The try harder if ye want a second joke thread thread.

Agonist

cullen5998 wrote: »

What do you call a witch on a beach?

Spoiler :

A sandwitch

No need to bring a picnic to the beach. Just eat the sand which is there

admiralofthefleet

what do you call a lesbian on top of a lesbian


a cunt acting the bollox

Dolph Starbeam

I got a new step ladder last week

My real ladder left when i was a child

Rick Deckard

MOG7 wrote: »

I got a new step ladder last week

My real ladder left when i was a child

only heard this the other day as;

got a new step ladder last week, but it's not my real ladder, so can't tell me what to do!



(yours is funnier)

Logfire

One blonde shouts across a river to another blonde "How do I get to the other side of the river?"

Second blonde replies "You are already on the other side!"

Best joke I ever heard???


Fianna Fail!!

briscotti

:rolleyes:

briscotti

does this rag smell like chloroform to you?















:pac:

strobe

Why are the other numbers afraid of 7?

Because he is a convicted rapist.

Rawhead

Black man walks into a bar with a parrot on his head,

Barman says "where did you get that thing?"
















Parrot says "back in Africa, we got millions of them"

awesom_o

My mate hung himself in a modern art gallery.
It was three weeks before anyone noticed.

thee glitz

fred funk }{ wrote: »

A girls walks into a bar and asks for a double entendre so the barman gave her one.

fyp

Logfire

7 dwarfs in a bath. They are all feeling happy.
When happy gets out, they are all feeling grumpy.

BOHtox

briscotti wrote: »

does this rag smell like chloroform to you?















:pac:

what?

scotty_irish

what do women and hurricanes have in common? when they come they're wet and wild. when they leave they take your house and car.

laoisforliam

knock knock
Whos there?
Big ish
Big ish who?
Na im alright mate...

Scartbeg

Mickey Mouse is at his attorney.

"Look Mr Mouse" says his attorney, "you can't get a divorce from your wife Minnie just on the grounds that she has buck teeth".

"No, that's not what I said", replies Mickey.

"I said she was f**ing Goofy!"

rainbowdrop

Ahh, gotta love the anti-jokes:D

What was Anne Franks favourite hiding place?

She only had one, so she was unable to pick a favourite

When Scuba Diving, why is it important that you fall out of the boat backwards?

Because if you fell forward, you would still be in the boat

Did you hear about the foetus who met a clothes hanger?

I doubt very much that you did.....

_____________________________________________________________

What's worse than a bee sting?
2 bee stings......

What's worse than 2 bee stings?
The holocaust.....

What's worse than the holocaust?
3 bee stings.....

______________________________________________________________

Roses are Red
Violets are Blue
Some poem's rhyme
But this one doesn't

fred funk }{

One day a man walked into a bar with a crocodile on a leash and a baseball bat under his arm. The barman told him he couldn't bring the croc into the bar but the man protested telling him that he was no ordinary croc and that the croc could do the most amazing trick.

The barman asked to see this amazing trick and said that the croc could stay if the trick was a good one, so the man then proceeded to belt the croc over the head with the bat, the croc jumped up and did a triple somersault......landed........did a little tap dance then pulled down the mans fly and gave him blowjob. The barman was amazed and asked could he try, the man said of course you can. So the barman belted the croc over the head with the bat and as before he jumped up......did a triple somersault.....landed.....did a little tap dance.....unzipped the barmans fly and gave him a blowjob.

Watching all of this with great excitement from the corner of the bar was a fella who was as camp as a field of tents. He walked over to the man asked him could he have a go, the man reluctantly said yes, with that the fella leaned forward and said "Don't hit me too hard".

senorwipesalot

My grandfather died peacefully in his sleep.





not like his three screaming passengers.:D

Rocky_Dennis

Midget woman goes to the doctor and says
"Doctor, I've got an itchy fanny"
He lifts up her skirt, gets a scissors and goes snip snip. He asks
"is that better"
"A bit better doc but its still itchy" So the doctor lifts up her skirt again and goes snip snip snip snip.
"Is that better"
"Yes doc, fantastic, what did you do?
The doctor replies "I cut the fur off the top of your ugg boots"

Big foots diick

I got fired from my job as a mattress tester today. But i wont take it lyin down.

fivestar

Paddy Englishman Paddy Scotsman and Paddy Irishman walk into a bar and the barman says "what's this a joke?" :D:D

Hurricane-Dean

A priest goes to a rodeo and sees that they have a bull riding challenge and decides to enter. A big crowd gathers around as the priest steps up. He wins and even sets a new record. He was asked how did he manage to hold on for so long and he replies

Epileptic choir boys

Aldebaran

Two whales go up to the bartender.
The bartender asks them what they want.
The first whale says, "WOOOOOOO. WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO. WEEEEEEEEEEOOOOO. WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO."
The second whale says, "Shut up, Frank, you're drunk."

ynul31f47k6b59

Apologies if any of these have been posted before:

Did you hear about the man caught w*nking in the newsagents?

It was all over the papers!

A kn*cker goes to the chemist and asks for aspirin. The chemist gives him his order and he leaves. The chemist realises he's given him arsenic, not aspirin. He runs out after him and catches up, says "sorry mate, I've given you arsenic instead of aspirin." The kn*cker replies "what's the difference?"

The chemist replies "you owe me another euro"

A boy turns up at school with his cat peeping out of his bag. His teacher is very puzzled and asks, "Tommy, what is your cat doing at school today?"

Tommy replies "I heard the postman telling Mammy 'when your kids go to school I'm going to eat your p*ssy' so I wasn't taking any fcuking chances!"

Man goes to the doctor with a piece of lettuce sticking out of his bum. The man asks "well, does it look bad?" The Doctor replies -

" I think that's just the tip of the iceberg"

yuloni

This post has been deleted.

justified

A man goes to the doctor to have some routine tests done. Later on the doctor calls him back.

Doctor:Unfortunately I've 2 bits of bad news.

Firstly I'm really sorry but you have cancer and you only have 2 weeks to live.

Man: oh god thats terrible oh no.. whats the other news?

Doctor: You have alzheimers

Man: Ah sure thats not too bad, at least i don't have cancer!

Ken.

2 aussies sitting in a bar and the first aussie says to the second i'm thinking of getting a dog,second aussie says what breed,first aussie says a golden labrador, second guy says **** no,

dont get one of them have you seen how many of thier owners go blind

lolie

3 paddies who spent months workin on top of a skyscraper sit down for lunch, 1st paddy opens his lunchbox and fed up says if i have jam sandwiches for lunch one more day i'll jump over the edge, 2nd paddy opens his lunchbox and says if i have cheese one more day i'll jump as well, 3rd paddy opens his lunchbox and says if i have egg sandwiches more day i'm jumping too. next day at work come lunch time 1st paddy opens his lunchbox and sure enough he has jam sandwiches and jumps from the skyscraper, 2nd paddy opens his lunchbox and sees the cheese sandwiches and jumps of, 3rd paddy open his lunchbox and sees the egg sandwiches and jumps of as well. at the funerals a few days later the wives get talking, first wife says if only i'd known i wouldnt have made him jam sandwiches every day. 2nd wife says and if only i'd known paddy hated cheese sandwiches. they look at the 3rd wife who says 'dont look at me, my paddy always made his own sandwiches'.