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Funny Junkie Stories

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  • 29-01-2009 2:32pm
    #1
    meboloxitis
    Registered Users Posts: 196 ✭✭


    Hey Guys,
    I responded to a post I seen earlier & it started me thinking about all the really funny stories I have from when I was working in a convenience store! It was in a particular bad area but the laugh we used to have!

    One of my personal favourites was dealing with all the junkies! One of my fav stories....
    I remember one evening 2 brass munkies came in mad outa it! They were goofing off sitting on the newspapers and we had to ask them to move on.... The women is shoplifting in slow motion, putting bags of sweets into her pockets... I'm in stitches laughing!! Anyways the bloke sees me laughing and gets all agro bout me laughing. he says to me ~ "ya packie bastard ya, go back to your own country" now that's probably not that funny but I'm as dub as they come. I have a bit of a tan & had'nt shaved in a few days! Well that was it, me & the kawasaki's I worked with were on the floor, tears running down my face! We had some craic bout that one!
    He put his tail between his legs & hit the road off on another adventure no doubt! gotta love them brass munkies!

    Any good stories, please share...
    Tagged:


«13456

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    #2
    Terry
    Registered Users Posts: 26,061 ✭✭✭✭Terry


    kawasaki's?


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    #3
    John Mason
    Hosted Moderators Posts: 10,661 ✭✭✭✭John Mason


    i think i have lead a very sheltered life - dont have any junkie stories and tbh i wouldnt even know what a junkie looked like:o


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    #4
    meboloxitis
    Registered Users Posts: 196 ✭✭meboloxitis


    It's dub code for pakistani's


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    #5
    PurpleBerry
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,006 ✭✭✭PurpleBerry


    Funny junkie stories? No.

    Can I interest you in some scary junkie stories?


    BTW:
    Junkie = heroin addict. Comes from the slang term "junk"(=heroin).
    Druggie = person who regularly uses drugs.


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    #6
    seanybiker
    Closed Accounts Posts: 10,898 ✭✭✭✭seanybiker


    few of the lads took ketamine at a session i was at. One of them was grand the other fella was hugging me telling me he could see the light. He felt bad he didnt know me that well and was saying goodbye before he died. Stuff looks bloody scary to be on.


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    #7
    meboloxitis
    Registered Users Posts: 196 ✭✭meboloxitis


    pink fluffy bunny wrote: »
    i think i have lead a very sheltered life - dont have any junkie stories and tbh i wouldnt even know what a junkie looked like:o

    Lucky you... you normally only see the back of their heads when they're running after nicking your phone/bag....
    Classic syptoms are no teeth, disfigured face, talk very waaaaaaa...
    and the classic smoke hanging outa the mouth & sitting in mid air while enjoying a premium bag of heroin :eek:


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    #8
    meboloxitis
    Registered Users Posts: 196 ✭✭meboloxitis


    Neesa wrote: »
    Funny junkie stories? No.

    Can I interest you in some scary junkie stories?


    yes please :D


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    #9
    Terry
    Registered Users Posts: 26,061 ✭✭✭✭Terry


    meboloxitis wrote: »
    It's dub code for pakistani's
    Ahh. I see.
    That's a fairly racist remark.
    Banned.


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    #10
    Acacia
    Registered Users Posts: 2,816 ✭✭✭Acacia


    I was almost mugged once and threatened with a dirty needle ...oh, how I laughed...


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    #11
    seanybiker
    Closed Accounts Posts: 10,898 ✭✭✭✭seanybiker


    Acacia wrote: »
    I was almost mugged once and threatened with a dirty needle ...oh, how I laughed...
    Never seen anyone with a needle bar doctors.


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    #12
    Professey Chin
    Registered Users Posts: 51,054 ✭✭✭✭Professey Chin


    Neesa wrote: »
    Funny junkie stories? No.

    Can I interest you in some scary junkie stories?


    BTW:
    Junkie = heroin addict. Comes from the slang term "junk"(=heroin).
    Druggie = person who regularly uses drugs.
    Yes.Scary always works :)


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    #13
    Acacia
    Registered Users Posts: 2,816 ✭✭✭Acacia


    seanybiker wrote: »
    Never seen anyone with a needle bar doctors.

    What do you mean? Heroin users don't have needles on them? :confused:


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    #14
    Da Bounca
    Registered Users Posts: 2,699 ✭✭✭Da Bounca


    julep wrote: »
    Ahh. I see.
    That's a fairly racist remark.
    Banned.

    Joke?


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    #15
    seanybiker
    Closed Accounts Posts: 10,898 ✭✭✭✭seanybiker


    Acacia wrote: »
    What do you mean? Heroin users don't have needles on them? :confused:
    i meant it as in i never seen a heroine user. Well i did but not while shooting up or whatever they do.


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    #16
    Terry
    Registered Users Posts: 26,061 ✭✭✭✭Terry


    Da Bounca wrote: »
    Joke?
    No.

    If you have a problem with that, take it to the help desk.


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    #17
    Naos
    Registered Users Posts: 4,728 ✭✭✭Naos


    Did anybody else read his post and your internal voice made it sound like that of a 15 year old oranged face "OMG, Lets have a DMC, luvs ya bbz xx" talking?

    Edit: He should be banned. (A) For an annoying post. (B) No need to call someone a kawasaki, akin to calling someone a n****r.


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    #18
    Winters
    Registered Users Posts: 14,761 ✭✭✭✭Winters


    Working in offices that are beside one of Dublin City's fine Methadone clinic's I have seen a lot, and yet Irish junkies continually surprise me.

    Weather its the usual fist fighting in the middle of Amiens St. and than falling onto a taxi to which the taxi driver got out of his car, fetched a metal bar out of his boot and started to run after them .. [lucky there were Gardai behind in an unmarked car who ended up breaking up the fight] to out and out screaming matches with two mothers cursing and blinding at each other with their buggy's and children all listening in toe.

    Although one of the finest examples was one of the female delights of Irish society. She kept cursing and throwing punches at her friend/boyfriend/some other junkie guy. He kept backign away, refusing to punch her, junkies have some morals after all, and told her to leave it alone and continually either pushed her away from him or continually ducked from her swings. After about 5 or more minutes of this he decided enough was enough. And with that gave her a good few punches back before all their friends finally pulled them apart.

    As funny as this is, It is worse to have to walk past people sitting doing nothing but spending their 'hard earned' dole money on cans from the local offie to sit around drinking. Many of them actually bringing their children with them to stand around all day as they sit with their friends knocking back cans and informed each other of just how hard their life really is. The child must stand around all day long (and this is during our cold winter too btw] and urinate/do the business up against the side of the wall on the main streets. Whatever about someone being in the gutter, to see children being forced to urinate on the street and hang around all day like that really is a depressing sight.

    But sure, if the HSE wished to remove those children and put them into a safe and welcome environment they would probably be blocked by some "far-right catholic organisation" ...


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    #19
    madmik
    Closed Accounts Posts: 423 ✭✭madmik


    i love it when theyre so outta of it they do that taking a dump position in mid air

    ive seen it a few times and its hilarious

    god knows how they balance and hold it that long

    Ive saw a few fighting and thats hilarious too

    I work on the quays and have a birds eye view of them buying and selling heroin

    wellington quay ,dublin 2

    they walk up and down asking "are u lookin bud"

    the wraps are €5 each and they also sell large tablets sometimes

    any guards feel free to read this and get off ur asses


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    #20
    madmik
    Closed Accounts Posts: 423 ✭✭madmik


    Acacia wrote: »
    I was almost mugged once and threatened with a dirty needle ...oh, how I laughed...

    i got threatened with a syringe on a bus one day,the 46a it was


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    #21
    Da Bounca
    Registered Users Posts: 2,699 ✭✭✭Da Bounca


    julep wrote: »
    No.

    If you have a problem with that, take it to the help desk.


    If I have a problem with your jump down the throat attitude, do I also take that to the help desk?


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    #22
    javaboy
    Registered Users Posts: 15,094 ✭✭✭✭javaboy


    madmik wrote: »
    the wraps are €5 each and they also sell large tablets sometimes

    any guards feel free to read this and get off ur asses

    Or you know just in case the Garda drugs squad have better things to be doing than reading threads about funny junkie stories on Boards you could report them yourself: http://boards.ie/vbulletin/showthread.php?t=2055472993


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    #23
    Naos
    Registered Users Posts: 4,728 ✭✭✭Naos


    Da Bounca wrote: »
    If I have a problem with your jump down the throat attitude, do I also take that to the help desk?

    Yup, that or feedback.


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    #24
    madmik
    Closed Accounts Posts: 423 ✭✭madmik


    javaboy wrote: »
    Or you know just in case the Garda drugs squad have better things to be doing than reading threads about funny junkie stories on Boards you could report them yourself: http://boards.ie/vbulletin/showthread.php?t=2055472993

    I pay their salary with my taxes

    now u want me to do their jobs for them as well?


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    #25
    Hail 2 Da Chimp
    Registered Users Posts: 7,589 ✭✭✭Hail 2 Da Chimp


    Worst I've seen is while walking down Grafton St. in the doorway of Jack and Jones (which was closed for some reason, redecorating I think), there 2 junkies lying with a sheet of cardboard over them. A woman injecting a man, in full view of anyone who walked past.


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    #26
    Naos
    Registered Users Posts: 4,728 ✭✭✭Naos


    madmik wrote: »
    I pay their salary with my taxes

    now u want me to do their jobs for them as well?

    I bet you're the same type who would leave their tray & rubbish in a fastfood restaurant saying it's their job to clean up after you as you pay their wages.

    Yes, well done - you pay their wages with your tax. However they are not the all knowing omnipotent Big Brother police force (thank jebus) you clearly think they should be.

    They rely on help/information from the public, so either get off your ass and dial that number or don't complain on here that they are not doing their job.


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    #27
    Acacia
    Registered Users Posts: 2,816 ✭✭✭Acacia


    seanybiker wrote: »
    i meant it as in i never seen a heroine user. Well i did but not while shooting up or whatever they do.

    I think he was carrying it with him to threaten people or something. Anyways, I escaped unscathed.


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    #28
    Terry
    Registered Users Posts: 26,061 ✭✭✭✭Terry


    Was walking down the road one day and the reason I never took heroin was walking towards me.
    He stopped me and asked if I had seen a big 6 foot pink bunny rabbit.
    I told him that I hadn't.
    He then said that if I did see him, his name is oscar*.

    A few weeks ago I saw him driving his van with a big dog on his lap. He doesn't own a dog.


    *Name may be different. It was 16 years ago.


    Then there was the time that one of the local hackney drivers ended up on heroin.
    I got a lift home one night and he had an entire conversation with himself along the way.
    Something about him getting into a fight with another guy. It was as if he was telling a story about himself to himself.
    I didn't know he was doing heroin at the time. He lost his job shortly afterwards.

    This morning I saw his son outside the chemists. He was so strung out that he could barely say hello.
    On my way back I saw one of his junkie buddies leave the chemists with a large bottle of something. They both then went to the bus stop.


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    #29
    Terry
    Registered Users Posts: 26,061 ✭✭✭✭Terry


    Da Bounca wrote: »
    If I have a problem with your jump down the throat attitude, do I also take that to the help desk?
    Also banned.


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    #30
    Valmont
    Registered Users Posts: 5,856 ✭✭✭Valmont


    I wandered into McDonald's on O'Connell street to use their restroom facilities the other day and made an interesting discovery.

    Junkies usually buy bars of Cadbury's dairy milk so that they can use the foil wrapper to cook up their heroin. Anyone who has seen full bars of chocolate on the floors of public toilets knows this (or not).

    Anyway in this bathroom the other day, the chocolate used was Cadbury's Turkish Delight. I checked the other cubicles and low and behold, more Turkish Delight. I tried to put myself into the junkies mind to discover why on earth, out of all the Cadbury's bars they picked Turkish Delight, which they weren't going to even eat anyway.


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    #31
    madmik
    Closed Accounts Posts: 423 ✭✭madmik


    Naos wrote: »
    I bet you're the same type who would leave their tray & rubbish in a fastfood restaurant saying it's their job to clean up after you as you pay their wages.

    Yes, well done - you pay their wages with your tax. However they are not the all knowing omnipotent Big Brother police force (thank jebus) you clearly think they should be.

    They rely on help/information from the public, so either get off your ass and dial that number or don't complain on here that they are not doing their job.

    well that certaintly put me in my place !
    note to self
    never complain about scores of junkies or lazy guards in case Naos doesnt like it ;)


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