Tell us about them

This time of year is always hard for me .

My Mother passed away 3 years ago last March.

Why is this time of year so hard ? Although my Mum didn't follow sports per se , she totally LOVED Wimbledon.

There was no point phoning her during the hours of daylight at this time of year .

God Bless you Mum . 40 Love !!!!

I lost my mam 9 months ago. To me she was the best mother anyone could ever have. She was also my best friend

She could always make you smile no matter what was going on.

She had a bag of "props" for when she was going out. They ranged from goofy teeth to hats, fake moustache's etc.

I told her everything, literally. Some days I feel lost without her.

But her moto was "you can't lay down & die, you have to get up & go". SO thats what I do, even when I feel really down.

She really was some woman for one woman!

CathyMoran wrote: »

I have posted about my late friend before but today/tomorow is 32 years since she, her baby brother and parents died in the 1980 hotel fire in Bundoran (another 6 people also died in the fire). She was only 6 at the time - I will always think about her. I set free a child's balloon today for her in her honour and remembrance. She was a lovely sweet and kind little girl - she used to help a little boy who was younger than her and missed his parents even though she was shy herself. Rest in Peace beautiful Deirdre and all the others that died that night.

CathyMoran, that is so sad. It's lovely that you still think of your friend all these years later, and the balloon is a beautiful idea. My daughter lost a school friend in a tragic accident some years ago now, I will never forget how truly awful it was to be at the funeral of a child who I saw running into school most days. Or how it affected my daughter and her schoolfriends. The memory of that little boy will be with us forever.

One year ago today my mam died. Could write forever about how much she meant to me, how she lived her life for her family and friends.

But she was also like a mam to everyone else,ppl called her Mother always the one that everyone turned to when something was wrong,she made everyone feel better just by being in her company,the glue that held everyone together,the voice of reason,compassionate,loving,a true friend,just a wonderful person.

Our lives are poorer for not having her with us now,but she's left behind a lifetime of love and wonderful memories. I can only hope that I can even somewhat fill her empty shoes.

Miss and always love you Mam. But I know we'll see you again, and I know you're always with me,guiding us.

Our Shining Light

xx

Monday will be one year since we lost our little girl at birth. It should have been her 1st birthday. This time last year I was overdue, impatient and blissfully unaware that the unthinkable was about to happen.

I am not looking forward to the day, but my gut tells me I will be OK. I still can't believe how strong my husband and I have been in the face of this awful thing. I would never have thought that I could survive something like this. I can only conclude that she somehow sends us that strength.

I also know that when we do have a living baby, his/her big sister will be smiling down on us all and blessing her growing family. She will always be our first.

You know I would always have trusted everything you said, every piece of advice, every decision you made, you were always spot on. That evening you made all the right decisions, I just wish he trusted you the way I always did. I have know idea what you might have felt in your final few minutes, I hope you weren't scared. I like to think you kept watch, trying to find new ways out of the situation, doing your job, vigilant and loyal.

The morning before, we had a short exchange, I will always remember it. It was the first time I realised you were proud of me. It meant so much because I am so proud of you, pride which I have never known before for anyone or anything. Little did I know that as I collected that award the next evening you would be at rest on that mountain.

The shock came on our way home, we heard something on the radio but it was cut short by a phonecall from our sister. Panic set in. Unanswered calls to your phone. We conjured up excuses as to why you wouldn't answer. Getting home and turning on the TV narrowed it down, I promised mam it wasn't you, I shouldn't have made a promise I couldn't keep. After more than two and half hours we got our answer, two blue men at the door.

At that instant, seeing your two stunned colleagues trying to stay professional, I grasped a reality I haven't fully understood since, you were gone. You will never be there again, all those things we did, all those things we talked about, confined to memory. That notion doesn't seem real to me now, it did then, for an instant.

So here I am, I'm the one coming home at the weekend. A small part of me expects to find you here, instinct reminds me to tell you about something when I get home. It hurts so much to find an you're not here. I hope my achievements in the last year would have made you proud, somehow I think they would. As I go on I promise there is better to come. I never got to say goodbye, so no point doing it now. I will carry you with me, drawing form your inspiration, mindful of how life could have been.

My brother died 4 years ago, he was 17 I was 15 One of my best memories was the time he collected the gun powder from the toy cap guns and stored it in a plastic container. We were in the kitchen and he was shaking the container. Bang, it exploded It was the funniest thing I've ever seen. He wasnt too impressed but I did call him an eejet. What can I say it hasn't been easy but that's life. Who said life was smooth with no bumps? I could rant about how inadequate the cf facilities are but I'm not sure they would have helped him live a bit longer.

Busola. That's just awful. I'm so sorry.

El was the first friend I ever made. We were 5 year old kids when we first met & that friendship lasted 'til the day El died, less than five months ago. It still feels so strange to say/write El & died in the same sentence - it makes it so real.

So, I'll tell you about her....She was amazing, gave the best hugs ever, had the most hearty of laughs. She truly cared about people, people she knew & people in general. She had a heart of gold. She was a bit of a rebel & lived life to the fullest. Always in a hurry, always happy, never bitter or angry, always accepting. She was a true & loyal friend. El was the definition of what friendship should be. She was & still is an inspiration to me. Always will be.

I wish I could give her one last hug & tell her I love her. I miss her so much. My heart feels broken.

I have a feeling that this is going to be a very long post. I've had a very tough, and yet also amazing sometimes, 8 months, and I'm struggling to take it all in to be honest.

My wife and I have been trying to conceive for a couple of years, and after a lot of fertility treatment, we got lucky back in October. We were both thrilled. At around the same time, my Mam, who'd been having some health issues, started to get worse. At the start of November I spent the morning with my wife getting a scan, and we found out it was twins. I spent the afternoon of the same day with my Mam seeing a consultant, and trying to figure out what was happening to her.

A week later my Mam collapsed and was taken to hospital and spent a week in ICU, it was very touch and go. Thankfully, after a week she regained consciousness and was moved out of ICU. That week we went for another scan, on my birthday as it happens, and found out that one of the twins had died. I really didn't know how to handle it; it was just too much to take in, what with trying to look after my Mam and family as well. I just didn't have the time to absorb what had happened, or the reserves to face it.

My Mam recovered enough to be discharged just before Christmas, but they'd found cancer and she was going to have to face Chemo. At the end of Jan, a week before Chemo was to start, she had a relapse and spent another month or so in Hospital. She changed a lot in that time, got a lot more selfish and uncaring, and it was very hard to be around. Her personality was so different, it just didn't feel like my Mam anymore. Once again I was going to hospitals, running errands, trying to keep her self-employed business going and dealing with the knowledge that she'd a lot of debts that she hadn't told us about. And also trying to prepare for the birth of our first child.

She got out again and started the Chemo and was actually improving a lot, was on the mend and was more like her old self. Then, at the start of April she collapsed and died. We still don't know what caused such a sudden death, it could be months before we get the post mortem results. Since then things have been so tough, I feel like I just haven't had the time to grieve at all. We got the funeral arranged and got through that, but then I just had weeks of trying to arrange her finances and legal matters. I'm the Executor of her will, and I feel like it's the last thing I will ever do for her, and I want to do it right. I just wish she'd made it a bit easier! I'm writing to banks and solicitors, trying to wind up her business and explain to people that the money that's owed to them just isn't there. It'll be months at least before it's all sorted, maybe longer.

My sister's been brilliant, but she has health issues of her own and I feel like I need to look after her and shelter her from worry. My estranged father died 10 years ago, though I hadn't seen him since the early 80s, and I don't really have a relationship with my step-father, and what I did have has gotten worse since Mam died. I'd be lost without my wife, but I'm also trying to protect her and our unborn daughter from as much stress and worry as I can.

I can't wait to meet my daughter, but I also know that the whole experience has been shadowed by my Mam's illness at the same time. I'm going to be a father in a couple of weeks, but I don't know if I'm ready, and now I don't have my parents to ask for advice. Because of my relationships with my father and step-father, I worry about my ability to be a good parent, and I wanted to be so much more prepared for it than this. I know it'll be a great distraction, I know I'll be so happy when she arrives, but I also don't want her to be given the role of making everything better again. I can't even think about what I'll do if anything goes wrong with her, I've no strength left.

And in all of this, I've lost my Mam and I've barely been able to miss her. She drove me mad sometimes, we weren't in touch every day, but I'd love to just chat with her on the phone one more time, even if she was just asking me a question about her laptop or phone. I miss her, but I'm so angry with her too, and the mess she left behind and the lies she told us all. I'm going to see a counsellor soon about this, which I know will help. It's just been such a rollercoaster, which such a wide range of emotions, my mind just feels like it can't take them all in, it can't stretch enough.

Anyhow, I read this thread and found it very touching and helpful, such heart-breaking stories, I feel for each and every one of you. I thought maybe writing this all down would help me a bit, and hopefully it will. Thanks for reading...

J.

Mr Simpson wrote: »

So sorry to hear that Bubblewrap. Sorry to see you close your account as well. Hopefully you'll be back under another guise. Dont be afraid to seak bereavement counselling if you feel you need it, it's very hard to lose one friend, let alone two.

Theres no stigma attached to counselling and talking mate.

Hi, Mr simpson

Thanks,

I closed my account because some members (Not this forum) are very quick to just go and point at you and accuse you of "attention seeking" or "trolling". Also because I think I need to get my head are my mates deaths.

Anyway.

It was a car crash, the driver was 22 and there were two passengers. The passenger in the front seat who was 20 along with the diver were pronounced dead at the scene. thankfully the passenger in the back of the car survived. I knew off the back seat passenger, but I din't know him that well.

The crash happened along a quite country road, the car hit the only tree along the road. So if they missed the tree. They would have survived, as the car would have landed in a bog and no impact would have occurred.

But, up until now.. I don't know. I just didn't think it was real. I went up and vised the lads graves and it was very sad...