Tell us about them

LegacyUser · 27-06-2012 3:30pm

You made me laugh till I cried
You made me cry
You made me want to tear my hair out in frustration
You made me want to hug you till it hurts
You made me want to watch you sleeping all night
You made me want to lie down and watch movies all day long with you
So many things you made me wanna do, but now it's too late

My heart and soul is broken,
black,
beaten,
Irrepairable

If only I could have you back

I will miss you and love you till the day I die!

xxx

Davidth88 · 28-06-2012 9:23am

This time of year is always hard for me .

My Mother passed away 3 years ago last March.

Why is this time of year so hard ? Although my Mum didn't follow sports per se , she totally LOVED Wimbledon.

There was no point phoning her during the hours of daylight at this time of year .

God Bless you Mum . 40 Love !!!!

Stuck Cone · 30-07-2012 3:45am

Thank you for sharing your story whiterose

LegacyUser · 30-07-2012 9:53am

I lost my mam 9 months ago. To me she was the best mother anyone could ever have. She was also my best friend

She could always make you smile no matter what was going on.

She had a bag of "props" for when she was going out. They ranged from goofy teeth to hats, fake moustache's etc.

I told her everything, literally. Some days I feel lost without her.

But her moto was "you can't lay down & die, you have to get up & go". SO thats what I do, even when I feel really down.

She really was some woman for one woman!

daenerysstormborn3 · 31-07-2012 3:28pm

He was so funny. He had a really quick wit. Even just before he passed away he was still cracking jokes.

He was honest about everything. He was one of those old-fashioned men who grew up when you didn't have to mind every single thing you said for fear of offending someone somewhere. He said it how it was.

He was the most generous person I've ever met in my life. He would do anything for anyone without even being asked. He helped anyone he could, any way he could. I'll never forget how generous he was when he barely even knew me.

I'll never forget coming home from my first day in my job, overwhelmed and in shock over how hectic it was (funnily enough I'm still there now and it's great), and he told me if I didn't want to go back to the job that he'd look after me. He told me no job was worth crying over and he didn't want me to be upset everyday just so I could pay my way.

The best thing my boyfriend and I ever did was spend our time caring for him. For the majority of our relationship I couldn't imagine him not being a part of us. I know people wondered how we didn't resent Beanie when we had to give up so much to look after him, if you knew the man you wouldn't be capable of resenting him.

Sometimes when we're in bed at night I can still hear him calling to us, to help him up off the floor after falling out of bed. He hated that zimmerframe!

I'll never forget seeing him laid out in the hospital. He looked at peace finally after many months of pain and years of illness. It was weird though, I kept expecting him to sit up, with his funny smile on his face and ask me why I was so upset. Finally at peace with his wife, who he missed so much and never got over losing, not for a second.

He was 81 and J, D and I always thought he'd outlive us all. He was that kind of man.

I'm never going to stop missing him and I don't feel like things are getting any better, it's only been 9 months, but maybe someday...

Mr Simpson · 03-08-2012 4:31am

It's one year ago tomorrow since I lost my Mum, I miss her so much, she was only 53.
Love you forever Mum xxx

CathyMoran · 07-08-2012 8:30pm

I have posted about my late friend before but today/tomorow is 32 years since she, her baby brother and parents died in the 1980 hotel fire in Bundoran (another 6 people also died in the fire). She was only 6 at the time - I will always think about her. I set free a child's balloon today for her in her honour and remembrance. She was a lovely sweet and kind little girl - she used to help a little boy who was younger than her and missed his parents even though she was shy herself. Rest in Peace beautiful Deirdre and all the others that died that night.

Rubberlegs · 08-08-2012 5:37pm

CathyMoran wrote: »

I have posted about my late friend before but today/tomorow is 32 years since she, her baby brother and parents died in the 1980 hotel fire in Bundoran (another 6 people also died in the fire). She was only 6 at the time - I will always think about her. I set free a child's balloon today for her in her honour and remembrance. She was a lovely sweet and kind little girl - she used to help a little boy who was younger than her and missed his parents even though she was shy herself. Rest in Peace beautiful Deirdre and all the others that died that night.

CathyMoran, that is so sad. It's lovely that you still think of your friend all these years later, and the balloon is a beautiful idea. My daughter lost a school friend in a tragic accident some years ago now, I will never forget how truly awful it was to be at the funeral of a child who I saw running into school most days. Or how it affected my daughter and her schoolfriends. The memory of that little boy will be with us forever.

fizzyorange · 08-08-2012 9:39pm

A little over a month ago I lost my nan. I lived with her my whole life as my parents were too young to look after me when I was born. If it wasn't for her I probably would have ended up going into foster care. She was a very sick woman, sick for 30 years, so I still am shocked that last month when she went into hospital she did not come back out. I was visiting her with the family on a Monday, we stayed there all day and at around 9:30pm we were all rushed into her room. She could no longer breathe without the aid of a machine and we just had to let her go. We watched her chest heave up and down for around 20 minutes, and then it stopped. She was gone. She meant the world to me, she was the only mother I've ever known, and I just don't know how I am supposed to cope without her.

John Mason · 17-08-2012 12:33pm

my wonderful, larger than life, loud, annoying, funny, cousin decided yesterday that he couldnt carry on and took back the only power he felf he had left, and ended his life.

i hope he is in a much better place now and doesnt know the pain, heartache and desvation he has left behind.

he was 10 months younger than me, we grew up as brother and sister, everyone of my childhood memories include him. if we were not in the same photo, there was an identical one of him.

so many drunken stories of teens/early twenties and in our 30's it was house warmings/weddings and christening and quite a lot of just random drunkeness.

this is not good bye, its see you later Noelie. heading down to your house later and i am going to take that rubarb we forgot the other night.

love you man

Mam of 4 · 11-10-2012 9:05am

Twenty years ago today my son was born sleeping,perfect in everyway but so small,was born at 22wks. Never held him,was afraid to, guilt played on my mind for a long long time about that, but I talk to him in my head,apologised for not holding him,was young and afraid. Wonder how he would look,what his personality would be like. But.. I know he's always with us,our own special angel,carrying us through the hard times. Happy Birthday C, loved and always in our hearts.

Mam of 4 · 13-11-2012 11:28pm

One year ago today my mam died. Could write forever about how much she meant to me, how she lived her life for her family and friends.

But she was also like a mam to everyone else,ppl called her Mother

always the one that everyone turned to when something was wrong,she made everyone feel better just by being in her company,the glue that held everyone together,the voice of reason,compassionate,loving,a true friend,just a wonderful person.

Our lives are poorer for not having her with us now,but she's left behind a lifetime of love and wonderful memories. I can only hope that I can even somewhat fill her empty shoes.

Miss and always love you Mam. But I know we'll see you again, and I know you're always with me,guiding us.

Our Shining Light

xx

DeltaWhite · 16-11-2012 3:01pm

My best friend (sisters, not by blood) died in a horrific house fire in Dublin 5 years ago. She was 19 years of age. "Everything Happens for a Reason" I wish I knew the reason for this tragic event.

That night was one that I could only imagine in nightmares. I made the decision that day (her graduation day from College) not to go to the house for a few drinks as I was feeling under the weather. That decision was the most important one I have ever made even though it is so insignificant in day to day life, something I would never think twice about. I could have lost my life that night too and I thank my lucky stars everyday that I wasnt there to meet the same fate as my lovely best friend of 11 years

I can only be thankful that she didnt suffer, the white smoke put her to sleep before she even knew what was happening. I miss her every single day, I think about her every single day. I just miss not having someone that was the other half of me, I could tell her anything, she was great for advice and hugs. Always stuck up for me no questions asked. She was part of my family, we all loved her. Since then, I have never had any friend as close as that and it does cut me up inside

nothing worse than feeling like you have nobody you are truly comfortable with, knowing your deepest, darkest thoughts and secrets..

Someday I hope she will guide me to find a new best friend who can take the place she left behind.

I always miss you Naomi and I wont ever let your life be forgotten until the day I die.

Cunning Stunt · 20-11-2012 9:06pm

Monday will be one year since we lost our little girl at birth. It should have been her 1st birthday. This time last year I was overdue, impatient and blissfully unaware that the unthinkable was about to happen.

I am not looking forward to the day, but my gut tells me I will be OK. I still can't believe how strong my husband and I have been in the face of this awful thing. I would never have thought that I could survive something like this. I can only conclude that she somehow sends us that strength.

I also know that when we do have a living baby, his/her big sister will be smiling down on us all and blessing her growing family. She will always be our first.

Mr Simpson · 20-11-2012 9:57pm

Happy Birthday Mum xxx 55 today

LegacyUser · 24-11-2012 2:36am

You know I would always have trusted everything you said, every piece of advice, every decision you made, you were always spot on. That evening you made all the right decisions, I just wish he trusted you the way I always did. I have know idea what you might have felt in your final few minutes, I hope you weren't scared. I like to think you kept watch, trying to find new ways out of the situation, doing your job, vigilant and loyal.

The morning before, we had a short exchange, I will always remember it. It was the first time I realised you were proud of me. It meant so much because I am so proud of you, pride which I have never known before for anyone or anything. Little did I know that as I collected that award the next evening you would be at rest on that mountain.

The shock came on our way home, we heard something on the radio but it was cut short by a phonecall from our sister. Panic set in. Unanswered calls to your phone. We conjured up excuses as to why you wouldn't answer. Getting home and turning on the TV narrowed it down, I promised mam it wasn't you, I shouldn't have made a promise I couldn't keep. After more than two and half hours we got our answer, two blue men at the door.

At that instant, seeing your two stunned colleagues trying to stay professional, I grasped a reality I haven't fully understood since, you were gone. You will never be there again, all those things we did, all those things we talked about, confined to memory. That notion doesn't seem real to me now, it did then, for an instant.

So here I am, I'm the one coming home at the weekend. A small part of me expects to find you here, instinct reminds me to tell you about something when I get home. It hurts so much to find an you're not here. I hope my achievements in the last year would have made you proud, somehow I think they would. As I go on I promise there is better to come. I never got to say goodbye, so no point doing it now. I will carry you with me, drawing form your inspiration, mindful of how life could have been.

all_smilz · 13-12-2012 2:29am

Nieces-
my twin nieces died last week- they were 21 weeks and 2 days and their mum suffered a cardiac arrest as docs in hospital were preparing to operate on them in utero. Thankfully their mum survived with a LOT of help and luck.
They were the tiniest little persons I have ever seen- dolls, so amazingly perfect and yet unfinished. I love my other 2 nieces and nephew so much and even though they were unlikely to have survived the pregnancy it is just heartbreaking. To think someone so small could affect our entire family in the profound way is just-unbelievable. I feel sadness and gratitude and guilt. I dont believe in god or religion but I hope they are somewhere in peace and look over us all.
I planted a tree outside my house a few years ago as a way of coping/ grieving for a child of my own and this september it had two babies. (apparently these particular trees tend to do this....) I kinda feel my own child and my nieces are together somehow.
Love you lots Aoife-nonie and Roisin-mary from Aunti Omi

rosie16 · 05-02-2013 9:26pm

My brother died 4 years ago, he was 17 I was 15 One of my best memories was the time he collected the gun powder from the toy cap guns and stored it in a plastic container. We were in the kitchen and he was shaking the container. Bang, it exploded It was the funniest thing I've ever seen. He wasnt too impressed but I did call him an eejet.

What can I say it hasn't been easy but that's life. Who said life was smooth with no bumps? I could rant about how inadequate the cf facilities are but I'm not sure they would have helped him live a bit longer.

busola · 06-02-2013 11:22pm

I lost my mum 4 months ago. She was the best mum in the world though I didn't always appreciate all the things she was doing for us. Sometimes you need to lose someone or something to realise how amazing they were. Everytime I was coming home, she would cook my favourite dinner and ask all the awkward questions I never wanted to answer! The last weekend I saw her was almost the same: dinner, cake, wine in the evening. She was playing with my little nephew that she was so crazy about. And then on Sunday afternoon, she committed suicide... I still can't believe it, I can't find words to describe the sorrow, the pain, the anger, the emptiness. I'm trying so hard to remember her last words. Or mine. Did I tell her I loved her? Was there anything we should have noticed? Anything that would have given away her plans? All that is left is just questions, with no answers. I try to get on with my life, but will it ever be normal again? I go to work, see my friends, try to live as normal as I can, but what does normal mean after you've lost someone to suicide? I miss her so much, I wish I could her. I just hope for her that she's in a better place. Though it's not getting any better for those she left behind.

axel rose · 06-02-2013 11:49pm

Busola. That's just awful. I'm so sorry.

swervring · 07-02-2013 5:47pm

I never thought i'd be doing this. talking about you instead of to you. I talk to you in my head all the time but I still can't believe that you're gone. Its not even two weeks and I wonder can a nightmare be this long? Am I going to wake up soon and it'll all be over, and my lovely Mam will be ringing me to tell me the weather & be careful on my way home. Reminding me to make sure I let her know I got home safe, and after a forty five minute phone conversation telling me she has no news. I can't believe that she wont be there to see any of us get married, or meet her grandkids whenever they come along, or grow old with my Dad & look back on their lives together. I cant believe that she's not there at the end of the phone to talk to when I have a problem, and to just know when there's something wrong without me telling her. I miss my mam.

Eva_C · 14-04-2013 10:00pm

El was the first friend I ever made. We were 5 year old kids when we first met & that friendship lasted 'til the day El died, less than five months ago. It still feels so strange to say/write El & died in the same sentence - it makes it so real.

So, I'll tell you about her....She was amazing, gave the best hugs ever, had the most hearty of laughs. She truly cared about people, people she knew & people in general. She had a heart of gold. She was a bit of a rebel & lived life to the fullest. Always in a hurry, always happy, never bitter or angry, always accepting. She was a true & loyal friend. El was the definition of what friendship should be. She was & still is an inspiration to me. Always will be.

I wish I could give her one last hug & tell her I love her. I miss her so much. My heart feels broken.

riordar · 27-04-2013 12:00am

It's so lovely reading about all the memories. I'm in tears reading all the heartfelt messages and expressions of grief.

My lovely, dear dad passed away dec 24th 2013. He bravely and with dignity battled an all-too-short struggle with cancer. It was two short months from his diagnosis until his death. I miss him every day. Christmas was horrific for mum, my brother and sister. We found ourselves looking at graveyard plots on Christmas Eve. I barely managed to get out of bed on Christmas Day.

I'm lucky in so far as getting to tell him how wonderful he was and how loved he was. I grieve for him deeply and also for the future without him in it. He won't walk me up the aisle, won't see any future grand kids etc

I'm blessed to have him in my life for 31 years.
Rest well Dad.
Love you

LegacyUser · 29-05-2013 1:19pm

I have a feeling that this is going to be a very long post. I've had a very tough, and yet also amazing sometimes, 8 months, and I'm struggling to take it all in to be honest.

My wife and I have been trying to conceive for a couple of years, and after a lot of fertility treatment, we got lucky back in October. We were both thrilled. At around the same time, my Mam, who'd been having some health issues, started to get worse. At the start of November I spent the morning with my wife getting a scan, and we found out it was twins. I spent the afternoon of the same day with my Mam seeing a consultant, and trying to figure out what was happening to her.

A week later my Mam collapsed and was taken to hospital and spent a week in ICU, it was very touch and go. Thankfully, after a week she regained consciousness and was moved out of ICU. That week we went for another scan, on my birthday as it happens, and found out that one of the twins had died. I really didn't know how to handle it; it was just too much to take in, what with trying to look after my Mam and family as well. I just didn't have the time to absorb what had happened, or the reserves to face it.

My Mam recovered enough to be discharged just before Christmas, but they'd found cancer and she was going to have to face Chemo. At the end of Jan, a week before Chemo was to start, she had a relapse and spent another month or so in Hospital. She changed a lot in that time, got a lot more selfish and uncaring, and it was very hard to be around. Her personality was so different, it just didn't feel like my Mam anymore. Once again I was going to hospitals, running errands, trying to keep her self-employed business going and dealing with the knowledge that she'd a lot of debts that she hadn't told us about. And also trying to prepare for the birth of our first child.

She got out again and started the Chemo and was actually improving a lot, was on the mend and was more like her old self. Then, at the start of April she collapsed and died. We still don't know what caused such a sudden death, it could be months before we get the post mortem results. Since then things have been so tough, I feel like I just haven't had the time to grieve at all. We got the funeral arranged and got through that, but then I just had weeks of trying to arrange her finances and legal matters. I'm the Executor of her will, and I feel like it's the last thing I will ever do for her, and I want to do it right. I just wish she'd made it a bit easier! I'm writing to banks and solicitors, trying to wind up her business and explain to people that the money that's owed to them just isn't there. It'll be months at least before it's all sorted, maybe longer.

My sister's been brilliant, but she has health issues of her own and I feel like I need to look after her and shelter her from worry. My estranged father died 10 years ago, though I hadn't seen him since the early 80s, and I don't really have a relationship with my step-father, and what I did have has gotten worse since Mam died. I'd be lost without my wife, but I'm also trying to protect her and our unborn daughter from as much stress and worry as I can.

I can't wait to meet my daughter, but I also know that the whole experience has been shadowed by my Mam's illness at the same time. I'm going to be a father in a couple of weeks, but I don't know if I'm ready, and now I don't have my parents to ask for advice. Because of my relationships with my father and step-father, I worry about my ability to be a good parent, and I wanted to be so much more prepared for it than this. I know it'll be a great distraction, I know I'll be so happy when she arrives, but I also don't want her to be given the role of making everything better again. I can't even think about what I'll do if anything goes wrong with her, I've no strength left.

And in all of this, I've lost my Mam and I've barely been able to miss her. She drove me mad sometimes, we weren't in touch every day, but I'd love to just chat with her on the phone one more time, even if she was just asking me a question about her laptop or phone. I miss her, but I'm so angry with her too, and the mess she left behind and the lies she told us all. I'm going to see a counsellor soon about this, which I know will help. It's just been such a rollercoaster, which such a wide range of emotions, my mind just feels like it can't take them all in, it can't stretch enough.

Anyhow, I read this thread and found it very touching and helpful, such heart-breaking stories, I feel for each and every one of you. I thought maybe writing this all down would help me a bit, and hopefully it will. Thanks for reading...

J.

Quiet Girl · 13-06-2013 11:38am

Lost my dad when I was 9 to emphysema.
12 years on and the pain is still the same, with fathers day fast approaching the last few I havnt been able to stop thinking about him. I was so young when I lost, I feel as if I hardly knew him and I guess that makes it harder. I do have some memories of him, mostly happy ones, like when he used to sing me to sleep or when he would wrap his arms around me and i would fall asleep in his warm embrace.
If I could just have one more day to spend with him, to ask him all the questions that are going through my mind, I would literally do anything even for one more hour in his company.
My mam doesnt like talking about him too much, she has told me some things but not half as much as I would like to know. I am grown up now and I still find it hard to cope with the fact that he was taken away from me so young, the only comfort I have is the locket I wear around my neck, I never take it off and it comforts me to know that in a way he is with me where ever I go.
So im going to spend another fathers day kneeling beside the grave, wishing in my heart of hearts that he was still here.
I know my father was a great man and I am thankful for the nine years I had with him, at least I have some memories.
I know i will see him again one day, but until then you are always in my heart dad x

icescreamqueen · 16-06-2013 8:00pm

Today was a really hard day because I keep seeing pictures of 'complete' family units celebrating Father's Day and it makes me so sad that I don't have that anymore. My beautiful mother was the light of my life, such a beautiful person inside and out. She had the softest voice and made everyone she met smile with her humour. I've never met a more graceful, witty, soft, all round lovely person in my life.

I'm pregnant with my first baby and the first grandchild in the family. It's times like this that magnify her passing even more. Of course I want to be the best mother that I can be and going through this pregnancy has me realise what my mother went through to have me and my four siblings and what a fantastic mother she was. She was so selfless and never put herself first. It's so hard not having her here to ask questions about this and that and about motherhood in general. I just hope I can live up to her legacy and pass on all her lovely traits to my daughter.

Kablamo! · 16-06-2013 8:13pm

In a joking way I said "Janey I'll save a fortune today with Dad gone!".
My Mother replied "Didn't you just used to buy him bags of pens from the two euro shop for Father's Day?" .
She's right, I did, and he loved them.
I miss the joy he took from every day items- even when we moved our shed we found bookies biros underneath it. When things like that happen, I can see his smile so clearly, and I pretend it's his way of saying hello.
I'd buy you all the pens in the world if you were here today my little Dad.

BUBBLE WRAP · 05-09-2013 3:52pm

I lost to friend last march in a car crash. There has been a select few who PM'ed me to give me advice etc. how to deal with my friends deaths. However it is only today that I have really accepted that they are gone. Two great lads to talk to and they always had a smile on the're faces. I really don't know what else I can say...

See you soon lads.

Mr Simpson · 05-09-2013 3:59pm

So sorry to hear that Bubblewrap. Sorry to see you close your account as well. Hopefully you'll be back under another guise. Dont be afraid to seak bereavement counselling if you feel you need it, it's very hard to lose one friend, let alone two.

Theres no stigma attached to counselling and talking mate.

LegacyUser · 05-09-2013 10:40pm

Mr Simpson wrote: »

So sorry to hear that Bubblewrap. Sorry to see you close your account as well. Hopefully you'll be back under another guise. Dont be afraid to seak bereavement counselling if you feel you need it, it's very hard to lose one friend, let alone two.

Theres no stigma attached to counselling and talking mate.

Hi, Mr simpson

Thanks,

I closed my account because some members (Not this forum) are very quick to just go and point at you and accuse you of "attention seeking" or "trolling". Also because I think I need to get my head are my mates deaths.

Anyway.

It was a car crash, the driver was 22 and there were two passengers. The passenger in the front seat who was 20 along with the diver were pronounced dead at the scene. thankfully the passenger in the back of the car survived. I knew off the back seat passenger, but I din't know him that well.

The crash happened along a quite country road, the car hit the only tree along the road. So if they missed the tree. They would have survived, as the car would have landed in a bog and no impact would have occurred.

But, up until now.. I don't know. I just didn't think it was real. I went up and vised the lads graves and it was very sad...

ChewChew · 22-09-2013 2:26am

It was dads birthday on Friday. It was his 9th birthday away from us and he would have been 59. I always thought it would get easier but it really doesn't. I find it gets harder actually. Life moves on and there's always something that I say oh I'd dad could see this or if dad heard that or dad would fix that. I always remember my aunt telling me time is a great healer and I hated her for saying that to me. And to this day I still do. Time is not a healer. There is no healing. Anyways. Happy birthday dad. X x x

lukesmom · 22-09-2013 10:48am

No I agree that time is definitely NOT a great healer. You just live with it as time passes by.

sparkle_23 · 18-04-2014 7:58am

My Grandad passed away 4 weeks ago tomorrow, I'm in Canada on a working visa and I did not make it home for his funeral. He loved animals and was always feeding stray cats and foxes! The foxes were like dogs coming up and eating out of his hand

it would take him months to gain their trust. He'd always have a chat with my dog and it was so sweet to see! He loved my cats too..

I'm tryin to think of all happy thoughts and memories but I feel weird tonight... It's hit me like a ton of bricks

SATSUMA · 26-05-2014 7:45pm

I miss you so much that i cant even breathe naturally anymore. I have to remind myself to stop holding my breath, remind myself that i have no choice but to breathe. I am so alone without you sis. Nothing seems right everything is wrong. And that is the way it always will be. The pain consumes me and the guilt of being alive is too much. I wish i could have taken your place, i would have given my life for yours. I have known much loss but nothing has come close to losing you. I miss you, i miss your smile, your fingers, your toes. I miss you, what you were and what you never had a chance to become. And i, i keep going in a world with no meaning. It's lonely grief.

I love you sweet girl, from your big sis xxx

LegacyUser · 26-06-2014 4:51pm

I miss my Uncle. Although I didnt know him well I periodically get angry about his life. I look at heroin addicts these days and pity them with a small amount of anger also. He didnt have to go down that path. He had a wife and 3 daughters who I havent seen in 20 years. She left him, cant say that I blame her because he wrecked his own life.

He had a horrible childhood, same as my mam and her sisters. Being sent to one of those orphanages run by nuns who I can only describe as Satanic (how ironic) and they all suffered at the hands of those witches. My mam and sisters all have terrible mental illnesses now from the trauma they went through. They were just that bit stronger than my Uncle. They threw themselves into having families and that helped them see the light that they never saw as children. My alcoholic, abusive Grandfather made sure that they suffered too, hopefully he's rotting in hell - that would be too good for him.

My poor Uncle.

He loved me as a child but I was so TERRIFIED of him

my entire life he used to scare me so much because of his appearance. He was a typical junkie. To a 7 year old, that is a terrifying thing. Stuff of nightmares. I used to hide under the table when he came over and I would shake uncontrollably hearing him at the door. My mam would never let him in because he used to steal from her and she knew I couldnt handle him either. She loved her brother. He was the youngest of the family and he ruined his life. They all loved him anyway because family is family. He used to be so handsome. I wish his life was different.

My nanny was heartbroken, absolutely inconsolable. On the 23rd of December 1995 they went Christmas shopping in town, he left her on the bus going home and said he was going in for a pint and he would be home shortly. He kissed her and told her he loved her.

He never came back. He was found in the bus station in town, he drank a full bottle of vodka and took a large amount of pills. He knew he was dying anyway. He had full blown aids from the needles he shared. He was not allowed see his children. He was a complete addict. Who would want to live that life. Who would want to carry on living in that hell.

He obviously felt that we were all better off without him.

My nanny never got over it and it made her very quiet. My grandad still continued to drink himself to death. It should have been him. He was an evil man who wrecked his family and now they suffer. Still to this day my aunties and mam all suffer the consequences of his actions. It caused a massive ripple affect in our whole family. We all have depression, addiction and anger issues. My grandad died when I was 16 and to be honest, I was happy. I dont care how that sounds. My mam didnt even go to his funeral. My aunties stood over him in the casket and cracked jokes about how he looked like Michael Jackson with all the make up. Nobody missed him, nobody will ever miss him.

But I miss my Uncle. I wish I could tell him now that I'm older, how sorry I am for what happened to him. I wouldnt be scared of him now.

I just hope he is at peace with my Nanny. Miss them both a lot.

rakz105 · 30-11-2014 8:37pm

Lossing a loved one or close friend has always been devastating for me. In some cases, I just think that they have gone on a long journey and I just continue on living normally without them. At times, I express my grief and cry as much as I could to let out all the sadness from my heart. I surround myself with people and somehow the pain or the impact of the loss diminishes.
Hugs to all of you who are going through this grief journey.

angeldaisy · 01-12-2014 8:48pm

This year has been a tough year. I lost my father in law early on, followed by my grandad and now my father has passed away. It hurts so much and I don't think I've really accepted it. It will be a month tomorrow. he was suffering so in a way it was a relief, and my mum was struggling to look after him. I know that in that respect I'm glad his suffering is over.
But I'm finding it hard to cope, I'm juggling college, work experience and a family. I'm exhausted all the time.
I miss chatting to him about cars and thriller novels. I have no one else in my life to talk about these things. I think strangely I find that hardest at the minute.

sparkle_23 · 07-12-2014 5:05am

My brother took his own life Monday night, he was 24. I came home from canada for the funeral & it's surreal. He was the funniest person I knew and if he was here now at 4am he would be makin me laugh and we would be tellin silly stories

rakz105 · 07-12-2014 12:46pm

angeldaisy wrote: »

This year has been a tough year. I lost my father in law early on, followed by my grandad and now my father has passed away. It hurts so much and I don't think I've really accepted it. It will be a month tomorrow. he was suffering so in a way it was a relief, and my mum was struggling to look after him. I know that in that respect I'm glad his suffering is over.
But I'm finding it hard to cope, I'm juggling college, work experience and a family. I'm exhausted all the time.
I miss chatting to him about cars and thriller novels. I have no one else in my life to talk about these things. I think strangely I find that hardest at the minute.

Hello dear angeldaisy,

Sorry to hear of your loss. It would surely be more difficult to spend the holidays for you this year. I am praying that you will find some loved ones and friends who can be with you this time.

Hugs,
Rakz

firefly2327 · 02-11-2015 11:45pm

My father died in January. Seeing that in words is heartbreaking. I remember a neighbour who had lost her father only months before telling me that "time doesn't heal" and at the time I thought she was being melodramatic. But she was right. Although when I realised he was dying I promised my father (while he was sedated) l'd be okay I'm not keeping it. I'm still devastated, off work on sickness leave and receiving counselling. I'm trying, but after some somewhat ok days it hits me afresh.

I spoke to my father nearly every day by phone. I live in the UK due to necessity, but visited at least every two months, often taking time from work to be with him if he was ill. He was my world and I loved him dearly. He's left many wonderful and humorous memories as he was a character and a very kind man.

His birthday has come and gone. I was born on his birthday all those years ago. We spent most birthdays together or celebrated soon after. This year was the first without him and I just felt numb. I've no family here and my only sibling and I are not on speaking terms due to an argument last year when I finally put my foot down after decades of being bullied by him and told him to stop. even my parents acknowledged his bullying but did nothing about and now its too late. I've forgiven him for everything and love him, but am devasted that he has turned his back on me completely following our fathers death. He has kids and a wife to be, while I'm left alone with our (fathers and mine) dog.

So apart from losing my father I've lost my home in Ireland as I'm not wanted there by my brother. This year I'll be spending Christmas not at home or even with family. I'm sure there are many people out there that have difficulties with siblings etc too.

Later this week I'll be returning to Ireland to organise a headstone for my father, and trying to get my brother to participate in choosing it, but he won't speak to me even so I don't know what will happen. The only person who could ever get him to budge was our father bless him. How I miss him.

Why Do We Fall · 14-01-2016 4:25pm

ChewChew wrote: »

It was dads birthday on Friday. It was his 9th birthday away from us and he would have been 59. I always thought it would get easier but it really doesn't. I find it gets harder actually. Life moves on and there's always something that I say oh I'd dad could see this or if dad heard that or dad would fix that. I always remember my aunt telling me time is a great healer and I hated her for saying that to me. And to this day I still do. Time is not a healer. There is no healing. Anyways. Happy birthday dad. X x x

I feel the same way even though I only lost my dad over Christmas after a very short illness. Time isn't going to heal what I've lost. I mean he wasn't just my dad but my best friend in the world as well. Time won't heal that loss, how can it possibly?

We just have to keep going. I know my dad would call bullsh1t if I said I'll live on for him as it's a cop out. He'd want me to do it for myself and for me to carve out a life of my own like he did for himself. So that's what I'm going to do.

I'm not a religious person but I know when things are bad that I'm going to hear his voice telling me, in only a way that he could put it, to sort myself out or I'll be getting a kick in the you know what!

I loved the man so very much. People always say they have the best dad in the world, but all I can say is that I couldn't have asked for a better one.

axel rose · 22-01-2017 1:38am

10 years ago today I married you. You died 2 years into it. I still miss your hugs.

raglan · 03-03-2017 9:05pm

Your 1st anniversary today, a year of firsts at an end. Miss you each and every day, wish I could hug you close once more. Hope you are looking down on us Dad, I am always looking out for signs that you are around. Wish I could say that it seems easier a year down the line but it is still as surreal as ever before, I can't believe you are gone. Hopefully we will all be reunited again someday. Love you always x

Persephone kindness · 29-05-2017 12:46am

My heart loves you so much.

Adviceme · 05-11-2017 9:57pm

I've lost both my parents. My dad 11 years ago and then my mum last year. I'm 23.

Although I'm young I feel the pain so deeply. For myself and others who have lost a parent or family member I think there's a few ways of coping.

I made a scrapbook of my mum, dad and my beloved dog. I keep it in the drawer by my bedside and look at it often. I keep photos all around my house and also try to remember things they said and times we had together.

Isn't always easy and sometimes I lose it completely.

Sending love to everyone on this thread xxxx

JimmyMcGill · 05-11-2017 9:59pm

That's a great idea. I'm sure they'd appreciate the effort.
Nice to have them close.

Adviceme · 05-11-2017 10:02pm

This made me cry. So beautiful.

I'm

banie01 wrote: »

Tell us about them…..hmmmm
I spent 12 fantastic years with a fantastically beautiful woman. She made me reassess everything I was as a person and made me a better man every second she was with me.
I measured my happiness and my success by the breadth of her smile  When people say ‘Your better half’ I know exactly what they mean…Kate was my conscience, my deep breath before I reacted, my centre and her smile still is my happy place on those dark days.
Its 3yrs since she died and I still wake up and roll over in the morning expecting to see her next to me…..And then I remember what happened that she’s gone and its like being back to the 16th April 2007 all over again!

I’ll give the whole story from start, waaaaaay back in ’96, when she was 15 and was 16!
I asked her out without ever even seeing her!
Me and a group of mates were hanging around outside one of our houses.....and I heard the most beautiful laugh in the world coming from behind a van.
So I sent my friends GF over to find out who laughed...And to ask her to 'go away' with me The innocence of youth! haha!!!
That night after our 1st kiss and cuddle I went back to my bestfriend and told him...I just met the girl I'm going to spend the rest of my life with'!
2 weeks later I told her I loved her......and I never looked back!
We had our ups and downs thankfully more ups

We travelled a lot, Spent 4 years living in Lanzarote where I fell in love with the Independent, Strong and assertive woman she became all over again!
We moved home to Ireland in 2003 and our son was born in 2004…..The happiest moment of both our lives 
We both got down to working hard towards buying our home in 2006….We went to view a house that I wasn’t sure about…But Kate made me go back for a second viewing and it grew on me…..
Everything that needed doing was cosmetic so I shrugged my shoulders and got down to bidding, when we finally bought the house and contracts were exchanged Kate sat me down and thanked me! She told me that when she was a little girl she useta walk down the avenue on her way back from going to the shop and sit on the wall outside eating ice cream dreaming that one day she’d live there and now she did 
I asked her why didn’t she tell me that when we were bidding…….And she said because I knew you would have paid whatever they wanted to get it for me, and you know me Babe…..I love a bargain!LOL

We were only in our home 9mths when Kate had a massive heart attack while we were waiting for a taxi on a Saturday afternoon……
Truth be told she was gone before the ambulance came  But they fought soooo hard to give her a chance! We got to the hospital and I had to tell her folks what happened…and as a parent myself its news I never ever want to face 
They kept her on life support for 2 more days, which gave us a chance to get our family together and get her sister home to say goodbye.
Even in death Kate’s generosity shone through, we had often talked about organ donation and Kate was adamant that if ever she was in that position that her organs were to be used our she would haunt me!
It made it an easy decision for us as a Family to donate, in fact we approached the Doctors about it.

So I lost her after 12 years that I wouldn't swap for the universe. But I’m lucky our son is here and even though he was only 3 when she died, he still has so many memories that we talk about and keep fresh in his mind aswell as all the stories that family friends have about his mam….

When I told my friend 12 years earlier that I'd spend the rest of my life loving her I meant it....
I just always thought she'd be here with me:) Instead of being my guardian angel!:(

Adviceme · 05-11-2017 10:03pm

JimmyMcGill wrote: »

That's a great idea. I'm sure they'd appreciate the effort.
Nice to have them close.

Thanks Jimmy.
Got to keep going on, don't you?

banie01 · 07-11-2017 11:55am

Adviceme wrote: »

This made me cry. So beautiful.

Seeing my post quoted has had the same effect on me

I cried, then I smiled and I even laughed reading back and reliving my thoughts and emotions at the time I wrote it and that darkness contrasting with the happy memories and bright spot that was our time together.
And even more contrasting them with my life now.

A recurring theme and advisory on this forum is that "time doesn't heal" and i agree...
It doesn't!
You do adjust, you learn to cope without them first of all and eventually with time, support and openness you will learn to adjust to living live and even enjoying yourself again.
You never forget the one you've lost and the loss never diminishes.
There is not a day that Kate isn't thought of, missed and often smiled over now at the thought of a shared memory and it took a long time for me to get to this stage.
If you are lucky though, you will learn to appreciate the times you shared and the memories you crafted together...
Rather than dwell on the anger that thinking of the time shared that death stole from you...

When you realise that, you then need to remember that you can't live in those memories.
They are great, they are part of what makes you the person you are and the person you will be....
But you can't make a future in the memory of a golden past.

Cherry Blossom · 17-05-2018 3:13am

My lovely friend will be burried tomorrow. She died aged just 34 of a massive heartattack. The heart and soul of every party and the best listener. She leaves behind her devastated parents, brother and two beautiful doggies. RIP N x

Tell us about them

Comments