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  • Closed Accounts Posts: 502 ✭✭ Anna Molly


    2006-2007 were tough years for me on that front.

    My uncle by marriage dropped dead at work, leaving behind his wife and teenage son. He wasn't just an inlaw in the family, he was a fully functioning member of the family, whose laugh illuminated the room. It was so sudden, he had a normal day, ate breakfast with his son whilst my aunt was rushing around getting ready for work. Then he just collapsed and had a heart attack. :(

    Then my gran died of cancer, which we all thought she had overcame. It was nice in the sense that it wasn't sudden, and the entire family was around in her last few weeks.

    Then the one that I guess affected me most was Simon. Simon was a life long friend who lived next door. Every teenage memory I have involves him. We drifted apart when I changed schools and went to college, but seeing him at home, it was like I'd never left. He died in a horrific car crash in 2007. Luckily, no one else was injured, it was just him. It's funny, you hear about speeding on the roads and young people dying, but you never think it's going to happen to someone you know.
    Life is weird without him around. Just this weekend there was a festival on where we are from, all of the old gang were there, but there is that massive void missing. :(


  • Registered Users Posts: 165 ✭✭ magicface1


    Friday the 5th of November 1999 at 1.45pm my mam died from cancer I was 14 at the time... There isnt a day that goes by that I don't think of her. Wish I could have said goodbye. She was the best mother in the world. So much so that my actual family more or less fell apart after it. Been a tough few years for myself to get over it and my dad got remarried within a year and half. Those years were the hardest for me. Now I look back at those years and think if I got through that id get through anything. I have got on with my life now but still miss her like crazy. I recently got engaged and would have loved my mam to have been there when I broke the news. Hit a brick wall the last few days and finding it hard to cope tbh.. But ill be ok just one of those things that will pass hopefully.

    Slan...


  • Hosted Moderators Posts: 11,365 ✭✭✭✭ Scarinae


    I will probably end up posting on this thread several times, but the most raw in my heart is my friend Chelsea. She was the first friend I made when I moved to London last year, I got a job in the same shop that she worked in and we clicked immediately.

    Chelsea was honestly one of the most genuine, friendly and vivacious people I have ever met. Even the surliest customer could not resist her good-natured chatter, and she always had me in stitches laughing with her stories. We would sing along to our favourite songs when the shop wasn't busy; she would tease me about being Irish and probably related to Damien Rice and Bono, I would tease her for being born in 1990. I'd sing along to Acceptable in the 80's - 'I've got hugs for you if you were born in the 80's... EXCEPT FOR CHELSEA BECAUSE SHE'S ONLY 19!!'

    She introduced me to her favourite bar on the banks of the Thames, and we would sit there with our drinks with blankets draped around our shoulders and tell each other everything about our relationship history and our quirks and our plans for the future. She was teaching herself Spanish, and was saving money so that she could go travelling around South America. She listened to all of my fears about being in a long-distance relationship. She brought me shopping when I urgently needed a dress (the shopping centre still makes me think of her), and tried to persuade me into a red dress from Oasis. We both tried it on, it looked way better on her - red is not a colour that I wear! At our staff Christmas party, we both wrinkled our noses at the vegan meal we were presented with, and giggled about running next door to KFC to get a chicken bucket.

    I went back to Ireland for Christmas of course, and I still treasure the text that she sent me on the day. The last message I got from her was on the 30th January, when she posted on my facebook page that she missed me. I was too preoccupied to respond, and now I wish that I had.

    She was walking home from a New Years party with four friends, and a car ploughed into them. Two cars had been racing each other (despite the icy conditions), and one of them mounted the pavement and crashed into them. The other car kept going, and the guys in the car that hit them ran away. One of her friends died right there on the road. Chelsea and another one of her friends were unconscious, while the other two had minor injuries.

    When I got back to London, my manager told me that Chelsea had had an accident. I assumed it was a broken leg or something, but was filled in on the details the next time I was in. I asked if she had any brain or spinal injuries, but apparently she didn't, so I breathed a sigh of relief and hoped that she would wake up soon.

    The days turned into weeks, and Chelsea did not wake up. Her pelvis was shattered, and she needed heart surgery, which was delayed due to a recurring infection. Her injuries were more serious than I had realised. Still, I never doubted that she would wake up, and I thought about the conversations we would have. Would she be surprised that all the snow had gone? She loved the show True Blood, and someone found an energy drink online called Tru Blood - we planned to get her some as a Get Well present when she woke up, imagining how much it would make her laugh.

    By the time her 20th birthday came around in March, I thought that it could not be long before she woke up. We all posted messages on her facebook page, knowing that she would be able to read them all when she woke up: "Happy Birthday Sleeping Beauty!"

    On the 28th March I heard from my manager that beautiful Chelsea had passed away that afternoon. It hit me like a tonne of bricks, I honestly never ever thought that she would die. My first instinct was to call my mother and bawl down the phone. She must have felt so helpless, I was absolutely devastated and she couldn't even give me a hug.

    I had already planned a trip home to Ireland over the Easter holidays, but cut it short so that I could be back in England for the funeral. We all wore red, because it was Chelsea's favourite colour - I think it would have made her laugh that she managed to get me to wear red in the end! The service was lovely, they even played a recording of Chelsea singing with her band, there wasn't a dry eye in the place.

    I think it somehow makes it worse that she was so young, and there are so many 'nevers' - she'll never get to meet my boyfriend who she had heard so much about, she'll never get to travel around South America like she had planned, she'll never get to live the whole life that she deserved to. I am still so angry about those fúckers who were racing cars at some ungodly hour of the morning on icy roads - they killed two people, one person is still in a coma, and they have affected so many. All I know about them is that six men in their 30's were arrested in connection with the accident, and their trial was pending for this month. No sentence or fine will ever repair the damage that they have done though.

    Chelsea will always be young, always be beautiful, and in my memory she will always be laughing and happy. Though I only knew her a few months, it always felt like longer, like we were old friends. I'm happy that I knew her, even if it was only for a short time.

    Some customers still ask about her when they come in: "Does that lovely girl Chelsea still work here?" I just smile and say that no, she doesn't. What am I supposed to say, the truth? :(


  • Registered Users Posts: 166,038 ✭✭✭✭ LegacyUser


    In the summer of 04 I met a beautiful bubbly woman called Orlaigh.

    I was normally fairly lucky with the ladies but never fell in love and would move on if things started looking serious. Orlaigh changed all that.

    From the first night that I met her and saw her climbing out the sunroof of a car instead of going out the doors I was smitten. Too shy to say anything I went on my way.

    OMG, the :D that graced my face when she got in touch through a friend to get my number the next day.

    She took no crap from me and we really hit if off. Within no time I was seeing her everyday and sneaking off to meet her during my lunchbreak if I could. It didn't take long to realise I was in love. There was nothing we couldn't and didn't talk about. I grew used to falling asleep with her in my arms.

    At the start of the winter she started getting the symptoms of kidney infections but was not inclined to go to a doctor. Eventually she gave in and was admitted to the local hospital where they put her on a strong antibiotic and sent her home. Within a day or 2 it was back so I brought her home to her parents and with 2 days she was admitted to Tallaght hospital.

    I traveled the length of the country twice a week to see her steadily get worse. Doctors said it was TTP and started treatment.

    St Stephens day saw her struggle to put on a brave face and get her pressies in hospital. I traveled home the next day as a friend of mine was killed that night. On my birthday we laid him to rest and went to the pub. I had been talking to Orlaigh on the phone and she sounded very shakey. I made the decision not to drink that day and went home to bed. Her mother rang me a few hours later and told me to get to Dublin fast. God must have been my co-pilot. She went to ICU an hour after I got there. I felt her squeeze my hand that night when I was told I had to leave.

    A few days later she was transfered to the Mater. On the 5th of Jan she passed away, 19 yrs old.

    I honestly do not know how I made it but I have and know I am stronger for it. She touched me in a way I can only hope someone does again.

    Thanks for reading and sorry for the long rambling post


  • Registered Users Posts: 878 ✭✭✭ Kablamo!


    Miss Lala wrote: »
    He was amazing, generous, loyal, supportive and one in a million. It's awful to have lost him and not to experience an adult relationship with him but I'd rather have had him as my Dad for 19 years than anyone else for 50.

    I think that is one of the loveliest things I've ever read, and its exactly how I feel about my Daddy :). I had him for 20 years, and I can honestly say I'd move the world even to have another hour with the man.


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  • Registered Users Posts: 1,050 ✭✭✭ axel rose


    OK, I think this is the third time I started this post, and if I actually post it, it will be thanks to Obaraten.

    I met Seanie 11 years ago. He was was the only bloke in a house of three women. Lets just say that over the months he became my favourite :cool:.

    Seriously, the bloke could have done better. Sean was the kindest man alive. I am a cynical b1tch even on my best days. However we bounced well as a couple. For the best part of 2 years he worked in cork while I worked in wicklow, and he drove up every weekend to see me.

    He was such a genuine guy, if you became his friend then he would always ensure that he would keep in touch. As his friend then he would do anything for you. There are married couples with families out there thanks to him. He loaned his mate the cash for an engagement ring with a few hours notice. For Christs sake he still was in contact with his friends from primary school!!!! (Yea I met them and they are all sound blokes). At his funeral, my arm was literally sore from all the hand shaking-over two hours!

    Seanie had a thing for the high life-He loved the idea of staying in the best hotel, eating in the best restaurant, luxury holidays. My in-laws called us the beckhams!!:D

    Sean had gotten word that he had topped his degree, he was made redundant but managed to land a cracking job within weeks (May I add that it was the only job for his qualification in the British Isles-I was very proud). He was on a high when it came to his life. He even met up with some of his best friends a couple of nights before he died.

    To celebrate the new job, Sean booked us on a holiday to Barbados.....First Class all the way.......(I did mention the Beckham nickname?) I love that memory of looking at him on the plane, legs stretched out, champagne in hand and the biggest cheesiest smile on his face.

    6 weeks after that holiday, Sean collapsed getting ready for work. I realised later that it was his death rattle that woke me. If I'm honest I knew that his brain was dead before he left the house. His life support was switched off two days later. At the time I had no idea what killed him, it was torturous waiting. Sean was killed by blood clots to his lungs despite having a blood clotting disorder. I still don't understand this.

    (Even though two days passed before Sean's collapse and his life support being switched off- I refer to the day that Sean collapsed as the day that Sean died).

    He was 34, had a 15 month old son he adored and passed an intensive medical 4 weeks before he died. He had everything to live for but didn't have a chance.


  • Registered Users Posts: 1,303 Ramette


    My bestest friend in the world... Helen... she was from Kerry and was 6ft, we met when we both joined the same company a week apart. We were inseperable from the start... we were called the terrible twins (i am 4ft 9!)
    we used to go on holidays together... we used to go to the cinema a lot.. she lived in donnybrook and i lived off north circular so we used to go to savoy and both get the no. 10 bus home (obviously in opposite directions) so we would have a competition to see who got their bus first :)
    she had such a hard life but never complained (buried her father, mother and brother before her)
    She died 2003 at the age of 35 and i still miss her every day...


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 79 ✭✭✭ Kaaatelyn


    My friend passed away when she was 15. She was one of the most beautiful, talented and bubbly people I've ever known. It's things like remembering she should have been getting her Leaving Cert results this year and getting excited about a college place with the rest of us that make it more difficult even as time goes on. At least she'll never be forgotten because she left such an impact on everyone.


  • Registered Users Posts: 3,599 ✭✭✭ sashafierce


    This post has been deleted.


  • Moderators Posts: 24,659 ✭✭✭✭ ChewChew


    I am so glad I stumbled upon this, and it couldn't have come at a better time! Lovely to read everyones stories, lovely memories you all have, but I am sorry for each and every one of your losses :(

    Here is my story:

    My Dad. my wonderful, bubbly and courageaous Dad. He battled with his illness throughout 2004 and on the 8th March 2005 he slipped away, so peacefully. I was 21, he was 50 and he was the most wonderful person I have ever met. And I doubt I will ever meet anyone like him again. :( not a day passes where I dont think of him and with his 56th birthday happening on monday, it just does not feel right buying flowers for a grave. :(

    2005 was a n awful year for our family. My uncle died in January. My father in March and another uncle in December :(

    My dad has missed so much since his passing. Thankfully, he got to walk one of his 3 daughters down the isle and he got to meet one of his grandchildren. He missed the 2nd one by one month.

    I try not to get too down when thinking of my Dad. I am very lucky and honoured to have been able to spend 21 years of my life with him. However, selfishly, I would have appreciated a further 21. But he is safe, and no longer sick.

    Today, his best friend died. A man whom my Dad was very close too. It is comforting for me to know that now my Dad is not alone... where ever he may be. And I hope... wherever he is... he is watching me... laughing at me because he can see the silly flow of tears leaving my eyes right now but these here are tears of joy for the man I am honoured to call my Daddy :)


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  • Registered Users Posts: 14,406 Pembily


    J -a week before my 22 birthday (Feb 2006) my friend rang me on a Sunday night to say one of my closest friend’s brothers was missing, he was found drowned on the Tuesday morning!!! It was the most heartbreaking thing ever, seeing my best, most dearest friend in the world so so so broken and yet having to be the strong person, her brother made her smile and laugh and he was gone in one split second!!!


    A - Sunday 14 September 2008, my mother came home and asked where my dad was and my blood ran cold, I knew someone had died, I thought my 84 year old nana. She told me my cousin (10 months older than me) had taken his own life, I screamed so loudly and just collapsed on the ground, then my big sister instinct kicked in and I went to find my brother. Seeing the pain he was in (they lived together) made my pain worse. For the last two years I have tried to forget Andrew but I can't, it doesn't make the pain go away, I can still hear his voice, but his hugs are gone and he isn't there to tell me what to do, he's not there to get drunk with and give out to me that I smoke when drunk!!! Joseph's sister was there within a few minutes to comfort me once she found out and it was heartbreaking that I know knew how she felt. Andrew was my older brother, and my best friend and he is now my guardian angel but I wish I didn't have to visit him in a grave! He took a part of me and all my family when he left us so unexpectedly!!! On the up side I know he is now happy and no longer in any pain!


    RIP Andrew and Joseph - the world is darker as your light isn't shining anymore!

    (Thanks to Miss Lala for telling me about this thread)!


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 57 ✭✭✭ bellx1


    My dearest friend left me a little while back. One of the things I miss the most is the way she used make me laugh, she was sooo bad!! She was one of the most genuine people you could meet ( and ya that includes cynical and sarcastic when it suited her :):))
    But, I miss everthing about her.
    Her laugh
    Her smile
    Her advice
    Her voice
    And just her.
    Thats all
    Just her.


  • Registered Users Posts: 1,225 ✭✭✭ JCDUB


    Nice work, lovely thread.

    I just came in here as it was linked from the homepage because somebody had just posted in one of the threads. I've spent a couple of days reading a few threads, dropping in and out when I could.

    Well done to all who posted, you have helped me and hopefully yourselves more than you will know.

    I don't know if it's coincidence that I was brought here, but the timing is good anyway. My Dad's 2nd anniversary is coming up soon, and I'm going to tell you a little bit about him if that's ok.

    He was the most devoted father, husband and grandad I ever knew. He worked 6 days a week for nearly forty years so that him and my mam could give us the best start possible in life. He never once complained about it, because he loved us, and he loved his life.

    Like I said, he was a devoted husband, and my parents had the best, most loving and caring relationship that I have ever seen between two people. I can only hope to have something like this in the future. My poor Mam is a bit lost, she has lost her husband of forty years, who did everything, and I mean everything, for her.

    He looked after her like a baby, drove her everywhere (even though she can drive and has always had her own car,) and spent his retirement years devoting his time to her. They went on holidays, little weekends away and other little rambles a few times a year throughout his retirement, and they loved it.

    He was sick for a long time (6 years with secondary cancer, a miracle by any standards!) and for the first three years of this he bore the burden on his own. He didn't want to upset my Mam or have her worrying about him. Even after he told her, he didn't tell us until a year after that, wanting to save us the worry as we went about our careers and families.

    The man was simply a hero, a very dignified man. Even in the severest of pain that I witnessed him suffer, he maintained his composure and dignity for the good of the family and in particular my mother.

    Given all his dignity and strength, he was an amazingly kind and loving man. He was very expressive, and loved to have fun with his grandchildren and tell them and us that he loved us all. He always asked us if we were happy, and if we weren't he'd ask why and listen. Then he might advise if he could, or not if he felt he couldn't. Like I said, a really gentle, kind and loving man.

    I played a good bit of golf with him over the years. He wasn't the best golfer, and I often got frustrated with him, but he taught me what it was about from the time I was a kid, without ever preaching. I still feel closest to him on the course now.

    I've dreamt about him twice, and once we were playing golf in the sunshine, which is a nice comfort to me.

    He wasn't young, but he wasn't old either, at 66. I'm thankful that I, the youngest, had spent 30 great years with him before he died, and my siblings more, and my Mam even more again. This will always be a comfort to me, particularly when I read about those of you who have lost loved ones at a young age.

    I could go on, and some time soon I might come back and write more, but for now, thank you for listening.

    And thank you to all who have shared your experiences, times of difficulty, dreams, hopes, and feelings related to your loved ones with us all. I hope everybody has benefitted from this thread in some way, and the healing process has been made a little easier by it.

    I know I have:)


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 22,905 Handsome Bob


    Your old man sounded like a true hero JCDUB. :)


  • Registered Users Posts: 7,073 ✭✭✭ Rubberlegs


    Lost my wonderful Dad 8 days ago on Nov 8th. Am worried because I'm having a really,logical day today, about it all. Dad was the best, he'd walk to the ends of the earth for you. We are a small family and he often said he had all he needed with us. He was a wonderful Grandad to my girls, he adored them. All he ever did was worry about us all, were we happy in life. He had the most amazing big grin and twinkly eyes, his face lit up when he saw us. Dad had the most inappropriate sense of humour, I couldn't even say what he would find amusing!! But he never hurt anyone. Can't believe he's gone. He was never sick a day in his life, until he started to feel unwell in May. Eventually he went into hospital, to have all kinds of tests. It turned out that the in 20years he worked so hard on building sites in London, he'd been breathing in asbestos dust. And he had an incurable type of lung cancer. As if that wasn't bad enough, a few weeks later the tumour pressed on his spine and he lost the use of his legs. He spent best part of 4 months in hospital. He was so brave, he was determined to get well and walk again but this wasn't to be. This last couple of weeks I watched the life slowly drain out of Dad. He was 73 but looked and acted years younger, I'm so angry that he had to suffer so much. The last words he said to us was to ask us were we ok, as we sat around him after getting the call to go into him in the middle of the night. He struggled to say that. Typical Dad:). Just so thankful to have had the chance to sit with him for his last hours, and to hold his hand as he took his last breath. Love you so much Dad, sleep well xx


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 15,941 ✭✭✭✭ tbh


    I'm so sorry for your loss 73. Your dad sounds lovely.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 3 deliha


    had a miscarriage just over 3 weeks ago, coming to terms with it but having a low day today. sad as there's no stories to tell about this life that's gone, just the loss. good to have a place to say this. life moves on so fast. we named the baby Emily Rose, we love you and we'll never forget you. xxx


  • Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 7,463 Mod ✭✭✭✭ CathyMoran


    deliha wrote: »
    had a miscarriage just over 3 weeks ago, coming to terms with it but having a low day today. sad as there's no stories to tell about this life that's gone, just the loss. good to have a place to say this. life moves on so fast. we named the baby Emily Rose, we love you and we'll never forget you. xxx
    I am very sorry for your loss. You will never forget your baby but you learn to live again...give yourself time. Huge hugs.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 3 deliha


    thanks cathy


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 321 ✭✭ MrsA


    I only ever had 3 grandparents, my paternal grandfather died a long time before I was born (50 years ago this year to be exact)

    I lived to the ripe old age of 35 having all 3, they all got to be at my wedding and I am so grateful for that.

    I went to Australia in 2005 and came home in 2008, in September 2007 when I was 5 months pregnant my fantastic grandfather died, I knew he had died before anyone told me. I fainted that morning and had a horrible feeling over me, I know he was telling me he was gone. I never got to say goodbye.

    Roll forward to 2010 and I am now in Canada, I have two beautiful children and and a great husband. This year has however sucked so much. On the 29th of January my first grandmother died, it knocked me for six. I am still annoyed that my family thought it was okay to text me with the "news".

    On the 16th of March my other grandmother died, I am gutted, she lived beside us all our lives, I really adored her, even though she was tough and not exactly the cuddly type.

    I never got to say goodbye to any of them.

    I did not get to go to any of their funerals. I miss them all, I wanted to see them dead to believe it.
    xxx


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  • Closed Accounts Posts: 321 ✭✭ MrsA


    I only ever had 3 grandparents, my paternal grandfather died a long time before I was born (50 years ago this year to be exact)

    I lived to the ripe old age of 35 having all 3, they all got to be at my wedding and I am so grateful for that.

    I went to Australia in 2005 and came home in 2008, in September 2007 when I was 5 months pregnant my fantastic grandfather died, I knew he had died before anyone told me. I fainted that morning and had a horrible feeling over me, I know he was telling me he was gone. I never got to say goodbye.

    Roll forward to 2010 and I am now in Canada, I have two beautiful children and and a great husband. This year has however sucked so much. On the 29th of January my first grandmother died, it knocked me for six. I am still annoyed that my family thought it was okay to text me with the "news".

    On the 16th of March my other grandmother died, I am gutted she lived beside us all our lives, I really adored her, even though she was tough and not exactly the cuddly type.

    I never got to say goodbye to any of them.

    I did not get to attend any of their funerals, I will never get that out of my mind.
    xxx


  • Registered Users Posts: 198 ✭✭ Loopsie


    My granny died in june 2006, to this day i still feel like a little piece of me is missing. I think about her every day and wonder if she is looking down and watching me and wonder if she is proud of me my brother and sister, if she thinks we have made the right decisions in life.
    When i was small both my parents worked and i stayed with her alot, she also used to put my hair in rags and make it really curly and then laugh when she took them out saying i was the spits of shirley temple.
    She made the most amazing fairy cakes ive ever tasted to this day and she always had sweets on top of her fridge for us.
    My grandad was married to her for nearly 60 years and he is still going strong at 91. She was undeniably the absolute love of his life and when he talks about her his eyes twinkle. They were the definition of true love/soul mates.
    She had a very very horrible death but thankfully we were all with her when she passed. She was the most beautiful person i have ever known. My heart is broken and i can only imagine how my mum feels, i know she cant talk about it cos to this day it still feels too raw.
    I loved her with all my heart and i hope wherever she is that she is happy and knows how much we loved her and how much we miss her.
    I know i will see her again and i cant wait for that familiar smell and the lovely hugs she gave.


  • Registered Users Posts: 3,212 ✭✭✭ cbyrd


    My daddy died last monday night... we spent a whole weekend in vigil in hospital with him, all 17 of us, on the floor on hard stools that i eventually had to go home for cushions for, i can't seem to get a handle on how i'm feeling yet.. i don't cry much, sometimes i think ah sure i'm grand everybody loses someone i'm not on my own.. and then i can't sleep , when i do i have dreams about him.. i know it' s normal.. but i keep thinking i should be more upset.. maybe i was just so ready for it??

    He died with just me one brother and my mam in the room after 2 nights and 3 days of all of us being with him,

    I'm his only daughter with 6 brothers. my mam and 2 aunts and all in laws were there for him.. we loved him...

    my youngest won't talk about him or even listen to conversation about him..
    I got to rub his face and my mam and my brother held his hands..
    I worked with him for 18 years by his side..
    What do i do now ??
    His birthday is in 4 weeks
    I miss him


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 13,397 Slidey


    My heart goes out to you cbryd.

    You may not believe it when people say that time is a great healer but it is. I hope things go as well for you as can be expected.


  • Registered Users Posts: 47 ✭✭✭ FLCP


    deliha wrote: »
    had a miscarriage just over 3 weeks ago, coming to terms with it but having a low day today. sad as there's no stories to tell about this life that's gone, just the loss. good to have a place to say this. life moves on so fast. we named the baby Emily Rose, we love you and we'll never forget you. xxx

    Thinking of you


  • Registered Users Posts: 82 ✭✭✭ fataltragedy


    i lost my sister to cancer in july of this year.

    this thread may be what i need - for now.

    people always say that their sisters are always there for them, that they mean the world to them, and i can't say any different for her. there were four of us - all girls, and I was the youngest by a few years so she was the next in line. we were always closest - growing up, the others were so much older that i never really felt I 'knew' them until i was 16/17.

    when I graduated college in 2008, myself and herself took off with the intention to travel for a year. Moved to Sydney, and left there in Feb 09 as we coudln't get jobs - traveled around Asia for six weeks, then back to Oz, and moved home in May 09. During that period since Feb, she'd been having back pain - some quite severe and we put it down to sleeping in hostels, being on bumpy roads in Asia, etc.

    Another sister was married end of May, and us three were bridesmaids. We had a fabulous day - gorgeous weather for the weekend, and perhaps, the last wholly carefree experience as a family. A week later, the sister I went travelling with was rushed to hospital with blood clots. A week after that they diagnosed primary lung cancer and secondary bone cancer. She was in her twenties, she never smoked, or worked with chemicals - and they had no explanation.

    She started her first chemo on the 29th July 2009, and the words she said, I'll never forget. She told us "I'll give this cancer a year of my life without complaining, but after that - that's enough." The cancer must have heard her - or maybe God did, and honoured her wishes, though not how she intended. She died on the 27th July 2010 - 2 days short of the year anniversary for what she had said.

    I cope. We all cope. But inside, somewhere, I'm lost - and broken - and not healing, because, perhaps I'm not fully acknowledging it. Mam and Dad go to the grave a few times daily. I don't go anymore. I don't feel her there - and, I don't need to. I know she's around me all the time in pictures and memories. Went back to work the week after the funeral, have started going out with friends again, having fun but -

    half the time, I feel like I'm putting on a heavier laugh, smiling more brightly than I feel, and it hurts too that most of my friends seem to think I'm 'over' it now - and only a small few of them ask me how I'm doing, or do I want to talk, and am I okay. I'm not one for sitting down to heart to hearts with people usually, and, I know people can feel awkward about the subject of death, but it can hurt to think that people who are so close to seem to think that you're over such a big loss so quickly.

    I've typed far more than I intended. And, probably lost interest of most people but ... maybe I'll sleep a little more tonight, having spoken up, even online. they do say it helps not to keep everything bottled up.


  • Registered Users Posts: 1,225 ✭✭✭ JCDUB


    cbyrd wrote: »
    but i keep thinking i should be more upset.. maybe i was just so ready for it??

    Hey cbyrd,

    I was the exact same about my Dad. We had a long time to come to terms with his impending death, and when it finally happened I just felt numb and emotionless.

    I was worried about this for a good 6 months or more after he died, and wondered how I couldn't really feel any pain. But now I know I did feel pain and grief, they were just masked by this numbness I also felt. I now feel much better for having waited and allowed whatever was going to happen, happen.

    Grief is different for everyone.
    For me it's like a "work in progress," never complete, but always getting better.

    Hope this helps in some way.


  • Registered Users Posts: 7,073 ✭✭✭ Rubberlegs


    cbyrd wrote: »
    My daddy died last monday night... we spent a whole weekend in vigil in hospital with him, all 17 of us, on the floor on hard stools that i eventually had to go home for cushions for, i can't seem to get a handle on how i'm feeling yet.. i don't cry much, sometimes i think ah sure i'm grand everybody loses someone i'm not on my own.. and then i can't sleep , when i do i have dreams about him.. i know it' s normal.. but i keep thinking i should be more upset.. maybe i was just so ready for it??

    He died with just me one brother and my mam in the room after 2 nights and 3 days of all of us being with him,

    I'm his only daughter with 6 brothers. my mam and 2 aunts and all in laws were there for him.. we loved him...

    my youngest won't talk about him or even listen to conversation about him..
    I got to rub his face and my mam and my brother held his hands..
    I worked with him for 18 years by his side..
    What do i do now ??
    His birthday is in 4 weeks
    I miss him


    Hi there, am very sorry to hear of your loss:(. Posted previously about losing my Dad on the 8th. We buried him 2 wks ago today. Can identify with how you are feeling, I'm all over the place at the moment. I'm gutted that in May this yr he was still driving, building a wall, powerwashing the house. I know he was 73, but you would have taken him for 60. And less than 4 months after being diagnosed, he was gone. It all happened so horribly fast. I seem to be in a pattern of a n ok day, followed by a horrendous one. Was in a cafe yesterday n spotted an old couple having a bit of grub n the tears were pouring down my face, Dad liked nothing better than having a cuppa out with Mum. When I woke yesterday morning I was thinking of the day ahead and said to myself that I'd ask him to help me out with something. Then it hit me, he's gone and I'll never get to ask him anything again. I don't work at the moment and spent 13 weeks visiting him every day in hospital. I know I was very lucky to be able to do this. But now I don't know what to do with myself or where to be. Sometimes I'd give anything to have him back, but logically I know he had lost all quality of life, his dignity, and he wouldn't have wanted to go on for years like that. I'm so angry that he got so unlucky, that they didn't realise how harmful asbestos was back in the 60s. That he was literally living with it in his system since he was a young man, like some kind of timebomb. I worry that my Mum may have breathed it in cleaning his work clothes. Like you, cbyrd , I was there at the end, and though he was heavily sedated I'm sure he could hear us. I take consolation in how we picked his best suit to lay him out him, he loved to look smart. How we played Luke Kelly as he was carried out of the church. How we buried him with his parents in his homeplace, even though its an hours drive away, and how we got the hearse to stop outside the house he was born and reared in. How good my girls were to him while he was sick, and how they read at the funeral. Jeez, I'm sorry for rambling on so much, but God I'm glad this thread is here. Its great to know I'm not alone. So to you cbyrd and everyone else, best wishes...


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 3,041 ✭✭✭ cocoshovel


    Lost my 18 year old best friend in early September this year. He was such bro to me. We only became friends less than a year ago, he was in my school as the first Polish student we ever had. He never talked or had many friends for the first 2 years. Last year he made friends with some other friends and we slowly started talking from there. A year later he was one of my best friends, who I always used to talk to and rely on to help me out in situations. We would hang out throughout the summer having great fun together. He was going back to Poland for college but he needed a special form from the leaving cert to send over to the college in Poland to get accepted and he only had less that a week to get it in. He debated a bit weather he should just drop college and join the amry (which was something he really really wanted to do too). I told him to try get into college and have great fun there first. A few weeks later and it was time to say goodbye to him. We had a goodbye party at his house and had great fun. He walked me back to my house early that morning, gave each other a hug and I said Ill see him at christmas. A week later he was hit by a car and killed in Poland. I never actually asked for the details of what happened or who was to blame etc because I dont want to know. I dont want to talk at all about it. I miss him so much.
    Im sorry if I wrote too much of a story and poorly constructed. I just feel like I should tell someone every now and then.


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  • Closed Accounts Posts: 2,024 shannon_tek


    My Mam died 14 years ago of pneumonia after fighting a battle of a bad liver. I was only young of 3yrs so i never really took much notice to her death then my gran died the same year due to a broken heart . When you grow up with someone thats not there you live with it. But now its a dagger in my heart.

    I have always been strong an brushed deaths off my shoulder and moved on but life hit me in the face. Towards 2008 times got hard, my friend had a number of deaths in the family and same with teachers at school. But what ever way i phrased by saying 'why should i care, i didn't know them i haven't lost them' it hit me. I felt sore and hurt. I was about to loose friends because i cant deal with my own deaths. i couldn't understand the pain that they are going through all because it had happened to me along time ago. But its back to haunt me now. it feels like only yesterday my Mam was beside me. it hurts to know that i have to go through my whole life without her, when times are hard i have no one to turn to, no Mam to say everything is going to be alright. just me and my dreams of her waving goodbye.

    Im lost, it hurts more now than it ever did and i cant turn back the clock to say goodbye.:(


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