The most stupid thing you heard in school?

komodosp

I remember walking to primary school I picked the head off a certain plant... A girl from an older class told me I was going to die as that was the devil's plant!
I know kids are naive but I still wonder how she came about that little nugget...

In the Irish Oral (one of the lads telling us about his own stupidity!)
"Cad is ainm duit?"
"Seacht bliana déag d'aois!"

And I hate to say it (a little off topic as not really school) but a grown adult told me that an earwig digs into your ear, burrows through your brain and comes out the other ear... Why isn't Mary Harney doing something about earwig-related deaths?

p1akuw47h5r3it

javaboy wrote: »

"I don't care how soon the Leaving Cert is. Religion is just as important a subject as Accounting. Now put away those books and pay attention."

That's the dumbest thing I can remember at the moment.

I've a religon teacher jus like thats and it's real pissing off.

Every1 wants do there own work but she doesn't let us so the class just decends into chaos as we jus argue with her or throw paper aeroplanes around etc.

p1akuw47h5r3it

dr.bollocko wrote: »

That X is equal to minus b plus or minus the square root of of b squared minus 4ac all over 2a.
That crap is about as useful as a hot ass on a cheeseburger.

Ah yeah the -B formula... waste...of...time

eve

Not heard in school but the person was a primary school teacher and was being asked the question by their own kid

Son: What time is it in America?
Mother: (thinks for a second) Well, they are the other side of the world from us so there has to be a 12 hour difference. And they are America so they have to be ahead of us.

This woman's lack of general knowledge was actually quite scary. Another time she said to me:
'I've heard that you should only have one drink an hour. But sometimes I'm so thirsty I have to have 2 glasses of water only a few minutes apart. Is that really bad?'

boring_job_guy

<3BeingIN6th wrote: »

I think you'll have more fun here.

I don't think he will. TCN doesn't add to your post count. And it's also mostly games and the like. There's no real discussion in that forum. If you want to discuss things in a joking manner, here is the only place to do it.

p1akuw47h5r3it

Varkov wrote: »

Not so much stupid, as absolutly hilarious. This was compiled from my mates french teacher.


>"Dan kissane and Ciran fitzgerald, you are a bunch of ****-wits."

>"Basically Ciran you're an asshole"

>"if this passage was about birds and gees you'd know every ****ing word of it"

>"if you think im waiting around after school for you cocksuckers to do a ****ing mock, you can shove it up your arsehole"

>"you'll need the verb 'louer', it means to rent, when you become a rent-boy and sell your ass to old French men"

>"hopefully i wont be around next year, and i don't mean dead. but **** it ill take that anyway"

>On jocking people in school: "i wouldn't mind being jocked because i would sue the school, sue the guy who did it and id sue the parents of the guy, **** it ill sue everybody"

>"**** off ciaran, get the **** out of my class"

>on Republcanism: "i support Celtic, therefore i am a Republican"

>"look at the ****ing sentence Ciaran or ill put your head in the ****ing wall"

>"Garret, i know this is a strange concept to you, but could you do some work today if its not too difficult"

>Paddy, you are mudering this language, you are raping the French language"

>"is that porn Garret? you knoe the rule, i have to see it too"

>"on study methods: "if you're in your room studying and listening to music, forget about it. Close the book and have a ****"

>"you're sitting down there with the paper and your Liverpool jersey, you may as well be fisting yourself Ciaran"

>to Cian Healy: "are you taking your mickey out?"

>"Ciaran are you afraid of the vagina? you have to embrace the vagina"

>"its possible to **** 13 times a day but there would be alot of dry wretching"

>"Whats your bird's name Daniel? Fabienne is it? She must be a traveller"

>"Fitzgerald and all the other guys here who don't know 'chercher', 'falloir' or any of these verbs,ive had enough, **** you all"

>"if people dont pay attention im going to close the book, read the newspaper, and you can **** right off... if you people dont want to work, do something enjoyable, **** off and have a ****!"

>on essay topics: "Tell an interesting story like, i was walking down the beach and my cock fell off"

>"You have done nothing all class Ciaran, except **** on people, you are an asshole"

>from an unknown context: "one of the best things you can do in life is **** in a bag"

>"Nobody has the work done? Ok. Officially, **** you all, **** your leaving cert"

That's the funniest thing I've ever read on boards

echter

strongr wrote: »

1 of the lads strolls in about 15 mins late one day after lunch.

Teacher says where have you been?

aww miss ****ing dragon on pearse road couldn't get passed him.

Teacher : sit down you dope.

2 mins another guy strolls in

again teacher where have you been?

****in dragon on pearse road

she just shakes her head and tells in to sit down.

From that day everyone used that anytime they were late for her class she left a few months later when she had an inspector in (think she was still doing the dip) one of the lads go up to her and says today miss is the day we ruin your career and for the whole class everyone kept shouting out stuff and every time she went to the board everyone changed seats, inspector just sitting there looking shocked.

That's just mean

Donny5

echter wrote: »

That's just mean

Honestly, sounds like she was better off leaving that profession. I'd say awful teachers staying in their job far too long is a big problem, or, at least, I noticed it during my education.

edit: Not to stray off-topic, I was told that deagóir was a direct translation of teenager, so an eleven-year-old is not a deagóir, even though he's aon mbliana déag d'aois.

blahblahblah.

English teacher, talking about macbeth

"its a bit like ghandi v hitler"

Zadkiel

15 in Secondary school one of the lads asked the Religion Teacher if he would die if a girl blew into his cock while giving him a bj.
Religion teacher told him to try it.
He'd get lucky one way and everyone else would get lucky the other!

DazMarz

Our science teacher for the Junior Cert was an absolute legend. An utter headcase (the mad scientist bit was going strong) but a legend all the same. He was usually frighteningly graphic in his description of things The subject was human reproduction:

Teacher: And some men would like to know what childbirth feels like... The fools, I'd say it is akin to being circumcised with a chainsaw.

Cue lots of pained noises and pained expressions and leg-crossing from all the lads in the class.....

Another time, in the same science class, we had a test on the circulatory system. About 2 people out of 20 or so passed. He began reading out some of the answers he had gotten.

Teacher: Apparently one of you geniuses thinks that blood is pumped by the bladder....

This teacher also had a habit of striking his desk very hard with a meter stick if he felt we were falling asleep. This backfired dramatically one day when the thing snapped in two bits and nearly hit him. I was, unfortunately, sitting right at the front. Couldn't help myself but start giggling uncontrollably. Got thrown out of the class for that one.

Acacia

We were learning about atoms and the like in first or second year of secondary school. The teacher explained that atoms couldn't be broken down into anything smaller, and one chap shouted out, "What if you use scissors?"

pq0n1ct4ve8zf5

In history class in Leaving Cert we were doing about the moon-landing and there was a diagram of the rocket thingie in the book. One of my friends noticed that most of the rocket was taken up with the fuel storage space and the space where the astronauts lived was very small in comparison. So he asked the teacher why they got such a small living space, she looked at the picture in the book thoughtfully for a second and replied "Well, I suppose it'd be a lot bigger in real life" :eek:

Acacia

strongr wrote: »

1 of the lads strolls in about 15 mins late one day after lunch.

Teacher says where have you been?

aww miss ****ing dragon on pearse road couldn't get passed him.

Teacher : sit down you dope.

2 mins another guy strolls in

again teacher where have you been?

****in dragon on pearse road

she just shakes her head and tells in to sit down.

From that day everyone used that anytime they were late for her class she left a few months later when she had an inspector in (think she was still doing the dip) one of the lads go up to her and says today miss is the day we ruin your career and for the whole class everyone kept shouting out stuff and every time she went to the board everyone changed seats, inspector just sitting there looking shocked.

While I'm sure this was great craic for 'the lads', they might well have ruined that teacher's career (or made it very difficult for her to get another job.) She probably spend a lot of time and effort trying to get that teaching job. Just because they were jumped-up little d1ckheads by the sounds of things it doesn't necessarily mean she was a bad teacher.

That's one of the things that annoyed me about school: idiots trying to make themselves look like Big Men at the expense of the teacher's nerves and everyone else's education.

seanybiker

metaoblivia wrote: »

A girl in my marine biology class when looking at a map of the world: Oh my God! All the oceans of the world are connected!

Same girl, same class. We were taking a true or false test and numer 19 was a freeie - it said, "The answer to this question is false."
Girl: I don't understand number 19
Teacher (incredulous): Um... why?
Girl: I don't know if it's true or false.
Teacher: What does the question say?
Girl: Well, it says the answer is false, but if it's true that it's false, shouldn't we put true?

Still not sure if that was stupid or Shakespearian.

she did have a pint in all fairness. Then again though it was a question . Which means any answer could suffice. Lol

yurmothrintites

I was told Santa's not real. Stupid or what?!

Busi_Girl08

Teacher-"I told you to put away that phone!! That's it...I'm calling the police."

RossFixxxed

2 younger kids in the playground having a big scrap, punching the beejaysus out of each other, one puts his hands out and shouts HADOUKEN!! And then looked shocked when nothing happened.

Needless to say he was crying for his mammy 2 minutes later!

consultech

... the Irish language.

Snowie

You shouldnt watch the life of brian

gino85

first day of metalwork the teacher said we better not be down the back of the class grabbing each others arses

another teacher told the class after he noticed one of the classmates asleep that he would rather have us asleep and quite than be awake and being loud

same teacher told a classmate that was annoying me that if he didnt stop the teacher would allow me to beat him up

67AQUALUNG

A guy in my maths class didn't know how many sides were on a dice. He then later told the teacher he didn't know how many cards were in a deck.
Still don't know if he was serious or joking.
If he was joking he fooled the teacher into wasting a whole class explaining what consists a deck of cards. He was very convincing.

Fozzydog3

3rd class after 911 attacks a guy said that it was the devil that done it and the police found the devils house and a SWAT team stormed his house and he disappeared into thin air and we all believed him!:o

couple of weeks ago a teacher asked somebody why they think people smoke hash and he goes maybe theyre wanna forget their problems but it only makes them more depressed and they get downs syndrome and he was 100% serious he 17!

Fozzydog3

Varkov wrote: »

Not so much stupid, as absolutly hilarious. This was compiled from my mates french teacher.


>"Dan kissane and Ciran fitzgerald, you are a bunch of ****-wits."

>"Basically Ciran you're an asshole"

>"if this passage was about birds and gees you'd know every ****ing word of it"

>"if you think im waiting around after school for you cocksuckers to do a ****ing mock, you can shove it up your arsehole"

>"you'll need the verb 'louer', it means to rent, when you become a rent-boy and sell your ass to old French men"

>"hopefully i wont be around next year, and i don't mean dead. but **** it ill take that anyway"

>On jocking people in school: "i wouldn't mind being jocked because i would sue the school, sue the guy who did it and id sue the parents of the guy, **** it ill sue everybody"

>"**** off ciaran, get the **** out of my class"

>on Republcanism: "i support Celtic, therefore i am a Republican"

>"look at the ****ing sentence Ciaran or ill put your head in the ****ing wall"

>"Garret, i know this is a strange concept to you, but could you do some work today if its not too difficult"

>Paddy, you are mudering this language, you are raping the French language"

>"is that porn Garret? you knoe the rule, i have to see it too"

>"on study methods: "if you're in your room studying and listening to music, forget about it. Close the book and have a ****"

>"you're sitting down there with the paper and your Liverpool jersey, you may as well be fisting yourself Ciaran"

>to Cian Healy: "are you taking your mickey out?"

>"Ciaran are you afraid of the vagina? you have to embrace the vagina"

>"its possible to **** 13 times a day but there would be alot of dry wretching"

>"Whats your bird's name Daniel? Fabienne is it? She must be a traveller"

>"Fitzgerald and all the other guys here who don't know 'chercher', 'falloir' or any of these verbs,ive had enough, **** you all"

>"if people dont pay attention im going to close the book, read the newspaper, and you can **** right off... if you people dont want to work, do something enjoyable, **** off and have a ****!"

>on essay topics: "Tell an interesting story like, i was walking down the beach and my cock fell off"

>"You have done nothing all class Ciaran, except **** on people, you are an asshole"

>from an unknown context: "one of the best things you can do in life is **** in a bag"

>"Nobody has the work done? Ok. Officially, **** you all, **** your leaving cert"

ha that guy sounds like a hero

johnnysmack

history class and teacher was examing us about when and how catholics gained rights during 1800s.

teacher: what was that movement called? (catholic emancipation is answer)
boy puts hand up: catholic constipation miss

gra26

A negative by a negative is a negative.

phasers

There is one unbelievably stupid girl in my history class. She is basically non-stop with retarded questions.
"Pre-Soviet Russia was a very backward country"
"Did they walk around backwards?"

I also convinced her that Hitler was my grandfather, and she actually raised her hand and told the teacher.


I wore a Barack Obama mask to school last halloween and I was asked about 20 times who I was supposed to be...

The stupidest rumour was that (insert 90's television star) had died in a car crash.

Also, in first year history my teacher insisted that there were 52 states in America. Cue a 12 year old me having an argument with him about, pulling an atlas out of my bag and him counting the states.

The man is also a geography teacher.

minidazzler

My geography teacher was "teaching" us about Global Warming. I don't think it's actually caused by what most people think it is caused by. IMO, the world has gone through these periods of Hot and Cold for the last few Million years.

There are also some Scientists who have said this similar thing. Me and my teacher were talking about this, she insisted there is not even ONE scientist in the world who says this!!!! Not even one. They can't aparently.

Then again, she tried to tell us how the big bang was probably caused by God, so she is a bit stupid.

weemcd

Argued with my science teacher that some people were just born superior to others, you know, the ali's, the usain bolts, great athletes, minds, intellectuals etc.

she was having none of it, she said it was all down to conditioning, like they way you are brought up by your parents, school etc..

I asked her why it cost a fortune for a throughbread horse. . .

Fozzydog3

a kid goes to me psst darragh
me what?
him do you believe in crocodiles?
me **** off

damn 3rd class