DEPRESSION SUPPORT- Anonymous posting is possible, see note in post #1.

gr8 m8 · 16-10-2018 5:09pm

Hello.

So I have decided to leave the farm, I'm going to put it out to lease. I'm just spent with it all at this stage. Sure my heart is broken but I know that it is the right thing to do.

I have been doing a lot of thinking and people watching and I keep catching myself wondering about these strangers I see. I wonder why they are always smiling and going about their business. How they don't seem weighed down with worry!

I have decided to go traveling again because I just need a break from thinking about everything! I still have a few working holiday visas that I can apply for, namely Canada and Argentina. I also have been in contact with a farmer in Zambia that will give me a turn if I make my way there.

I have all these options open to me which I suppose is great, and the lease on the farm will accumulate until I decide to return to the farm. But my mother has completely shut me out! Her and an autistic brother are my only living family and it is killing me.

I have this empty void in me and I would give anything for someone to tell me that it is all going to be okay and that I am not this waste of space for not making a success of it! I have come to realize that I am just so lonely in life.

I did the therepy thing and was told that my relationship with my mother was basically toxic and I should distance myself from her but I find it so hard.

Over the next 6 months my life is going to change for the better but it is going to be so bloody hard and I know that I will just be split from the family even more. I don't know how it is going to happen.

I just needed to put all that out into the world because I'm not strong enough to hold it all in my head!

Thank you.

Willfarman · 16-10-2018 5:20pm

That fffer from Zambia was ringing me a few weeks back!

To be honest you are doing what is logical and what most of us are afraid to do. If can get a good tenant then you’re elected. Well done.

charolais0153 · 16-10-2018 5:45pm

Do whats best for yourself and dont let others hold you back

Hard Knocks · 16-10-2018 10:50pm

Go enjoy & take a well earned break

In football when something would go wrong (miss a score or a tackle) always focus on the next ball & push yourself to do better.
If you keep concentrating on the last missed opportunity you’ll not make the most of the next

The farm will be there for when you comeback, go find yourself

Keep in touch

TomOnBoard · 16-10-2018 11:16pm

While it might not seem like it right now, you have just done something that is astounding! You've made a sensible decision with a view to finding your mojo and not everyone gets that chance. You'll still always have something to come back to and ground you, whether you are in Argentina or Zambia. So, pack the bags and take the first step on the journey that is the rest of your life.

If you can, say an Au Revoir to the Brother and tell him that you'll keep in touch. If you say something to the mother, that'll be up to you, but you'll be far and away the bigger man if you do, no matter what she's like.

Life is fcukin' short and its not a rehearsal.... So Onward and Upward!!

Bon Voyage!:cool:

Track9 · 17-10-2018 1:25am

Good for you , you are doing the right thing .
A few weeks away & your head should become lighter .
Spend time with the sea , its very healing & get into the sun .
If you can head to the South Seas , places like Fiji & Tonga are amazing.
Time slows down & people are welcoming & can teach us how to appreciate life.

Shtanto · 17-10-2018 2:06am

pakalasa wrote: »

Someone mentioned to me recently, how everyone in Ireland should be talking Vitamin D during the winter. Lack of sunshine can really get you down. Ever notice that after a sunny day in Ireland, you can feel a lot better. Seven Seas, with added Vit D - try them.

http://news.menshealth.com/vitamin-d-depression/2012/07/11/

I've recommended this to people with MS and other autoimmune conditions for years. It's worth ignoring the RDA and daily value (DV) numbers. Our ancestors wandering across the plains got a lot more vitamin D into them by sunlight before our caves became rather more modern as they are today. I usually go for this one myself:
https://bigvits.co.uk/product/vitamin-d-3-5000iu-x-360sgels-2/

A years supply for about €15. Clever thing to do in some case is to try and lift your blood serum D3 levels more gradually by taking multiple stronger doses over the course of the day, e.g. breakfast lunch and dinner.

As for people who might be getting depression off the back of their tinnitus, I would suggest this: http://www.szynalski.com/tone-generator/#support
I found it last week and it seems to be working well so far.

blue5000 · 19-10-2018 11:34am

Shtanto wrote: »

I've recommended this to people with MS and other autoimmune conditions for years. It's worth ignoring the RDA and daily value (DV) numbers. Our ancestors wandering across the plains got a lot more vitamin D into them by sunlight before our caves became rather more modern as they are today. I usually go for this one myself:
https://bigvits.co.uk/product/vitamin-d-3-5000iu-x-360sgels-2/

A years supply for about €15. Clever thing to do in some case is to try and lift your blood serum D3 levels more gradually by taking multiple stronger doses over the course of the day, e.g. breakfast lunch and dinner.

As for people who might be getting depression off the back of their tinnitus, I would suggest this: http://www.szynalski.com/tone-generator/#support
I found it last week and it seems to be working well so far.

Thanks but now my tinnitus is driving the dogs mad:eek:

Shtanto · 28-10-2018 5:55pm

blue5000 wrote: »

Thanks but now my tinnitus is driving the dogs mad:eek:

Well now at least this allows you to show everyone else what you're having to put up with. I'll try kinesiology next and report back if I get results. Anatomical study suggests it might be a temporo-mandibular joint problem, or something to do with my sternoclavicular major muscles

Timmaay · 06-11-2018 9:25am

https://m.facebook.com/story.php?story_fbid=2157407964576850&id=100009230015427

18mins long but seriously worth watching.

A cow called Daisy · 12-11-2018 9:37pm

I think I'm getting totally fed up with things outside the farm. Morals and legal are not the same.

Just needed to write it down....

Reggie. · 12-11-2018 9:40pm

A cow called Daisy wrote: »

I think I'm getting totally fed up with things outside the farm. Morals and legal are not the same.

Just needed to write it down....

I agree with ya there

patsy_mccabe · 26-11-2018 11:27am

https://www.independent.ie/life/health-wellbeing/i-knew-it-wasnt-going-to-be-okay-it-couldnt-be-former-tipperary-hurler-on-the-loss-of-his-mother-to-suicide-37559362.html

Dakota Dan · 02-12-2018 10:30pm

farmersfriend wrote: »

my mother always says, an ounce of help is better than a tonne of sympathy

I don't have an ounce of either here :mad:

148multi · 02-12-2018 11:06pm

Dakota Dan wrote: »

I don't have an ounce of either here :mad:

We're willing to listen, if it lightens the load.

Millionaire only not · 17-05-2019 11:28pm

Depression is widespread in the farming community far more than what’s admitted. Just had Dept here today cross compliance and another check omg Twud drive a person over the cliff
And in fairness they were both nice doing there jobs but the computer was given the blame if I am going to be fined for real minor mistakes. My only grievance we must be only job that ur wages can be taken away for not doing ur job to above 95%

gr8 m8 · 18-05-2019 12:02am

Hello.

Are there any of these mistakes that you can rectify and get them out of the way and tell the inspectors to come back in a month or so to look again?

Just explain that things got on top of you or just went wrong for you but you are taking steps to set them right.

You won't loose anything by talking to them and getting their opinion but it seems to be that once it goes into the computer, it's just out of everyone's hands.

But at the end of the day, keep the chin up and don't let anyone else's negativity bother you because they don't know what struggles go on within your farm every day.

The very best of luck in sorting this out!

Millionaire only not · 18-05-2019 12:22am

Thks as they say problem shared is promblem halfed
I’ll let ye all know how it goes next week

whelan2 · 18-05-2019 5:39am

gr8 m8 wrote: »

Hello.

Are there any of these mistakes that you can rectify and get them out of the way and tell the inspectors to come back in a month or so to look again?

Just explain that things got on top of you or just went wrong for you but you are taking steps to set them right.

You won't loose anything by talking to them and getting their opinion but it seems to be that once it goes into the computer, it's just out of everyone's hands.

But at the end of the day, keep the chin up and don't let anyone else's negativity bother you because they don't know what struggles go on within your farm every day.

The very best of luck in sorting this out!

How are you getting on?

Millionaire only not · 18-05-2019 6:01am

Will be next week now

gr8 m8 · 18-05-2019 6:38am

Hello,

I'm not sure if you are asking me how I am personally getting on or the person who got the inspectors?

But personally I'm good. For those who don't know me, I have been around here for a while and fell on hard times. I had the works wrong with me, depression, anxiety, couldn't eat, couldn't sleep, terrified the phone would ring or there would be a knock on the door!

I eventually got out of the animals and I hate to admit it but the truth is I am happier for it! I don't think that I will ever leave agriculture behind totally so I view this as just a step back from the front line.

I am after applying to do a organic horticulture course from September to March and I'm looking forward to it assuming I get it. I do a few odd jobs for people and have found that farmers over a certain age are crying out for someone who can run around after cattle and do off jobs for them.

I'll be making hay in July and I have other farmers trying to buy it out of the fields already while I get a great kick out of the neighbor's who keep telling me how they will give me top price for my land either by lease or buying it outright!

I was talking to an IFA man about a month ago and he asked me if I would consider doing work with them because I have been through something that others are still going through.

I really hope that this doesn't sound like I am gloating or up on any high horse, I'm just trying to elaborate the fact that I have found a new "gra" for farming since I took this step back from it.

I wasn't easy, I had to go to a counselor for years and he explained to me that I just had to let go of the guilt of leaving the farm. He told me that I was crippled by it and that it wasn't doing anyone any good.

But with the way things are going with brexit and prices going down on meat and milk while prices are going up on cattle feed and fertilizer I don't think that I am missing out on any type of agricultural gold Rush so I'm hoping to learn about different types of farming enterprises and maybe diversify into new markets.

My point is that once I stood back from my situation, I got to see a bigger picture and came to realise that since I will probably never get rich from farming, I may as well find a happier way to be poor.

So yeah, that's basically how I'm doing!

How are you?

whelan2 · 18-05-2019 9:31am

gr8 m8 wrote: »

Hello,

I'm not sure if you are asking me how I am personally getting on or the person who got the inspectors?

But personally I'm good. For those who don't know me, I have been around here for a while and fell on hard times. I had the works wrong with me, depression, anxiety, couldn't eat, couldn't sleep, terrified the phone would ring or there would be a knock on the door!

I eventually got out of the animals and I hate to admit it but the truth is I am happier for it! I don't think that I will ever leave agriculture behind totally so I view this as just a step back from the front line.

I am after applying to do a organic horticulture course from September to March and I'm looking forward to it assuming I get it. I do a few odd jobs for people and have found that farmers over a certain age are crying out for someone who can run around after cattle and do off jobs for them.

I'll be making hay in July and I have other farmers trying to buy it out of the fields already while I get a great kick out of the neighbor's who keep telling me how they will give me top price for my land either by lease or buying it outright!

I was talking to an IFA man about a month ago and he asked me if I would consider doing work with them because I have been through something that others are still going through.

I really hope that this doesn't sound like I am gloating or up on any high horse, I'm just trying to elaborate the fact that I have found a new "gra" for farming since I took this step back from it.

I wasn't easy, I had to go to a counselor for years and he explained to me that I just had to let go of the guilt of leaving the farm. He told me that I was crippled by it and that it wasn't doing anyone any good.

But with the way things are going with brexit and prices going down on meat and milk while prices are going up on cattle feed and fertilizer I don't think that I am missing out on any type of agricultural gold Rush so I'm hoping to learn about different types of farming enterprises and maybe diversify into new markets.

My point is that once I stood back from my situation, I got to see a bigger picture and came to realise that since I will probably never get rich from farming, I may as well find a happier way to be poor.

So yeah, that's basically how I'm doing!

How are you?

That's a great update. It's good to talk

patsy_mccabe · 18-05-2019 7:09pm

Delighted for you gr8 m8 and good luck with whatever road life takes you.

Lurching · 19-05-2019 11:45am

That's an amazing transformation gr8 m8.
Looking back now, if you could meet yourself three years ago, what one piece of advice would you give yourself?

gr8 m8 · 19-05-2019 3:35pm

Hello.

I've been thinking about it and it is proving to be a hard question to answer.

I am afraid to say that I would probably give myself a good kick up the backside! Then explain that I was obviously not happy so it's time to make a change, starting with a heavy cull of animals.

Select only my best producers that are able to thrive on minimal intervention, blood lines that don't usually get sick or are a bit wild and gives a calf every year!

Concentrate on these to build an almost self sufficient herd that I don't really have to worry about because when I hear people saying that there is no money in cattle, I would be better off only loosing money on 10 animals instead of 50!

Then find my end result for what I produce, weather it be weanlings, yearlings or finishers or something in between. But know the market for them inside out so as not to be taken advantage of because of my own ignorance!

After that I would advise to not worry about other people's opinions of me and what I'm doing (or not doing) and lastly, invest heavily in the euro millions!

whelan2 · 08-06-2019 9:03pm

Spent a good few hours today with someone having panic attacks. Her oh was gone to try to get meds to calm it down. Most frightening experience of my life. What do you do, panic mode sets in. A lot calmer this evening. Wouldn't wish it on anyone.

Water John · 08-06-2019 9:16pm

Two TDs have gone public as living with this; Willie Penrose and Robert Troy. Can happen to anyone and is very frightening for the person esp the first time. They think the're having a heart attack and are going to die.

whelan2 · 08-06-2019 9:23pm

Water John wrote: »

Two TDs have gone public as living with this; Willie Penrose and Robert Troy. Can happen to anyone and is very frightening for the person esp the first time. They think the're having a heart attack and are going to die.

I was telling her to count backwards from 10. The first one was done in a second, then slowed it down. Wtf do you do?

Odelay · 08-06-2019 9:29pm

Deep breaths. Three of them, in through the nose, out the mouth.

whelan2 · 20-07-2019 9:01pm

Highly recommend this book for the person going through it and those caring for them

Emme · 21-07-2019 12:41am

whelan2 wrote: »

Highly recommend this book for the person going through it and those caring for them

Or those who have to cope with depression alone while caring for others. Not everyone who is depressed has people to help out and put hands under their feet.

GoneHome · 21-07-2019 7:11pm

I don't know, the whole "depression" tag seems to have been blow out of all preprosion, I know of at least three people in our circle that are using the depression thing to claim disability, they're well able to work but couldn't be bothered getting up out of bed in the morning to go to work, it's the rest of us who as Leo said get up early in the morning who are paying for they're so called disability:rolleyes:

Water John · 21-07-2019 7:15pm

Don't know anyone who fits the scenario you paint. I must move in different circles.

GoneHome · 21-07-2019 7:20pm

Water John wrote: »

Don't know anyone who fits the scenario you paint. I must move in different circles.

Maybe "circle" was the wrong word to use, these are people that we see every weekend in the local pub, they're no more depressed than my dog but it's a nice easy way for them to get out of working for a living and get an easy €200 a week from the state

blue5000 · 21-07-2019 8:02pm

GoneHome wrote: »

I don't know, the whole "depression" tag seems to have been blow out of all preprosion, I know of at least three people in our circle that are using the depression thing to claim disability, they're well able to work but couldn't be bothered getting up out of bed in the morning to go to work, it's the rest of us who as Leo said get up early in the morning who are paying for they're so called disability:rolleyes:

GoneHome wrote: »

Maybe "circle" was the wrong word to use, these are people that we see every weekend in the local pub, they're no more depressed than my dog but it's a nice easy way for them to get out of working for a living and get an easy €200 a week from the state

Mod note It's easy to judge others from the outside, but you never know what is going on inside someone else's head. Let's keep it on topic please.

ganmo · 21-07-2019 8:05pm

GoneHome wrote: »

Maybe "circle" was the wrong word to use, these are people that we see every weekend in the local pub, they're no more depressed than my dog but it's a nice easy way for them to get out of working for a living and get an easy €200 a week from the state

Half of what you hear in the pub is exaggerated, the other half wouldn't be 100% genuine. It's possible their depression is genuine and put up a front. Only one person knows what's going on between the ears

GoneHome · 21-07-2019 9:04pm

ganmo wrote: »

Half of what you hear in the pub is exaggerated, the other half wouldn't be 100% genuine. It's possible their depression is genuine and put up a front. Only one person knows what's going on between the ears

That's fine, believe what you want, I'm only telling you about the reality of what I see and hear, they're laughing in us tax payers face

Timmaay · 21-07-2019 9:07pm

GoneHome wrote: »

I don't know, the whole "depression" tag seems to have been blow out of all preprosion, I know of at least three people in our circle that are using the depression thing to claim disability, they're well able to work but couldn't be bothered getting up out of bed in the morning to go to work, it's the rest of us who as Leo said get up early in the morning who are paying for they're so called disability:rolleyes:

This is an incredibly ignorant post. Yes there probably are a minority as you describe above, however you cannot just jump to the conclusion then that the whole depression tag is blown out of preportion as a result. Especially in the context of this subforum (farming), where mental health has absolutely been swept under the rug throughout the ages, long working hours, physical labour, isolation, family problems etc etc.

I can guarantee you that if you sat down and listened to and had some empathy for a person with a genuine mental illness then you would very very quickly change your opinion above. Especially if its someone you are very close to, and you should actually count yourself lucky if you don't have any family members etc who have suffered.

GoneHome · 21-07-2019 9:14pm

Timmaay wrote: »

This is an incredibly ignorant post. Yes there probably are a minority as you describe above, however you cannot just jump to the conclusion then that the whole depression tag is blown out of preportion as a result. Especially in the context of this subforum (farming), where mental health has absolutely been swept under the rug throughout the ages, long working hours, physical labour, isolation, family problems etc etc.

I can guarantee you that if you sat down and listened to and had some empathy for a person with a genuine mental illness then you would very very quickly change your opinion above. Especially if its someone you are very close to, and you should actually count yourself lucky if you don't have any family members etc who have suffered.

Believe me I have had a family member went through geniune depression, an uncle living on his own trying to run a farm, he eventiuly leased the place and moved into a house in town, the best decision he ever made, he's happy out now, meals on wheels bring him his dinner every day, he goes down to the pub for a couple of pints every night, goes on day trips with the active retirement group etc, he was never happier.

Water John · 21-07-2019 9:29pm

That might have been more stress than depression. Them and anxiety are close relatives, one may lead to the other but are different problems.

whelan2 · 21-07-2019 10:01pm

Wasnt going to post but here goes. It might be long. My sister has anxiety and depression at the moment. This is going on since the end of April. We initially thought it was a relapse of her ms but after 2 weeks on steroids and an MRI it wasnt the cause. She found it very hard to get out of bed in the mornings, physically could not get out of bed. She would improve later on in the day. I spent many days with her. She started getting panic attacks too. She was admitted to a psychiatric hospital in June. We thought our prayers had been answered. We thought she would be in there a while and would come home fixed. They discharged her after 10 days to wait for the meds to work. That was 4 weeks ago. The meds have not kicked in yet. Mornings are just spent in bed. She continuously chants I am useless, I hate myself. Over and over again. In the evening time youd think there was nothing wrong with her. She has had to give up her job which doesn't help her mental state. She also has a husband and 2 Kids.
So to anyone who scoffs at people with depression or anxiety or any mental illness come spend a day in my shoes at the minute. It ain't pretty

Water John · 21-07-2019 10:21pm

Could be amatuer on this but for me meds would take about 6 weeks to kick in. It can be worse during this time. They make have to tweak them as well, sort of trial an error.
Never was any where near you sister, never hospitalised and very few would know. A lot of people think I'm very laid back. Having analysed it I can trace it back to the death of my father when I was six and a half. No counselling then.Would have been 40 before I ground to a halt.
Like Majella O'Donnell I have decided for myself to stay on low level medication probably for the rest of my life, esp because of that 6 weeks meds would need to kick in, for me.

Joe Daly · 25-07-2019 10:04am

GoneHome wrote: »

I don't know, the whole "depression" tag seems to have been blow out of all preprosion, I know of at least three people in our circle that are using the depression thing to claim disability, they're well able to work but couldn't be bothered getting up out of bed in the morning to go to work, it's the rest of us who as Leo said get up early in the morning who are paying for they're so called disability:rolleyes:

I would not call it a disability an illness that would be my reading of it and a serious illness at that, people feel very isolated people are talking more about it the more people cop on notice peoples behaviour the better.

whelan2 · 25-07-2019 12:48pm

Joe Daly wrote: »

I would not call it a disability an illness that would be my reading of it and a serious illness at that, people feel very isolated people are talking more about it the more people cop on notice peoples behaviour the better.

That's it though it's not spoken of as an illness. People don't ring up and ask how treatment is going . They avoid you rather than ask. You get to know who your real friends are

patsy_mccabe · 25-07-2019 1:05pm

whelan2 wrote: »

That's it though it's not spoken of as an illness. People don't ring up and ask how treatment is going . They avoid you rather than ask. You get to know who your real friends are

Has excercise being any help to her? Get out walking early and get the endorphines going.
How are the kids coping with all this? I remember Patricia Redleich of the Irish Independent writing years ago that the worst physological damage she has seen were to those of children with a parent suffering from depression.

My own mother was diagnosed with psychotic depression, right before the onset of her dementia. The hospital were literally begging us to stay with her at night as they couldn't manage her. So, I've been there too.:mad:

whelan2 · 25-07-2019 1:45pm

patsy_mccabe wrote: »

Has excercise being any help to her? Get out walking early and get the endorphines going.
How are the kids coping with all this? I remember Patricia Redleich of the Irish Independent writing years ago that the worst physological damage she has seen were to those of children with a parent suffering from depression.

My own mother was diagnosed with psychotic depression, right before the onset of her dementia. The hospital were literally begging us to stay with her at night as they couldn't manage her. So, I've been there too.:mad:

No she would be limited on the exercise front with the ms. We try to get her to go outside each day but she says if I do that I'm only doing it to please you not for myself. Same with getting dressed. Her kids are 15 and 12. The 15 year old would be fairly ok. They will both need counselling. At the moment the priority is to get my sister better. I was with her for a few hours this morning and I'd say there's a slight improvement.

Parishlad · 25-07-2019 8:12pm

On the way home from Galway Clinic after hernia repair op today. Bit sore but the drugs are doing the trick. Will be out of action for a little bit and have been warned to take it easy. Last time (on other side) I think I thought I was better than I was and I paid for it! Anyway, positive is that I can sit and watch all the games over the weekend guilt free. ��

Sorry meant to post this in Chit Chat....just realised.

2018na · 25-07-2019 8:39pm

I hope things improve for you all soon whelan that’s a long time to be going through stuff like that. Fair play to you for doing all you can with her cause it’s obvious how busy you are running your farm and how passionate you are about farming. Better days might just be round the corner. Posted here once with a different user name when I was in horrid bad form and you were in really quickly offering encouraging words

wrangler · 25-07-2019 8:55pm

Parishlad wrote: »

On the way home from Galway Clinic after hernia repair op today. Bit sore but the drugs are doing the trick. Will be out of action for a little bit and have been warned to take it easy. Last time (on other side) I think I thought I was better than I was and I paid for it! Anyway, positive is that I can sit and watch all the games over the weekend guilt free. ��

I had a repair in 2012 and it ripped in a couple years, after retiring I got it done again last sept and it ripped again catching a sheep before christmas, OH wants me to go back again but I told her not until I get rid of the rest of ewes....no point otherwise.
Its around my belly button so lifts me out of it when I lean against the sheep race to dose a lamb sometimes.
So give yourself plenty time to heal

Parishlad · 25-07-2019 11:45pm

wrangler wrote: »

I had a repair in 2012 and it ripped in a couple years, after retiring I got it done again last sept and it ripped again catching a sheep before christmas, OH wants me to go back again but I told her not until I get rid of the rest of ewes....no point otherwise.
Its around my belly button so lifts me out of it when I lean against the sheep race to dose a lamb sometimes.
So give yourself plenty time to heal

Yeah I can sometimes feel pressure on the one I got done three years ago if I am doing any heavy stuff.
Anyway, apologies for posting in this thread. My problem will be sorted in a short time. A lot more serious things going on with people!

DEPRESSION SUPPORT- Anonymous posting is possible, see note in post #1.

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