The most stupid thing you heard in school?

mardybum · 17-05-2009 02:28PM

When I was in 5th class a girl was reading aloud about the 18XX Act of Union between Britian and Ireland, and said, Ireland was forced into a onion with Britain.

lol, still makes me chuckle.

Lorrs33 · 17-05-2009 02:57PM

Wrote these Overheard In Dublin:

In Biology, either fifth or sixth year. We were talking about the eye and our teacher asked us what happened to it when the lights went out. A guy in front of me, in all seriousness offers an answer.

Guy: Your night vision comes on.

Still cracks me up when I think about it.

Another, I was in Art class. Our teacher was useless at controlling our class so we never got through much theory. He was trying to talk about Leonardo DiVinci. Almost as soon as he says the artist's name, a girl with no brains interrupts him.

Girl: Is his name not Leonardo DiCaprio?

cork1 · 17-05-2009 03:00PM

apparently thos idiots we call teachers though the world was round! FOOLS!!

R.D. aka MR.D · 17-05-2009 03:01PM

you can get pregnant from a sheet! :eek:

thats what our teacher told us in 2001!!!!

fcuking stupid cow!

In fairness tho, she did say it happened to her 'friend' :rolleyes:

hallelujah · 17-05-2009 03:07PM

When I was about 7, my cousin was telling me stories about school secondary school. He said that there was a fight and one boy slapped another boy on the cheek so hard that his cheek ripped. Needless to say I was dying to go there.

Captain-America · 17-05-2009 03:52PM

For those that do Chemistry, colourless and clear are two completely different things.

This turned my world upside down. I'm still having nightmares.

mehfesto2 · 17-05-2009 04:05PM

If you shave yer beard grows back twice as fast and thicker.
Great way to keep those hairy kids clean shaven, mind. By the time the summer came around, my class was like he Taliban.

sexmag · 17-05-2009 04:21PM

One of the simpeler kids in our year was givien one of the russian kids grief(messing of course)and says "shut up you russian c**t",teacher turns around and says to him "stop being raciest" to which the guy replies"how can i be raciest to him,hes not even black"enter an uproar of laughter from the class

deisedude · 17-05-2009 04:37PM

The two stupidest things i heard in school were:

We were having a meeting about the school tour to Paris when one girl asks:
"Will we have to change our money?"
Teacher: No, they use euros.
Girl: Ya but they use french euros

In religous class in fifth year we were being taught about sex when one lad asked the teacher deadly serious
"Whats the difference betwen oral sex and kissing?":eek:

Even the teacher bust her hole laughing:D

17-05-2009 04:40PM

Had a sub teacher for JC French, He looked like a duck and had a really boring voice,The guy beside me says "Sir, X is throwing shams at me" he walks over to our table and just puts out his hand and says "Give me the Shams" I burst out laughing.:D

pandemonium · 17-05-2009 04:43PM

In 6th class just before making our confirmation our teacher was going over the 10 commandments told us watching pornos was adultery and if we were married and our spouse caught us watching porn we'd have to get divorced by law and not allowed marry again. And god wouldnt let us go to heaven. Queen of the idiots

Eric Cartman · 17-05-2009 04:44PM

ThenComesDudley wrote: »

ant and dec killed in a car crash,

carlsberg dont do dreams....

goldenbrown · 17-05-2009 04:44PM

young girls met 'Mary' the mother of Jesus of Nazerath in the last 100 years in Lourdes, Fatima and Knock, though this lady would have passed away 2000 years ago, what sort of stuff is this to tell young children, life has less difficulty dealt with directly - without superstition and Harry Potter mumbo jumbo

Eric Cartman · 17-05-2009 04:48PM

"if you fail leaving cert maths you wont get into college"

got into an honours engineering degree, failed that, make more money than a teacher ,

Eric Cartman · 17-05-2009 04:58PM

Varkov wrote: »

Not so much stupid, as absolutly hilarious. This was compiled from my mates french teacher.

>"Dan kissane and Ciran fitzgerald, you are a bunch of ****-wits."

>"Basically Ciran you're an asshole"

>"if this passage was about birds and gees you'd know every ****ing word of it"

>"if you think im waiting around after school for you cocksuckers to do a ****ing mock, you can shove it up your arsehole"

>"you'll need the verb 'louer', it means to rent, when you become a rent-boy and sell your ass to old French men"

>"hopefully i wont be around next year, and i don't mean dead. but **** it ill take that anyway"

>On jocking people in school: "i wouldn't mind being jocked because i would sue the school, sue the guy who did it and id sue the parents of the guy, **** it ill sue everybody"

>"**** off ciaran, get the **** out of my class"

>on Republcanism: "i support Celtic, therefore i am a Republican"

>"look at the ****ing sentence Ciaran or ill put your head in the ****ing wall"

>"Garret, i know this is a strange concept to you, but could you do some work today if its not too difficult"

>Paddy, you are mudering this language, you are raping the French language"

>"is that porn Garret? you knoe the rule, i have to see it too"

>"on study methods: "if you're in your room studying and listening to music, forget about it. Close the book and have a ****"

>"you're sitting down there with the paper and your Liverpool jersey, you may as well be fisting yourself Ciaran"

>to Cian Healy: "are you taking your mickey out?"

>"Ciaran are you afraid of the vagina? you have to embrace the vagina"

>"its possible to **** 13 times a day but there would be alot of dry wretching"

>"Whats your bird's name Daniel? Fabienne is it? She must be a traveller"

>"Fitzgerald and all the other guys here who don't know 'chercher', 'falloir' or any of these verbs,ive had enough, **** you all"

>"if people dont pay attention im going to close the book, read the newspaper, and you can **** right off... if you people dont want to work, do something enjoyable, **** off and have a ****!"

>on essay topics: "Tell an interesting story like, i was walking down the beach and my cock fell off"

>"You have done nothing all class Ciaran, except **** on people, you are an asshole"

>from an unknown context: "one of the best things you can do in life is **** in a bag"

>"Nobody has the work done? Ok. Officially, **** you all, **** your leaving cert"

Good Sir, I have never actually laughed harder at a boards post in my life, that is quite possibly the funniest thing i have seen on the internet ever

RHunce · 17-05-2009 05:04PM

blah wrote: »

"I don't believe that people came from monkeys. Sure if that was true wouldn't monkeys still be turning into people today."

i was also told this when we had a religious group in our school, the question was "what do you thing about creationism, i think its bull****"

my how i laughed lol

also that condoms dont work because the aids virus is a million times smaller then a sperm so therefore a condom wont protect you,, this coming from the same crowd

the sh*t they came out with, unbelievable

Eric Cartman · 17-05-2009 05:14PM

primary school

"if you eat apple seeds an apple will grow inside you"

one particularly retarded secondary school religion/sphe teacher

"coke is used as battery acid at the coke factory"

"being a vegetarian is ok"

"The muslims will learn their lesson when jesus sends them to hell"

Retarded Guidance Councilor

context : i was supposedly a good student so my school wanted to see me do well

"not putting trinity or ucd on your cao is the biggest mistake of your life, do you want to end up homeless"

"you want to be self employed,, that just doesnt work for people, thats a stupid idea, your going to end up poor or an alcoholic if you do that

miss.lost · 17-05-2009 05:16PM

In 6th year honours Irish "Sir whats the irish for Taoiseach again".............:rolleyes:

hacx · 17-05-2009 05:50PM

Solja boy dying, my religion teacher dying.

mle1324 · 17-05-2009 06:04PM

(serious) my JC is comming up and the rule in my school is that 'when you are finished your exam you are not allowed to leave even after the first half hour and before the last half hour.

and in first year metalwork 'sir,the bells gone' (as in class was over) he replies 'no its still on the wall'.
then a week or two later same teacher,some ssays 'sir im stuck' he replies 'with what glue?

minidazzler · 17-05-2009 06:08PM

mle1324 wrote: »

my JC is comming up and the rule in my school is that 'when you are finished your exam you are not allowed to leave even after the first half hour and before the last half hour.

If you are allowed to by the state then your School has no say in it. You are not on their time. They are not in charge of the room at the time. The state are renting it.

mle1324 · 17-05-2009 06:12PM

minidazzler wrote: »

If you are allowed to by the state then your School has no say in it. You are not on their time. They are not in charge of the room at the time. The state are renting it.

i know its stupit,but i suppose ill just have to cope with it:(

minidazzler · 17-05-2009 06:17PM

mle1324 wrote: »

i know its stupit,but i suppose ill just have to cope with it:(

If you want to leave after you finish and you are allowed by the proctor, then do so. You will have 2 tests in a day sometimes, might as well be studying, or getting some food into you.

mle1324 · 17-05-2009 06:22PM

minidazzler wrote: »

If you want to leave after you finish and you are allowed by the proctor, then do so. You will have 2 tests in a day sometimes, might as well be studying, or getting some food into you.

this is the last ill talk of it but its my school principal and vice principal who have this rule,but comes to think of it i used all of the time in my mocks so....
At least i dont do TG,3 hours long :eek:

banquo · 17-05-2009 06:22PM

I failed one subject 3 exam periods in a row.

''Robert needs to be consistent''

Idiot.

mle1324 · 17-05-2009 06:27PM

banquo wrote: »

I failed one subject 3 exam periods in a row.

''Robert needs to be consistent''

Idiot.

As in E.G: you had maths or religion in a row and still failed it?

phasers · 17-05-2009 06:30PM

mle1324 wrote: »

this is the last ill talk of it but its my school principal and vice principal who have this rule,but comes to think of it i used all of the time in my mocks so....
At least i dont do TG,3 hours long :eek:

They won't be in the room when your exams are on, your examiner will let you go whenever. It's none of their concern if you leave early or not.

mle1324 · 17-05-2009 06:34PM

phasers wrote: »

They won't be in the room when your exams are on, your examiner will let you go whenever. It's none of their concern if you leave early or not.

well theve camaras all over the place and my VP knows me so....
even if they sent you to a room to study,things need to be changed in this country

Mmcd · 17-05-2009 06:34PM

minidazzler wrote: »

If you are allowed to by the state then your School has no say in it. You are not on their time. They are not in charge of the room at the time. The state are renting it.

Yes but if you're school can force you to where a uniform during them surely they could force you to stay as well.

phasers · 17-05-2009 06:38PM

mle1324 wrote: »

well theve camaras all over the place and my VP knows me so....
even if they sent you to a room to study,things need to be changed in this country

It is crazy, I have to wear my uniform to the LC.
I think I'll try and get a note from the parents saying the uncomfortable-ness of my skirt could adversely affect my results

The "no leaving" thing is mental though, staying longer isn't gonna help you do any better!

The most stupid thing you heard in school?

Comments