Tell us about them

ChewChew

It was dads birthday on Friday. It was his 9th birthday away from us and he would have been 59. I always thought it would get easier but it really doesn't. I find it gets harder actually. Life moves on and there's always something that I say oh I'd dad could see this or if dad heard that or dad would fix that. I always remember my aunt telling me time is a great healer and I hated her for saying that to me. And to this day I still do. Time is not a healer. There is no healing. Anyways. Happy birthday dad. X x x

lukesmom

No I agree that time is definitely NOT a great healer. You just live with it as time passes by.

sparkle_23

My Grandad passed away 4 weeks ago tomorrow, I'm in Canada on a working visa and I did not make it home for his funeral. He loved animals and was always feeding stray cats and foxes! The foxes were like dogs coming up and eating out of his hand it would take him months to gain their trust. He'd always have a chat with my dog and it was so sweet to see! He loved my cats too.. I'm tryin to think of all happy thoughts and memories but I feel weird tonight... It's hit me like a ton of bricks

SATSUMA

I miss you so much that i cant even breathe naturally anymore. I have to remind myself to stop holding my breath, remind myself that i have no choice but to breathe. I am so alone without you sis. Nothing seems right everything is wrong. And that is the way it always will be. The pain consumes me and the guilt of being alive is too much. I wish i could have taken your place, i would have given my life for yours. I have known much loss but nothing has come close to losing you. I miss you, i miss your smile, your fingers, your toes. I miss you, what you were and what you never had a chance to become. And i, i keep going in a world with no meaning. It's lonely grief.

I love you sweet girl, from your big sis xxx

LegacyUser

I miss my Uncle. Although I didnt know him well I periodically get angry about his life. I look at heroin addicts these days and pity them with a small amount of anger also. He didnt have to go down that path. He had a wife and 3 daughters who I havent seen in 20 years. She left him, cant say that I blame her because he wrecked his own life.

He had a horrible childhood, same as my mam and her sisters. Being sent to one of those orphanages run by nuns who I can only describe as Satanic (how ironic) and they all suffered at the hands of those witches. My mam and sisters all have terrible mental illnesses now from the trauma they went through. They were just that bit stronger than my Uncle. They threw themselves into having families and that helped them see the light that they never saw as children. My alcoholic, abusive Grandfather made sure that they suffered too, hopefully he's rotting in hell - that would be too good for him.

My poor Uncle.

He loved me as a child but I was so TERRIFIED of him my entire life he used to scare me so much because of his appearance. He was a typical junkie. To a 7 year old, that is a terrifying thing. Stuff of nightmares. I used to hide under the table when he came over and I would shake uncontrollably hearing him at the door. My mam would never let him in because he used to steal from her and she knew I couldnt handle him either. She loved her brother. He was the youngest of the family and he ruined his life. They all loved him anyway because family is family. He used to be so handsome. I wish his life was different.

My nanny was heartbroken, absolutely inconsolable. On the 23rd of December 1995 they went Christmas shopping in town, he left her on the bus going home and said he was going in for a pint and he would be home shortly. He kissed her and told her he loved her.

He never came back. He was found in the bus station in town, he drank a full bottle of vodka and took a large amount of pills. He knew he was dying anyway. He had full blown aids from the needles he shared. He was not allowed see his children. He was a complete addict. Who would want to live that life. Who would want to carry on living in that hell.

He obviously felt that we were all better off without him.

My nanny never got over it and it made her very quiet. My grandad still continued to drink himself to death. It should have been him. He was an evil man who wrecked his family and now they suffer. Still to this day my aunties and mam all suffer the consequences of his actions. It caused a massive ripple affect in our whole family. We all have depression, addiction and anger issues. My grandad died when I was 16 and to be honest, I was happy. I dont care how that sounds. My mam didnt even go to his funeral. My aunties stood over him in the casket and cracked jokes about how he looked like Michael Jackson with all the make up. Nobody missed him, nobody will ever miss him.

But I miss my Uncle. I wish I could tell him now that I'm older, how sorry I am for what happened to him. I wouldnt be scared of him now.

I just hope he is at peace with my Nanny. Miss them both a lot.

rakz105

Lossing a loved one or close friend has always been devastating for me. In some cases, I just think that they have gone on a long journey and I just continue on living normally without them. At times, I express my grief and cry as much as I could to let out all the sadness from my heart. I surround myself with people and somehow the pain or the impact of the loss diminishes.
Hugs to all of you who are going through this grief journey.

angeldaisy

This year has been a tough year. I lost my father in law early on, followed by my grandad and now my father has passed away. It hurts so much and I don't think I've really accepted it. It will be a month tomorrow. he was suffering so in a way it was a relief, and my mum was struggling to look after him. I know that in that respect I'm glad his suffering is over.
But I'm finding it hard to cope, I'm juggling college, work experience and a family. I'm exhausted all the time.
I miss chatting to him about cars and thriller novels. I have no one else in my life to talk about these things. I think strangely I find that hardest at the minute.

sparkle_23

My brother took his own life Monday night, he was 24. I came home from canada for the funeral & it's surreal. He was the funniest person I knew and if he was here now at 4am he would be makin me laugh and we would be tellin silly stories

rakz105

angeldaisy wrote: »

This year has been a tough year. I lost my father in law early on, followed by my grandad and now my father has passed away. It hurts so much and I don't think I've really accepted it. It will be a month tomorrow. he was suffering so in a way it was a relief, and my mum was struggling to look after him. I know that in that respect I'm glad his suffering is over.
But I'm finding it hard to cope, I'm juggling college, work experience and a family. I'm exhausted all the time.
I miss chatting to him about cars and thriller novels. I have no one else in my life to talk about these things. I think strangely I find that hardest at the minute.

Hello dear angeldaisy,

Sorry to hear of your loss. It would surely be more difficult to spend the holidays for you this year. I am praying that you will find some loved ones and friends who can be with you this time.

Hugs,
Rakz

firefly2327

My father died in January. Seeing that in words is heartbreaking. I remember a neighbour who had lost her father only months before telling me that "time doesn't heal" and at the time I thought she was being melodramatic. But she was right. Although when I realised he was dying I promised my father (while he was sedated) l'd be okay I'm not keeping it. I'm still devastated, off work on sickness leave and receiving counselling. I'm trying, but after some somewhat ok days it hits me afresh.

I spoke to my father nearly every day by phone. I live in the UK due to necessity, but visited at least every two months, often taking time from work to be with him if he was ill. He was my world and I loved him dearly. He's left many wonderful and humorous memories as he was a character and a very kind man.

His birthday has come and gone. I was born on his birthday all those years ago. We spent most birthdays together or celebrated soon after. This year was the first without him and I just felt numb. I've no family here and my only sibling and I are not on speaking terms due to an argument last year when I finally put my foot down after decades of being bullied by him and told him to stop. even my parents acknowledged his bullying but did nothing about and now its too late. I've forgiven him for everything and love him, but am devasted that he has turned his back on me completely following our fathers death. He has kids and a wife to be, while I'm left alone with our (fathers and mine) dog.

So apart from losing my father I've lost my home in Ireland as I'm not wanted there by my brother. This year I'll be spending Christmas not at home or even with family. I'm sure there are many people out there that have difficulties with siblings etc too.

Later this week I'll be returning to Ireland to organise a headstone for my father, and trying to get my brother to participate in choosing it, but he won't speak to me even so I don't know what will happen. The only person who could ever get him to budge was our father bless him. How I miss him.

Why Do We Fall

ChewChew wrote: »

It was dads birthday on Friday. It was his 9th birthday away from us and he would have been 59. I always thought it would get easier but it really doesn't. I find it gets harder actually. Life moves on and there's always something that I say oh I'd dad could see this or if dad heard that or dad would fix that. I always remember my aunt telling me time is a great healer and I hated her for saying that to me. And to this day I still do. Time is not a healer. There is no healing. Anyways. Happy birthday dad. X x x

I feel the same way even though I only lost my dad over Christmas after a very short illness. Time isn't going to heal what I've lost. I mean he wasn't just my dad but my best friend in the world as well. Time won't heal that loss, how can it possibly?

We just have to keep going. I know my dad would call bullsh1t if I said I'll live on for him as it's a cop out. He'd want me to do it for myself and for me to carve out a life of my own like he did for himself. So that's what I'm going to do.

I'm not a religious person but I know when things are bad that I'm going to hear his voice telling me, in only a way that he could put it, to sort myself out or I'll be getting a kick in the you know what!

I loved the man so very much. People always say they have the best dad in the world, but all I can say is that I couldn't have asked for a better one.

axel rose

10 years ago today I married you. You died 2 years into it. I still miss your hugs.

raglan

Your 1st anniversary today, a year of firsts at an end. Miss you each and every day, wish I could hug you close once more. Hope you are looking down on us Dad, I am always looking out for signs that you are around. Wish I could say that it seems easier a year down the line but it is still as surreal as ever before, I can't believe you are gone. Hopefully we will all be reunited again someday. Love you always x

Persephone kindness

My heart loves you so much.

Adviceme

I've lost both my parents. My dad 11 years ago and then my mum last year. I'm 23.

Although I'm young I feel the pain so deeply. For myself and others who have lost a parent or family member I think there's a few ways of coping.

I made a scrapbook of my mum, dad and my beloved dog. I keep it in the drawer by my bedside and look at it often. I keep photos all around my house and also try to remember things they said and times we had together.

Isn't always easy and sometimes I lose it completely.

Sending love to everyone on this thread xxxx

JimmyMcGill

That's a great idea. I'm sure they'd appreciate the effort.
Nice to have them close.

Adviceme

This made me cry. So beautiful.


I'm

banie01 wrote: »

Tell us about them…..hmmmm
I spent 12 fantastic years with a fantastically beautiful woman. She made me reassess everything I was as a person and made me a better man every second she was with me.
I measured my happiness and my success by the breadth of her smile  When people say ‘Your better half’ I know exactly what they mean…Kate was my conscience, my deep breath before I reacted, my centre and her smile still is my happy place on those dark days.
Its 3yrs since she died and I still wake up and roll over in the morning expecting to see her next to me…..And then I remember what happened that she’s gone and its like being back to the 16th April 2007 all over again!

I’ll give the whole story from start, waaaaaay back in ’96, when she was 15 and was 16!
I asked her out without ever even seeing her!
Me and a group of mates were hanging around outside one of our houses.....and I heard the most beautiful laugh in the world coming from behind a van.
So I sent my friends GF over to find out who laughed...And to ask her to 'go away' with me The innocence of youth! haha!!!
That night after our 1st kiss and cuddle I went back to my bestfriend and told him...I just met the girl I'm going to spend the rest of my life with'!
2 weeks later I told her I loved her......and I never looked back!
We had our ups and downs thankfully more ups

We travelled a lot, Spent 4 years living in Lanzarote where I fell in love with the Independent, Strong and assertive woman she became all over again!
We moved home to Ireland in 2003 and our son was born in 2004…..The happiest moment of both our lives 
We both got down to working hard towards buying our home in 2006….We went to view a house that I wasn’t sure about…But Kate made me go back for a second viewing and it grew on me…..
Everything that needed doing was cosmetic so I shrugged my shoulders and got down to bidding, when we finally bought the house and contracts were exchanged Kate sat me down and thanked me! She told me that when she was a little girl she useta walk down the avenue on her way back from going to the shop and sit on the wall outside eating ice cream dreaming that one day she’d live there and now she did 
I asked her why didn’t she tell me that when we were bidding…….And she said because I knew you would have paid whatever they wanted to get it for me, and you know me Babe…..I love a bargain!LOL

We were only in our home 9mths when Kate had a massive heart attack while we were waiting for a taxi on a Saturday afternoon……
Truth be told she was gone before the ambulance came  But they fought soooo hard to give her a chance! We got to the hospital and I had to tell her folks what happened…and as a parent myself its news I never ever want to face 
They kept her on life support for 2 more days, which gave us a chance to get our family together and get her sister home to say goodbye.
Even in death Kate’s generosity shone through, we had often talked about organ donation and Kate was adamant that if ever she was in that position that her organs were to be used our she would haunt me!
It made it an easy decision for us as a Family to donate, in fact we approached the Doctors about it.

So I lost her after 12 years that I wouldn't swap for the universe. But I’m lucky our son is here and even though he was only 3 when she died, he still has so many memories that we talk about and keep fresh in his mind aswell as all the stories that family friends have about his mam….

When I told my friend 12 years earlier that I'd spend the rest of my life loving her I meant it....
I just always thought she'd be here with me:) Instead of being my guardian angel!:(

Adviceme

JimmyMcGill wrote: »

That's a great idea. I'm sure they'd appreciate the effort.
Nice to have them close.

Thanks Jimmy.
Got to keep going on, don't you?

banie01

Adviceme wrote: »

This made me cry. So beautiful.

Seeing my post quoted has had the same effect on me
I cried, then I smiled and I even laughed reading back and reliving my thoughts and emotions at the time I wrote it and that darkness contrasting with the happy memories and bright spot that was our time together.
And even more contrasting them with my life now.

A recurring theme and advisory on this forum is that "time doesn't heal" and i agree...
It doesn't!
You do adjust, you learn to cope without them first of all and eventually with time, support and openness you will learn to adjust to living live and even enjoying yourself again.
You never forget the one you've lost and the loss never diminishes.
There is not a day that Kate isn't thought of, missed and often smiled over now at the thought of a shared memory and it took a long time for me to get to this stage.
If you are lucky though, you will learn to appreciate the times you shared and the memories you crafted together...
Rather than dwell on the anger that thinking of the time shared that death stole from you...



When you realise that, you then need to remember that you can't live in those memories.
They are great, they are part of what makes you the person you are and the person you will be....
But you can't make a future in the memory of a golden past.

Cherry Blossom

My lovely friend will be burried tomorrow. She died aged just 34 of a massive heartattack. The heart and soul of every party and the best listener. She leaves behind her devastated parents, brother and two beautiful doggies. RIP N x

new Author

My eldest son died last Wednsday he was only 31 we buried him in a white coffin on Monday because it represented innocence he was born that way and died that way . He had autism and severe learning difficulties and we loved him to bits. Each small thing that he managed to do for himself and new word he learned was a bonus , I miss him so much and feel angry with the world and with God and keep asking why him ? I know itl get that bit easier as time passes I lost my mother 9 years ago and know hes with her and my lovely mam will look after him life just feels so hard at the moment so I just want to say R.I.P my darling Kevin our dear sweet boy youl always be a young man forever and will never be forgotten , mammy and papa xxxxxxx

sashafierce

This post has been deleted.

otnomart

My auntie died this morning.
She was still in her sixties, had a CT scan end of last week - and family was told she had a year to live (cancer) and was supposed to have a follow up call this week to discuss her options. But it was not to be.
Have not seen her much in the last years since I live abroad.
Last time I saw her, it was a trip arranged quite last minute and now am glad we met then.
She was fun, caring, affectionate, stubborn.
Brought up two children and now taking care of three grandchildren.
We will all miss her dearly.

cj maxx

I just found out from an old friend that his old girlfriend ( and one of my best friends from 25 years ago in England) has died.
Her name was Kelly.
She spent time04-06 studying French at NUI Maynooth .
And typically of Kelly I have no idea when or how she died.
I do remember the talks we had when ,as bar staff in different pubs, we had the house to ourselves duringthe day beforeour night shifts. I used to say that we could be brother and sister, as she was adopted and her birth mother was Irish.
I also know for a while she had strong feelings for me romantically .
I hope your at peace at last Kelly

CiDeRmAn

Dad passed away on Saturday.

A friend described loss as a hole that can never be filled but can hopefully be lived with.

And so I hope this to be true.

His funeral is Wednesday,

As the oldest son I have to say a few words.

But, there's so much to tell,

That he was a gentleman, a nice man to everyone.

That he lived with his cancer for over a year and, though it was hard, had more good days than bad.

That a series of strokes robbed him of his final months, precious time to say those things he needed to say, to do those things, tell his wife that he loved her.

That he lived a good life, raised good children, was a great dad.

And I'll never stop missing him.

The world is all the poorer for the loss of him.

Ash.J.Williams

I don’t seem to grieve in a public normalised way , in rural Ireland it’s something gossipers frown upon , I just don’t see people as dead

wiz569

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118139202#Comment_118139202

Sorry for your loss m8 :(

HildaOgdenx

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118139202#Comment_118139202

So sorry to hear this. Such a beautiful tribute.

May he rest in peace.

sunbabe08

my brother passed away on the 26th of September this year after 2 long hard years of fighting cancer. He was only 45 and it came as a bit of a shock because we have been preparing for a liver transplant for him for the beginning of next year and we have been very positive about it my brother's team did everything in the power to get him there, but his body just couldn't take it I guess. He's been living in the States for the last 12 years and he came home in August for the first time in two years I'm really glad he did come home. We had a family wedding and a funeral while he was here and while the funeral obviously sucked for many reasons, the wedding was lovely I have so many memories of us just hanging out by the door away from the crowd laughing and joking and I have a picture of the both of us hugging and smiling and its hard to believe that 7 weeks later he was gone. Even now 7 weeks down the road everything feels like a blur and my parents are brokenhearted, there is that part of me that wants to cheer them up in some way, but I know I can't do that.

I miss his hugs and his dad's jokes and his smile. i miss the way he would greet me on the phone as well. he was a very lovely gentle soul and humble to boot. i just miss him

HalloweenJack

I don't know how to express this, really.

Someone I knew briefly over a decade ago passed away recently. He was a good friend of a good friend. I hung out with him a few times and he was sound. I remember once I was visiting my friend and this guy showed me around their hometown while our mutual friend was at work. I think it says a lot about him to give up his free time to help out a friend and a relative stranger.

He was only 37 and he died after being beaten up on a night out. Considering I'd been on a few nights out with him and he didn't seem like a violent type, it all feels so unsettling and senseless.

I suppose I am grieving on some level, even though it was unlikely I'd ever see him again and I can't claim to have known how well or to have even had much of a connection with him.