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What's the etiquette here??

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  • Options
    #6182
    Brendan Bendar
    Registered Users Posts: 19,054 ✭✭✭✭Brendan Bendar


    Nevin Parsnipp wrote: »
    Fcukin Supermarkets !

    No fcukin etiquette...Gloamers wanderin about aimlessly around the aisles...makes "The Nev" get fair agitated and begin to look for a Dude to give a good shoeing !

    Not healthy I agree....Was in the local supermercado today and two auld beuers was blocking my way to the fine wine area...masks down around the chins and yappin non stop.

    I hovered for a while to no avail .... but luckily had some action down below and was able to release an ar$eful of foul smelling gas in their vicinity......up went the masks and they shuffled off muttering ...that somebody musta got a bad tray of mince .

    Happy daze....was able to pick my nice bottle of Cote Du Rhone in peace and release another high density cloud of foetid arse fog to keep the area clear.

    Proceeded happily to check out and reflected on a very satisfying and successful shop......

    You should have had a feed of cashew nuts, Nevin.

    Fcukers hold in the fent real tight and when the hoop starts ‘flapping’ wafts oot like a crop duster that would buckle the legs of most auld bewers.

    Blew out a thick noxious load in the cheese shelves, and heard two auld tugboats saying “ Janey, Sheila, there must me a dead rat behind those shelves, that’s a sickening fugg’

    Shot off another wafter and they scuttled off staggering a bit.

    Fcuking scorch marks on the shreddies when I divested around three days later.


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    #6183
    Arthur Fent
    Registered Users Posts: 54 ✭✭Arthur Fent


    Mother of Jaysus. Just had a rather traumatic visit to the water closet. Herself made a lovely casserole for the dinner earlier. I love spicey food, but me aul guts can't hack it anymore. Dropped a large volume of semi solid toxic sludge in the pan. Consistency of chicken liver pate, but you wouldn't be spreading this on your crusty bread ! The stench would burn the eyes out of a marble statue. Had to light one of her scented candles...


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    #6184
    Brendan Bendar
    Registered Users Posts: 19,054 ✭✭✭✭Brendan Bendar


    Arthur Fent wrote: »
    Mother of Jaysus. Just had a rather traumatic visit to the water closet. Herself made a lovely casserole for the dinner earlier. I love spicey food, but me aul guts can't hack it anymore. Dropped a large volume of semi solid toxic sludge in the pan. Consistency of chicken liver pate, but you wouldn't be spreading this on your crusty bread ! The stench would burn the eyes out of a marble statue. Had to light one of her scented candles...

    Only one..:eek:

    Blow like that would need a blast of Glade Industrial one would think.

    Must have defenestrated the heavy gas Arthur?


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    #6185
    Arthur Fent
    Registered Users Posts: 54 ✭✭Arthur Fent


    Brendan Bendar wrote: »
    Only one..:eek:

    Blow like that would need a blast of Glade Industrial one would think.

    Must have defenestrated the heavy gas Arthur?

    Told herself to give it a wide birth. Didnt go back in til this morning. There was still a faintly unpleasant whif lingering. Opened the window to give it a good airing out. Thank god for the ensuite ! Have to say the aul hole was a bit tender following the experience.


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    #6186
    Brendan Bendar
    Registered Users Posts: 19,054 ✭✭✭✭Brendan Bendar


    Arthur Fent wrote: »
    Told herself to give it a wide birth. Didnt go back in til this morning. There was still a faintly unpleasant whif lingering. Opened the window to give it a good airing out. Thank god for the ensuite ! Have to say the aul hole was a bit tender following the experience.

    Couple of wet wipes in the fridge and applied firmly to the leather button.

    Keep clenched and tight for as long as you can.


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    #6187
    Arthur Fent
    Registered Users Posts: 54 ✭✭Arthur Fent


    Brendan Bendar wrote: »
    Couple of wet wipes in the fridge and applied firmly to the leather button.

    Keep clenched and tight for as long as you can.

    Thank you Brendan. Sage advice !


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    #6188
    Hector Savage
    Registered Users Posts: 8,810 ✭✭✭Hector Savage


    An Ri rua wrote: »
    Any Sec Gen would thank you for such a suggestion. Might I suggest the upcoming Innovation Awards? Cc some of the prime sh1tehawks. PO and up. Best advised to keep them in the loop to champion your refinement of facilities management policy. And their sh1t is of a deeper brown.

    Seriously, well done. I imagine you'll get called up to the top floor to talk them through it. They are big into talking sh1t up there.

    Well it must be a universal thing in govt offices, I remember about 10 years ago when I was getting some empadronamiento bollix done at the Barcelona city hall, after filling in about 500 forms and giving a blood sample of my great great granfather and the original long form copy of his birth certificate - felt the owl rusty bullet hole twitch and asked where the lavabos where to the fat security guard with a moustache (think typical Spanish cop in Only Fools and horses here) - upstairs he mutters, hightailed it up there and was greeted with a row of cubicles - empty thankfully.

    First one I entered I was greeted with something that resembled an Indian Rock Python in size and shape - even had the mottled colour to it ....

    Whoever left it there must have had a hole on him like the Jack Lynch tunnel ...
    I guess he was mighty proud of it as he just left it coiled there and sticking up above the seat .... all was missing was a little spanish flag stuck in the fhurker !!

    Left disgusted but part of me thinking "Fair play ... that's one to be proud of..."

    Took care of myself in one of the other empty stalls which thankfully were stocked up on bog roll and relatively clean - I had the sh1ts constantly for the first few weeks of life in Spain, turned out it was that UHT sh1te milk ...


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    #6189
    JohnnyFlash
    Registered Users Posts: 7,055 ✭✭✭JohnnyFlash


    Stopped into the Supermacs in the filling station in Cloghran up near the airport. Had a taco fries and a chicken burger. Top class.

    Unfortunately I made a complete fücking hames of one of the cubicles in the jacks afterwards. Shelved most of it, no toilet brush, very weak flush.

    If you’re reading this Pat, then my apologies. Nothing to do with your food. Had 8 cans of stout and a large bag of Bombay mix watching Liverpool last night.


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    #6190
    Hector Savage
    Registered Users Posts: 8,810 ✭✭✭Hector Savage


    JohnnyFlash wrote: »
    Stopped into the Supermacs in the filling station in Cloghran up near the airport. Had a taco fries and a chicken burger. Top class.

    Unfortunately I made a complete fücking hames of one of the cubicles in the jacks afterwards. Shelved most of it, no toilet brush, very weak flush.

    If you’re reading this Pat, then my apologies. Nothing to do with your food. Had 8 cans of stout and a large bag of Bombay mix watching Liverpool last night.

    I miss the Bombay Mix .... can't find any here :(


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    #6191
    Bullocks
    Registered Users Posts: 5,890 ✭✭✭Bullocks


    JohnnyFlash wrote: »
    Stopped into the Supermacs in the filling station in Cloghran up near the airport. Had a taco fries and a chicken burger. Top class.

    Unfortunately I made a complete fücking hames of one of the cubicles in the jacks afterwards. Shelved most of it, no toilet brush, very weak flush.

    If you’re reading this Pat, then my apologies. Nothing to do with your food. Had 8 cans of stout and a large bag of Bombay mix watching Liverpool last night.

    I wonder does the bould Pat peruse Boards ? You can be sure if he does then he must follow this thread . There's a man that could write a book on toilet etiquette , I can't imagine some of the toilets he's seen at this stage


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    #6192
    EmmetSpiceland
    Registered Users Posts: 10,527 ✭✭✭✭EmmetSpiceland


    Dropped a, particularly, heavy “load” into the pan there. Onions featured prominently in last night’s dinner so, as you can imagine, they featured heavily in the scent too. The volume was large but the consistency was thin. Nothing worrying, passed easily but the paperwork was, what you might call, “excessive”.

    The window was cracked open and gave it the old door “fanning” to see if I could get it to dissipate. It, certainly, helped but the onion smell did linger. I lit a candle after that, trying to avoid the wrath of herself. Someone left the seat up during the night and there was a “splashdown” incident.

    Made a point of cooking the fry “Cajun style” so any remaining odour would be overpowered by the smell of burnt meat. And much like when Von Blücher’s Prussian forces joined in the affray at Waterloo, the day was won. But this war rages on.

    The tide is turning…



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    #6193
    sligojoek
    Registered Users Posts: 25,420 ✭✭✭✭sligojoek


    Maybe light a candle to saint Jude while you're at it.


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    #6194
    Lewis_Benson
    Registered Users Posts: 1,882 ✭✭✭Lewis_Benson


    Fish and chips and Porter on the menu tonight.....
    I'll hav the wet wipes in the fridge for later.

    As an aside.
    Have any of ye ventured to the pubs yet?
    How will social distance at the pissers work?


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    #6195
    fuerte1976
    Closed Accounts Posts: 692 ✭✭✭fuerte1976


    Lewis_Benson wrote: »
    Fish and chips and Porter on the menu tonight.....
    I'll hav the wet wipes in the fridge for later.

    As an aside.
    Have any of ye ventured to the pubs yet?
    How will social distance at the pissers work?

    Been twice in rural Kerry, No issues. Mind you the porter intake has caused tension with the family when the inevitable discharge occurs when I return to the nest ..


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    #6196
    Sheep Shagger
    Moderators, Business & Finance Moderators Posts: 6,216 Mod ✭✭✭✭Sheep Shagger


    fuerte1976 wrote: »
    Been twice in rural Kerry, No issues. Mind you the porter intake has caused tension with the family when the inevitable discharge occurs when I return to the nest ..

    Assume they've blocked off every second piss can urinal or if its an old school trough then that's closed off altogether?


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    #6197
    fuerte1976
    Closed Accounts Posts: 692 ✭✭✭fuerte1976


    Sheep Shagger wrote: »
    Assume they've blocked off every second piss can urinal or if its an old school trough then that's closed off altogether?

    Only 1 can and 1 pot where I frequent.
    Not much you can do with that!


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    #6198
    Brendan Bendar
    Registered Users Posts: 19,054 ✭✭✭✭Brendan Bendar


    fuerte1976 wrote: »
    Only 1 can and 1 pot where I frequent.
    Not much you can do with that!

    You can block them.


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    #6199
    fuerte1976
    Closed Accounts Posts: 692 ✭✭✭fuerte1976


    Brendan Bendar wrote: »
    You can block them.

    Attempted to block the pot yesterday.. Failed miserably I'm ashamed to admit.

    The can was blocked alright with chewing gum and phlegm.


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    #6200
    Brendan Bendar
    Registered Users Posts: 19,054 ✭✭✭✭Brendan Bendar


    fuerte1976 wrote: »
    Attempted to block the pot yesterday.. Failed miserably I'm ashamed to admit.

    The can was blocked alright with chewing gum and phlegm.

    Few wads of arse paper usually does the trick......:cool:


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    #6201
    Nevin Parsnipp
    Registered Users Posts: 832 ✭✭✭Nevin Parsnipp


    Took a wee break from the toil today...it being so nice....and had a very pleasant golf game at my local club.

    Excellent meal arterwards with my chums in the outdoor dining area ...finished off with a nice bumper of single malt.

    Shunted out an impressive rope of solid steaming midden in the well appointed traps ..a real ring stretcher .

    Wiped up and headed for "Chez Nev" reflecting on a very successful day ...


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    #6202
    JohnnyFlash
    Registered Users Posts: 7,055 ✭✭✭JohnnyFlash


    Nevin Parsnipp wrote: »
    Took a wee break from the toil today...it being so nice....and had a very pleasant golf game at my local club.

    Excellent meal arterwards with my chums in the outdoor dining area ...finished off with a nice bumper of single malt.

    Shunted out an impressive rope of solid steaming midden in the well appointed traps ..a real ring stretcher .

    Wiped up and headed for "Chez Nev" reflecting on a very successful day ...


    You sure you didn’t make a quick beeline to the parochial house to visit Fr. Leonard ‘Hosepipe’ McCluskey so he could hear your ‘confession’ before you headed back to “Chez Nev”?


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    #6203
    Nevin Parsnipp
    Registered Users Posts: 832 ✭✭✭Nevin Parsnipp


    JohnnyFlash wrote: »
    You sure you didn’t make a quick beeline to the parochial house to visit Fr. Leonard ‘Hosepipe’ McCluskey so he could hear your ‘confession’ before you headed back to “Chez Nev”?

    You sufferin from the gout Flash ?

    Yet another sour and inaccurate comment from you...getting a bit tiresome and repetitive Dude.

    Mebby cut back a tad on the visits to the Local Supermac's mite be an idea...I'm sure Pat could cancel the weekly visit from DYNOROD as a result ....and may put little MAJDA on a three day.

    Filthy Kernt ......


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    #6204
    Pintman Paddy Losty
    Registered Users Posts: 1,913 ✭✭✭Pintman Paddy Losty


    Nevin Parsnipp wrote: »

    Shunted out an impressive rope of solid steaming midden in the well appointed traps ..a real ring stretcher.

    Well used to the old ring stretchers I'd say you filthy auld kernt. Arse on you like a Pelican's mouth at feeding time.


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    #6205
    NeinNeinNein
    Registered Users Posts: 5,580 ✭✭✭NeinNeinNein


    Wonder if Antonio Guterres is busy today...


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    #6206
    Hector Savage
    Registered Users Posts: 8,810 ✭✭✭Hector Savage


    I got the dodgy box deal hooked up ... 80€ a year for everything, f*cking bargain ... but anyway was watching a game a few nights ago and at the addbreak there was an add for anusol cream - had never heard of the stuff, but at the end of the add there is a close up shot of a balloon knot ... i mean it's f*cking disgusting, really puts the image there - I mean the name is bad enough .... ANUSsol, but that really was too much .. maybe the marketing people are reading this thread ...


    Filth


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    #6207
    gerrybbadd
    Registered Users Posts: 10,301 ✭✭✭✭gerrybbadd


    Hector Savage wrote: »
    I got the dodgy box deal hooked up ... 80€ a year for everything, f*cking bargain ... but anyway was watching a game a few nights ago and at the addbreak there was an add for anusol cream - had never heard of the stuff, but at the end of the add there is a close up shot of a balloon knot ... i mean it's f*cking disgusting, really puts the image there - I mean the name is bad enough .... ANUSsol, but that really was too much .. maybe the marketing people are reading this thread ...


    Filth

    Jaysus, they blocked the tampon ads for less. Get it up there Hec...


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    #6208
    Hand in Your Pants
    Closed Accounts Posts: 165 ✭✭Hand in Your Pants


    Delivered a greasy load that curled in on itself at the bottom of the basin. Looked like a pair of twins resting peacefully in a uterus. Almost didn't want to flush the lil tykes away but there was an awful smell of roast beef, brussels sprouts, paint stripper and clotted blood from them.


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    #6209
    Hector Savage
    Registered Users Posts: 8,810 ✭✭✭Hector Savage


    Hand in Your Pants wrote: »
    Delivered a greasy load that curled in on itself at the bottom of the basin. Looked like a pair of twins resting peacefully in a uterus. Almost didn't want to flush the lil tykes away but there was an awful smell of roast beef, brussels sprouts, paint stripper and clotted blood from them.

    clotted blood ? I'd get that looked at if I were you HIYP ...

    I remember going to the doc for a "finger in the ass" exam, and I was very nervous, I must say the Doctors professionalism really relaxed me ... anyway, in the midst of it - It was quite uncomfortable feeling the oul sheriffs badge being invaded ... but anyway, these are necessary once you pass 40.

    The doctor then leant forward and showed me his left hand .... then his right hand ... "NO hands !!!" says he ....






    traumatic


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    #6210
    easygoing39
    Registered Users Posts: 1,331 ✭✭✭easygoing39


    Hector Savage wrote: »
    clotted blood ? I'd get that looked at if I were you HIYP ...

    I remember going to the doc for a "finger in the ass" exam, and I was very nervous, I must say the Doctors professionalism really relaxed me ... anyway, in the midst of it - It was quite uncomfortable feeling the oul sheriffs badge being invaded ... but anyway, these are necessary once you pass 40.

    The doctor then leant forward and showed me his left hand .... then his right hand ... "NO hands !!!" says he ....






    traumatic

    Similar happened to me,I was very nervous too,and could feel the "invasion" of the doctor's digit,he took it in and out a few times,then after about 15 second's I noticed he had both his hands on my shoulder's!!l


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    #6211
    Nevin Parsnipp
    Registered Users Posts: 832 ✭✭✭Nevin Parsnipp


    Hector Savage wrote: »
    I got the dodgy box deal hooked up ... 80€ a year for everything, f*cking bargain ... but anyway was watching a game a few nights ago and at the addbreak there was an add for anusol cream - had never heard of the stuff, but at the end of the add there is a close up shot of a balloon knot ... i mean it's f*cking disgusting, really puts the image there - I mean the name is bad enough .... ANUSsol, but that really was too much .. maybe the marketing people are reading this thread ...


    Filth

    Could you hoy up a screen grab here Dude....a lot of posters would appreciate for sure ?


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