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09-03-2019, 10:40   #2521
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Justice has been served, There is a local thug in the Tullamore area called Carl going around breaking into peoples houses and apartments for months, but the gardai couldn't catch him.
The weirdest thing about it is that Carl was breaking into peoples houses just to ruin their washing machines by putting bricks into them and turning them on, Really weird if you ask me, Anyway just read he was found dead in an alley after a drug overdose. On the bright side, washing machines live longer with Carl gone.
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12-03-2019, 23:19   #2522
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Tell the Punchline first.

How do you ruin a joke?
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13-03-2019, 01:05   #2523
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Waiter, there’s no steak in my steak pie.
Well there’s no shepherd in your shepherd’s pie, either.
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13-03-2019, 03:53   #2524
Deja Boo
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My girlfriend told me she was leaving me because I keep pretending to be a Transformer. I said, "No, wait! I can change."
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13-03-2019, 20:05   #2525
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I'll never forget my grandad's last words

"Stop shaking the ladder you little bollaux"
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13-03-2019, 20:57   #2526
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My grandad, the local peeping Tom, died recently.
I know he is up there somewhere looking down on us!

Last edited by blade1; 14-03-2019 at 05:16.
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13-03-2019, 21:28   #2527
Deja Boo
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1 in 5 people in the world are Chinese.
There are 5 people in my family, so it must be one of them.
It’s either my mum or my dad. Or my older brother Colin. Or my younger brother Ho-Cha-Chu.
But I think it’s Colin.
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13-03-2019, 23:39   #2528
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Waiter, what's this fly doing in my soup?
Probably the back stroke, sir.
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14-03-2019, 01:22   #2529
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Originally Posted by Hagar7 View Post
So I was on a bus when somebody tapped me on the shoulder.

I turned around and saw an old lady. She said "would you like some nuts? I've got a couple hazelnuts and almonds if you'd like."

"Sure.", I replied. Then she gave me a handful of nuts and went back to sit with her friends.

A few minutes later, I felt another tap on my shoulder and there she was again, offering some nuts. I gladly accepted and she went back to her seat.

After about 10 minutes, she tapped me on the shoulder, once again offering some nuts.

I asked her, "Why don't you eat them yourself?"
"Because we've got no teeth", she replied.

"Then why do you buy them?", I asked.
"Oh, because we just love the chocolate around them."
Reminds me of when I was on the 46a and tapped the attractive girl in front of me and said I think there is semen on her shoulder. She laughed and said ‘I think it’s yoghurt ya mad thing’. I shrugged my shoulders in agreement and thought to myself ‘jaysus, I’ve never ejaculated yoghurt before!’
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14-03-2019, 22:02   #2530
Capt'n Midnight
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The circumference of a circle is two dang Pi!
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15-03-2019, 01:00   #2531
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I was offered a job as a noise pollution inspector.

I had to turn it down.
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15-03-2019, 01:04   #2532
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Originally Posted by byrner88 View Post
I was offered a job as a noise pollution inspector.

I had to turn it down.
I turned up for that interview
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15-03-2019, 06:59   #2533
Bob Harris
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Originally Posted by upupup View Post
I turned up for that interview
I heard there was a high volume of candidates.
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15-03-2019, 07:01   #2534
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How many grammar nazis does it take to change a light bulb?

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15-03-2019, 07:36   #2535
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Two is too many to count.
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