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The Online Dating Thread 3..**READ 1ST POST Oct 2012**

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    #9452
    Honey-ec
    Closed Accounts Posts: 5,844 ✭✭✭Honey-ec


    Got a couple of messages off a nice-enough seeming guy. Til I got a chance to go through all his questions and realised we have diametrically opposing views on sex & sexuality.

    'Nudder one bites the dust, wha?


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    #9453
    Galvasean
    Registered Users Posts: 30,746 ✭✭✭✭Galvasean


    mood wrote: »
    What is it with men thinking they can get a women 15-20 year younger? It's crazy! I really think they are deluded and never meet anyone. Having said that I only go emailed by much older men a could of times and both knew they were chancing their arm.

    I'd say it's virtually never succesfull. My only giess is that they think if they try enough times they'll get incredibly lucky once by law of averages.


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    #9454
    smileyj1987
    Registered Users Posts: 5,325 ✭✭✭smileyj1987


    magneticimpulse wrote: »
    On the other hand I don't get as many profile views but more emails. The emails I get are from 40 - 55 year olds who want to start a second family and want a young hot bit on the side to be seen in public with; or guys in their 30s with no top on, 99 profile photos of them taken in the mirror in the gym; or they use text speak and say "howya love wanna see my cock"....
    to get a nerdy educated guy is hard but I am definitely working my way one by one through the nice guys...sure they are there but it's like looking for a needle in a haystack. Also a lot of girls I know would rather date a guy who has a bit of everything as oppose to just good looking. 6 packs etc would not interest me if the guy can't hold an interesting conversation. (male bimbos)

    To find the person you like is always helped but it really isn't helped by all the time wasters and people looking for an ego boost . The big problem with OD is the fact that the nice guys will get overlooked or won't get a chance because of all the fools on it looking for a bit on the side . I would say the majority of the men you are describing are only looking for their leg over because they might view women who are using OD as easy because of a belief that is wrong and to me it would seem this is it . " If they can't find a man in real life without the internet they must be desperate " . I would say just know what are looking for and don't accept anything less .


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    #9455
    Honey-ec
    Closed Accounts Posts: 5,844 ✭✭✭Honey-ec


    Galvasean wrote: »
    I'd say it's virtually never succesfull. My only giess is that they think if they try enough times they'll get incredibly lucky once by law of averages.

    I'd say some of them think they'll hit the jackpot with someone looking for a sugar daddy.


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    #9456
    riveratom
    Registered Users Posts: 964 ✭✭✭riveratom


    mood wrote: »
    What is it with men thinking they can get a women 15-20 year younger? It's crazy! I really think they are deluded and never meet anyone. Having said that I only go emailed by much older men a could of times and both knew they were chancing their arm.

    Seems a bit harsh now mood. I know there are going to be plenty of married or attached guys chancing their arm looking for a bit on the side, etc - but what about a decent good-looking guy in his 40s out of a relationship or who is separated, etc?

    I'm early 30s and have had 'winks' from women in their late 30s and early 40s - are they deluded too?!


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    #9457
    knucklehead6
    Registered Users Posts: 6,760 ✭✭✭knucklehead6


    Galvasean wrote: »

    I have to say that the men you are describing sound like a very small minority here. From what I've been reading here most guys seem to send out lots and lots of mail but get virtually nothing out f it. I don't know who yhese guys are who are dating lots of women at once but I can tell you for sure that they are an exception rather than a rule.
    It strikes me that a small amount of men seem to be dating all the women (insert meme here). Probably the same way a percentage of women get 100s of mails while others get very little.


    I could be wrong but I read Magnetics post as "guy gets date with attractive woman, date goes well and he wants another date with her tmrw. And the day after. And the day after" and she ends up feeling smothered.


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    #9458
    mood
    Registered Users Posts: 4,264 ✭✭✭mood


    riveratom wrote: »
    Seems a bit harsh now mood. I know there are going to be plenty of married or attached guys chancing their arm looking for a bit on the side, etc - but what about a decent good-looking guy in his 40s out of a relationship or who is separated, etc?

    I'm early 30s and have had 'winks' from women in their late 30s and early 40s - are they deluded too?!

    I'm talking about much bigger age gaps.


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    #9459
    magneticimpulse
    Registered Users Posts: 1,952 ✭✭✭magneticimpulse


    smileyj1987 wrote: »

    To find the person you like is always helped but it really isn't helped by all the time wasters and people looking for an ego boost . The big problem with OD is the fact that the nice guys will get overlooked or won't get a chance because of all the fools on it looking for a bit on the side . I would say the majority of the men you are describing are only looking for their leg over because they might view women who are using OD as easy because of a belief that is wrong and to me it would seem this is it . " If they can't find a man in real life without the internet they must be desperate " . I would say just know what are looking for and don't accept anything less .

    I have been emailing away to nice guys as I go for the big bang theory looking type of guys :) but they are away at the moment and I'm goin out on dates during Christmas...going to Hoover up all the single men before the new year comes...

    Everyone else is too busy or goin back to the country over Christmas...gives us dubs the chance to scoop up all the nice guys during the "quite" Christmas period :)


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    #9460
    riveratom
    Registered Users Posts: 964 ✭✭✭riveratom


    mood wrote: »
    I'm talking about much bigger age gaps.

    I have heard of 26 years old's getting messages from guys in their 50s alright...


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    #9461
    mood
    Registered Users Posts: 4,264 ✭✭✭mood


    riveratom wrote: »
    I have heard of 26 years old's getting messages from guys in their 50s alright...

    I think one man who messaged me was 30s year older than me... hello... no I don't want to be nursing you in 10 years time!!!


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    #9462
    magneticimpulse
    Registered Users Posts: 1,952 ✭✭✭magneticimpulse


    knucklehead6 wrote: »


    I could be wrong but I read Magnetics post as "guy gets date with attractive woman, date goes well and he wants another date with her tmrw. And the day after. And the day after" and she ends up feeling smothered.

    ????

    Is this your take on humour as its not what I put down at all?

    The guys I know only went on dates with 5 women but was in long relationships with 3 of them.

    I went on at least 25 1st dates with 25 guys from OD and only 1 short relationship came from it.

    As oppose to going on about 10 RL 1st dates and relationships coming from all RL dates.

    I'm usually up for dating the guys but they never feel the same from OD...sweet shop effect. Whereas when I get to know guys in RL all of them want a relationship.


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    #9463
    riveratom
    Registered Users Posts: 964 ✭✭✭riveratom


    magneticimpulse wrote: »
    ????

    Is this your take on humour as its not what I put down at all?

    The guys I know only went on dates with 5 women but was in long relationships with 3 of them.

    I went in at least 25 OD dates and only 1 short relationship came from it.

    As oppose to going on about 10 RL dates and relationships coming from all RL dates.

    I'm usually up for dating the guys but they never feel the same from OD...sweet shop effect. Whereas when I get to know guys in RL all of them want a relationship.

    If you think that's exclusive to guys, you're way off.

    I've lost count of the number of times I've gotten the 'you're a great guy but I don't think there's any spark' text from women. Ok, maybe it's not that many but if feels like it. I've gotten it 4 times in the past few months alone.

    In two cases we had been on two dates, in one we had been on three, and in another we had one!

    In all cases I had my own doubts, but I was ready and willing to give it more of a go, whereas these women were happy to just call an abrupt halt and move on - most likely to another guy where the process would be repeated.


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    #9464
    knucklehead6
    Registered Users Posts: 6,760 ✭✭✭knucklehead6


    magneticimpulse wrote: »

    ????

    Is this your take on humour as its not what I put down at all?

    The guys I know only went on dates with 5 women but was in long relationships with 3 of them.

    I went in at least 25 OD dates and only 1 short relationship came from it.

    As oppose to going on about 10 RL dates and relationships coming from all RL dates.

    I'm usually up for dating the guys but they never feel the same from OD...sweet shop effect. Whereas when I get to know guys in RL all of them want a relationship.

    You saw the part where I said I could be wrong, right??


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    #9465
    mood
    Registered Users Posts: 4,264 ✭✭✭mood


    The first date isn't really a 'date' as such as you have never meet the person. The second date is the real first 'date'. In dates that come from real life you have already meet so know if you like each other etc so it's not exactly comparing like with like.


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    #9466
    knucklehead6
    Registered Users Posts: 6,760 ✭✭✭knucklehead6


    riveratom wrote: »

    If you think that's exclusive to guys, you're way off.

    I've lost count of the number of times I've gotten the 'you're a great guy but I don't think there's any spark' text from women. Ok, maybe it's not that many but if feels like it. I've gotten it 4 times in the past few months alone.

    In two cases we had been on two dates, in one we had been on three, and in another we had one!

    In all cases I had my own doubts, but I was ready and willing to give it more of a go, whereas these women were happy to just call an abrupt halt and move on - most likely to another guy where the process would be repeated.


    Since I rejoined OD back in August I've had dates with 4 different women. 2 dates with the first, got the Nice Guy, But text. 2 dates and one night out with the second. NGB text. 1 date, followed by the NGB the next morning the last 2 dates.

    In one of the cases I actually thought I had met someone on the same page as me and was getting kinda excited about seeing her again, until the phone went a beeping in the morning!!

    I don't know if any of those women have been on dates since, I would assume that they have been as they are all quite attractive. I wouldn't say that they were deliberately settin out to move on to repeat the process ad nauseum though.


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    #9467
    magneticimpulse
    Registered Users Posts: 1,952 ✭✭✭magneticimpulse


    mood wrote: »
    The first date isn't really a 'date' as such as you have never meet the person. The second date is the real first 'date'. In dates that come from real life you have already meet so know if you like each other etc so it's not exactly comparing like with like.

    Well with all 10 guys I met them in the pub and we had to exchange numbers. you might say its not like with like. They were all strangers.

    With OD I at least know the guys to chat to before I met them in RL. So we knew we got on....the dates go well...but I put it down to the sweet shop effect not seeing them again and no spark!!!!

    With RL I'd never met the guy until night in pub, had a chat for an hour at most, he buys me drinks, exchange number and then went out on 1st date with little contact in between until the date. However there is a spark from him (with me I don't feel the spark in either case of OD or RL initial dates...it takes me time to get to like someone).

    So I think each scenario has an equal chance of working but I find the sweet shop effect of OD means I have little success via that route as 25 guys and 1 failed relationship later is a lot of time, effort...whereas I get better rewards from dates that start meeting in RL situations


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    #9468
    mood
    Registered Users Posts: 4,264 ✭✭✭mood


    Do women sent a text next day stating 'your nice but...' regardless of weather a guy contacts them first or not?


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    #9469
    mood
    Registered Users Posts: 4,264 ✭✭✭mood


    magneticimpulse wrote: »
    Well with all 10 guys I met them in the pub and we had to exchange numbers. you might say its not like with like. They were all strangers.

    With OD I at least know the guys to chat to before I met them in RL. So we knew we got on....the dates go well...but I put it down to the sweet shop effect not seeing them again and no spark!!!!

    With RL I'd never met the guy until night in pub, had a chat for an hour at most, he buys me drinks, exchange number and then went out on 1st date with little contact in between until the date. However there is a spark from him (with me I don't feel the spark in either case of OD or RL initial dates...it takes me time to get to like someone).

    So I think each scenario has an equal chance of working but I find the sweet shop effect of OD means I have little success via that route as 25 guys and 1 failed relationship later is a lot of time, effort...whereas I get better rewards from dates that start meeting in RL situations

    I disagree. Chatting to someone for an hour in a pub in so much better for getting to know someone, knowing if you fancy them etc than profiles and emailing for a while.


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    #9470
    knucklehead6
    Registered Users Posts: 6,760 ✭✭✭knucklehead6


    mood wrote: »
    Do women sent a text next day stating 'your nice but...' regardless of weather a guy contacts them first or not?

    The 2 women I had 2 dates with both told me before I had contacted them to arrange date 3

    The 2 one date women both sent me messages after I had sent them texts in the morning.


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    #9471
    mood
    Registered Users Posts: 4,264 ✭✭✭mood


    knucklehead6 wrote: »
    The 2 women I had 2 dates with both told me before I had contacted them to arrange date 3

    The 2 one date women both sent me messages after I had sent them texts in the morning.

    That was very presumptuous of them - unless you made it VERY obvious you were interested the night before.


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    #9472
    Daveysil15
    Closed Accounts Posts: 4,301 ✭✭✭Daveysil15


    Galvasean wrote: »
    It pisses me off when people throw perfectly good dates away when a lot of people can't even get a poxy reply most of the time.

    And then you have this:
    magneticimpulse wrote: »
    I will have date 71 tomorrow

    WOW!!! That is a hell of a lot of dates. I don't think I'd have the energy for that many dates, but at the same time I wish I had half as many options. It's crazy when some people can't even get a reply.


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    #9473
    Mr_Spaceman
    Registered Users Posts: 2,958 ✭✭✭Mr_Spaceman


    riveratom wrote: »
    If you think that's exclusive to guys, you're way off.

    I've lost count of the number of times I've gotten the 'you're a great guy but I don't think there's any spark' text from women. Ok, maybe it's not that many but if feels like it. I've gotten it 4 times in the past few months alone.

    In two cases we had been on two dates, in one we had been on three, and in another we had one!

    In all cases I had my own doubts, but I was ready and willing to give it more of a go, whereas these women were happy to just call an abrupt halt and move on - most likely to another guy where the process would be repeated.

    This is pretty much my experience in a nutshell too.

    The speed to judge someone in OD is a massive problem, because of the sweet shop temptation if things aren't totally fecking amazing on a first date. I mean, real life... hello? FFS!

    Funnily enough, I've never sent a 'you're a really nice girl, but...' text or email yet.


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    #9474
    magneticimpulse
    Registered Users Posts: 1,952 ✭✭✭magneticimpulse


    Daveysil15 wrote: »

    And then you have this:



    WOW!!! That is a hell of a lot of dates. I don't think I'd have the energy for that many dates, but at the same time I wish I had half as many options. It's crazy when some people can't even get a reply.

    Yeah tomorrow is 1st date number 71...but that is the total from dating since 15 years! I'm sure people have been on far more dates. I didn't go on dates for about 3 years out of the 15 years at least. My average is about 6 dates a year... One every 2 months.

    I get on with life but at this stage and after my fair share of 1st dates it would be nice to be in a relationship that lasts beyond a year or two and even better if it's long term. I'm worried I'm looking too independent because there are lots of not very attractive or smart girls around me and even they managed to get married!!!

    Don't get me wrong it's so exhausting. It doesn't help when exes or friends say "move on"....it's like if I move on anymore i will end up dating the world haha. At this stage I've dated friends exes from other countries (coin science that they used to date them)....my housemates etc have studied with exes etc (another conscience) and I'm talking across different countries...that I'm making these connections!!! It's a bad sign that my friend who is from Scotland has dated te same guy I dated. Or that my housemate in England studied with another.

    I think I'm running out of guys to date haha.

    Also it's not great when only 1 out of 71 guys made it to going out on 25 dates with me!!! Surely I can't be that bad at dating?


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    #9475
    Mr_Spaceman
    Registered Users Posts: 2,958 ✭✭✭Mr_Spaceman


    mood wrote: »
    Do women sent a text next day stating 'your nice but...' regardless of weather a guy contacts them first or not?

    Yes.


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    #9476
    Daveysil15
    Closed Accounts Posts: 4,301 ✭✭✭Daveysil15


    magneticimpulse wrote: »
    Yeah tomorrow is 1st date number 71...but that is the total from dating since 15 years! I'm sure people have been on far more dates. I didn't go on dates for about 3 years out of the 15 years at least. My average is about 6 dates a year... One every 2 months.

    I'm worried I'm looking too independent because there are lots of not very attractive or smart girls around me and even they managed to get married!!!

    Ahh I see, I wasn't aware of the timeframe. That's still a lot of options though you'd have to admit. Think about the poor souls who can't even get a reply, never mind a date.


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    #9477
    mood
    Registered Users Posts: 4,264 ✭✭✭mood


    Mr_Spaceman wrote: »
    Yes.

    Odd. I at least wait until he would contact me again rather than assume he is interested.


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    #9478
    magneticimpulse
    Registered Users Posts: 1,952 ✭✭✭magneticimpulse


    Daveysil15 wrote: »

    Ahh I see, I wasn't aware of the timeframe. That's still a lot of options though you'd have to admit. Think about the poor souls who can't even get a reply, never mind a date.
    Think about having 70 1st dates and 70 rejections!!! Hmm who is the options for because it has not been in my favour...


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    #9479
    Daveysil15
    Closed Accounts Posts: 4,301 ✭✭✭Daveysil15


    magneticimpulse wrote: »
    Think about having 70 1st dates and 70 rejections!!! Hmm who is the options for because it has not been in my favour...

    You still found 70 guys who were willing to meet you. 70 guys is a lot of options no matter what way you look at it. Would you prefer if you couldn't get any dates at all? I'm not having a go at you, I'm just curious.


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    #9480
    miamee
    Moderators, Social & Fun Moderators, Regional East Moderators, Regional North West Moderators Posts: 12,078 Mod ✭✭✭✭miamee


    magneticimpulse wrote: »
    Think about having 70 1st dates and 70 rejections!!! Hmm who is the options for because it has not been in my favour...
    I can't believe you've been keeping count tbh!! I'm sure I've had a lot less than that but I still couldn't put a number on it.


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    #9481
    magneticimpulse
    Registered Users Posts: 1,952 ✭✭✭magneticimpulse


    Daveysil15 wrote: »

    You still found 70 guys who were willing to meet you. 70 guys is a lot of options no matter what way you look at it. Would you prefer if you couldn't get any dates? I'm not having a go at you, I'm just curious.

    It's not options for me when they decide not to take it further.

    I'm someone who looks stunning in a dress, hair done and make up...but look nothing like that in casual clothes, no make up etc... I think that's why it doesn't work out?

    I'd rather find one guy who likes me than 70 who thought I was really nice but just too ugly for them


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