'I Wouldnt ride her into battle', 'Her face looks like a bag of bent euros'

markc91 · 09-02-2014 02:00AM

A face like a second hand Dartboard.
My mouth's as dry as a nun's fanny.

Sleveile · 09-02-2014 02:05AM

Des Kelly wouldn't lay her.

09-02-2014 02:11AM

She's got a body from Baywatch and a face from crime watch

Masala · 09-02-2014 02:12AM

describing a really tall girl....

"...she could eat hay off a loft..."

Masala · 09-02-2014 02:13AM

I'm so hungry - I could eat cold chips from a nuns knickers.

OR...

I am so hungry - I could eat a scabby child.

Gingervitis · 09-02-2014 02:16AM

I'd rather sh1te in my hands and clap.

Mickey H · 09-02-2014 02:17AM

orangesoda wrote: »

I actually own a pair of knickers from a pornstar, i must eat a sausage supper out of them some time

Do tell...

bajer101 · 09-02-2014 02:46AM

jimb43 wrote: »

just dropping kids of at the pool (avvin a **** )

Hope they don't get stuck on the slide on the way down.

diograis wrote: »

Sweating like a dyslexic on countdown!

Sweating like Ian Paisley at a Wolftones gig.

stefan idiot jones · 09-02-2014 07:04AM

Beaten like a ginger step child.

masti123 · 10-02-2014 11:41PM

You nearly get girls pregnant, everytime that ye fart..

orangesoda · 11-02-2014 02:09AM

Mickey H wrote: »

Do tell...

I just purchased them, smelled like a candy store

Push Pop · 11-02-2014 02:20AM

A fanny like a yawning hippo and an arse like a poorly fed grey hound.
I'd leave her like a painters radio.

Sir Arthur Daley · 11-02-2014 02:25AM

I wouldn't get up on her to hang curtains.

d-don · 11-02-2014 02:38AM

Ya get it once but don't get it twice !

TheShizz · 11-02-2014 02:55AM

I wouldn't give you a bone if your name was Rex.

The only thing I'd put inside you would be a grenade.

I'd only take you up the aisle if it was the aisle of a plane and we were going to the doors so I could push you out and you'd die.

I wouldn't shift you if my caps lock button was broken.

I wouldn't get up on you if you were one of those rodeo bull yokes you see in Spain and the top prize for staying on the longest was a grand.

I wouldn't bring you to bed if you were a hot water bottle which **** me off.

The only thing I'd put on your finger would be one of those yokes you chop the end of cigars with.

I wouldn't shag you if your gee leaked penis enhancement cream.

Am I doing this right?