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Lets all be anxious/depressed together.

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Comments

  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 396 ✭✭murria


    Okaywhatever, what would you like him to do if it was the other way around?

    Obviously i have no idea where you both live but is it too late to just turn up at his and "be there" for him?


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 538 ✭✭✭OkayWhatever


    murria wrote: »
    Okaywhatever, what would you like him to do if it was the other way around?

    Obviously i have no idea where you both live but is it too late to just turn up at his and "be there" for him?


    I was thinking that but it would take me about an hour and a half to get there. Looking at €30 for a taxi. I don't know if it's a case that he wants to be mad at somebody and if I turn up after him saying no, then it's just going to lead to another argument. So hard to know what to do! Thanks Murria :)


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 396 ✭✭murria


    I was thinking that but it would take me about an hour and a half to get there. Looking at €30 for a taxi. I don't know if it's a case that he wants to be mad at somebody and if I turn up after him saying no, then it's just going to lead to another argument. So hard to know what to do! Thanks Murria :)

    Ok I see, well going over definitely isn't an option tonight then. Send him a text and apologise for this evening, reassure him of your feelings and make a commitment to see him either tomorrow or over the weekend. Let him know that he doesn't have to reply tonight. Then try to relax and distract yourself, there's nothing more you can do tonight and you will just upset yourself overthinking. Things might seem better tomorrow. Take care. :)


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 1,308 ✭✭✭Hersheys


    So last nights mood or intense emotions or whatever culminated in a whopper of an anxiety episode this evening. Just calming now :(

    Next few weeks are going to be tough. I hope this is the last of my panics.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 4,351 ✭✭✭NegativeCreep


    Jesus what am I doing with my life? Been drinking every night this week. Spent all of my money so have nothing for the rest of the month. Great stuff. Haven't really eaten this week. Not hungry.
    Panic attacks setting in now at night like they always do. But don't really feel depressed even though all my friends have said I look more down than usual this week. Sure whatever.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 1,308 ✭✭✭Hersheys


    For the first time in months, maybe even over a year, I'm bringing my teddy bear to bed.

    It was a bad, bad day.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 396 ✭✭murria


    Hersheys wrote: »
    For the first time in months, maybe even over a year, I'm bringing my teddy bear to bed.

    It was a bad, bad day.

    Hi Hersheys, we all need a bit of comfort every now and again. Far better to cuddle up with your teddy than find comfort in all the wrong places. You have said you have tough weeks ahead so try be organised, do your mindfulness, eat well, get some exercise and give yourself a little treat every day. I know you know all of this already but I'm just reminding you because we all tend to forget the most important person when we're under pressure.

    PM me if you need to talk.

    S xx:)


  • Moderators, Science, Health & Environment Moderators, Social & Fun Moderators, Regional West Moderators Posts: 60,721 Mod ✭✭✭✭Gremlinertia


    Nearly through another tough weekend. Three more shifts and off for a week.. Holding out for the break. It's been a rough time of late..

    Hersheys, hope you slept last night, you'll need to keep your good habits going to help you through.

    Hope the rest of ye are doing ok..


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 12,015 ✭✭✭✭titan18


    Got an interview tomorrow. Even though I'm not sure I even want the job, still feel like I'm going to throw up


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  • Closed Accounts Posts: 43,891 ✭✭✭✭Hugo Stiglitz


    titan18 wrote: »
    Got an interview tomorrow. Even though I'm not sure I even want the job, still feel like I'm going to throw up

    Best of luck with it Titan


  • Posts: 0 [Deleted User]


    I'm feeling extremely lonely right now. :( Online is my only way of communicating with people these days and even then it can be hard to engage anyone in conversation.

    It feels like all my peers have accomplished much more than me; they're all in steady jobs or doing PhDs while I'm left struggling with debt to pay for a Masters (which I haven't even completed yet) that's not gonna improve my employment prospects too much because HR people treat people like me like crap.

    I try not to think about the future too much 'cause it depresses me.
    There's nothing worth thinking about in the present.
    Which leaves me thinking about the past, a useless endeavour because I know I can't change it no matter how much I want to.

    I just want someone to come along and rescue me because it seems like I'll never be capable of rescuing myself. :(


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 4,958 ✭✭✭delthedriver


    I'm feeling extremely lonely right now. :( Online is my only way of communicating with people these days and even then it can be hard to engage anyone in conversation.

    It feels like all my peers have accomplished much more than me; they're all in steady jobs or doing PhDs while I'm left struggling with debt to pay for a Masters (which I haven't even completed yet) that's not gonna improve my employment prospects too much because HR people treat people like me like crap.

    I try not to think about the future too much 'cause it depresses me.
    There's nothing worth thinking about in the present.
    Which leaves me thinking about the past, a useless endeavour because I know I can't change it no matter how much I want to.

    I just want someone to come along and rescue me because it seems like I'll never be capable of rescuing myself. :(

    Homer,

    If things don't change they will stay the same. Pondering over your past while it may bring back some happy memories, nonetheless it can be a futile exercise.

    If it is to be it is up to me. Well whatever you do in the present or The Now, should prepare you for your future. Study ,exams social life etc.

    Worrying about the future is a pointless exercise, as no one can predict the future.

    So get out there and live, complete your Masters and enjoy living.

    Sincerely,


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 396 ✭✭murria


    I just want someone to come along and rescue me because it seems like I'll never be capable of rescuing myself. :(

    Homer, does anyone, apart from us here, know that you want to be rescued?

    I see your posts on here and I know your head is full of how you should have done things differently in the past, what are you going to do in the future, the loneliness, the HR people, it's a wonder you don't explode with all that going on, it's just exhausting. Really though all this thinking isn't changing anything because all these things going around in your head are just thoughts, not facts or reality.

    The most important thing for you at the moment is that you get your health sorted out, put the rest to one side. You can't compare yourself to other people, everyone does life differently. They aren't sitting at home smugly thinking "well Homer hasn't got his act together like me" because they are more than likely too busy struggling with something of their own, you just don't know it. People are struggling all around us, with their finances, with their relationships, with their sexuality, with their college courses but they do such a good job of hiding it that we wouldn't know unless they tell us in most cases.

    Can you tell a parent, a sibling or a friend Homer? Is there anyone you trust? If not you might just have to rescue yourself by going to the doctor or contacting one of the many organisations that are out there. But you must do something, nothing will change if you don't. Start small you won't be able to fix everything at once but by changing your thinking you can change your reality. :)


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 1,308 ✭✭✭Hersheys


    Everybody needs to read this. And get their family and friends to read it too.

    http://ccusack111.blogspot.ie/2013/10/depression-is-friend-not-my-enemy_28.html
    Depression is a friend, not my enemy.

    I still remember the moment well. It was a wet, cold, grey Friday morning. I rose out of bed having had no sleep the night before. Panic attacks are horrific experiences by day, by night they are even worse. As I drove to work on my trusted Honda 50, a group of my friends passed in their car heading to college. They all smiled and waved and looked so happy. I smiled and waved and acted happy. I had loved and excelled in school but it was the same with my hurling, it was the same with my friends, it was the same with my family, it was the same with the people of Cloyne, it was the same with life, I had lost interest in all of them. Losing interest in people was the worst. Where once I would have felt sadness at seeing my friends heading to where I had always wanted to go, I now didn’t. Something much larger, deeper, darker had taken hold of my mind and sadness, despair, hopelessness were not strong enough to survive alongside what I was feeling.

    They say something has to crack to allow the light in. At about 11am that morning, I finally cracked. I couldn’t do it anymore, all my strength at keeping up my pretence had gone. I curled up in the corner of the building and began to cry. One of the lads working with me came over and he didn’t know what to do. I asked him to take me home. The GP called to my house and prescribed some sleeping pills and arranged for me to be sent to the hospital for some tests.

    I spent a week there and they done every test imaginable. Physically, I was in perfect health. I was diagnosed with suffering from ‘Depression’ or in laymans terms, that awful phrase ‘of suffering with his nerves’. I had never heard of the word before.

    I was sent to see a psychiatrist in my local day care hospital. I was 19 years of age in a waiting room surrounded by people much older than I was. Surely I am not the only young person suffering from depression, I thought to myself. There was a vacant look in all of their eyes, a hollowness, an emptiness, the feeling of darkness pervaded the room. The psychiatrist explained that there might be a chemical imbalance in my brain, asked me my symptoms and prescribed a mixture of anti depressants, anxiety and sleeping pills based on what I told him. He explained that it would take time to get the right cocktail of tablets for my type of depression. I had an uneasy feeling about the whole thing. Something deep inside in me told me this wasn’t the way forward and this wasn’t what I needed. As I walked out a group of people in another room with intellectual disabilities were doing various things. One man had a teaching device in front of him and he was trying to put a square piece into a round hole. It summed up perfectly what I felt had just happened to me.

    I now stayed in my room all day, only leaving it to go to the bathroom. I locked the door and it was only opened to allow my mother bring me some food. I didn’t want to speak to anybody. The only time I left the house was on a Thursday morning to visit the psychiatrist. When everbody had left to go to work and school, my Mother would bring me my breakfast. I cried nearly all the time. Sometimes she would sit there and cry with me, other times talk with me and hold my hand, tell me that she would do anything to help me get better, other times just sit there quietly whilst I ate the food.

    Depression is difficult to explain to people. If you have experienced it there is no need, if you haven’t, I don’t think there are words adequate to describe its horror. I have had a lot of injuries playing hurling, snapped cruciates, broken bones in my hands 11 times, had my lips sliced in half and all my upper teeth blown out with a dirty pull but none of them come anywhere near the physical pain and mental torture of depression. It permeates every part of your being, from your head to your toes. It is never ending, waves and waves of utter despair and hopelessness and fear and darkness flood throughout your whole body. You crave for peace but even sleep doesn’t afford that. It wrecks your dreams and turns your days into a living nightmare. It destroys your personality, your relationship with your family and friends, your work, your sporting life, it affects them all. Your ability to give and receive affection is gone. You tear at your skin and your hair with frustration. You cut yourself to give some form of physical expression to the incredible pain you feel. You want to grab it and smash it, but you can’t get a hold of it. You go to sleep hoping, praying not to wake up. You rack your brain seeing is there something you done in your life that justifies this suffering. You wonder why God is not answering your pleas for relief and you wonder is he there at all or has he forgotten about you. And through it all remains the darkness. It’s as if someone placed a veil over your soul and never returned to remove it. This endless, black, never ending tunnel of darkness.

    I had been five months in my room now. I had watched the summer turn into the autumn and then to Winter through my bedroom window. One of the most difficult things was watching my teammates parade through the town after winning the U21 championship through it. That was the real world out there. In here in my room was a living hell. I was now on about 18 tablets a day and not getting better but worse. I was eating very little but the medication was ballooning my weight to nearly twenty stone. I was sent to see another psychiatrist and another doctor who suggested electric shock therapy which I flatly refused. It was obvious to me I was never going to get better. My desire for death was now much stronger than my desire for living so I made a decision.

    I had been contemplating suicide for a while now and when I finally decided and planned it out, a strange thing happened. A peace that I hadn’t experienced for a long time entered my mind and body. For the first time in years, I could get a good night’s sleep. It was as if my body realized that this pain it was going through was about to end and it went into relax mode. I had the rope hidden in my room. I knew there was a game on a Saturday evening and that my father and the lads would be gone to that. After my Mother and sister would be gone to Mass, I would drive to the location and hang myself. I didn’t feel any anxiety about it. It would solve everything, I thought. No more pain, both for me and my family. They were suffering as well as I was and I felt with me gone, it would make life easier for them. How wrong I would have been. I have seen the effects and damage suicide has on families. It is far,far greater than anything endured while living and helping a person with depression.

    For some reason my Mother never went to Mass. I don’t know why but she didn’t go. It was a decision on her part that saved my life.

    The following week, a family that I had worked for when I was younger heard about me being unwell. They rang my Mother and told them that they knew a clinical psychologist working in a private practice that they felt could help me. I had built up my hopes too many times over the last number of months that a new doctor, a new tablet, a new treatment was going to help and had them dashed when he or it failed to help me. I wasn’t going through it again. My mother pleaded to give him a try and eventually I agreed. It was a decision on my part that would save my life.

    After meeting Tony, I instantly knew this was what I had been searching for. It was the complete opposite of what I felt when I was being prescribed tablets and electric shock therapy. We sat opposite each other in a converted cottage at the side of his house with a fire lighting in the corner. He looked at me with his warm eyes and said ‘I hear you haven’t been too well. How are you feeling’. It wasn’t even the question, it was the way he asked it. I looked at him for about a minute or so and I began to cry. When the tears stopped, I talked and he listened intently. Driving home with my mother that night, I cried again but it wasn’t tears of sadness, it was tears of joy. I knew that evening I was going to better. There was finally a chink of light in the darkness.

    Therapy is a challenging experience. It’s not easy baring your soul. When you sit in front of another human being and discuss things you have never discussed with anyone, it can be quite scary. Paulo Coelho says in one of his books that ‘A man is at his strongest when he is willing to be vulnerable’. Sadly, society conditions men to be the opposite and views vulnerability as a weakness. For therapy to work, a person has to be willing to be vulnerable. Within a week, I was off all medication. For me, medication was never the answer. My path back to health was one of making progress, then slipping and making progress again. It was far from straightforward.

    I had to face up to memories I had buried from being bullied quite a lot when I was a young kid. Some of it occurred in primary school, others in secondary. It was raw and emotional re-visiting those times but it had to be done.

    A lot of my identity was tied up with hurling and it was an un-healthy relationship. The ironic thing is that as I began to live my life more from the inside out and appreciate and value myself for being me and not needing hurling for my self esteem, I loved the game more than ever. I got myself super fit and my weight down to 13 and a half stone. I made the Cloyne Senior team and went on to play with the Cork Senior hurling team, making a cameo appearance in the final of 2006. It is still one of the biggest joys of my life playing hurling with Cloyne, despite losing three County finals and an All-Ireland with Cork. Being involved with the Cloyne team was a huge aid in my recovery and my teammates gave me great support during that time.

    I went back to serve my time as an electrician. I went to college by night and re-discovered my joy of learning. I work for a great company and have a good life now. I finished therapy in 2004. I have not had a panic attack in that time and have not missed a day’s work because of depression since then.

    I came to realise that depression was not my enemy but my friend. I don’t say this lightly. I know the damage it does to people and the lives it has wrecked and is wrecking so I am only talking for myself. How can you say something that nearly killed you was your friend? The best coaches I have ever dealt with are those that tell you what you need to hear, not what you want to hear. You mightn’t like it at the time but after or maybe years later, you know they were right. I believe depression is a message from a part of your being to tell you something in your life isn’t right and you need to look at it. It forced me to stop and seek within for answers and that is where they are. It encouraged me to look at my inner life and free myself from the things that were preventing me from expressing my full being. The poet David Whyte says ‘the soul would much rather fail at its own life than succeed at someone else’s’.

    This is an ongoing process. I am still far from living a fully, authentic life but I am very comfortable now in my own skin. Once or twice a year, especially when I fall into old habits, my ‘friend’ pays me a visit. I don’t push him away or ignore him. I sit with him in a chair in a quiet room and allow him to come. I sit with the feeling. Sometimes I cry, other times I smile at how accurate his message is. He might stay for an hour, he might stay for a day. He gives his message and moves on. He reminds me to stay true to myself and keep in touch with my real self. A popular quote from the Chinese philosopher Lao Tzu is ‘a journey of 1000 miles begins with a single step’. A correct translation of the original Chinese though is ‘a journey of a thousand miles begins beneath one’s feet’. Lao Tzu believed that action was something that arose naturally from stillness. When you can sit and be with yourself, it is a wonderful gift and real and authentic action flows from it.

    Many, many people are living lives of quiet misery. I get calls from people on the phone and to my house because people in my area will know my story. Sometimes it is for themselves, other times it is asking if I would talk to another person. I’m not a doctor or a therapist and anyone I talk to in distress, I always encourage them to go to both but people find it easier at first to talk to someone who has been in their shoes. It is incredible the amount of people it affects. Depression affects all types of people, young and old, working and not working, wealthy and poor.

    For those people who are currently gripped by depression, either experiencing it or are supporting or living with someone with it, I hope my story helps. There is no situation that is without hope, there is no person that can’t overcome their present difficulties. For those that are suffering silently, there is help out there and you are definitely not alone. Everything you need to succeed is already within you and you have all the answers to your own issues. A good therapist will facilitate that process. My mother always says ‘a man’s courage is his greatest asset’. It is an act of courage and strength, not weakness, to admit you are struggling. It is an act of courage to seek help. It is an act of courage to face up to your problems.

    An old saying goes ‘there is a safety in being hidden, but a tragedy never to be found’. You are too precious and important to your family, your friends, your community, to yourself, to stay hidden. In the history of the world and for the rest of time, there will never again be another you. You are a once off, completely unique. The real you awaits within to be found but to get there requires a journey inwards . A boat is at its safest when it is in the harbour but that’s not what it was built to do. We are the same. Your journey in will unearth buried truths and unspoken fears. A new strength will emerge to help you to head into the choppy waters of your painful past. Eventually you will discover a place of peace within yourself, a place that encourages you to head out into the world and live your life fully. The world will no longer be a frightening place to live in for you.

    The most important thing is to take the first step. Please take it.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 1,308 ✭✭✭Hersheys


    Just to add... Am feeling slightly better than I was the other day. Whilst the stress triggers remain, I have managed to slightly regain control over my emotions.

    Still hugging the teddy bear though :)


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  • Posts: 0 [Deleted User]


    Thanks for the comments del and murria. I know it must be frustrating to read my posts 'cause I say pretty much the same thing all the time. Problem is, even after many good days it only takes one bad day to drag me back to square one. One step forward, ten push steps back.
    Homer,

    If things don't change they will stay the same. Pondering over your past while it may bring back some happy memories, nonetheless it can be a futile exercise.
    It doesn't tbh. Thinking about the past just makes me feel worse. But when there's nothing in the present worth thinking about, and the future becomes too scary to think about, then it's all I have left.
    If it is to be it is up to me. Well whatever you do in the present or The Now, should prepare you for your future. Study ,exams social life etc.

    Studying and exams didn't prepare me for the future and that's the problem. Had I chosen a different course, or managed to not get depressed, I've no doubt that I could have gotten a high 2.1, maybe even a 1st. But HR don't care about ifs and buts or legitimate reasons for underachievement. So I essentially can't get even a semi-decent job after four years undergrad plus one year postgrad. That's just so infuriating, heartbreaking and depressing.
    So get out there and live, complete your Masters and enjoy living.

    Right now there's very little I can enjoy. I'm stuck at home, which is in a rural area, and it costs too much to go up and down to Cork. And even if I did, practically all my friends have moved on to other places anyway.
    murria wrote: »
    Homer, does anyone, apart from us here, know that you want to be rescued?

    I see your posts on here and I know your head is full of how you should have done things differently in the past, what are you going to do in the future, the loneliness, the HR people, it's a wonder you don't explode with all that going on, it's just exhausting. Really though all this thinking isn't changing anything because all these things going around in your head are just thoughts, not facts or reality.

    The most important thing for you at the moment is that you get your health sorted out, put the rest to one side. You can't compare yourself to other people, everyone does life differently. They aren't sitting at home smugly thinking "well Homer hasn't got his act together like me" because they are more than likely too busy struggling with something of their own, you just don't know it. People are struggling all around us, with their finances, with their relationships, with their sexuality, with their college courses but they do such a good job of hiding it that we wouldn't know unless they tell us in most cases.

    Can you tell a parent, a sibling or a friend Homer? Is there anyone you trust? If not you might just have to rescue yourself by going to the doctor or contacting one of the many organisations that are out there. But you must do something, nothing will change if you don't. Start small you won't be able to fix everything at once but by changing your thinking you can change your reality. :)
    I've seen GPs, psychiatrists, psychotherapists, counsellors, a CBT practitioner (sadly didn't have time to undergo any treatment with her)....it all helps temporarily but eventually it all goes to hell again. I struggle to talk with my family about it, I don't want to be their depressed son or depressed brother. I only talk to friends about it after a couple of drinks, which probably isn't the healthiest way of doing it but it helps. I don't wanna be anyone's depressed friend either.

    Every time I think I've figured out what I need to do to fix things, something knocks me back. If it's not from the outside then it will be something within me. I'm starting to wonder if anti-depressants don't actually make me feel better, because they just make me feel less sad or less angry. So even though nothing in my life is changing I slowly become more apathetic towards it all. And just feels like a miserable way to live.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 4,958 ✭✭✭delthedriver


    Hersheys wrote: »
    Just to add... Am feeling slightly better than I was the other day. Whilst the stress triggers remain, I have managed to slightly regain control over my emotions.

    Still hugging the teddy bear though :)

    Does teddy have a name?:)


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 1,308 ✭✭✭Hersheys


    Does teddy have a name?:)
    He does. But it's far too embarrassing to share on a public forum :)


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 4,958 ✭✭✭delthedriver


    Hersheys wrote: »
    He does. But it's far too embarrassing to share on a public forum :)

    I guess teddy is a much loved bear:)


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 1,308 ✭✭✭Hersheys


    I guess teddy is a much loved bear:)

    Teddy is as old as me! And has been through everything with me! I even got mam to bring him into visit me the last time I was in hospital.

    I was 26.


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  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 396 ✭✭murria


    Hersheys wrote: »
    Teddy is as old as me! And has been through everything with me! I even got mam to bring him into visit me the last time I was in hospital.

    I was 26.

    Teddies are the best, I had to nip up to give my Billy a hug after your post. :D I've had mine since I was born too.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 4,958 ✭✭✭delthedriver


    murria wrote: »
    Teddies are the best, I had to nip up to give my Billy a hug after your post. :D I've had mine since I was born too.

    I still have my teddy, Wendy, since I was born and I am considerably older than Hersheys:D


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 1,308 ✭✭✭Hersheys


    I still have my teddy, Wendy, since I was born and I am considerably older than Hersheys:D

    I love my teddy. Pity he is on his last legs. And the teddy hospital can do no more.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 396 ✭✭murria


    I reckon Del and I could take ours to the Antique Roadshow!

    Hersheys I took Billy to the Teddy Bear Hospital years ago. The woman told me they would unpick and unstuff him, I had to walk up George's St for 10 minutes to get my head round it.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 396 ✭✭murria


    Homer, it's not frustrating for us to read your posts, please keep on posting as long as you need to. It must be frustrating for you to have tried so many things without success, but you will eventually find the help that is right for you. Glass onion has just put up a link for the free Aware Life Skills programme on the other thread which might be useful, I know they do a free online CBT course but that's currently over-subscribed. However, you might find something else online if you spend some time searching.

    Even if you find it hard to speak to your family about the depression could you let them assist you in finding help? This might be too obvious but try not to think of yourself as the "depressed son/friend" but rather as the son/friend who is suffering from depression at the moment. It might feel like its controlling you right now but you will eventually turn the tables.

    Best wishes Homer. X


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 4,351 ✭✭✭NegativeCreep


    I threw my Elmo out when I was 12 that I had since I was born because I convinced myself I was too old for it. I literally took him everywhere. Even to school. Wish I had him back now :/ :L


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 396 ✭✭murria


    I threw my Elmo out when I was 12 that I had since I was born because I convinced myself I was too old for it. I literally took him everywhere. Even to school. Wish I had him back now :/ :L

    Aw Negative Creep:( I'd say lots of boys do that and regret it. Hope you're ok. Xx


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 4,958 ✭✭✭delthedriver


    murria wrote: »
    Homer, it's not frustrating for us to read your posts, please keep on posting as long as you need to. It must be frustrating for you to have tried so many things without success, but you will eventually find the help that is right for you. Glass onion has just put up a link for the free Aware Life Skills programme on the other thread which might be useful, I know they do a free online CBT course but that's currently over-subscribed. However, you might find something else online if you spend some time searching.

    Even if you find it hard to speak to your family about the depression could you let them assist you in finding help? This might be too obvious but try not to think of yourself as the "depressed son/friend" but rather as the son/friend who is suffering from depression at the moment. It might feel like its controlling you right now but you will eventually turn the tables.

    Best wishes Homer. X

    + 1:)

    Homer,
    I can feel your pain.
    Del


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 4,958 ✭✭✭delthedriver


    murria wrote: »
    I reckon Del and I could take ours to the Antique Roadshow!

    Hersheys I took Billy to the Teddy Bear Hospital years ago. The woman told me they would unpick and unstuff him, I had to walk up George's St for 10 minutes to get my head round it.

    Perhaps we could bring our teddys to the next meet up?:)


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 4,351 ✭✭✭NegativeCreep


    murria wrote: »
    Aw Negative Creep:( I'd say lots of boys do that and regret it. Hope you're ok. Xx

    Ah yeah it's grand like :L I don't need him but it'd still be cool to see him again. He was manky and full of holes from the washing machine :L


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  • Closed Accounts Posts: 4,958 ✭✭✭delthedriver


    Ah yeah it's grand like :L I don't need him but it'd still be cool to see him again. He was manky and full of holes from the washing machine :L

    Perhaps you could buy another Elmo, it may be worth having a look in the Charity Shops. That way you are giving Elmo a new home and making a donation to Charity.:)


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 4,351 ✭✭✭NegativeCreep


    Perhaps you could buy another Elmo, it may be worth having a look in the Charity Shops. That way you are giving Elmo a new home and making a donation to Charity.:)

    If I didn't spend every cent I have last week, that would be an option :L


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 396 ✭✭murria


    Perhaps you could buy another Elmo, it may be worth having a look in the Charity Shops. That way you are giving Elmo a new home and making a donation to Charity.:)

    Yeah Negative Creep, I saw your Elmo, he was in the RNLI shop in Rathmines, said life was hard after he crawled out of the landfill but the Jessie the Cowgirl Trust helped him get back on his feet, he's hoping to find love again soon. :D


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 4,351 ✭✭✭NegativeCreep


    murria wrote: »
    Yeah Negative Creep, I saw your Elmo, he was in the RNLI shop in Rathmines, said life was hard after he crawled out of the landfill but the Jessie the Cowgirl Trust helped him get back on his feet, he's hoping to find love again soon. :D

    Oh my god, every time I watch toy story 2, the bit where Jesse's owner leaves her makes me think about Elmo. Makes me feel guilty haha


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 8,449 ✭✭✭Call Me Jimmy


    Hersheys wrote: »
    Just to add... Am feeling slightly better than I was the other day. Whilst the stress triggers remain, I have managed to slightly regain control over my emotions.

    Still hugging the teddy bear though :)

    How is mindfulness going? Have you become 'better' at it. As in you can sit for a while and do it consistently?

    I know the mind will wander every time but I assume with practice it becomes more routine and beneficial.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 22,815 ✭✭✭✭Esel
    Not Your Ornery Onager


    Oh my god, every time I watch toy story 2, the bit where Jesse's owner leaves her makes me think about Elmo. Makes me feel guilty haha
    About 5 years ago I bought a few Elmo Christmas porcelain figures (think Elmo snowman) brand new in box for €5 each in the Saint Vincent de Paul main charity shop on Sean McDermott St. Gave them as gifts and they are family heirlooms now. Kept one for home though! :)

    I have no memory of ever having a cuddly toy myself, but that's the least of my worries. :pac:

    I'll keep an eye out for a cuddly Elmo for you on my regular(ish) trawl of local charity shops.

    Not your ornery onager



  • Closed Accounts Posts: 4,351 ✭✭✭NegativeCreep


    Esel wrote: »
    About 5 years ago I bought a few Elmo Christmas porcelain figures (think Elmo snowman) brand new in box for €5 each in the Saint Vincent de Paul main charity shop on Sean McDermott St. Gave them as gifts and they are family heirlooms now. Kept one for home though! :)

    I have no memory of ever having a cuddly toy myself, but that's the least of my worries. :pac:

    I'll keep an eye out for a cuddly Elmo for you on my regular(ish) trawl of local charity shops.

    He wasn't cuddly :L it's hard to describe what he was. He was kinda like the tag of clothing, kinda "feely". It's hard to explain :L


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 1,308 ✭✭✭Hersheys


    Perhaps we could bring our teddys to the next meet up?:)

    A right little teddy bears picnic :)


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 1,308 ✭✭✭Hersheys


    How is mindfulness going? Have you become 'better' at it. As in you can sit for a while and do it consistently?

    I know the mind will wander every time but I assume with practice it becomes more routine and beneficial.

    I'm getting that I can do it without a guided meditation part (ie just sitting at the computer without my tapes). And it's fantastic for short term bursts or distractions. I will defo continue with it. Just a very stressful and triggerry time :(


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  • Moderators, Science, Health & Environment Moderators, Social & Fun Moderators, Regional West Moderators Posts: 60,721 Mod ✭✭✭✭Gremlinertia


    Hibernation time for me.. Off to england next week.. Don't think i feel excited or anything at all really.. Very numb emotionally, but still angry, go figure..


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 4,958 ✭✭✭delthedriver


    murria wrote: »
    I reckon Del and I could take ours to the Antique Roadshow!

    Hersheys I took Billy to the Teddy Bear Hospital years ago. The woman told me they would unpick and unstuff him, I had to walk up George's St for 10 minutes to get my head round it.

    Yeah I would love to go to the Antiques Roadshow, to meet Fiona Bruce!:)


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 4,351 ✭✭✭NegativeCreep


    Went out tonight and its the first time ever I've gotten drunk and just couldn't wait to go home. Just couldn't stand being around people anymore. Rushed all my friends into a taxi and now I feel like ****. Just wasn't my night.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 4,958 ✭✭✭delthedriver


    Went out tonight and its the first time ever I've gotten drunk and just couldn't wait to go home. Just couldn't stand being around people anymore. Rushed all my friends into a taxi and now I feel like ****. Just wasn't my night.

    That is OK, you were not having a good night so you pulled the plug to protect yourself. Protecting yourself is vital in this war against Depression.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 8,449 ✭✭✭Call Me Jimmy


    I stayed up from about 2am to 5am looking in the mirror because I saw the real situation. I am now in a sub-human mentality and thinking about death is becoming more and more of a relief, and this coming from someone with at least 10 years experience of this hell.

    It surprises me just how low a new low can be. I've been shying away from reality for a long time and it seems it has come to finish me off entirely. I don't have much confidence at the moment and I can't imagine doing anything.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 396 ✭✭murria


    I stayed up from about 2am to 5am looking in the mirror because I saw the real situation. I am now in a sub-human mentality and thinking about death is becoming more and more of a relief, and this coming from someone with at least 10 years experience of this hell.

    It surprises me just how low a new low can be. I've been shying away from reality for a long time and it seems it has come to finish me off entirely. I don't have much confidence at the moment and I can't imagine doing anything.

    Call Me Jimmy

    It is just that though, a low, probably brought on by staying up all night, being sleep deprived, not going out, not connecting with others. That person in the mirror is not all that you are, that person is only a reflection of your thoughts.

    You are so kind and inspiring to all of us on here, we all care a great deal about you and want you to get well.

    Be kinder to yourself Jimmy you deserve to feel good.

    With love. xx


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  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 8,449 ✭✭✭Call Me Jimmy


    Thanks but its one of those times that words are words and not anything else. Going to go up to a mates and get stoned until this world disappears.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 22,815 ✭✭✭✭Esel
    Not Your Ornery Onager


    CMJ, a few observations which I hope you take in the spirit in which they are intended:

    1. Looking at one's reflection in a mirror does not give a true picture. For one thing, left is right and vice versa.

    2. If you really have to look at yourself in a mirror in the way that you do, look at your eyes -just your eyes. Now smile at yourself. Keep looking at your eyes. Now laugh (fake laugh is fine), but keep looking at your eyes. Then smile again, always looking just at your eyes. The smile is the thing. If you smile at someone, they will be very hard put to scowl back. This works even when you are looking at your own reflection.

    3. A reflection in a mirror, according to physics (from the little I remember from school) is the same distance behind the mirror as the object is in front of it. How is that possible though? I am here, but 'it' is there? There really is no 'it'.

    4. I don't often shave my head these days - I usually give it a zero cut with a little single -AA Wahl which cuts really low. When I used to use a wet razor, though, I learned the hard way not to look in the mirror when I was doing it. You look in the mirror, see your right hand as your left hand, then try to make a cutting stroke while watching your hand/the razor. Result - 180 degree error, and cue a nice triple cut on your head.

    4a. I learned not to use the mirror if wet shaving my head - rather I use my own proprioception, and use my free hand to follow the razor stroke to see if I need to repeat the stroke. No cuts.

    4b. Vital to flush the razor after every two strokes at most - using a finger on the cold tap spout to give a good high-pressure blast!

    4c. My father told me many years ago how he and a number of other men who shared his digs used to shave with open razors while walking around the room while others were dressing, picking up their tool-kits etc. Bumping off each other, dodging each other, talking to each other, but - no (major) cuts. Now imagine trying to shave your head with such a razor while looking in a mirror. I know I would not try it!

    Mirrors have their use - rear-view; to view something that you cannot see directly (car mechanics often have to do this - but even they have to re-align their brain so that they can put the spanner on the nut); signalling for help; making a small room look bigger; and yes, people often use a mirror to look at their own image.

    That's what you are looking at though - an image. It is not you, and it is not how you appear to another person.


    I am quietly confident that sometime in your future you will have an insight into all this, and that you will also come to realise how inconsequential and unimportant the everyday worries we all have actually are.

    TL/DR

    Her: Does my bum look big in this?

    Him: In this what? In this room? Ba-dum-tish! (Never use this answer, btw. Google for better replies to that question)


    ps You going to a mate's place is great news, man! I am not endorsing any passive, pseudo-biblical Life of Brian-type activities, you understand. Better to stone than be stoned (or should that be read in a mirror, maybe?).

    I'll stop now.

    Not your ornery onager



  • Moderators, Science, Health & Environment Moderators, Social & Fun Moderators, Regional West Moderators Posts: 60,721 Mod ✭✭✭✭Gremlinertia


    GCN posted an article a while ago that helped me feel a bit more normal.. Just how your mind can spiral after one small thing. http://www.gcn.ie/DEPRESSION_101


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 43,891 ✭✭✭✭Hugo Stiglitz


    Anyone else procrastinate like crazy and as a result of it then become anxious when deadlines are looming?


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 1,308 ✭✭✭Hersheys


    Anyone else procrastinate like crazy and as a result of it then become anxious when deadlines are looming?
    With the deadlines I have looming I shouldn't be on boards!!!


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