What's the etiquette here??

Brendan Bendar

JohnnyFlash wrote: »

You'll never make Club President now, Brendan. Unless it's Forrest Little or one of those chicken runs up past the airport you are a member of.

Hopefully not, John, last thing I want is listening to a bunch of tools at meetings whinging about how the ‘caaarse’ is presented.

Fcuking baggy arsed tossers.

Slideways

JohnnyFlash wrote: »

You'll never make Club President now, Brendan. Unless it's Forrest Little or one of those chicken runs up past the airport you are a member of.

I’m surprised he is still a member after he used the chairman’s driver towel to wipe his arse in the rough off the 7th

His only saving grace is that Corballis isn’t exactly Portmarnock...

Hector Savage

Nevin Parsnipp wrote: »

Could you hoy up a screen grab here Dude....a lot of posters would appreciate for sure ?

https://www.theoystercatchers.com/posts/38506-bum-s-the-word

Hector Savage

Trouser Snake wrote: »

Don't know if this is the right place but thinking there might be a bit of scope for understanding in this esteemed thread.
Happened by accident, sat back into the car after grabbing a to go coffee, threw the mask down between the legs on the seat and on my merry way.
Anyone that drinks "impossible to sleep" coffee knows well the farts that come with it, and I was giving it sox. The leather seat was rippling like Dawn French's buttocks on a treadmill. It was like an ad for a Husqvarna such was the ferocity.
Got out to get a few Mallon sausages in the local Centra so put on the mask as I exited the car. The gasses that been unleashed from my bottom orifice had propelled directly into my mask and had lodged within.
The waft off the mask as I walked through Centra had me light headed and melancholy, almost sedated as if heading for ICU.
I've rarely been so all consumed by my own arse odours as I was there for those ten minutes before it dissipated.
And I miss it, so much so I've taken to wedging my mask up under the ball sack every time I've sat back into the car since.
Two things: the leather seats definitely help, less "seepage" and waste odour, and it only works best, insofar as I've tested it our, with the above mentioned branded coffee.

There, its out there, but it definitely works.
Fart into your face mask for a far more exhilarating level of general wellbeing.

Nevin Parsnipp

Crakin post Hector....novel use for face masks for sure.....only downside I see is that in the farting process you could inadvertantly drop a rogue "spud" in the mask ?

Agree about the leather seats though...A lad I know drives around bare ar$ed....says it gives the farts a very satisfying "crackle" and spreads the footprint of the fent.

Bit strange if you arsk me....haven't tried it mesell....

JohnnyFlash

Nevin Parsnipp wrote: »

Bit strange if you arsk me....haven't tried it mesell....

I doubt your Dacia Duster had a leather seat option, dude. Just saying.

Hector Savage

Nevin Parsnipp wrote: »

Crakin post Hector....novel use for face masks for sure.....only downside I see is that in the farting process you could inadvertantly drop a rogue "spud" in the mask ?

Agree about the leather seats though...A lad I know drives around bare ar$ed....says it gives the farts a very satisfying "crackle" and spreads the footprint of the fent.

Bit strange if you arsk me....haven't tried it mesell....

I quoted the post!!
It's not me going around wearing a mask full of rancid arse fog .... I have to wear it all the time here in Spain ... ffs that would be rough....

Trouser Snake

Hector Savage wrote: »

I quoted the post!!
It's not me going around wearing a mask full of rancid arse fog .... I have to wear it all the time here in Spain ... ffs that would be rough....

It's not just any aul arse fog Hector, it's YOUR very own arse fog!
Why would anyone be going around with third party arse burps clogging up their face masks? Eurgh, gross.

Hector Savage

Trouser Snake wrote: »

It's not just any aul arse fog Hector, it's YOUR very own arse fog!
Why would anyone be going around with third party arse burps clogging up their face masks? Eurgh, gross.

My own arse fog is still rancid enough !!!
I mean, I know your own farts are tolerable - but that's it ... tolerable !!

Does anyone actually like it ? ...
Are you German by any chance ?

sligojoek

They say farts are like children.

You can put up with your own but not other peoples'.

Bullocks

sligojoek wrote: »

They say farts are like children.

You can put up with your own but not other peoples'.

Children and farts! I was having an afternoon snooze yesterday when the oldest lad came into the room asking ridiculous questions that I couldn't fathom. After a minute or so he smirked and said "ill leave you to it Dad, I have to go to the toilet". He only came in to drop one of the most woegus, vile and highly polluting smelly farts I've ever smelt. On purpose of course. I don't know what I'll do with him!

EmmetSpiceland

Bullocks wrote: »

Children and farts! I was having an afternoon snooze yesterday when the oldest lad came into the room asking ridiculous questions that I couldn't fathom. After a minute or so he smirked and said "ill leave you to it Dad, I have to go to the toilet". He only came in to drop one of the most woegus, vile and highly polluting smelly farts I've ever smelt. On purpose of course. I don't know what I'll do with him!

Sounds like he’ll go far in the crop dusting game.

JohnnyFlash

sligojoek wrote: »

They say farts are like children.

You can put up with your own but not other peoples'.

Even then you’re not all that keen on your own at times.

padd b1975

Trouser Snake wrote: »

It's not just any aul arse fog Hector, it's YOUR very own arse fog!
Why would anyone be going around with third party arse burps clogging up their face masks? Eurgh, gross.

One can easily find themselves the victim of "friendly fire" most likely due to poor sitting posture and man-made fibres

I once terrifyingly watched a bubble work it's way down the inner thigh before harmlessly dispersing somewhere below the knee roll.
A quick Andy Dufresne shake of the trouser leg finished off the manoeuvre just to be sure.

I felt like that lad tip-toeing through the room full of killer birds in that old Hitchcock classic as the horror unfolded.

Hector Savage

Bullocks wrote: »

Children and farts! I was having an afternoon snooze yesterday when the oldest lad came into the room asking ridiculous questions that I couldn't fathom. After a minute or so he smirked and said "ill leave you to it Dad, I have to go to the toilet". He only came in to drop one of the most woegus, vile and highly polluting smelly farts I've ever smelt. On purpose of course. I don't know what I'll do with him!

My 8 year old finds it hilarious to run up to me when I'm sitting down standing up next to me and farting in my face ....


little fecker...

Nevin Parsnipp

Hector Savage wrote: »

I quoted the post!!
It's not me going around wearing a mask full of rancid arse fog .... I have to wear it all the time here in Spain ... ffs that would be rough....

Oops my bad....couldn't see the screen properly thru the fug of arse gas....excellent post snake !

Just blew out an ar$efull of livery midden....fcukin bang would stretch a half grown bulldog.

That's the second violent evac today.....might have left the Thai Green Curry a little too long in fridge.

The unfriendly cranky barman is on down in the local....might just slip down and put one of the traps in lockdown just to annoy him.

A couple of packs of ready salted and a half gallon of good porter ....work her down carefully to the "bite point"..... into the trap....spread the cheeks......stamp firmly on the down thruster and hose out a geyser of greasy runnell.

Serve the dismal cnunt right........

fuerte1976

Hector Savage wrote: »

My 8 year old finds it hilarious to run up to me when I'm sitting down standing up next to me and farting in my face ....


little fecker...

Si señor..

Arthur Fent

Been having some truly heroic shytes lately. Todays effort was like a bucket full of eels that you'd see in a Chinese fish market. The fent was rich and earthy. Was tempted to leave them swimming in the pan. Herself would lose the plot though.

Brendan Bendar

Arthur Fent wrote: »

Been having some truly heroic shytes lately. Todays effort was like a bucket full of eels that you'd see in a Chinese fish market. The fent was rich and earthy. Was tempted to leave them swimming in the pan. Herself would lose the plot though.

Arthur, bucket of eels is not a heroic shïte.

Big thick hawser, nicely marbled, good sheen off her, like a baby’s arm


There’s heroic.

Arthur Fent

Brendan Bendar wrote: »

Arthur, bucket of eels is not a heroic shïte.

Big thick hawser, nicely marbled, good sheen off her, like a baby’s arm


There’s heroic.

The were good chubby eels Brendan. Nothing to turn your nose up at !

Brendan Bendar

Arthur Fent wrote: »

The were good chubby eels Brendan. Nothing to turn your nose up at !

Ok, that’s different, apologies Arthur.

JohnnyFlash

Brendan Bendar wrote: »

Arthur, bucket of eels is not a heroic shïte.

Big thick hawser, nicely marbled, good sheen off her, like a baby’s arm


There’s heroic.

The sort where you let a little chuckle go and wipe the sweat off your brow when you’ve finished.

Sakana

Just laid some cable that would put the transatlantic telegraph to shame. If I attended Weight Watchers meetings, I'd be getting a star on my forehead. This is my nirvana.

Lewis_Benson

Was over at a mates for dinner yesterday, in fairness they put on a fine spread.

Leake and potatoes soup to Start.
Leg of lamb, mash, marofat peas, carrots, and roast spuds for main.
My missus made homemade apple pie and whipped cream.

All washed down with a good few bottles of Crafty Brewing Co pale ale and then a few Guinness afterwards.

Bauld head on me this morning after the Porter and had a tuna melt for lunch today.
Had a few appointments today and visited family so was out late.
Went to town and got a Chinese, salt and chili ribs, crispy Shredded chicken satay and fried rice, and a few pilsner to wash that lot down.

In th leaba now, the rumblings from the gut sound like the twin towers when they were coming down.

I have not had an evacuation since early yesterday morning, so I'm a little worried about the next one when it comes.

Sakana

Lewis_Benson wrote: »

In th leaba now, the rumblings from the gut sound like the twin towers when they were coming down.

I have not had an evacuation since early yesterday morning, so I'm a little worried about the next one when it comes.

You'll Jackson Pollock the place in the morning.

Nevin Parsnipp

Lewis_Benson wrote: »

Was over at a mates for dinner yesterday, in fairness they put on a fine spread.

Leake and potatoes soup to Start.
Leg of lamb, mash, marofat peas, carrots, and roast spuds for main.
My missus made homemade apple pie and whipped cream.

All washed down with a good few bottles of Crafty Brewing Co pale ale and then a few Guinness afterwards.

Bauld head on me this morning after the Porter and had a tuna melt for lunch today.
Had a few appointments today and visited family so was out late.
Went to town and got a Chinese, salt and chili ribs, crispy Shredded chicken satay and fried rice, and a few pilsner to wash that lot down.

In th leaba now, the rumblings from the gut sound like the twin towers when they were coming down.

I have not had an evacuation since early yesterday morning, so I'm a little worried about the next one when it comes.

Rest easy my friend...have put in a call to the lads in the shyte factory to expect an incoming "Heavy".

I believe they is on standby with the heavy duty scatter knives at the ready.....

Aglomerado

I went to the pub Saturday evening for the first time in seven months and rather overdid it on the pints of creamy black Uncle Arthur.

I still haven't made "Landfall". Even the guffs aren't stinky. Should I be worried?

(Bottled IPA on the other hand turns everything into fizzy gravy with a whack of hops off it...)

JohnnyFlash

Aglomerado wrote: »

I went to the pub Saturday evening for the first time in seven months and rather overdid it on the pints of creamy black Uncle Arthur.

I still haven't made "Landfall". Even the guffs aren't stinky. Should I be worried?

You drank a gallon or more of porter, probably followed it up on Sunday with a fry, and haven’t had a movement since?

I’m no doctor but the prognosis’s isn’t good, my friend. Have you made a will?

Aglomerado

JohnnyFlash wrote: »

You drank a gallon or more of porter, probably followed it up on Sunday with a fry, and haven’t had a movement since?

I’m no doctor but the prognosis’s isn’t good, my friend. Have you made a will?

Yup.
I wouldn't like to be the pathologist doing the post mortem....
:eek:

ILikeBoats

The unfortunate pathologist



Best wishes Aglomerado