The try harder if ye want to keep a second joke thread thread

Just been to see Vin Diesel's new Fast and Furious Christmas musical....

Jesus Christ Supercar.

My girlfriend said she would only marry me if I overcame my ambulance obsession.

I can't wait to get down on one knee nor knee nor knee nor...

I was charged and convicted of being narcissistic.

Im appealing

David Beckham's 2nd son arrived at his soccer ground for training. He asked the coach which number shirt he was to wear.

The coach answered , "Wear four out there, Romeo."

Shakespeare did most of his daily writing before he'd even put on his stockings.

Prose before hose.

We couldn’t decide whether to have my Gran buried or cremated.

so in the end we let her live.

I got my girlfriend a valentines pressie to die for - a Hot Air Balloon trip across the States

The weirdest summer job I have ever had was cleaning the monkey cages at our local zoo.

That sh1t was bananas!!

A priest, imam and rabbit walked into a bar.

"Hello," said the bartender, "this is a bit unusual, where's Rabbi Goldstein today?"

"Spell check, that's all I can say," said the rabbit.

"C-Z-E-C-H" said the bartender. "What do I win?"

What happened to the woman who invested poorly?

A stock broke her.

I’m being moved to a different department at the prosthetics factory. 

It’s so annoying. I'm up in arms.

My wife asked me to stop singing Oasis songs in public, I said maybe...

I got into toruble for building sandcastles with grandad when I was a kid - they don't like you doing that at the crematorium...

TEACHER: What's wrong Musa, why are you crying?

MUSA: Our house is very small.

MUSA: My mum, my dad, and I, we sleep on the same bed. Every night my dad asks, Musa are you sleeping?' Then I say NO, so he becomes angry and punishes me.".

Teacher: All right! Tonight when your dad asks again, keep dead quiet. Don't answer!

The following morning Musa comes back with a sad face again.

Teacher: My goodness, why the sad face again?

Musa: Dad asked me again, Musa are you sleeping? I shut up and kept dead still. Then my dad and my mom started moving, you know, at the same time. Mum was breathing like a Christmas chicken, kicking her legs up frantically and squealing like a hyena on the bed. Then my dad asked my mum, are you coming? Mum said, Yes I'm coming, are you coming too?

Dad answered: Yes.

They don't usually go anywhere without me so I said, wait for me, I'm coming too!!

Rusty Bedsprings - I P Knightly

Wet walls - I P Skew

There's another book co-written by Eileen Dover

Clifftop Tragedies - Eileen and Ben Dover