The try harder if ye want a second joke thread thread.

rusty_racer94 · 04-05-2012 09:33AM

My wife turned to me during her mother's funeral and hissed, "When we get home later, I'm going to make you ****ing pay for this!"

For the life of me I couldn't think of what I had done wrong.

Maybe it's because I wasn't sharing my popcorn.

podgemonster · 05-05-2012 02:40AM

All black people carry Ghetto-blasters with them on their Shoulders

It's not racist, it's just a stereotype!

FanadMan · 05-05-2012 04:28AM

podgemonster wrote: »

All black people carry Ghetto-blasters with them on their Shoulders

It's not racist, it's just a stereotype!

If I had a really big lump of cheese, I would throw it at you right now for that........

......and it's still making me laugh a few mins after reading it

bnt · 05-05-2012 12:26PM

Another elephant joke:
Q: How do you get down from an elephant?
A: You don't get down from an elephant, you get down from a goose.

JessicaRabbit · 07-05-2012 02:37PM

A young man at this construction site was bragging that he could outdo anyone based on his strength. He especially made fun of one of the older workman. After several minutes, the older worker had enough.

"Why don't you put your money where you mouth is?" he said. "I'll bet a week's wages that I can haul something in a wheelbarrow over to the other building that you won't be able to wheel back."

"You're on, old man," the young man replied. "Let's see what you've got."

The old man reached out and grabbed the wheelbarrow by the handles. Then nodding to the young man, he said with a smile, "All right. Get in."

JessicaRabbit · 07-05-2012 02:44PM

bnt wrote: »

Another elephant joke:
Q: How do you get down from an elephant?
A: You don't get down from an elephant, you get down from a goose.

Ha ha ha

J Cheever Loophole · 07-05-2012 02:48PM

With apologies if mentioned here already.

Hear about the fella went into the doctor complaining that he felt like a jelly baby?

Doctor ate the face off him!!

pebbles21 · 08-05-2012 01:25AM

What's the useless skin around a vagina called?

A Woman!

policarp · 08-05-2012 02:08AM

pebbles21 wrote: »

What's the useless skin around a vagina called?

A Woman!

Could be foreskin too. . .

admiralofthefleet · 08-05-2012 10:48PM

My sisters just had a child with her black boyfriend

Well Ill be a monkey's uncle...

Mod: User Banned

Cognitive Cascade · 08-05-2012 11:04PM

What do you call a black man flying a plane?

A pilot you racist bastard.

policarp · 09-05-2012 04:49PM

Having sex is like playing bridge,

If you don't have a good partner, you better have a good hand. . .

conor360 · 10-05-2012 02:11AM

ARE YOU WELL? NO YOUR NOT A WELL YOUR A PERSON.

pappyodaniel · 10-05-2012 03:13AM

admiralofthefleet wrote: »

My sisters just had a child with her black boyfriend

Well Ill be a monkey's uncle...

Mod: User Banned

AOTF? Did you really post that?

JessicaRabbit · 10-05-2012 07:54AM

conor360 wrote: »

ARE YOU WELL? NO YOUR NOT A WELL YOUR A PERSON.

BGT?? I can't remember that guy's name but think it's probably a good thing he didn't get to the final!!

:)

casio4 · 10-05-2012 08:22AM

JessicaRabbit wrote: »

BGT?? I can't remember that guy's name but think it's probably a good thing he didn't get to the final!! :)

J Cheever Loophole · 10-05-2012 08:23AM

I seem to recall BBC Radio 2 reporting on a survey of the best jokes ever, and this is what was considered the best ever joke;

Two men were hunting in the woods when, all of a sudden, one man had a heart attack. The other called 999. Someone answered, and he said, "You've gotta come help me. The guy I was hunting with had a heart attack. I think he's dead."

The person said, "Well, you've gotta make sure that he is dead."
So the hunter said, "Okay." Then he left the phone, there was a long pause, then a gun shot.

The hunter got back on the phone and said "Okay, now what?"

Ghandee · 10-05-2012 08:34AM

Just found out my mate down here committed suicide by taking an overdose.

He swallowed 76 indigestion tablets.

I can't believe it, Gav is gone :mad:

Ghandee · 10-05-2012 08:36AM

Been trying all morning to book tickets on an automated ticket line to see an Elvis tribute show in Dublin.

I think the machines broke though, it just keeps telling me to:

Press 1 for the money, 2 for the show............

kincsem · 10-05-2012 09:11AM

Why do women like Jewish men?

They can't resist 10% off

Kolido · 10-05-2012 09:21AM

Appologies if this is a repeat.

How many men does it take to open a bottle of beer?

None, it should be opened when she hands it to you

run_Forrest_run · 10-05-2012 09:26AM

What should you do if your girlfriend starts smoking during sex?
Use more lube.

Loire · 10-05-2012 09:46AM

The zoo got a new gorilla, but she was very hard to handle because she was in heat, but there were no male gorillas around.

So they asked a big kerry man who worked there, will you ride her for €500? He said He'd think bout it? ...

He came to work the next day & said i wil do it, but with 3 conditions.
1. no kissing.
2. No one can ever know..
The manager was excited & asked his 3rd condition.

3. I'll need a couple of days to get the €500 together...

J Cheever Loophole · 10-05-2012 10:40AM

Think I read this one in the Old Testament;

What's the difference between a buffalo and a bison?

You can't wash your hands in a buffalo!!

Sykk · 10-05-2012 10:43AM

Shamelessly stolen..

My girlfriend told me she wanted more magic in our relationship..

So I disappeared

JessicaRabbit · 10-05-2012 11:16AM

casio4 wrote: »

Sorry:o I heard this joke on Britain's Got Talent within the past week (the semi-finals have been on all week and the final is on Saturday) and the guy who told the joke is - to quote the judges - the funniest unfunny comedian. He was in last night's semi-final but didn't get through to Saturday - however he's gone down a storm - very likeable type of chap but if you were to hear myself or anyone else telling the jokes he tells it wouldn't be anyway near as funny!

trollymctroll · 10-05-2012 11:43AM

Man on a trip to Amsterdam,
Is hungry and visits a restaurant,
Waiter hands him menu which says
'Ham sandwich':5 euro
'Ham and Cheese sandwich':6 euro
'Handjob': 10 euro

He curioisly asks about the handjob, and the waiter explains their is sexy woman in lingerie in the back who gives a decent handjob.
'Ill decide when come back from tot' says the man

On way back from toilet, the man notices the linegerie clad woman in the kitchen

He approaches her and asks 'Are you girl does handjobs?'

She says 'I am'

He then asks'would you wash your hands please and make me ham and cheese sandwich please'

Ledger · 10-05-2012 11:56AM

J Cheever Loophole wrote: »

Think I read this one in the Old Testament;

What's the difference between a buffalo and a bison?
You can't wash your hands in a buffalo!!

sorry I always miss the obvious ones

J Cheever Loophole · 10-05-2012 12:05PM

Ledger wrote: »

sorry I always miss the obvious ones

I think it's me who should be sorry - it really only works when being spoken - it's a play on the pronunciation of the word bison - when said, it sounds like a posh way of saying the word basin.

I feel I've desecrated the thread!!

Ledger · 10-05-2012 12:10PM

J Cheever Loophole wrote: »

I think it's me who should be sorry - it really only works when being spoken - it's a play on the pronunciation of the word bison - when said, it sounds like a posh way of saying the word basin.

I feel I've desecrated the thread!!

Oh right I get ya now. ha

The try harder if ye want a second joke thread thread.

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