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Happily married guy, but niggly feeling for years. Any advice?

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    #122
    floggg
    Registered Users Posts: 5,820 ✭✭✭floggg


    Vojera wrote: »
    OP, do you think you could get your wife to read a bit of Dan Savage? His columns are great and he really emphasises communication and the fact that people have an obligation to at least consider their partner's needs before veto-ing them. It's a long shot, but he has definitely helped me to be more open and sex-positive in my relationship.

    This plus a million.

    His also funny as ****, and the man responsible for the terms "pegging" and "santorum."


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    #123
    vbman
    Closed Accounts Posts: 51 ✭✭vbman


    Thanks Baby and Crumble .. just goes to show my sexist views of the world are wrong. I would have had you down for male. lol. Sorry ......


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    #124
    whatis12
    Registered Users Posts: 126 ✭✭whatis12


    baby and crumble wrote: »
    I'm female. :)

    I was thinking you were female from you profile name lol


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    #125
    vbman
    Closed Accounts Posts: 51 ✭✭vbman


    I'll get my coat ...


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    #126
    whatis12
    Registered Users Posts: 126 ✭✭whatis12


    baby and crumble wrote: »
    I'm female. :)

    Sorry ti be intrusive or nosy and you can tell me to fck off if you like but are you married??


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    #127
    baby and crumble
    Registered Users Posts: 8,512 ✭✭✭baby and crumble


    whatis12 wrote: »
    Sorry ti be intrusive or nosy and you can tell me to fck off if you like but are you married??

    I'm not married because legally I can't. ;) Myself and my partner have been together nearly 10 years in a monogamous relationship. We're engaged for a civil partnership but want to wait until we can marry fully.

    Can I ask why it's relevant though? :)


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    #128
    whatis12
    Registered Users Posts: 126 ✭✭whatis12


    its not to be hones i was just being nosy thats all sorry, and i dont understand why you shouldnt be allowed marry after all your in love with your partner just as my wife and i are, i blame the church here with their teachings but they should be a little more understanding considering what their members did over the years


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    #129
    baby and crumble
    Registered Users Posts: 8,512 ✭✭✭baby and crumble


    whatis12 wrote: »
    its not to be hones i was just being nosy thats all sorry, and i dont understand why you shouldnt be allowed marry after all your in love with your partner just as my wife and i are, i blame the church here with their teachings but they should be a little more understanding considering what their members did over the years

    hey no worries! I was just nosy too. :p And thanks for being an ally. It's good to have them!!


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    #130
    vbman
    Closed Accounts Posts: 51 ✭✭vbman


    You have plenty of allies.
    Just not in the right places.


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    #131
    whatis12
    Registered Users Posts: 126 ✭✭whatis12


    baby and crumble wrote: »
    hey no worries! I was just nosy too. :p And thanks for being an ally. It's good to have them!!

    Your welcome


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    #132
    Pawwed Rig
    Moderators, Category Moderators, Home & Garden Moderators, Recreation & Hobbies Moderators, Social & Fun Moderators Posts: 22,353 CMod ✭✭✭✭Pawwed Rig


    baby and crumble wrote: »
    We're engaged for a civil partnership but want to wait until we can marry fully.

    What is the difference exactly? We were at the gay pride a few weeks ago in Merrion Square and some of the speakers were getting very upset about it but didn't really outline why.*


    *apologies as I know this is off topic but just curious


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    #133
    baby and crumble
    Registered Users Posts: 8,512 ✭✭✭baby and crumble


    Pawwed Rig wrote: »
    What is the difference exactly? We were at the gay pride a few weeks ago in Merrion Square and some of the speakers were getting very upset about it but didn't really outline why.*


    *apologies as I know this is off topic but just curious

    There are over 160 statutory differences between marriage and civil partnership. That's 160 ways which a same sex partnership is not deemed equivalent to a heterosexual one. If you're curious the full list can be accessed here:

    http://www.marriagequality.ie/marriageaudit/full-list


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    #134
    floggg
    Registered Users Posts: 5,820 ✭✭✭floggg


    vbman wrote: »
    You have plenty of allies.
    Just not in the right places.

    Well I would ask you to please make an effort to vote if and when this comes to a referendum.

    The opinion polls show the vast majority if the country are in favour of marriage equality but getting people to turn out and vote will be key.

    The no side will make every effort to mobilise their support.

    Apathy from straight supporters who have nothing directly vested in the cause could hand them victory.


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    #135
    vbman
    Closed Accounts Posts: 51 ✭✭vbman


    You have my vote


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    #136
    Pawwed Rig
    Moderators, Category Moderators, Home & Garden Moderators, Recreation & Hobbies Moderators, Social & Fun Moderators Posts: 22,353 CMod ✭✭✭✭Pawwed Rig


    baby and crumble wrote: »
    There are over 160 statutory differences between marriage and civil partnership. That's 160 ways which a same sex partnership is not deemed equivalent to a heterosexual one. If you're curious the full list can be accessed here:

    Thanks for that. Alot of stuff in there I would never have thought of. It would seem to be that it would have been just easier to redefine marriage in the law rather than painstakingly amending law after law to insert civil partner. Unfortunately common sense does not always prevail


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    #137
    MarriedButBi
    Registered Users Posts: 91 ✭✭MarriedButBi


    I totally get the OPs plight. I am completely the same.

    Only u can decide what to do, and what effect the decision will have on you and ur relationships.

    Dont kid yourself, the fact that if u do nothing and it continues to niggle will not do half the damage that acting on the desireand getting caught will. or getting too into it. Or passing on an std etc.

    But u might not get caught, there might be no consequences, and it could be the most erotic thing u ever do. Personally I cant get the thought of playing with another man out of my head. not into kissing or emotion, all carnal lust. a **** usually helps get ovrr the immediate desire to transgress but thats never been a long term solution.


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    #138
    whatis12
    Registered Users Posts: 126 ✭✭whatis12


    People , theres a little saying that goes like this, "everyone to their own",so if a person who IS married and wants to try a same sex sexual encounter, then its their business no one else's!


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    #139
    bodice ripper
    Registered Users Posts: 4,681 ✭✭✭bodice ripper


    whatis12 wrote: »
    People , theres a little saying that goes like this, "everyone to their own",so if a person who IS married and wants to try a same sex sexual encounter, then its their business no one else's!

    and the person you are possibly exposing to stds without their knowledge...


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    #140
    baby and crumble
    Registered Users Posts: 8,512 ✭✭✭baby and crumble


    whatis12 wrote: »
    People , theres a little saying that goes like this, "everyone to their own",so if a person who IS married and wants to try a same sex sexual encounter, then its their business no one else's!

    While I agree with the sentiment, if someone asks on a public board for advice then it's kind of assumed we can talk about it... ;)


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    #141
    whatis12
    Registered Users Posts: 126 ✭✭whatis12


    bodice ripper wrote: »
    and the person you are possibly exposing to stds without their knowledge...


    WOW you ever heard of condoms and other protection that's out there???


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    #142
    alphamule
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 230 ✭✭alphamule


    whatis12 wrote: »
    People , theres a little saying that goes like this, "everyone to their own",so if a person who IS married and wants to try a same sex sexual encounter, then its their business no one else's!

    Well if he is on here he is kind of opening himself up to peoples opinions!


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    #143
    ixoy
    Moderators, Entertainment Moderators Posts: 17,990 Mod ✭✭✭✭ixoy


    whatis12 wrote: »
    People , theres a little saying that goes like this, "everyone to their own",so if a person who IS married and wants to try a same sex sexual encounter, then its their business no one else's!
    Can't agree. By getting married they've entered into a commitment to not just think of themselves but also their other half. They should be making decisions based on their own needs and also respecting their partner's. It's kind of core to what marriage is.


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    #144
    alphamule
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 230 ✭✭alphamule


    You made the decision to get married. I know it doesn't mean much these days but surely you've known for a long time you are into dudes so could you have not got it out of your system before now?

    Everyone gets a niggle feeling. But its not all just about sex. You are considering cheating on your partner for a completely selfish reason.

    If you are going to do it be up front and tell her its something you have to do.


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    #145
    whatis12
    Registered Users Posts: 126 ✭✭whatis12


    ixoy wrote: »
    Can't agree. By getting married they've entered into a commitment to not just think of themselves but also their other half. They should be making decisions based on their own needs and also respecting their partner's. It's kind of core to what marriage is.


    I agree with that but lets face it marriage means different things to different people , i know 3-4 couples who are married love each other totally but still have an open relationship , then there are others based on their religion have a number of wives so as a core you probably you and i its a thing between 2 people as for others it has a wider meaning so the marriage thing here isnt the issue the issue here is what can this ordinary imperfect human do about the situation he finds himself in?


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    #146
    bodice ripper
    Registered Users Posts: 4,681 ✭✭✭bodice ripper


    whatis12 wrote: »
    WOW you ever heard of condoms and other protection that's out there???


    WOW you skipped sex-ed. HPV, Herpes, Syphilis and Lice can be spread despite condoms. Best to know what you are talking about if you are going to be condescending.


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    #147
    whatis12
    Registered Users Posts: 126 ✭✭whatis12


    bodice ripper wrote: »
    WOW you skipped sex-ed. HPV, Herpes, Syphilis and Lice can be spread despite condoms. Best to know what you are talking about if you are going to be condescending.

    And you obviously didn't read "other protections out there" in my reply so now who's condescending?? Im not saying he couldn't pick anything up but there are protections out there to help him not to get anything!!!!!


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    #148
    alphamule
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 230 ✭✭alphamule


    whatis12 wrote: »
    I agree with that but lets face it marriage means different things to different people , i know 3-4 couples who are married love each other totally but still have an open relationship , then there are others based on their religion have a number of wives so as a core you probably you and i its a thing between 2 people as for others it has a wider meaning so the marriage thing here isnt the issue the issue here is what can this ordinary imperfect human do about the situation he finds himself in?

    But, what version of marriage does the wife think they are living by!


    You make this guy sound like the victim cause hes bisexual.


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    #149
    alphamule
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 230 ✭✭alphamule


    whatis12 wrote: »
    And you obviously didn't read "other protections out there" in my reply so now who's condescending?? Im not saying he couldn't pick anything up but there are protections out there to help him not to get anything!!!!!

    Like what other protections?


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    #150
    bodice ripper
    Registered Users Posts: 4,681 ✭✭✭bodice ripper


    whatis12 wrote: »
    And you obviously didn't read "other protections out there" in my reply so now who's condescending?? Im not saying he couldn't pick anything up but there are protections out there to help him not to get anything!!!!!

    Help him, not prevent him.


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    #151
    whatis12
    Registered Users Posts: 126 ✭✭whatis12


    alphamule wrote: »
    But, what version of marriage does the wife think they are living by!


    You make this guy sound like the victim cause hes bisexual.

    Unfortunately we will or may never know what his wife thinks and no one said hes bi sexual he just may want to experiment and that doesnt define his sexuality either!


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