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Talk About Your Relationships Here

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Comments

  • #752
    stupidusername
    Closed Accounts Posts: 14,762 ✭✭✭✭stupidusername


    Orls81 wrote: »
    We are in a LDR, therefore dont see each other as much as other couples. i am planning on moving in with him in 4 weeks, then i have made a decision that if things dont improve in 6 weeks from moving in, then im outta there.
    Its just sad though, things start so perfectly, and end so badly!

    Was it you or him who suggested moving in together??


  • #753
    sammyv
    Closed Accounts Posts: 149 ✭✭sammyv


    It was a joint decision. Now im not too sure. But he is pretty upfront, if he didnt want me there, he would just say so. And he has to go though alot of changes in his life in order for his to happen (renthis house, give his dog away), and he isnt doing it begrudgently (?)
    Maybe he doesnt want me to move.....he snaps when i ask him, saying im always nagging,and if he didnt want it then he would just say it. he's a hard man to talk to.
    Also he's not really excited about it, but he never gets excited about anything, surely this should be different


  • #754
    MonicaBing
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 611 ✭✭✭MonicaBing


    Kazobel wrote: »
    I was dating a guy for nearly 3 years, it started great but after a while he changed jobs and start hanging around with new people an got into hash and acid and stuff. I stayed with him for a while (stupidly hoping I could get the old person back, I was 21 and naive :rolleyes: ) but one day he pinned me against a wall and tried to choke me so I booted him out. I felt such relief, it was like a weight was lifted. About a week later he turned up at the door p*ssed and wouldn't stop ringing my door bell and my neighbours until I let him in, I told him he could sleep on the couch but I wanted him out the next morning. I went to bed and couldn't sleep and heard him moving around but assumed he was using the toilet (you had to pass my bed to get to it). It was then he did this(Warning it's not nice).

    You girl quite simply rock...Well done you for being so brave:)


  • #755
    Wibbs
    Moderators, Science, Health & Environment Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 60,328 Mod ✭✭✭✭Wibbs


    Orls81 wrote: »
    I dont want to be in an unhappy relationship, constantly worried about my furture.
    No you don't. Many are and have been for some time. Others are in OKish relationships that trundle on but barely grow. At least you can console yourself, that you see there is a problem. A lot don't.
    Its my first proper relationship, so i wasnt too sure what to expect.
    Naturally. You've no experience to go on as such. If you couldn't swim and I suggested to you that I was going to drop you in the deep end of a swimming pool, you'd rightly call the guards:). First loves can work, but more often than not, they don't unless both grow together openly and that's bloody hard without a map. Now people can advise you and all that, but you kinda have to go through it yourself.
    Im mad about him, care about him, and love him. But i just need him to feel the same about me.
    I've come to the conclusion(quite late in fact), that no matter what I feel, they must feel it too and more, show it. Otherwise I'm wasting my time. And indeed theirs.
    and then on the other hand, why is he still with me, so he must love and care about me.
    Big mistake many women make. "I love him and he's with me so he must love me too....right?". He could be with you for so many reasons. Chief of which is because it's the status quo. IMHO that's much more common with blokes. They don't want to take the step of ending it and they don't want to take the step of growing it. If the woman goes along with this nothing will change either way. Numero uno, it's not your job to fix him or make him open up, or make him into the image of what you think you want. Another mistake many make. It's his job to do that stuff if he wants. Your job is to look after your own emotional needs.
    He is going through some stuff at the min, and he says no matter who he would be with, he would never be 100% happy. And he said that there is too many things happening at the min, without him having to worry about me. He pratically said i wasnt a top priorty....surely that is wrong???
    IMHO the bit in bold is an excuse for emotional laziness. Yes the world can get on top of us all and we may need our space, especially men, but you keep the person you love in the loop and take comfort from that. As for priorities. Again in my humble, priorities vary from day to day, but my top priority is me and my emotional health, whether I'm in a relationship or not. Sound selfish? I don't agree. If I look after my emotional needs first and that puts me in a good stable place emotionally then I have much more to offer the woman, my family and the friends in my life. I think he means it in a different way though.

    As for moving in with him, OK it may help, it'll certainly change the dynamic. If hes giving up things to be with you, then I would advise getting this stuff out in the open before then, or his sacrifices may well be held over you. One thing I would say and depending on your personality it's going to be hard, but when you do talk, do NOT get over emotional. Many if not most men switch off, especially if they think of themselves as the strong silent type. Just state your case and lsten to him. If he doesn't respond or elaborate or pawns your emotional needs off, well then that's a large way towards an answer for you.

    Many worry about Artificial Intelligence. I worry far more about Organic Idiocy.



  • #756
    jellie
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 15,503 ✭✭✭✭jellie


    Orls81 wrote: »
    He is going through some stuff at the min, and he says no matter who he would be with, he would never be 100% happy. And he said that there is too many things happening at the min, without him having to worry about me. He pratically said i wasnt a top priorty....surely that is wrong???

    why is it all about him? all about his happiness?

    I can understand that someone is given a bit of a break on this when theres serious things going on.. but you need to think of yourself too, and he should be considering you too.

    are YOU happy?


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  • #757
    sammyv
    Closed Accounts Posts: 149 ✭✭sammyv


    Thank you wibbs for your help and opinions. Yes i do get very emotional with him. I nearly end every conversation i have with him with 'will we break up'
    Im very unhappy, and he knows that. Im also very sad alot of the time, and im a total different person to the one i was before i met him.
    He suffers from bouts of depression, i knew this early on, thought i could help him, he went to seek help, stayed with it for a while, then left.
    I also have suspicions that he has cheated on me at least once, but he insists he didnt...yeah silly me, i believed him :confused: And he was with his ex for a long time, and i cant help comparing me to her, and their relationship with ours. He also met her a few times, and lied about it, which was bad, as i hate lies.
    I know i have to leave him, but i cant do it, its so hard, we had so many plans for the future. I couldnt imagine breaking up and never speaking to him again, and im also afraid of turning into a mentalist (which he already says i am), what if i start stalking him or something!!!
    I curse the day i ever met him!!!!!


  • #758
    idunnoutellme
    Closed Accounts Posts: 390 ✭✭idunnoutellme


    I wanna rant about mine here if noone minds
    I only see my boyfriend a couple times a week - maybe one or twice even.
    This week I only seen him for like 15 mins on wed - but we text everyday non stop and we've been gearing up to have a night of passion tonite - but turns out I cant - girl stuff.
    So he rings up this mornin and is all hey its friday its friday.
    then i text him and say sorry cant do anything tonite
    and he's all ok not to worry do you wanna just have an early night tonite then i'm wrecked after the week :mad:
    like if sex is involved then he has no problems makin the effort but once i said nothing's happenin he says he wants some rest...and i basically then havent seen him all week and might see him on sunday - if not then its next friday...

    men eh make me so angry.....so i said all that to him and he was all what i'm tired and i was all ah forget it and he said whatever and i havent heard from him since....hugs please :( i dont wanna text first tho......i was right he was wrong


  • #759
    stupidusername
    Closed Accounts Posts: 14,762 ✭✭✭✭stupidusername


    idunnoutellme wrote: »
    I wanna rant about mine here if noone minds
    I only see my boyfriend a couple times a week - maybe one or twice even.
    This week I only seen him for like 15 mins on wed - but we text everyday non stop and we've been gearing up to have a night of passion tonite - but turns out I cant - girl stuff.
    So he rings up this mornin and is all hey its friday its friday.
    then i text him and say sorry cant do anything tonite
    and he's all ok not to worry do you wanna just have an early night tonite then i'm wrecked after the week :mad:
    like if sex is involved then he has no problems makin the effort but once i said nothing's happenin he says he wants some rest...and i basically then havent seen him all week and might see him on sunday - if not then its next friday...

    men eh make me so angry.....so i said all that to him and he was all what i'm tired and i was all ah forget it and he said whatever and i havent heard from him since....hugs please :( i dont wanna text first tho......i was right he was wrong

    What did he mean by an early night? like meet up but not spend the night together, go home early kinda?? cos that seems a little offensive.like he doesn't want to be around you if you can't have sex. *HUGS* I would have it out with him after you've both had time to calm down, and think about things. waiting for him to ring and admit he's wrong...i don't know that that's going to happen. I think you have to point out what's wrong here. and discuss it with him. I don't know why but men don't get things!!


  • #760
    Adam
    Closed Accounts Posts: 8,866 ✭✭✭Adam


    this is like the opposite of the singles thread...i shouldn't be here :(


  • #761
    spinandscribble
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 3,000 ✭✭✭spinandscribble


    Adam wrote: »
    this is like the opposite of the singles thread...i shouldn't be here :(

    ha ha ditto. still its interesting to read. like one small PI forum.


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  • #762
    stupidusername
    Closed Accounts Posts: 14,762 ✭✭✭✭stupidusername


    spinandscribble wrote: »
    still its interesting to read. like one small PI forum.

    Why do you find it interesting to read?


  • #763
    Adam
    Closed Accounts Posts: 8,866 ✭✭✭Adam


    stupidusername wrote: »
    Why do you find it interesting to read?
    stop spending so much time on Boards, and go do your dissertation!


  • #764
    stupidusername
    Closed Accounts Posts: 14,762 ✭✭✭✭stupidusername


    Adam wrote: »
    stop spending so much time on Boards, and go do your dissertation!

    OOh ya, i forgot!!! thanks! :D


  • #765
    spinandscribble
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 3,000 ✭✭✭spinandscribble


    stupidusername wrote: »
    Why do you find it interesting to read?

    how different people perceive relationships and how much they'll take before its time to call the other person on it. also i would say i haven't had very typical relationships in the past so i find it interesting to see what other peoples are like. w its not a "oh haha their relationship is on the rocks" kinda interested.


  • #766
    stupidusername
    Closed Accounts Posts: 14,762 ✭✭✭✭stupidusername


    Adam wrote: »
    this is like the opposite of the singles thread...i shouldn't be here :(

    How long have you been single?


  • #767
    Adam
    Closed Accounts Posts: 8,866 ✭✭✭Adam


    stupidusername wrote: »
    How long have you been single?
    apart from a couple of briefs flings (sounds well dirtier than intended :P) it's been about two years... -_-


  • #768
    stupidusername
    Closed Accounts Posts: 14,762 ✭✭✭✭stupidusername


    Adam wrote: »
    apart from a couple of briefs flings (sounds well dirtier than intended :P) it's been about two years... -_-

    AWH....i was just getting back into my dissertation! damn you! :P
    Why has it been so long? not interested in a relationship, or not bothered?


  • #769
    Adam
    Closed Accounts Posts: 8,866 ✭✭✭Adam


    stupidusername wrote: »
    AWH....i was just getting back into my dissertation! damn you! :P
    Why has it been so long? not interested in a relationship, or not bothered?
    well after a series of psychopaths i decided to relax for a while, i was really just going from relationship to relationship, and they were all fairly serious/long term. but then i got tired of being lonely. and now it seems nobody is interested. its all rather tragic :(


  • #770
    stupidusername
    Closed Accounts Posts: 14,762 ✭✭✭✭stupidusername


    Adam wrote: »
    well after a series of psychopaths i decided to relax for a while, i was really just going from relationship to relationship, and they were all fairly serious/long term. but then i got tired of being lonely. and now it seems nobody is interested. its all rather tragic :(

    What made them all psychopaths? :eek:


  • #771
    Nevyn
    Closed Accounts Posts: 43,044 ✭✭✭✭Nevyn


    stupidusername wrote: »
    What made them all psychopaths? :eek:

    Well clearly the only common denominator and connection they all have is him :pac:


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  • #772
    Adam
    Closed Accounts Posts: 8,866 ✭✭✭Adam


    Thaedydal wrote: »
    Well clearly the only common denominator and connection they all have is him :pac:
    you mock but you're probably right in a way, i think i'm somewhat attracted to the crazier ones :\


  • #773
    Adam
    Closed Accounts Posts: 8,866 ✭✭✭Adam


    stupidusername wrote: »
    What made them all psychopaths? :eek:
    i couldn't answer that question becuse i know three of them read boards, and i'm not exactly anonymous :pac:


  • #774
    Nevyn
    Closed Accounts Posts: 43,044 ✭✭✭✭Nevyn


    Adam wrote: »
    you mock but you're probably right in a way, i think i'm somewhat attracted to the crazier ones :\

    Takes one to know one tbh :)

    I know I am prone to find people who think differently more intresting, really at this stage the number of people I have slept with who were on, started on or went on to be prescribed specifically Lexapro is daft.

    So much so I end up wondering if dating me should have a mental health warning attached.


  • #775
    Adam
    Closed Accounts Posts: 8,866 ✭✭✭Adam


    Thaedydal wrote: »
    Takes one to know one tbh :)

    I know I am prone to find people who think differently more intresting, really at this stage the number of people I have slept with who were on, started on or went on to be prescribed specifically Lexapro is daft.

    So much so I end up wondering if dating me should have a mental health warning attached.
    lol, at least you're consistent :D

    i know i'm a bit odd alright, but i think the fact that i know it helps :)

    in brief summary, two borderline nymphomaniacs, one that actually asked me to rape her, which confused me because surely asking makes it concensual...:confused: two with severe abandonment issues, and one drastically compulsive liar. and thats just their obvious issues!

    i suppose it does makes things a bit more interesting at least... >.<


  • #776
    stupidusername
    Closed Accounts Posts: 14,762 ✭✭✭✭stupidusername


    Adam wrote: »
    one that actually asked me to rape her>.<

    HAHAHA! not that rape is in anyway funny, but that's just ridiculous!:rolleyes:
    Adam wrote: »
    i think i'm somewhat attracted to the crazier ones :\

    Best stay away from me so! :eek:


  • #777
    Adam
    Closed Accounts Posts: 8,866 ✭✭✭Adam


    stupidusername wrote: »
    HAHAHA! not that rape is in anyway funny, but that's just ridiculous!:rolleyes:



    Best stay away from me so! :eek:
    why, are you normal? ¬_¬


  • #778
    Nevyn
    Closed Accounts Posts: 43,044 ✭✭✭✭Nevyn


    Adam wrote: »
    lol, at least you're consistent :D

    i know i'm a bit odd alright, but i think the fact that i know it helps :)

    Yup.
    Where as they prolly thought or clung to the idea that they were normal or
    tried very hard to be.
    Adam wrote: »
    in brief summary, two borderline nymphomaniacs,

    Meh the defination of a nymphomaniac is a woman who wants to have sex
    as much as a man does and there are a lot of men who don't have a sex drive as high as me so tbh that definition is a crock of shít.

    Some people will use excessive sex to avoid being emotionally intimate or
    to distract from other issues in thier lives, that means they are abusing sex and that is the same as drinking to much rather then being nymphos.
    Adam wrote: »
    one that actually asked me to rape her, which confused me because surely asking makes it concensual...:confused:

    To have forcefull sex, like it was rape well that isn't rape if it's concensual but
    it does raise a lot of issues, mostly hers.

    Warning image may be triggering
    http://fc29.deviantart.com/fs10/i/2006/100/b/a/Between_Terror_and_Ecstasy_by_scorplett.jpg

    It's a complex one tbh and unless a person knows why they want such a think then it can get messy fast but it still remains one of the big taboos and there for a turn on for a lot of people to be forcefully 'taken'.
    Adam wrote: »
    two with severe abandonment issues,

    Bet they were fun to try and break up with.
    Adam wrote: »
    and one drastically compulsive liar. and thats just their obvious issues!
    i suppose it does makes things a bit more interesting at least... >.<

    AT least you see that there is a pattern to it, and you can learn to take
    a step back and see if there is dysfunction there and if that is playing a
    part in your attraction to the person, as you try to understand them.

    People are such intresting puzzles but really who wants to date a rubix cube ?
    Esp one that is broken, missing bits and can't face up to those facts. /shrug.


  • #779
    stupidusername
    Closed Accounts Posts: 14,762 ✭✭✭✭stupidusername


    Adam wrote: »
    why, are you normal? ¬_¬

    nope....meant if you were to stay away from the crazier ones!


  • #780
    mollybird
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,053 ✭✭✭mollybird


    ya i had that whole thing of my "ex" meeting my current beau. we went over to my ex's place as there were a few people there. kinda wanted to show there was nothing going on between us. and even though we were no where near each other the whole night he could feel the chemistry between us as soon as he walked into the room. the guy i was going out with was not the first to think we were together when we were not. in the end the "ex" told me he got his girlfriend pregnant and that was the end of us once and for all. after 10 years of cat and mouse games i was relieved in the end. didn't have to have him wrecking my head.
    DubLegs wrote: »
    oh where to start!!!!

    My ex broke up 3 yrs ago (he didn't want "commitment") - first yr spend as "friends" falling back into the same old couple pattern. after a year of that i had enough and cut contact. I met someone new (current beau) eventually me and ex got talking again purely friends. told ex about current beau - 2 days later he begged me to get back together with him. so i was torn!!!! Eventually decided to stick with current beau as wasn't been treated badly again. That was nearly two years ago and me and beau are still going strong.

    i'm still friends with the ex, and have both agreed friends only & friends first. We have a laugh and are really good mates, and i wouldn't not say it was easy to get to where we are. He has a new girlfriend that doesn't like me and i'm not her biggest fan either. My ex has never met my current beau (who knows all about what happened when we got together) but next week is the first time they will meet and i'm excitied and nervous at the same time!

    Ex are painful sometimes.


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  • #781
    mollybird
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,053 ✭✭✭mollybird


    homerun_homer wrote: »
    For the last 6 months I've been picking at the scab. First we tried to remain friends because it was an amicable split, you don't want to lose the person forever & lose all contact. But it was tough. The first while we met up often, like when she returned home from college. She went away for a short while this summer which probably helped her keep strong but I had nothing to fall back on at the time.

    Making matters worse was the fact that we were friends on various social networking sites so when you see updated photos and comments it really got to me. I wanted to be in her life still and was envious of others who were.
    It was 3 months ago we ended up in bed with each other again after a great night out, just the 2 of us catching up. She told me she still loved me yet she didn't want to make things harder for us both. There was no black and white reason for why she wanted to stay broken up so it just confused me more.

    Since then things have gotten a little quieter because my frustrations were becoming more apparent. So only this weekend did I pluck up the cajones to cut her off from Facebook and block that side of things as it did me no favours. It only kept the the wound open. I can't bear the idea of seeing that photo or comment that confirms that someone else is on the scene.

    ya i had to do that too. talk about putting a knife in my chest. then a few months later he appered again thought i had asked to be friends again. my heart lept. i did try it for my OH benefit as they are kinda friends but just couldn't. thank god he moved to the states not long after i got with my OH and now i think he is in OZ which is even better:)


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