The try harder if ye want a second joke thread thread.

Coriolanus

--Kaiser-- wrote: »

A what?

I think its farmspeak. Probably a type of tractor or something.

--Kaiser--

Nevore wrote: »

I think its farmspeak. Probably a type of tractor or something.

Ah! A Massey Ferguson 165 no doubt
http://www.dumelow.co.uk/MF165.jpg

Coriolanus

--Kaiser-- wrote: »

Ah! A Massey Ferguson 165 no doubt
http://www.dumelow.co.uk/MF165.jpg

There we go!
See, we know what the country kids are into!

Stu

Regarding men not being able to multitask, i can and do on a daily basis. For example, yesterday evening i was having a **** with 1 hand, moving my mouse through various different porn movies on porntube with the other hand and watching Rangers v Sporting Lisbon in the Europa League all at the same time. Mind you i tried to pick up a cup of tea while doing the other 3 and nearly spilled the tea all over my cock. So, i can multitask to a point but i'm not a fookin octopus ladies.

Galway K9

Stu wrote: »

Regarding men not being able to multitask, i can and do on a daily basis. For example, yesterday evening i was having a **** with 1 hand, moving my mouse through various different porn movies on porntube with the other hand and watching Rangers v Sporting Lisbon in the Europa League all at the same time. Mind you i tried to pick up a cup of tea while doing the other 3 and nearly spilled the tea all over my cock. So, i can multitask to a point but i'm not a fookin octopus ladies.

Pathetic

Stu

It's called having a sense of Humour "Galway K9" I think your on the wrong thread :rolleyes:

t0mm13b

Stu wrote: »

Regarding men not being able to multitask, i can and do on a daily basis. For example, yesterday evening i was having a **** with 1 hand, moving my mouse through various different porn movies on porntube with the other hand and watching Rangers v Sporting Lisbon in the Europa League all at the same time. Mind you i tried to pick up a cup of tea while doing the other 3 and nearly spilled the tea all over my cock. So, i can multitask to a point but i'm not a fookin octopus ladies.

Hang on a sec... that's a roight shenanigan yer spielin on there about....

1 hand for a ****
moving a mouse with the other
watching a match all at the same time...

:pac:

So how in the fcuk can you pick up a cup of tea... if both hands are used ....? :P

That reeks of BS!!!

Stu

I did say that i tried to pick up the cup of tea, obviously i put the mouse down but it all went a bit pearshaped and my brain was overloaded with too much information. I sort of fell back on the bed because my underpants were around my ankles and some tea went on my stomach but i managed to compose myself and normal service was resumed as soon as i put the tea back down .

I should have called my better half to pour the tea into my mouth while i was doing the other stuff but she would have ended up laughing at me no doubt pointing out that she was right all along and that men can't multitask and i can't have her winning that arguement.

t0mm13b

Stu wrote: »

I did say that i tried to pick up the cup of tea, obviously i put the mouse down but it all went a bit pearshaped and my brain was overloaded with too much information. I sort of fell back on the bed because my underpants were around my ankles and some tea went on my stomach but i managed to compose myself and normal service was resumed as soon as i put the tea back down .

I should have called my better half to pour the tea into my mouth while i was doing the other stuff but she would have ended up laughing at me no doubt pointing out that she was right all along and that men can't multitask and i can't have her winning that arguement.

Should have asked your OH to give you a helping hand that woulda been handy :P :pac:

Stu

No, in fairness, we tried that when she was watching coronation street 1 night but when a good part came on she would yank a bit too hard out of excitement at whatever she saw on the TV, and i'd be in bits. I just tug away myself beside her now while she's watching corrie and that seems to suit us both a lot better .

Galway K9

Stu wrote: »

It's called having a sense of Humour "Galway K9" I think your on the wrong thread :rolleyes:

i have a great sense of humour i just think its bad:D

Galway K9

Sitec wrote: »

I would'nt blame you.

Man shes hot!!!


Wheres the soap?

Stu

Good man Galway K9, come aboard.

Galway K9

ive been onboard a long time ha:D

Duiske

How did they know lord Mountbatten had dandruff ?

They found his Head and Shoulders on the beach.

DundalkDuffman

EverEvolving wrote: »

Who's the nicest guy in a hospital?


The ultra-sound guy.

And when the ultrasound guy is on holidays who is the nicest guy in the hospital?


The hip replacement guy.

im invisible

i hate them Italians, with their slanty eyes,




oh, wait no...




not Italians....





Italics

phelixoflaherty

Old one
The pole vault champion of East Germany is now the pole vault champion of West Germany

Savage Tyrant

phelixoflaherty wrote: »

Old one
The pole vault champion of East Germany is now the pole vault champion of West Germany

Haha... Reminds me of the other old one...

Why don't Mexico do very well at the Olympics??
Because anyone who can run, swim or jump, is already in America.

Ken.

A husband and wife are on the 9th green when suddenly she
collapses from a heart attack! “Help me dear,” she groans to her
husband.

The husband calls 911 on his cell phone, talks for a few minutes, picks up his putter, and lines up his putt.

His wife raises her head off the green and stares at him. “I’m dying here and you’re putting?”

“Don’t worry dear,” says the husband calmly, “they found a
doctor on the second hole and he’s coming to help you.”

“Well, how long will it take for him to get here,” she asks feebly?

“No time at all,” says her husband, “Everybody’s already agreed to let him play through.”

DalkeyRose

What does 'W.I.F.E.' stand for???

Washing
Ironing
Fcuking
Etc!!!!!!!!!!!!!!:cool:

DalkeyRose

What's the difference between single men and married men?????



Single men come home, look what's in the fridge and go to bed.

Married men come home, look what's in the bed and go to the fridge:cool:

copperfacegaz

I got home from the pub last night and my wife said, "I can't believe how intoxicated you are."Denying it I said, "I'm not drunk."She said, "Yes you are."I said, "No I'm f**king not."She said, "Can you tell the time?"I walked up to the clock and said, "I'm not f**king drunk."

copperfacegaz

I put my jeans and jumper into the washing machine last night and turned it on to a coloured wash.The jeans came out six times too big and the jumper came out with a hood on it.

DalkeyRose

My wife got me to believe in Religion.............



Until I married her, I didn't believe in HELL;)

pheasant tail

Heard this one yesterday made me laugh

ME - well boss,,sorry but i dont think ill make it to work today...

BOSS - Why?

Me- sorry but im suffering from anal blindness..

Boss - Anal blind ness,what?? what you mean..

ME - yaa anal blindness,just cant see my arse getting out of bed dismorning

Tar.Aldarion

/walk up close to their ear and whisper...

What's the difference between an erection and a ferrari?

I don't have a ferrari

Ronin247

DalkeyRose wrote: »

What does 'W.I.F.E.' stand for???

Washing
Ironing
Fcuking
Etc!!!!!!!!!!!!!!:cool:

What does women stand for
Wait
On
Mans
Every
Need

Hootanany

Joe to Paddy: "Close your curtains the next time you're shagging your wife. The whole street was watching and laughing at you yesterday."
*
*
*
Paddy: "Well the joke's on them stupid bastards because I wasn't even home yesterday."

*

Podge2k7

Towards the end of the golf course, Jim hit his ball into the woods and found it in a patch of pretty yellow buttercups.

Trying to get his ball back in play, he ended up thrashing just about every buttercup in the patch.

All of a sudden.....POOF!!

In a flash and puff of smoke, a little old woman appeared. She said, 'I'm Mother Nature ! Do you know how long it took me to make those buttercups???

Just for doing what you have done, you won't have any butter for your popcorn for the rest of your life: better still, you won't have any butter for your toast for the rest of your life..... As a matter of fact, you'll never have any butter for anything the rest of your life!!!!!

Then POOF!......she was gone !!!

After Jim recovered from the shock, he hollered for his friend, 'Fred where are you?'

Fred yells back 'I'm over here in the Pussy Willows.'

Dave shouts back, 'DON'T SWING, Fred; FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, DON'T SWING !!!!!'