The try harder if ye want a second joke thread thread.

Hank Scorpio · 22-02-2011 05:22AM

Guard noticed a driver doing 120 in a 80 mph zone so he set off his siren and the car pulled in.

The guarda got out and knocked on the window. The guard asked the driver why was he speeding.

"21 today, 21 today, 21 today" he screamed

The guard asked him again, why was he speeding

"21 today, 21 today, 21 today" repeating himself delusionaly

The guard said he ah sure feck it, its the one day in the year and your obviously excited its your birthday. Off with ye now and dont be speeding

The guard drove off and the lad he stopped took off also. Just as went around the corner he hit into a ******** who was crossing the road killing him instantly.

The guard who stopped him originally was called to the scene and asked the driver what the fcuk was he doing

The driver shouted out

"22 today, 22 today, 22 today"

* Replace *********** with whatever you want, obviously its only a bit of banter but dont wana land myself in trouble here

lecker Hendl · 22-02-2011 07:36AM

‎"Hey Arnie, did you get any easter eggs?"
Arnie replies, "Nooo! I did not!"
His secretary says, "awww, does that mean that you hate easter now?"
to which Arnie replies, "Nooo! Ah still love easter, baby"

Useful.Idiot · 22-02-2011 08:07AM

Why do Afghanistan not have any TV's?

Because of the Tellyban!

yuloni · 22-02-2011 08:51PM

This post has been deleted.

Savage Tyrant · 22-02-2011 09:48PM

My wife said, "I hate it when you alienate me in front of your mates."

I replied, "But it's true, you have got a fanny like Predator's face."

Mr. Spock · 22-02-2011 09:54PM

So a man goes to a bar with his best friend, a giraffe.

They both proceed to get hammered. The giraffe gets too drunk, and passes out on the floor. The man decides he'll come back in the morning and pick him up.

As he starts to walk out of the bar, the bartender says: "HEY! YOU CAN'T LEAVE THAT LYIN' AROUND HERE!"

The man turns around and shouts back: "JOKES ON YOU, IT'S A GIRAFFE!"

wiger toods · 22-02-2011 10:03PM

how do you make 5lbs of fat look good?

Put a nipple on it!:pac:

Bassboxxx · 22-02-2011 10:29PM

A woman was very distraught over the fact that she
had not had a date or any sex for over 5 years. She
was afraid she might have something wrong with her
so she decided to seek the medical expertise of the
well known Chinese sex therapist, Dr. Chang.

Upon entering the examination room, Dr. Chang said,
"OK, take off all your crose." The woman did as she
was told. "Now, get down and craw reery, reery fass
to odder side of room." Again, the woman did as she
was instructed. Dr. Chang then said, n"OK, now craw
reery, reery fass back to me." As she did, Dr. Chang
shook his head slowly. "Your probrem vewy bad.
You haf Ed Zachary Disease. Worse case I ever see.
Dat is why you not haf sex or dates.

The woman asked anxiously, "Oh my God, Dr. Chang,
what is Ed Zachary Disease?"

Dr. Chang sighed deeply and replied, "Ed Zachary
Disease is when your face look Ed Zachary like
your ass."

reddevilfan · 23-02-2011 12:37AM

Its been a tough year:

If i wake up and head to work and Find I've got 200 euro in one pocket and 25 in the other, What do i have???

My wifes trousers on

Unpossible · 23-02-2011 12:38AM

Condi wrote: »

This post has been deleted.

Hey Arnie, are you going to go for the presidency now?"

Arnie: "No, I am only a naturalized US citizen and will only be eligible if there is a change in the law"

Hootanany · 23-02-2011 01:54AM

Hey Wenger if you think Wembley's pitch is bad you should try the lower leagues.
I play for our local team and we recently played a cup match against a team whose pitch was made out of broken-up bricks.

Fortunately we won on aggregate.

Agonist · 23-02-2011 03:34AM

A midget walked into a lesbian bar. He got a box in the face and a clit around the ear.

A_Border_Bandit · 23-02-2011 03:54AM

Why didn't the man fit in the lift?
Because he had a canoe on his head.

bernardo mac · 23-02-2011 04:23AM

Two Welsh ladies having a chat. Bronwen: Did you hear the news Gwenith about Meghan Jones? Gwenith: No,what is it? Bronwen: She's getting married next month! Gwenith: That's nice Bronwen...... When's the baby due? Bronwen: Oh there's no baby,Gwenith Gwenith: How swank!

lecker Hendl · 23-02-2011 04:57AM

I suggested to my wife to try masturbating with fruit.

She went f**king bananas.

Balfie · 23-02-2011 09:12AM

what do ya call a seesaw with a fat kid on the other end?

A catapult.

Fallschirmjager · 23-02-2011 09:19AM

it helps to have a leather glove for this joke....

did you hear the joke about the gestapo agent?

no

[SCREAMING in ze german accent and slapping across face with leather glove] LIAR!!!!

of course as always it better to be pissed telling that joke...

sbsquarepants · 23-02-2011 11:24AM

An oldie, but a goodie....best ever, eh probably not....

Mickey Mouse and Minny Mouse are in court, mickey wants a divorce..

Judge: I'm sorry Mr Mouse but you simply can not divorce your wife on the grounds that she has buck teeth.

Mickey: No your honour, i didn't say she had buck teeth, i said she was fúcking Goofy!:D

CorsetIsTight · 23-02-2011 11:30AM

What's Forrest Gump's Facebook password...?

1forrest1

I know it's stupid, but I laughed and laughed and laughed

:o:o

problemchimp · 23-02-2011 11:35AM

Are sick jokes allowed?

--Kaiser-- · 23-02-2011 12:06PM

problemchimp wrote: »

Are sick jokes allowed?

I called in sick to work today.
My boss asked "How sick are you?"
I replied "I'm in bed with my sister"

this is arse · 23-02-2011 12:32PM

what do you call it when someone in a gay bar farts?

A Lovecall

rednik · 23-02-2011 12:36PM

Did you hear about the gay cowboys?

"Yup"

"Yep"

Sam Vimes · 23-02-2011 12:51PM

Queen-Mise wrote: »

please dont use spoilers for those of us on phones. Thanks

If you click quote on the post you can read the spoilers

neil_hosey · 23-02-2011 01:01PM

whats the loudest thing in the world?

a skeleton in a biscuit tin

havin a ****!

:pac:

problemchimp · 23-02-2011 01:42PM

How do you know when tour sister's having her period?
You can taste the blood on your Dads cock!

bobblepuzzle · 23-02-2011 01:52PM

...one says to the other, how do you drive this thing?

chin_grin · 23-02-2011 01:54PM

............................................________
....................................,.-'"...................``~.,
.............................,.-"..................................."-.,
.........................,/...............................................":,
.....................,?......................................................\,
.................../...........................................................,}
................./......................................................,:`^`..}
.............../...................................................,:"........./
..............?.....__.........................................:`.........../
............./__.(....."~-,_..............................,:`........../
.........../(_...."~,_........"~,_....................,:`........_/
..........{.._$;_......"=,_......."-,_.......,.-~-,},.~";/....}
...........((.....*~_......."=-._......";,,./`..../"............../
...,,,___.\`~,......"~.,....................`.....}............../
............(....`=-,,.......`........................(......;_,,-"
............/.`~,......`-...............................\....../\
.............\`~.*-,.....................................|,./.....\,__
,,_..........}.>-._\...................................|..............`=~-,
.....`=~-,_\_......`\,.................................\
...................`=~-,,.\,...............................\
................................`:,,...........................`\..............__
.....................................`=-,...................,%`>--==``
........................................_\..........._,-%.......`\
...................................,<`.._|_,-&``................`

Cookie_Monster · 23-02-2011 01:54PM

Fish can't talk, silly :rolleyes:

Penn · 23-02-2011 01:55PM

Then the other replies, "I don't know. I'm like a fish out of water"

Then they die.

The try harder if ye want a second joke thread thread.

Comments