'

It hardly needs to be said that he doesn't whip a picture of his bit on the side ut of his wallet, that would be a hanging offence.

Though since he admitted it in the first place, perhaps he does need this pointed out............

LirW · 28-05-2018 3:19pm

Tell the wife it was a goth or so, complete opposite of her and enjoy how the whole thing unfolds.

Roger Hassenforder · 28-05-2018 3:25pm

fxotoole wrote: »

I'm guessing it's a lady who's only foxy when you've got the beer goggles on

Username almost perfect

wexie · 28-05-2018 3:31pm

Gravelly wrote: »

Maybe his missus just wants a recommendation for a good clit piercer.

You know when you get that urge to eat something just cause it's there?

Anyways....I don't do clit piercings anymore

Zubeneschamali · 28-05-2018 3:33pm

trevk wrote: »

Wife found out wants to know who she was or divorce

"Found out"? You mean you told her???

van_beano · 28-05-2018 3:34pm

4 pages in, think we need some photos put up - wife or mistress.

Roger Hassenforder · 28-05-2018 3:35pm

van_beano wrote: »

4 pages in, think we need some photos put up - wife or mistress.

I think we're all right for the mistress.
Be interested in the wife though.

van_beano · 28-05-2018 3:38pm

Roger Hassenforder wrote: »

I think we're all right for the mistress.
Be interested in the wife though.

I skipped on after page 2 so didn't realise there was an update on the mistress. Will go back and read up fully.

Ultimate Seduction · 28-05-2018 3:41pm

What's the point of your wife needing to see a pic or its divorce? Strange thing to say.

Gravelly · 28-05-2018 3:43pm

Ultimate Seduction wrote: »

What's the point of your wife needing to see a pic or its divorce? Strange thing to say.

Show her this:

590623ccedb93.image.png?crop=933%2C710%2C9%2C49

punisher5112 · 28-05-2018 4:06pm

Gravelly wrote: »

Show her this:

Looks like a serial killer.... Wonder does she do parties...

Purple Mountain · 28-05-2018 4:14pm

wexie wrote: »

Can't be too many places in Tullamore that pierce clits.

Email them all, tell them your predicament and that you'll need to come in to go through their before and after pictures

GDPR last Friday put paid to this idea!

trevk · 28-05-2018 4:17pm

Wheety wrote: »

Ah here if she's married, just leave it. Is that the real reason your wife wants to know? So she can try and ruin another relationship?

No she wouldnt do that she just wants to see who I ruined her trust for

trevk · 28-05-2018 4:18pm

wexie wrote: »

Kinda works like this

Exactly

Kimbot · 28-05-2018 4:21pm

trevk wrote: »

No she wouldnt do that she just wants to see who I ruined her trust for

It was a stranger, you know no names what so ever or anything so its pointless you searching. Tell your wife its the past and yo havent a clue who it is and work on either fixing the marage or ending it instead of a wild goose chase around Ireland.

How do you find a one night stand

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