The try harder if ye want a second joke thread thread.

44leto · 10-01-2012 07:38PM

I heard this from the film "the Thing"

A little boy bursts into his parent room catching them naked and his da banging his ma.

So he runs out shocked, so after a while the father says I better talk to him

He looks for him and he's not in his room, then the hears noises coming out of his mothers room.

He opens the door to see his little boy banging his grandmother.

And the boy says you done this to my mother now I am doing it to your mother.

casio4 · 10-01-2012 08:07PM

How do you make anti freeze?

steal her nighty

HalloweenJack · 10-01-2012 09:17PM

Duffman K wrote: »

Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
I have alzheimers,
Caramel.

Roses are red,
violets are blue.
I've got chlamydia,
now, so do you.

EddyC15 · 10-01-2012 09:38PM

Paddy goes out partying all night and ends up dead in a ditch.
Next thing he knows he's chatting to devil.

"Oh man, I knew I should have lead a better life." says a terrified Paddy.
"Hold on now," says the Devil, "Hell is a place for bad people who like doing bad things."
Paddy becomes more interested and says "Oh right, continue..."

"Well," says the Devil, "do you like drugs?"
"Of course!"
"You'll love Monday night so. We've got cases of cocaine, tonnes of weed and more ecstasy than a club in 1990s Manchester."
"Great!" says Paddy, "What's next?"

"Do you like heavy, heavy boozing?" asks the Devil?
"Of course!"
"You'll love Tuesday night so! We've got gallons of Russian Vodka, all the Belgian beers you can imagine and a swimming pool full of Irish whiskey."
"I'm glad I didn't get to heaven!" exclaims Paddy.

"What about gay orgies? Did you ever indulge in them?" asks the Devil.
"No, I'd never be that way inclined." says Paddy.
"Well, I'm afraid you won't be too fond of Wednesday night so..."

As heard on Love/Hate

OhMSGlive · 10-01-2012 10:32PM

They say vegetables can't hurt you.

But have they ever been smacked around the head with a turnip?!

frag420 · 10-01-2012 11:01PM

HalloweenJack wrote: »

Roses are red,
violets are blue.
I've got chlamydia,
now, so do you.

Roses are red,
violets are blue.
Im a schizophrenic,
And so am I

Senor Frog · 11-01-2012 01:20AM

OhMSGlive wrote: »

They say vegetables can't hurt you.
But have they ever been smacked around the head with a turnip?!

Seriously **** joke, just stick with being a know all i'd say

To keep it on topic.....
What's pink and fluffy ?

Pink Fluff

What's blue and fluffy?

Pink fluff holding it's breath

admiralofthefleet · 11-01-2012 01:25AM

Senor Frog wrote: »

Seriously **** joke, just stick with being a know all i'd say

To keep it on topic.....
What's pink and fluffy ?
Pink Fluff

What's blue and fluffy?
Pink fluff holding it's breath

epic fail. them pieces of shit you posted arent jokes

leave the internet immediately

admiralofthefleet · 11-01-2012 01:29AM

Duffman K wrote: »

Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
I have alzheimers,
Caramel.

HalloweenJack wrote: »

Roses are red,
violets are blue.
I've got chlamydia,
now, so do you.

frag420 wrote: »

Roses are red,
violets are blue.
Im a schizophrenic,
And so am I

jack and jill went up the hill
so jack could lick jills fanny
jack got a shock
and a mouthful of cock
cause jills a pre op tranny

Senor Frog · 11-01-2012 01:43AM

admiralofthefleet wrote: »

epic fail. them pieces of shit you posted arent jokes

leave the internet immediately

I'd say easily as much a joke as the I one originally quoted . Wasn't really trying to think of a hilariously funny joke to entertain my internet "friends" at all tbh. Anyway I'm off to bed , oh funny one.

Guill · 11-01-2012 01:49AM

epic fail. them pieces of shit you posted arent jokes

leave the internet immediately

I'd say easily as much a joke as the one originally I quoted . Wasn't really trying to think of a hilariously funny joke to entertain my internet "friends" at all tbh. Anyway I'm off to bed , oh funny one.

I hate when Mammy and Daddy fight.

dillo2k10 · 11-01-2012 01:56AM

<snip>
Mod Note: NO Dead baby jokes.

W.Shakes-Beer · 11-01-2012 11:01AM

Whats pink and dusty?

Madeleine McCann's bicycle.

Ledger · 11-01-2012 03:13PM

W.Shakes-Beer wrote: »

Whats pink and Rusty?

Madeleine McCann's bicycle.

FYP

efb · 12-01-2012 06:24PM

I asked a pretty, young, homeless woman if I could take her home, and she said yes with a big smile.The look on her face soon changed when I walked off with her cardboard box.

Stolen from sickipedia

tayto lover · 12-01-2012 06:42PM

efb wrote: »

I asked a pretty, young, homeless woman if I could take her home, and she said yes with a big smile.The look on her face soon changed when I walked off with her cardboard box.

Stolen from sickipedia

Its also the third cardboard box that's been stolen in a week on this thread.

Capt'n Midnight · 12-01-2012 07:16PM

Emile Heskey's twitter bio:
"Professional footballer for Aston Villa FC. I enjoy scoring goals"

That's right Emile, and I enjoy inventing cures for cancer, building time machines and training dinosaurs.

Aston Villa are bringing a new perfume for their women supporters and calling it,

"Emile Heskey Mist!"

12-01-2012 08:27PM

Sciencey joke, my own:

What do they call it when two single-cell organisms separate on very good terms?

An amoeba-pal split.

:pac:

Ledger · 12-01-2012 08:50PM

Why do they take organs from pigs and give them to humans?

Sure pigs can't play the organ!

frag420 · 12-01-2012 09:55PM

SeaSlacker wrote: »

Sciencey joke, my own:

What do they call it when two single-cell organisms separate on very good terms?

An amoeba-pal split.

:pac:

Have you told anyone this joke in real
Life??

If not, DON'T!! You will thank me some day!!

MetalDog · 14-01-2012 01:39PM

So I was playing Skyrim, the dragon roared at me, I ignored it and carried on.

The beast, again, roared in a violent temper. Pissed off, I threw my controller down.

"Okay okay, I'll go and look for a fucking job", I told her.

getz · 14-01-2012 01:52PM

ship sinks and people are swiming around,two sharks swim over and the daddy shark says to his son,swim around them and show a fin, then swim around them and show two fins, then we will move in and eat them,the son shark says ,why cannot just go in and eat them now daddy ? because they taste better when they are not full of s...t

Daniel S · 14-01-2012 02:05PM

Mod note:
<snip>

No jokes about circumcision please.

mad m · 14-01-2012 02:16PM

My Grandfather died in Auschwitz.....

*Pause*

Someone asks, was he jewish?

No, he fell out of the gun tower.......

Baaaa Doom Bish!!!

Kxiii · 14-01-2012 02:30PM

I heard that new film the Iron Lady was getting an 18's cert.

It's not suitable for miners.

Ronin247 · 14-01-2012 02:37PM

Paddy sees mick in the usual spot in the pub and goes over.Mick is grinning from ear to ear,"why are you so happy?" Paddy asks.

" well when I left here last night I decided to take a short cut home by the railway tracks,and I found a girl all tied up to the tracks.I untied her and took her home and we had sex all night,it was great...her on top, me on top,an*l, doggy style... everything."
"wow thats great" says Paddy....."did you get a bl*wjob?"

"No" says Mick "I didnt find the head"

AngryBollix · 14-01-2012 02:44PM

What's brown and green, has 8 legs and if it fell out of a tree and landed on your face it would kill you?

a snooker table

losthorizon · 14-01-2012 05:29PM

Velcro - €2.50? What a rip off!

Capt'n Midnight · 14-01-2012 09:17PM

Daniel S wrote: »

Mod note:
<snip>

No jokes about circumcision please.

It won’t be long now...

gerrymartin · 14-01-2012 09:22PM

Capt'n Midnight wrote: »

It won’t be long now...

Thats a good tip;)

The try harder if ye want a second joke thread thread.

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