The try harder if ye want a second joke thread thread.

supersparkz

I posted this in another thread but for those who missed it.





A man walks up to a woman in his office and tells her that her hair smells nice. The woman immediately goes into her supervisors office and tells him that she wants to file a sexual harassment suit and explains why. The supervisor is puzzled by this time and says, Whats wrong with the coworker telling you your hair smells nice?? The woman replies

Hes a midget

tacofries

what do you call a boomerang that doesnt come back...

a stick.

JessicaRabbit

tacofries wrote: »

what do you call a boomerang that doesnt come back...

a stick.

Ha ha

messi1985

if you get banned from driving, give ally mccoist a call.. apparently here is fooking brilliant at making 15 points disappear!

Nodster

Caution about drinking and driving this Christmas - It happened to me.

I would like to share an experience with you all, about drinking and
driving. As you well know, some of us have been known to have had brushes with the authorities on our way home from various social sessions over the years.

A couple of nights ago, I was out for a few drinks with some friends and had a few too many glasses of wine. Knowing full well I may have been slightly over the limit, I did something I've never done before - I took a bus home.

I arrived home safely and without incident, which was a real surprise as I
have never driven a bus before and am not sure where I got this one.

alwayssideways

I starred in a James Bond themed porno last week and the director was extremely pleased with my performance.

I came right on Q

Capt'n Midnight

Blackburn manager Steve Kean has signed a new contract.








He will now get 300 minutes and unlimited texts for £20-a-month.

Capt'n Midnight

Barbie has a twitter account. How gullible do they think we are?

Like we're suppose to believe that she has time to be on twitter.

JessicaRabbit

A prisoner in jail receives a letter from his wife: "Dear Husband, I have decided to plant some lettuce in the back garden. When is the best time to plant them?" The prisoner, knowing that the prison guards read all mail, replied in a letter: "Dear Wife, whatever you do, do not touch the back garden. That is where I hid all the money." A week or so later, he received another letter from his wife: "Dear Husband, You wouldn't believe what happened, some men came with shovels to the house, and dug up all the back garden." The prisoner wrote another letter back: "Dear wife, now is the best time to plant the lettuce."

slaneylad

An Engishman, an American and an Irishman walk into a bar. they order 3 pints. When the barman puts up the pints there is a fly in each.
The englishman calls the barman over and says give me a fresh pint, that one is disguting.
The American flicks the fly out of the pint and knocks it back.
This is quickly followed by the Irishman who picks the fly up by the wings while clenching his fist and tells him grumpily to spit it it out. :cool:

Ledger

tacofries wrote: »

what do you call a boomerang that doesnt come back...

a stick.

Did you hear about the Irish boomerang? It doesn't come back, it just sings songs about how it wants to.

giles lynchwood

A couple are dinning in a resturant when suddenly the man slides off the chair onto the floor under the table.The waiter walk´s over to the table and said to the woman "excuse me madam but your husband has just slid off the chair onto the floor under the table"to which the lady replies"No my husband has just walked in the door"

dan185

My new years resolution? 1920 x 1200.

admiralofthefleet

corrugated roofs


their groovy

admiralofthefleet

I've just been banned from an online fashion forum.

Apparently my threads weren't cool enough

Pace2008

Why did the black man wear a suit to his vasectomy?

He said "If I'ze gonna be impotent, I has better look impo'tant."

omg a kitty

Why are most gingers sluts?
If the roof is rusty, the basement will be wet

Rocky_Dennis

I was standing at a urinal earlier today and next to me was a midget also having a piss. I noticed he was winking at me so I looked away, I turned and looked again and the little fcuker was winking at me like crazy! Disturbed by this, I said "Are you gay? Do u fcuking fancy me or something?" he replied " No you're splashing my ****ing eyes you cunt . . ."

what a day

What do you call a russian breast surgion?

Dr Ripanipplov

messi1985

Tim Howard has scored more goals this year than Manchester United!

Spread

messi1985 wrote: »

Tim Howard has scored more goals this year than Manchester United!

Ah Jasus messi ......... the year has only started. Give 'em a chance!

double GG

I asked a pretty, young, homeless woman if I could take her home, and she said yes with a big smile.

The look on her face soon changed when I walked off with her cardboard box.

Clareman

Everton goalkeeper Tim Howard scored from 100 yards.

Hitting a ball 100 yards? For Andy Carroll that's known as a first touch.

Balfie

An old man in his mid-eighties struggles to get up from the couch then starts putting on his coat. His wife, seeing the unexpected behavior, asks, " Where are you going?"
He replies, "I'm going to the doctor."
She says, "Why, are you sick?"
He says, "Nope, I'm going to get me some of that Viagra stuff."
Immediately the wife starts working and positioning herself to get out of her rocker and begins to put on her coat.
He says, "Where the hell are you going"? She answers, "I'm going to the doctor, too." He says, "Why, what do you need?"
She says, "If you're going to start using that rusty old thing again, I'm getting a tetanus shot!"

kevmol88

80 year old man walks into jeweller on a Friday afternoon with a fit 25 year old blonde. He asks for a special ring for the lady. Jeweller says "heres one for 5k"- old man says no he wants something better-Jeweller pulls out one for 65k- "thats it-I'll write a cheque and when it clears on Monday we will come and collect it"......On Monday jeweller rings man and says there is no money in the account-Old man says "I know, but can you imagine the feckin weekend I've had with her":D:D

tippspur

I was having sex with my wife last night when I suddenly stopped and didn't move. She said, "What are you doing?" I replied, "Don't worry, I seen this on Pornhub earlier, its called Buffering .

tippspur

Poor Bob Holness, only been at the Pearly Gates for five minutes when Amy Winehouse stumbles over and asks "Can I have an E please Bob?

giles lynchwood

I want to die in my sleep like my grandfather.
Not screaming like the other passenger´s in the car.

kincsem

I asked my wife "Last night, were you faking it?"
She said "No, I was really sleeping."

Rodney Dangerfield

The Master.

Paddy and mick hanged over and bridge and "pull me up there is a train coming" they had been trying to grab fish but it wasnt that kind of bridge!