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How much € should parents take off grown-up children towards their keep per week

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Comments

  • #452
    [Deleted User]
    Posts: 24,773 ✭✭✭✭ [Deleted User]


    McTigs wrote: »
    It's the getting a lift home after a night on the lash that I find the most bizzare

    Whats so bizarre about it, its fairly common for people out the country to get lifts home from time to time as for one taxis are expensive and secondly often don't want to bring people out so far from the city and down loads of back roads.

    You would swear it was a demand, sometimes (no where near everytime) I might get asked "would you like me to call in for ye later rather than having to get a taxi"? How someone finds that bizarre is bizarre to me.

    Just as a matter of interest I often drop and pick up my parents from their nights out.


  • #453
    Electric Sheep
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 2,114 ✭✭✭Electric Sheep


    MaroonAndGreen wrote: »
    Cant understand a parent wanting to take their children's wages.. how do you expect them to progress and have a life if you are taking their wages..

    Would you not rather they had more money to live their lives or to save for a car/rent of their own?

    You don't consider eating, sleeping, washing themselves, doing laundry to be living their own life?


  • #454
    Barely There
    Closed Accounts Posts: 2,481 ✭✭✭Barely There


    Kash Noisy Room wrote: »
    Just as a matter of interest I often drop and pick up my parents from their nights out.


    *Slow Clap*


  • #455
    Endless Nameless
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 138 ✭✭Endless Nameless


    I've always admired car owners. And I hope to be one myself as soon as I finish paying off Mother. She insists I pay her retroactively for the food I ate as a child.


  • #456
    In Lonesome Dove
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 479 ✭✭In Lonesome Dove


    Why is there an assumption that adults living at home with their parents have everything done for them? This isn't the case.

    I was renting away from home and around 3 years I work became less and I became under employed. When I was renting I kept my bills to a minimun and all I had was the monthly rent of 550 and esb every 2 months which came in a approximately 90 euro. Not bad at all. Becoming under employed and sh1t hit the fan. I tried so hard to keep it on but I couldn't. There was feck all else in the area in terms of renting and something that would come in under 100 a week. I had fùck all of a choice and home was there. Would I have been better off sponging of the taxpayers in terms of rent allowance?

    I moved home and I certainly do not expect my mother to provide for me. When bills come in the door, they are split evenly. I don't expect my mother to do a grocery shop for me. I do that myself and often throw in household items that are needed like washing powder, dishwasher tablets, toilet paper, kitchen paper, etc. I do not expect my mother to cook and clean for me nor does she nor are all the household jobs left to her. I could go on and on. I pay my way and help in whatever way I can. Like there are some bulbs blown and I hope buy some bulbs at the weekend. Hell will freeze over before I pay a rent, or a flat fee or housekeeping or whatever you want to call it. She's not a landlord and if she ever tries to demand for me to pay such a fee and she did try, I'd be helping her in declaring the rent she wants to revenue and social welfare.


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  • #457
    [Deleted User]
    Posts: 24,773 ✭✭✭✭ [Deleted User]


    In Lonesome Dove wrote: »
    She's not a landlord and if she ever tries to demand for me to pay such a fee and she did try, I'd be helping her in declaring the rent she wants to revenue and social welfare.

    I completely agree with your stance on not paying rent however she would not have to pay income tax on rent received from a lodger (which you would effectively be). Its the same if you are an owner occupier and let a room to a person you are exempt from income tax on the rent (up to a certain amount anyway).


  • #458
    Ted_YNWA
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 71,833 ✭✭✭✭Ted_YNWA


    Thread title is probably misleading, any adult living at home should contribute towards the running of the house. I would be embarassed to admit if my mother did my washing for me. Moved out when I was 21. Has not in anyway diminished my relationship with my parents.

    This is akin to having someone in a house-share not contributing to ESB/Broadband bills. See how "but i've always lived here" excuse gets you.

    Good article here

    http://www.investopedia.com/articles/pf/07/kidsmoney.asp?rp=i&utm_source=financial-edge&utm_medium=Email&utm_campaign=PF-8/12/2014
    …Or Refusing to Empty the Nest
    If your adult children are still living at home (often referred to now as boomerangs or KIPPERS), it's time to start charging rent. Sooner or later, the kids need to learn that there are no free rides in life. From there, it's time to talk about financial self-sufficiency. Have the kids explain what they are going to do in order to support themselves. How do they plan to fund their golden years? What will they do if their kids expect a lifetime of financial support? How will they handle it if their children's financial handouts make it impossible for them to achieve their post-work dreams?

    Harsh, but mammy will not always be there to put dinner on the table. How many of those who have always lived at home are able to fend for themselves.
    While this economic lesson may be emotionally tough medicine to administer, it will give your children the knowledge they need to survive long after you aren't there or able to pay the bills. If your kids are ungrateful in the short term, they will learn to appreciate the lessons in the long term - after all, you probably had to learn the hard way too.


  • #459
    jimgoose
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 20,237 ✭✭✭✭jimgoose


    In Lonesome Dove wrote: »
    ...She's not a landlord and if she ever tries to demand for me to pay such a fee and she did try, I'd be helping her in declaring the rent she wants to revenue and social welfare.

    And if I was your father and you did that, I'd put you in the ground and start again, hopefully making a better one.


  • #460
    zarquon
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 3,734 ✭✭✭zarquon


    In Lonesome Dove wrote: »
    Hell will freeze over before I pay a rent, or a flat fee or housekeeping or whatever you want to call it. She's not a landlord and if she ever tries to demand for me to pay such a fee and she did try, I'd be helping her in declaring the rent she wants to revenue and social welfare.

    WOW! Your mother tried to charge you rent and you refused. Threats to report her to revenue and social welfare!! I see how grateful you are for the generosity that your mother has shown you by taking you back in. :eek:

    She helped you out but you won't help her out. Charming! Your not exactly supporting the point that there is nothing wrong with staying at home children.


  • #461
    Tokyo
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 22,655 ✭✭✭✭Tokyo


    In Lonesome Dove wrote: »
    She's not a landlord and if she ever tries to demand for me to pay such a fee and she did try, I'd be helping her in declaring the rent she wants to revenue and social welfare.

    Can't be expected to pay rent now when you have four Garth Brooks concerts to attend, I suppose...


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  • #462
    darkpagandeath
    Closed Accounts Posts: 24,461 ✭✭✭✭darkpagandeath


    lol Jesus, Can you help pay for your keep son, NO I'm calling the revenue on you ! I’m guessing he would be calling child line to ?


  • #463
    zarquon
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 3,734 ✭✭✭zarquon


    mike_ie wrote: »
    Can't be expected to pay rent now when you have four Garth Brooks concerts to attend, I suppose...

    Some of these adults living at home, refusing to pay rent seem to be huge Garth Brooks fans based on forum history. I wonder why? ;)


  • #464
    Tarzana
    Closed Accounts Posts: 2,062 ✭✭✭Tarzana


    Kash Noisy Room wrote: »
    I completely agree with your stance on not paying rent however she would not have to pay income tax on rent received from a lodger (which you would effectively be).

    If the renter is a son or daughter, you don't qualify for the rent a room exemption and have to pay income tax.


  • #465
    In Lonesome Dove
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 479 ✭✭In Lonesome Dove


    darkpagandeath wrote: »
    lol Jesus, Can you help pay for your keep son, NO I'm calling the revenue on you ! I’m guessing he would be calling child line to ?

    I'm not a he.

    I grew up in difficult family circumstances. My dad left the family home when I about 14 back in the late 90s. He never helped. After first year in school I was lucky to get a summer job in which I was lucky to keep for years. I worked part time in the evenings throughout school and I was happy to help.

    After putting myself through college, I got a job. When you live on boderline poverty like we did for years, if something breaks it remains broken. The house needed many repairs. I had visions of doing up the house and I knew if I went out renting my money would be gobbled and the repairs needed at home wouldn't happen. I worked hard and I saved hard while I payed my way at home giving housekeeping, paying for bills and food etc and eventually pumping thousands into the house with a new sitting room, kitchen, hall and bathroom. I funded all this while my brothers did the work.

    After this I came to realise something. The situation at home was toxic. If I was late with housekeeping, there was so much hosility towards me while my brothers got preferred treatment. They weren't paying anything even though they were working nor was anything demanded or expected of them while my mam went about doing a food shop for them and slaving for them. Bills weren't fair either. The bills were only split between my mom and me and my sister. My brothers never paid. It was something my mam wanted that way.

    I moved out and my sister left after me.

    I thought when we were gone something would change because all she had was the dole to support herself and 3 working adult men. I thought maybe she would get them to contribute something. Nope. She came to me for loans, never paid back but I was happy to help and write them off.

    When the sh1t hit the fan for me, my rainy day fund was muck due to helping her.

    I helped my mam for a long time and when things went south for me, life is a two way street, why not help me?

    All my siblings are now gone abroad. Within the past two years there were breakins and robberies in the localty and it's happening from someone local who knows the movements of their victims and with me in house it is giving some security.


  • #466
    [Deleted User]
    Posts: 6,691 ✭✭✭ [Deleted User]


    In Lonesome Dove wrote: »
    I'm not a he.

    I grew up in difficult family circumstances. My dad left the family home when I about 14 back in the late 90s. He never helped. After first year in school I was lucky to get a summer job in which I was lucky to keep for years. I worked part time in the evenings throughout school and I was happy to help.

    After putting myself through college, I got a job. When you live on boderline poverty like we did for years, if something breaks it remains broken. The house needed many repairs. I had visions of doing up the house and I knew if I went out renting my money would be gobbled and the repairs needed at home wouldn't happen. I worked hard and I saved hard while I payed my way at home giving housekeeping, paying for bills and food etc and eventually pumping thousands into the house with a new sitting room, kitchen, hall and bathroom. I funded all this while my brothers did the work.

    After this I came to realise something. The situation at home was toxic. If I was late with housekeeping, there was so much hosility towards me while my brothers got preferred treatment. They weren't paying anything even though they were working nor was anything demanded or expected of them while my mam went about doing a food shop for them and slaving for them. Bills weren't fair either. The bills were only split between my mom and me and my sister. My brothers never paid. It was something my mam wanted that way.

    I moved out and my sister left after me.

    I thought when we were gone something would change because all she had was the dole to support herself and 3 working adult men. I thought maybe she would get them to contribute something. Nope. She came to me for loans, never paid back but I was happy to help and write them off.

    When the sh1t hit the fan for me, my rainy day fund was muck due to helping her.

    I helped my mam for a long time and when things went south for me, life is a two way street, why not help me?

    All my siblings are now gone abroad. Within the past two years there were breakins and robberies in the localty and it's happening from someone local who knows the movements of their victims and with me in house it is giving some security.

    Very annoying that the men in the house seem to get better treatment. Same situation here.

    I just found out my brother is going on a sun holiday next week for 2 weeks. He's on the dole and lives at home. Pays my Mother nothing. She's probably going to give him some money towards it too.


  • #467
    In Lonesome Dove
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 479 ✭✭In Lonesome Dove


    Lia_lia wrote: »
    Very annoying that the men in the house seem to get better treatment. Same situation here.

    I just found out my brother is going on a sun holiday next week for 2 weeks. He's on the dole and lives at home. Pays my Mother nothing. She's probably going to give him some money towards it too.

    My mam was the same contributing towards my brothers holidays and cars for them and much more too.


  • #468
    zarquon
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 3,734 ✭✭✭zarquon


    Lia_lia wrote: »
    Very annoying that the men in the house seem to get better treatment. Same situation here.

    I just found out my brother is going on a sun holiday next week for 2 weeks. He's on the dole and lives at home. Pays my Mother nothing. She's probably going to give him some money towards it too.

    I don't understand why or how this happens but i know it is common. Brothers and sisters living at home together and the sisters contribute whereas the brothers are not expected to contribute at all. Some Irish mothers need to be ashamed of themselves as it's primarily the mothers that initiate this type of scenario. I really don't understand the fascination that Irish mothers have with babying their sons but treating their daughters very differently.

    This whole thread is full of examples of daughters being treated as second class citizens compared to their brothers. It's outrageous. The sooner the mammy boy culture dies in this country the better. I take my hat off to any woman who has to put up with that nonsense and would happily lend some big boots to help kick some brothers up the arse which is very much needed. Someone else needs to kick these types of mothers up the arse because they need it too! :mad:


  • #469
    In Lonesome Dove
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 479 ✭✭In Lonesome Dove


    zarquon wrote: »
    I don't understand why or how this happens but i know it is common. Brothers and sisters living at home together and the sisters contribute whereas the brothers are not expected to contribute at all. Some Irish mothers need to be ashamed of themselves as it's primarily the mothers that initiate this type of scenario. I really don't understand the fascination that Irish mothers have with babying their sons but treating their daughters very differently.

    This whole thread is full of examples of daughters being treated as second class citizens compared to their brothers. It's outrageous. The sooner the mammy boy culture dies in this country the better. I take my hat off to any woman who has to put up with that nonsense and would happily lend some big boots to help kick some brothers up the arse which is very much needed. Someone else needs to kick these types of mothers up the arse because they need it too! :mad:

    My brothers were great. They wanted to help but they weren't allowed. Any time they wanted to cook, my mother would push them aside and take over for them. I remember once my brother was paid handsomely for a stint of work and he came home with rolls of 50s and handed my mam money or tried to and she refused to take it.

    Me and my brothers would get up at about the same for work around 7. My mam would also rise early and she'd be in kitchen preparing packed lunches for them. They never asked for that or wanted it and she was more in the way than anything else.


  • #470
    pharmaton
    Closed Accounts Posts: 2,192 ✭✭✭pharmaton


    zarquon wrote: »
    I don't understand why or how this happens but i know it is common. Brothers and sisters living at home together and the sisters contribute whereas the brothers are not expected to contribute at all. Some Irish mothers need to be ashamed of themselves as it's primarily the mothers that initiate this type of scenario. I really don't understand the fascination that Irish mothers have with babying their sons but treating their daughters very differently.

    This whole thread is full of examples of daughters being treated as second class citizens compared to their brothers. It's outrageous. The sooner the mammy boy culture dies in this country the better. I take my hat off to any woman who has to put up with that nonsense and would happily lend some big boots to help kick some brothers up the arse which is very much needed. Someone else needs to kick these types of mothers up the arse because they need it too! :mad:
    I have a weird theory that the mammies who do this are somehow substituting their sons for their husbands (or something like that).


  • #471
    hynesie08
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 10,950 ✭✭✭✭hynesie08


    zarquon wrote: »
    I don't understand why or how this happens but i know it is common. Brothers and sisters living at home together and the sisters contribute whereas the brothers are not expected to contribute at all.

    Unfortunately it's a mentality of "make him a master, make her a slave" I thought we were in the last generation of that but not if the likes of Graysen Gray Sergeant get their way.


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  • #472
    zarquon
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 3,734 ✭✭✭zarquon


    pharmaton wrote: »
    I have a weird theory that the mammies who do this are somehow substituting their sons for their husbands (or something like that).

    That's a fair point and not at all wierd as it does bring to mind some previous experiences. I wonder how many of these aforementioned mothers are single. I used to do some youth volunteer work and one of the major issues i experienced was teenage boys with single mothers. Even at 17 and 18 the mothers were so controlling and mothering over these boys it was frightening. The very idea that these boys were becoming men was frightening to them. The situation was exacerbated when the teen was a lone child. The mothers sole source of affection was these boys and it lead to all sorts of unhealthy attachments and stunted the maturity of the boys in question.


  • #473
    [Deleted User]
    Posts: 24,773 ✭✭✭✭ [Deleted User]


    hynesie08 wrote: »
    Unfortunately it's a mentality of "make him a master, make her a slave" I thought we were in the last generation of that but not if the likes of Graysen Gray Sergeant get their way.

    Another poster who makes up rubbish and posts it as fact, completely made up bull. I don't even know what you are talking about. However if you are suggesting my situation is like the ones being described by some posters where certain family members get special treatment over others you are 100% incorrect.

    I really can't understand the complete and utter lies and nonsense the likes if you and a few others are directing at me. It's total fiction.


  • #474
    In Lonesome Dove
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 479 ✭✭In Lonesome Dove


    Lia_lia wrote: »
    Very annoying that the men in the house seem to get better treatment. Same situation here.

    I just found out my brother is going on a sun holiday next week for 2 weeks. He's on the dole and lives at home. Pays my Mother nothing. She's probably going to give him some money towards it too.

    I bet if you decided to go away on a holiday, your mam would take it as an opportunity to charge you more.


  • #475
    pharmaton
    Closed Accounts Posts: 2,192 ✭✭✭pharmaton


    zarquon wrote: »
    That's a fair point and not at all wierd as it does bring to mind some previous experiences. I wonder how many of these aforementioned mothers are single. I used to do some youth volunteer work and one of the major issues i experienced was teenage boys with single mothers. Even at 17 and 18 the mothers were so controlling and mothering over these boys it was frightening. The very idea that these boys were becoming men was frightening to them. The situation was exacerbated when the teen was a lone child. The mothers sole source of affection was these boys and it lead to all sorts of unhealthy attachments and stunted the maturity of the boys in question.
    I also suspect that in cases where daddies are there they are emotionally unavailable. Have some more mashed bodados son. Let me feed you mu love.


  • #476
    zarquon
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 3,734 ✭✭✭zarquon


    Kash Noisy Room wrote: »
    Another poster who makes up rubbish and posts it as fact, completely made up bull. I don't even know what you are talking about. However if you are suggesting my situation is like the ones being described by some posters where certain family members get special treatment over others you are 100% incorrect.

    I really can't understand the complete and utter lies and nonsense the likes if you and a few others are directing at me. It's total fiction.

    I'm not trying to restoke the fires but i do feel it fair to point out that you did say you are entitled to your parents property and your sisters are not because you are the son. What's more you stated it was an obvious expectation which most would strongly disagree with
    Kash Noisy Room wrote: »
    Land to the son obviously!

    That to me constitutes very special treatment on a far greater scale than some of the examples above.

    Out of curiosity as a beneficiary of such treatment do you think it's equitable or fair to your sisters and if so, why?


  • #477
    dark crystal
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 10,962 ✭✭✭✭dark crystal


    Kash Noisy Room wrote: »
    Another poster who makes up rubbish and posts it as fact, completely made up bull. I don't even know what you are talking about. However if you are suggesting my situation is like the ones being described by some posters where certain family members get special treatment over others you are 100% incorrect.

    I really can't understand the complete and utter lies and nonsense the likes if you and a few others are directing at me. It's total fiction.

    So your sisters will be left your parent's land in the will as well then? Earlier you said as the son, it would be left to you only.

    Also, do your sisters bring home their dirty washing and have dinners handed up to them most days?


  • #478
    [Deleted User]
    Posts: 24,773 ✭✭✭✭ [Deleted User]


    zarquon wrote: »
    I'm not trying to restoke the fires but i do feel it fair to point out that you did say you are entitled to your parents property and your sisters are not because you are the son. That to me constitutes very special treatment on a far greater scale that some of the examples above.

    Out of curiosity as a beneficiary of such treatment do you think it's equitable or fair to your sisters and if so, why?

    I was referring to the farm (well not necessarily all but a good percentage) not property in general. I have no intention or need to go into details with you but it's quite obvious that it makes more sense for a son (who has an interest in keeping the farm going and worked many many hours on it over the years) to take it on in the future, that I wound have though is quite obvious.


  • #479
    Tarzana
    Closed Accounts Posts: 2,062 ✭✭✭Tarzana


    Kash Noisy Room wrote: »
    Another poster who makes up rubbish and posts it as fact, completely made up bull. I don't even know what you are talking about. However if you are suggesting my situation is like the ones being described by some posters where certain family members get special treatment over others you are 100% incorrect.

    I really can't understand the complete and utter lies and nonsense the likes if you and a few others are directing at me. It's total fiction.

    "Land to the son obviously!"

    A direct quote from you.


  • #480
    Micky Dolenz
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 44,079 ✭✭✭✭Micky Dolenz


    It is very common for a son working the land to get the farm even if there is more than one son. It is also common for other family businesses to be left to only one sibling.
    Other assets would be shared more equally.

    If farms were broken up evenly among siblings, after a generation or two there would be no farm/business left.


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  • #481
    zarquon
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 3,734 ✭✭✭zarquon


    Kash Noisy Room wrote: »
    I was referring to the farm (well not necessarily all but most) not property in general. I have no intention or need to go into details with you but it's quite obvious that it makes more sense for a son (who has an interest in keeping the farm going and worked many many hours on it over the years) to take it on in the future, that I wound have though is quite obvious.

    It's still special preferential treatment of a son over daughters that you are a beneficiary of and one that you find very fair with no problem. You have no recourse to be outraged then at people for suggesting that are in a situation where sons are treated preferentially over daughters as you yourself have confirmed this.

    Out of interest, will you be farming the land into the next generation after your father. I don't know your field of interest but i recall some mentioned about you having a PHD? If you have a phd in a non agricultural field, will you really give that up to go back to farming? If not then aren't you just accepting the land knowing you will either sell it or pass the buck to someone else to take care of it

    Of course this is a moot point if you have an agricultural related P.H.D. in which i say fair play to you for good preparation for what your parents will gift to you.
    Micky Dolenz wrote: »
    It is very common for a son working the land to get the farm even if there is more than one son. It is also common for other family businesses to be left to only one sibling.
    Other assets would be shared more equally.

    If farms were broken up evenly among siblings, after a generation or two there would be no farm/business left.


    But what if the son is not working the farm nor has any intention to do so. Then there is no reason to gift land to a son instead of daughters. If a son is just going to outsource the farming then the daughters are more than capable of also outsourcing the farming and therefore no reason why the son should be sole heir.


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