Advertisement
If you have a new account but are having problems posting or verifying your account, please email us on hello@boards.ie for help. Thanks :)
Hello all! Please ensure that you are posting a new thread or question in the appropriate forum. The Feedback forum is overwhelmed with questions that are having to be moved elsewhere. If you need help to verify your account contact hello@boards.ie

The try harder if ye want a second joke thread thread.

Options
1…1314161819…327

Comments

  • Options
    #452
    Rick Deckard
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,181 ✭✭✭Rick Deckard


    MarkD09 wrote: »
    But why did she say does, doesnt it ? I dont get it either
    Two lesbians in the bath, one says to the other "using the soap to masturbate really wears the soap down!!"(ie Where's the soap)

    Other one says, "It does doesnt it"

    Now go back and read the joke with this scene in your head.:)


  • Options
    #453
    Galway K9
    Registered Users Posts: 2,353 ✭✭✭Galway K9


    staker wrote: »
    Two lesbians in a bath,one goes "Where's the soap?"
    The other smiles and replies "Does,doesn't it?"


    Brilliant! still laughing.


  • Options
    #454
    Doublechinlolz
    Registered Users Posts: 2,390 ✭✭✭Doublechinlolz


    peatcass wrote: »
    Two lesbians in the bath, one says to the other "using the soap to masturbate really wears the soap down!!"

    Other one says, "It does doesnt it"

    Now go back and read the joke with this scene in your head.:)

    HAHAHHAHAHAHHAHA wears the soap oh i get it hahahahahaha :)


  • Options
    #455
    Coriolanus
    Registered Users Posts: 4,879 ✭✭✭Coriolanus


    Holy crap I'm slow. Thanks for the explanation. :o


  • Options
    #456
    timewilltell
    Registered Users Posts: 505 ✭✭✭timewilltell


    A blonde, a brunette and a red head are lost in the wilderness. It's been months and they're running out of food.

    One day the red head says,
    'I'm going to go hunting for food.'

    And off she sets.
    A few days later she returns, bruised and battered, but with a wild boar!
    The other 2 are amazed, and ask how. She says:

    'I saw the tracks, I followed the tracks, and BAM! Caught the boar!'

    They feast for weeks..

    Eventually the brunette realises it's her turn.

    So she sets out, and returns days later with a deer, and says.

    'I just saw the tracks, followed the tracks, and BAM caught the deer.'

    Again they feast.

    Finally it's the blonde girls turn..and she sets off.

    Weeks later, she stumbles in to the camp, bruised and battered, with nothing to show for it.

    The other 2 ask what happened...

    She says.. 'Well, it's like this..I saw the tracks, I followed the tracks, and BAM, hit by a train.'


  • Advertisement
  • Options
    #457
    deise go deo
    Closed Accounts Posts: 3,677 ✭✭✭deise go deo


    Two IRA Volunteers walk out of a Bar in Belfast, They see a man in Uniform at the end of the street,

    The first volunteer says:
    'An Cheapann tú go bhfuil an fear sin san RUC?'

    The second Volunteer says:
    'Ní Cheapann'


  • Options
    #458
    Debthree
    Registered Users Posts: 303 ✭✭Debthree


    A wife asks her husband, a software engineer "Could you please go shopping for me and buy one carton of milk, and if they have eggs, get 6."

    A short time later the husband comes back with 6 cartons of milk. The wife asks him, "Why the hell did you buy 6 cartons of milk?"

    He replied, "They had eggs."


  • Options
    #459
    Queen-Mise
    Registered Users Posts: 7,461 ✭✭✭Queen-Mise


    please dont use spoilers for those of us on phones. Thanks

    My jokes are anti-jokes so dont really suit here...


  • Options
    #460
    [Deleted User]
    Posts: 0 ✭ [Deleted User]


    snyper wrote: »
    A duck walks into a bar. And he says to the bartender "Got any grapes?" The bartender says "No, I don’t have any grapes." The duck walks out, sorely disappointed.

    So the next day, he walks back into the bar, asks the same question, gets the same answer.

    The day after, he walks back into the bar, and again, asks the bartender, "Do you have any grapes?" The bartender, having still not figured out why this duck seems to think he may have some grapes, says to the duck, "No, and if you come back in here tomorrow and ask me if I have any grapes, I will nail your bill to the bar!"

    The duck frowns, turns around, and walks out of the bar. So the next day, the duck walks back into the bar, and asks the bartender "Got any nails?"

    The bartender says, "No."

    So the duck says, "Got any grapes?"


    that joke got me laid soooo many times...

    Great ice breaker

    There must be some sluts in your area!!


  • Options
    #461
    Feeded
    Registered Users Posts: 247 ✭✭Feeded


    How did the baker die? He stepped on a bun and a currant ran up his leg.


  • Advertisement
  • Options
    #462
    Adamantium
    Closed Accounts Posts: 2,563 ✭✭✭Adamantium


    Whats the difference between a pizza and a jew?











    A pizza doesn't scream when you put it into the oven


  • Options
    #463
    LighterGuy
    Closed Accounts Posts: 3,243 ✭✭✭LighterGuy


    Adamantium wrote: »
    Whats the difference between a pizza and a jew?

    A pizza doesn't scream when you put it into the oven


    too soon.


  • Options
    #464
    pappyodaniel
    Registered Users Posts: 5,726 ✭✭✭pappyodaniel


    3 guys are all sitting an interview to get into a Psychology course in Trinity.
    They are each asked to provide a word that is the opposite of woe.
    The guy from Dublin says "happiness".
    The guy from Cork says "elation".
    and the sham from Limerick having thought about it for a few minutes says
    "Giddy Up!"


  • Options
    #465
    pappyodaniel
    Registered Users Posts: 5,726 ✭✭✭pappyodaniel


    What's the first sign of Madness?





    Suggs walking up you driveway.


  • Options
    #466
    rednik
    Registered Users Posts: 5,154 ✭✭✭rednik


    What's the fastest moving muscle in a womans body?



    The PRICK


  • Options
    #467
    peterk675
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 166 ✭✭peterk675


    The last few words before my grandad kicked the bucket were..?



    " how far do you thinki can kick this bucket "


  • Options
    #468
    cournioni
    Moderators, Regional North East Moderators Posts: 12,739 Mod ✭✭✭✭cournioni


    http://www.telegraph.co.uk/culture/tvandradio/5169932/Did-Clement-Freud-tell-the-funniest-joke-ever-told.html


  • Options
    #469
    Logfire
    Registered Users Posts: 23 ✭Logfire


    Why did the Baker have smelly fingers?


    He needed a sh1t.


  • Options
    #470
    Rick Deckard
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,181 ✭✭✭Rick Deckard


    Monkeh wrote: »
    Wenn ist das Nunstück git und Slotermeyer?
    Ja!
    Beiherhund das Oder die Flipperwaldt gersput!
    Poxy Google Translate!!

    If the Nunstück git and Slotermeyer?
    Yes!
    Or the Beiherhund the Flipperwaldt gersput!

    Someone wanna help me out?


  • Options
    #471
    Debthree
    Registered Users Posts: 303 ✭✭Debthree


    [FONT=Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif] A German couple give birth to a child who is normal in every way. But as the years go on it becomes obvious that he has no speech. He turns 3, no words. He turns 5, no words. Eventually he approaches his teen years but still, no words. Other than his lack of speech, he is a healthy child.

    As a birthday treat the couple take him on holiday to Ireland.

    On the Aer Lingus flight, the air hostess gives the child his lunch. A few minutes pass and, lo and behold, suddenly the child says "I don't like this meal."

    His parents are astonished. They simply cannot believe it. They are overjoyed. The mother says "son, all these years you've never spoken, we thought you never would. How is it that you've suddenly spoken?"

    The boy replies: “up 'til now, everything has been satisfactory.”    [/FONT]


  • Advertisement
  • Options
    #472
    AckwelFoley
    Registered Users Posts: 12,556 ✭✭✭✭AckwelFoley


    Deleted User wrote: »
    There must be some sluts in your area!!

    No, not in athlone.

    It was a real winner with the ladies in Nenagh


  • Options
    #473
    Standard Toaster
    Registered Users Posts: 10,257 ✭✭✭✭Standard Toaster


    peatcass wrote: »
    Poxy Google Translate!!

    If the Nunstück git and Slotermeyer?
    Yes!
    Or the Beiherhund the Flipperwaldt gersput!

    Someone wanna help me out?

    If I translated it you'd fall down dead from laughter.
    Please don't translate on here for fear of killings others. Danke.


  • Options
    #474
    Faith+1
    Registered Users Posts: 3,674 ✭✭✭Faith+1


    Whats the only biscuit that can fly?

    A Plane Biscuit!


  • Options
    #475
    Blackjack
    Registered Users Posts: 3,600 ✭✭✭Blackjack


    snyper wrote: »
    the ladies in Nenagh

    ROFLCOPTERS:D:D


  • Options
    #476
    Rick Deckard
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,181 ✭✭✭Rick Deckard


    Monkeh wrote: »
    If I translated it you'd fall down dead from laughter.
    Please don't translate on here for fear of killings others. Danke.
    at least i'd die happy. not living in frustration as i am now.
    go on......


  • Options
    #477
    Standard Toaster
    Registered Users Posts: 10,257 ✭✭✭✭Standard Toaster


    peatcass wrote: »
    at least i'd die happy. not living in frustration as i am now.
    go on......

    You asked for it.....everyone else turn your speakers down.....no more then that...bit more....all the way down.

    There you go. :)


    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8gpjk_MaCGM


  • Options
    #478
    THE LINK WALSH
    Registered Users Posts: 95 ✭✭THE LINK WALSH


    Why did the pony cough?

    Because he was a little ho(a)rse.


  • Options
    #479
    darragh16
    Registered Users Posts: 882 ✭✭✭darragh16


    Do you like fishsticks?
    Then you must be a gay fish.


  • Options
    #480
    Trog
    Closed Accounts Posts: 456 ✭✭Trog


    cournioni wrote: »
    http://www.telegraph.co.uk/culture/tvandradio/5169932/Did-Clement-Freud-tell-the-funniest-joke-ever-told.html

    HOW HAS THIS NOT GOT MORE THANKS?

    Best. Joke. Ever.


  • Advertisement
  • Options
    #481
    Debthree
    Registered Users Posts: 303 ✭✭Debthree


    Four children sitting in a classroom. One is European, one American, one African and one Chinese.

    The teacher asks "If you had the choice to eradicate food scarcity in a foreign country where would you choose?"

    The African child said: "What's food?"
    The European child said: "What's scarcity?"
    The American child said: "What's a foreign country?"
    The Chinese child said: "What's choice?"


This discussion has been closed.
Advertisement