How do you find a one night stand

Mr.H

Franz Von Peppercorn wrote:

I dint think the thread would make sense if she were imaginary.

To be fair it could be a figment of the ops boredom last night. Potential drink involvement? Of course it could also be true. But sense is not a typical thing in the after hours

cml387

The Annebook hotel is in Mullingar, not in Tullamore. I think you're in the clear.

Squatter

trevk wrote: »

She found out by making me believe she knew she had done a fair bit of snooping and I believed her and dropped myself in it.

In that case, is it reasonable to assume that she's currently reading this thread and chuckling away to herself?

maxwell smart

OP Firstly - can't believe the missus trapped you into telling her about the little frisson with Chipper Chick. That probably isn't now admissible as evidence (but that might be me mixing up my TV law shows).

Anyway....
You have 3 choices:
1. Tell your wife Chipper Chick was so much hotter than her that you couldn't resist. She was slimmer / curvier etc etc. THIS WON'T END WELL
2. Tell your wife Chipper Chick was an oul bag of spanners and that you were drunk and taken advantage of. She was fatter / uglier. THIS ALSO WON'T END WELL
3. Tell your wife Chipper Chick was her doppleganger and that you thought it was some kinky game she was playing. THIS IS YOUR ONLY HOPE.

Basically, you need to apologies, say you were drunk and that she has a free pass to bang someone she works with.

OK?

Minister

cml387 wrote: »

The Annebook hotel is in Mullingar, not in Tullamore. I think you're in the clear.

I just had a look at other posts by OP. Circa three years ago he was living in Mullingar.

Maybe he is still suffering the results of a dodgy burger and nasty curry chip?

Minister

maxwell smart wrote: »

OP Firstly - can't believe the missus trapped you into telling her about the little frisson with Chipper Chick. That probably isn't now admissible as evidence (but that might be me mixing up my TV law shows).

Anyway....
You have 3 choices:
1. Tell your wife Chipper Chick was so much hotter than her that you couldn't resist. She was slimmer / curvier etc etc. THIS WON'T END WELL
2. Tell your wife Chipper Chick was an oul bag of spanners and that you were drunk and taken advantage of. She was fatter / uglier. THIS ALSO WON'T END WELL
3. Tell your wife Chipper Chick was her doppleganger and that you thought it was some kinky game she was playing. THIS IS YOUR ONLY HOPE.

Basically, you need to apologies, say you were drunk and that she has a free pass to bang someone she works with.

OK?

Good post for your 1500th!! Well done

Boom_Bap

Have you tried looking down the back of the couch?

Minister

Boom_Bap wrote: »

Have you tried looking down the back of the couch?

Only took seven pages for that one!!

I thought the exact same thing when I saw the headliner!

I was going to tell him that just go and look for one!

minikin

trevk wrote: »

Nope wife has known since October and has been ridiculously understanding and patient its just ****in with her head that she doesnt know what she looks like.

Photoshop yourself into a photo of a ridiculously supermodelly lady (someone like Anne Doyle) that your wife herself would turn for... she'll completely understand that you had no choice, nature made you do it.

cml387

Minister wrote: »

I just had a look at other posts by OP. Circa three years ago he was living in Mullingar.

Maybe he is still suffering the results of a dodgy burger and nasty curry chip?

Yes I notice that. She was from Tullamore, the minx.

GT_TDI_150

daheff wrote: »

Deny deny deny

Well....you sure don't seem to have the brains in the relationship!

Anyways...any pics of the wife? Is she worth hanging on to or divorcing?


Seriously though. don't show her any pics at all. Tell her it was a once off and ya didnt stop to record the fecking act. Just forget it and get over it or follow through in the divorce.

Or tell her ya taped it all but lost the memory card...will drive her mad, shed clean the house top to bottom looking for the sd card

spindex

Can you give us any other clue that might narrow down the search ?
For example, did she spit or swallow ?

Specialun

hi Op

i was in tullamore that night. i met a guy in a shirt and jeans in the chipper. we chatted as we were eating outside.

what is you would like to discuss

mary

Minister

spindex wrote: »

Can you give us any other clue that might narrow down the search ?
For example, did she spit or swallow ?

Indeed! Like, did the carpet match the curtains? Was there even a carpet?

Steve F

Gravelly wrote: »

Tell your Mrs that the reason you banged the slag in the chipper was that she looked EXACTLY like your Mrs. Then turn it around and tell her some rigamarole about being lonely and missing her, then turn the screw and blame the whole thing on her, leaving you alone there. Finish off by storming out of the room with a "have you no thought for MY feelings, I feel so used" then run off crying.

thread/

sbsquarepants

Roger Hassenforder wrote: »

I reckon my auld doll would prefer if i banged a stunner than a munter. With a munter she night think "fair enough, she was fairly hot",
With a moonpig theres no excuse.

No, no, noooo.

That's a line you do not cross - you can't ever go hotter. If you absolutely have to admit to banging a chipper bird, it better be fat and hairy, poor personal hygiene couldn't hurt either - blame it on the beer goggles and tell her you couldn't even get it up and in fact had to thumb it in in desperation.

Your missus will not forgive you rear ending Dua Lipa no matter what she says!

ginandtonicsky

No good can come from finding her, or finding her facebook profile and letting your wife have a good stalk. Either she's quite good-looking and your wife's insecurities will go into overdrive; she's quite unattractive and your wife's insecurities will go into overdrive thinking "if his head was turned for THAT what hope do I have of ever trusting him again?". Or she's quite average/plain and your wife will wrack her brains trying to figure out if she's prettier than her and if her own sense of how attractive she is is actually BS.

Was yer wan actually hot?

Sinister Kid

Hector Savage wrote: »

How did she find out 3 years later ?

Did you just decide to tell her ?

I'd actually love to know how that conversation went.

Wife - "I'm not in the mood to cook tonight, fancy getting a chipper"
OP - "Well darling, I have the funniest story about a chipper...."

sbsquarepants

ginandtonicsky wrote: »

Was yer wan actually hot?

My own personal experience has led me to conclude that women you pull in chippers at 3am are seldom the cream of the crop:D

LuckyLloyd

So I reckon you phone the hotel and ask them if they have a log book of former events and could tell you what was on that weekend. Make it seem like a personal emergency or such.

PARlance

Gravelly wrote: »

Tell your Mrs that the reason you banged the slag in the chipper was that she looked EXACTLY like your Mrs. Then turn it around and tell her some rigamarole about being lonely and missing her, then turn the screw and blame the whole thing on her, leaving you alone there. Finish off by storming out of the room with a "have you no thought for MY feelings, I feel so used" then run off crying.

Text her 20mins later to see if she wants a Curry Chip.

Wheety

Don't worry OP. You don't need to find this women. The Guards will find you when she realises she was too drunk to consent.

daheff

Specialun wrote: »

hi Op

i was in tullamore that night. i met a guy in a shirt and jeans in the chipper. we chatted as we were eating outside.

what is you would like to discuss

mary

do you have a three year old kid???

and an itch?

trevk

fxotoole wrote: »

OP was Chipper Chick hotter than your missus?

Definatley not but she was in her late 40s married and had a clit piercing but a beer fox; my missus is 32, blonde tanned and hot. I know that makes me a bigger bollox

ginandtonicsky

trevk wrote: »

Definatley not but she was in her late 40s married and had a clit piercing but a beer fox; my missus is 32, blonde tanned and hot. I know that makes me a bigger bollox

jaysus. God help us all.

trevk

AlphabetCards wrote: »

Does that not worry you? Why on earth would someone do that?

Because she has a ****ing sixth sense for when I am up to something and she has basically known since then but I bull**** her and told her she was paranoid and crazy for the last 3 years and was basically a complete prick. It was kinda a relief she bluffed me into the truth

Roger Hassenforder

sbsquarepants wrote: »

No, no, noooo.

That's a line you do not cross - you can't ever go hotter. If you absolutely have to admit to banging a chipper bird, it better be fat and hairy, poor personal hygiene couldn't hurt either - blame it on the beer goggles and tell her you couldn't even get it up and in fact had to thumb it in in desperation.

Your missus will not forgive you rear ending Dua Lipa no matter what she says!

trevk wrote: »

Definatley not but she was in her late 40s married and had a clit piercing but a beer fox; my missus is 32, blonde tanned and hot. I know that makes me a bigger bollox

See Spongebob? See?

Muppet OP banged a moonpig and now he's in a ****storm. Much better pull out a random stunner. At least his auld dolls confidence wont be too damaged if you went for higher calibre.


Wait.
Or would it?

Play it right, and there may be a FFM on...

Hammer89

trevk wrote: »

Definatley not but she was in her late 40s married and had a clit piercing but a beer fox; my missus is 32, blonde tanned and hot. I know that makes me a bigger bollox

That does narrow it down remarkably if you're brazen enough to go walking around Tullamore with a metal detector.

Seth Brundle

spindex wrote: »

Can you give us any other clue that might narrow down the search ?

Well, she had a cock!

wexie

trevk wrote: »

Definatley not but she was in her late 40s married and had a clit piercing but a beer fox; my missus is 32, blonde tanned and hot. I know that makes me a bigger bollox

Can't be too many places in Tullamore that pierce clits.

Email them all, tell them your predicament and that you'll need to come in to go through their before and after pictures