The try harder if ye want to keep a second joke thread thread

chewed

A tyrant walks into a bar.....and orders everyone a round.

TheBody

The new apartment building has only one unit remaining. 

Last but not leased.

cj maxx

A PLANE IS ON ITS WAY TO TORONTO , WHEN A BLONDE IN ECONOMY CLASS GETS UP AND MOVES TO THE FIRST CLASS SECTION AND SITS DOWN.

THE FLIGHT ATTENDANT WATCHES HER DO THIS AND ASKS TO SEE HER TICKET.

SHE THEN TELLS THE BLONDE THAT SHE PAID FOR ECONOMY CLASS AND THAT SHE WILL HAVE TO SIT IN THE BACK.

THE BLONDE REPLIES, "I'M BLONDE, I'M BEAUTIFUL, I'M GOING TO TORONTO AND I'M STAYING RIGHT HERE."

THE FLIGHT ATTENDANT GOES INTO THE COCKPIT AND TELLS THE PILOT AND THE CO-PILOT THAT THERE IS A BLONDE BIMBO SITTING IN FIRST CLASS, THAT BELONGS IN ECONOMY AND WON'T MOVE BACK TO HER SEAT.

THE CO-PILOT GOES BACK TO THE BLONDE AND TRIES TO EXPLAIN THAT BECAUSE SHE ONLY PAID FOR ECONOMY SHE WILL HAVE TO LEAVE AND RETURN TO HER SEAT.

THE BLONDE REPLIES, "I'M BLONDE, I'M BEAUTIFUL, I'M GOING TO TORONTO AND I'M STAYING RIGHT HERE."

THE CO-PILOT TELLS THE PILOT THAT HE PROBABLY SHOULD HAVE THE POLICE WAITING WHEN THEY LAND TO ARREST THIS BLONDE WOMAN WHO WON'T LISTEN TO REASON.

THE PILOT SAYS, "YOU SAY SHE IS A BLONDE? I'LL

HANDLE THIS, I'M MARRIED TO A BLONDE. I SPEAK BLONDE."

HE GOES BACK TO THE BLONDE AND WHISPERS IN HER EAR, AND SHE SAYS, "OH, I'M SORRY." AND GETS UP AND GOES BACK TO HER SEAT IN ECONOMY.

THE FLIGHT ATTENDANT AND CO-PILOT ARE AMAZED AND ASKED HIM WHAT HE SAID TO MAKE HER MOVE WITHOUT ANY FUSS.

"I TOLD HER, 'FIRST CLASS ISN'T GOING TO TORONTO."

iamstop

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/120935688#Comment_120935688

A human cannon ball walks up to the ring master of the circus and declares he is quitting the day before the big show.

The ring master say "You can't quit now, I'll never be able to find some one of your caliber"

M.T. Cranium

Where can I get spelling lessons?

Asking for a freind.

iamstop

Why did the condom fly across the room?

It was p1ssed off.

everlast75

People used to say at School that I always had to be the centre of attention.

But Look at me now!

M.T. Cranium

Definition of an ideologue: a person who will not take maybe for an answer.

everlast75

According to Greek Mythology, Chiron was half horse, half human doctor.

This made him the Centaur for Disease Control...

everlast75

I’ve just bought a Van Gogh coffee table.

I know it’s a genuine Van Gogh, because it’s got a bit of veneer missing.

Heighway61

I googled "lost mediaeval servant boy".

Got a 404 page not found.