Funny Junkie Stories

Mingey

PaulByrne'sBald wrote: »

2. Its Wellington quay for christ sake, granted there is relying on public information but there is also opening your eyes, everybody knows this happens in or around the boardwalk yet unfortunatly remains an area used for substance abuse, alcohol and hard drugs... the police surely know what goes on there but for what ever reason seem to ignore it or dont view it as a proirity

They surely do, but there's sweet f.a they can do about it. Arrest them, they go to court then perhaps they are sent to the drugs treatment courts or regular prison. Either way, they will unlikely stay off the junk when they are back out. It's just an endless cycle and cheaper to turn a blind eye.

Mingey

gazzer wrote: »

I used to always get asked "Was I looking" any time I was walking by the Civic Offices (Wood Quay?). There was always gangs of junkies hanging around there. Its such a sad thing to see. Used to look like something out of a zombie movie sometimes.

They should be dressed up in viking regalia and be paid to do battles for tourists.

madmik

gazzer wrote: »

I used to always get asked "Was I looking" any time I was walking by the Civic Offices (Wood Quay?). There was always gangs of junkies hanging around there. Its such a sad thing to see. Used to look like something out of a zombie movie sometimes.

thats still the catchphrase of choice they use

i get asked about 20 times

ive also notcied usually the one who asks if your lookin isnt the one carryinng the stuff

hes usually a few meteres behind or on the other side of the road

yesterday i saw that little cnut who always hassles people for change at the luas ticket machines buying a couple of wraps

Mingey

dsmythy wrote: »

Witch! Where's my burning stake?

Don't mess with me you, or I'll turn you into a needle that is used to inject the peni of a long term junkie :pac:

xzanti

Think I posted this in another thread a couple of years ago but anyway...

My cousins husband is a male nurse in the Mater A&E.. One day they had a guy in, close to death having OD'd on heroin.. Anyway they managed to bring him round by pumping out his system.. Anyway he wakes up and instead of counting his lucky stars he was saved or thanking the nurses he proceeds to protest that they were "wreckin his buzz" rips the tubes out of his arms and p1sses off into the sunset :rolleyes:

Naos

PaulByrne'sBald wrote: »

1. What your snide remark has to do with anything is beyond me, you must be one of those people who get off on their superoirity complex
2. Its Wellington quay for christ sake, granted there is relying on public information but there is also opening your eyes, everybody knows this happens in or around the boardwalk yet unfortunatly remains an area used for substance abuse, alcohol and hard drugs... the police surely know what goes on there but for what ever reason seem to ignore it or dont view it as a proirity

1. My remark was not snide it was quite blatent.

2. Madmilk basically said "Why should I report them to the Gardai, I pay their taxes so I shouldn't have to". This is an irresponsible way to act as a member of the public.

I'm not on a high horse nor do I have a superiority complex, I just find it a pain in the ass listening to people who complain and do nothing about it.

If he was to inform the Gardai and nothing be done, then that would be a different story.

madmik

Naos wrote: »

1. My remark was not snide it was quite blatent.

2. Madmilk basically said "Why should I report them to the Gardai, I pay their taxes so I shouldn't have to". This is an irresponsible way to act as a member of the public.

I'm not on a high horse nor do I have a superiority complex, I just find it a pain in the ass listening to people who complain and do nothing about it.

If he was to inform the Gardai and nothing be done, then that would be a different story.

if i ring the guards its to report a specific crime,they want to know times,dates ,people etc

facts that can be used in court,not sweeping general statements like theres drug dealing going on in wellington quay

I cant detain those involved and hold them there until the guards come out of the coma theyre in

do i ring 999?

is it an emergency

no
ring the station,

do you have any solid facts ?eh.no

are they still there? eh, no,the deal took 2 seconds to complete and then they walked off somewhere

can you proove they were selling heroin? eh.no

can you proove anything illegal happened,eh ,no

do you have anything other than your own belief they were selling drugs?

eh,well they were junked up to the eyeballs and selling small wraps of something,obviously theres the chance they were selling small wraps of some legal item like tea or coffee

well ,its not a crime to be junked up to the eyeballs thesedays and theres not an awful lot we can do about it but il make a note in da book

thanks officer,your a credit to da force!

keep up da good work

Slow Motion

Naos wrote: »

1. My remark was not snide it was quite blatent.

2. Madmilk basically said "Why should I report them to the Gardai, I pay their taxes so I shouldn't have to". This is an irresponsible way to act as a member of the public.

I'm not on a high horse nor do I have a superiority complex, I just find it a pain in the ass listening to people who complain and do nothing about it.

If he was to inform the Gardai and nothing be done, then that would be a different story.

But if we got off our asses and did something about it we would have nothing to complain about, wait I'm confused now

Abi

There are funny junkie stories?

Junkies = Eww.

pq0n1ct4ve8zf5

Now my little sister would be well acquainted with mind-altering substances, she cannot drink to save her life but she can smoke me under the table and I've spent many a happy evening watching her and her friends on yokes (not into them myself).

She's not the junkie in this story though :P when we were in Edinburgh to see the Mighty Boosh we ended up walking around at about dawn time for some reason and there were these two junkies sitting on a windowsill in grubby tracksuits and trainers, completely-well I don't know the hip term but they were off their bollixes on heroin, kept nodding forward, nearly falling off the windowsill and catching themselves just in time, arms completely limp etc. So we got a bit past them and I says to my sister I says "Jesus did you see those two junkies?" sis stops dead, turns around and looks at them and says "****, I thought they were doing stretches!" she thought they were about to go for a morning run!

javaboy

madmik wrote: »

if i ring the guards its to report a specific crime,they want to know times,dates ,people etc

facts that can be used in court,not sweeping general statements like theres drug dealing going on in wellington quay

I cant detain those involved and hold them there until the guards come out of the coma theyre in

do i ring 999?

is it an emergency

no
ring the station,

do you have any solid facts ?eh.no

are they still there? eh, no,the deal took 2 seconds to complete and then they walked off somewhere

can you proove they were selling heroin? eh.no

can you proove anything illegal happened,eh ,no

do you have anything other than your own belief they were selling drugs?

eh,well they were junked up to the eyeballs and selling small wraps of something,obviously theres the chance they were selling small wraps of some legal item like tea or coffee

well ,its not a crime to be junked up to the eyeballs thesedays and theres not an awful lot we can do about it but il make a note in da book

thanks officer,your a credit to da force!

keep up da good work

Did you actually look at the link in the thread I mentioned earlier?

javaboy wrote: »

Or you know just in case the Garda drugs squad have better things to be doing than reading threads about funny junkie stories on Boards you could report them yourself: http://boards.ie/vbulletin/showthread.php?t=2055472993

anonymous_joe

Hmmm.

I saw some junkies lighting up what certainly wasn't weed outside the Garda Station behind the Four Courts. Then watched as two guards walked by.

Local-womanizer

madmik wrote: »

if i ring the guards its to report a specific crime,they want to know times,dates ,people etc

facts that can be used in court,not sweeping general statements like theres drug dealing going on in wellington quay

I cant detain those involved and hold them there until the guards come out of the coma theyre in

do i ring 999?

is it an emergency

no
ring the station,

do you have any solid facts ?eh.no

are they still there? eh, no,the deal took 2 seconds to complete and then they walked off somewhere

can you proove they were selling heroin? eh.no

can you proove anything illegal happened,eh ,no

do you have anything other than your own belief they were selling drugs?

eh,well they were junked up to the eyeballs and selling small wraps of something,obviously theres the chance they were selling small wraps of some legal item like tea or coffee

well ,its not a crime to be junked up to the eyeballs thesedays and theres not an awful lot we can do about it but il make a note in da book

thanks officer,your a credit to da force!

keep up da good work

Eh you realise thats not the Gardai's fault dont you?You need evidence for a case to stand up in court,hardly the Gardai's fault but rather the Irish legal systems?And would no want to go to court to convict some junkie or dealer scum?

Hate junkies,bit the dealers are worse.They shouldbe kicked out of the country.A Few times in Dublin I have witness a good share of fights between Families in Gardens.Gardai quickly on the scene mind you

madmik

Local-womanizer wrote: »

Eh you realise thats not the Gardai's fault dont you?You need evidence for a case to stand up in court,hardly the Gardai's fault but rather the Irish legal systems?And would no want to go to court to convict some junkie or dealer scum?

Hate junkies,bit the dealers are worse.They shouldbe kicked out of the country.A Few times in Dublin I have witness a good share of fights between Families in Gardens.Gardai quickly on the scene mind you

by your admission its the not the fault of the guards,its the irish legal system that enables junkies to use and deal freely?

henceforth,why ring the guards?

how stupid would it even sound

"garda,i saw a guy give something to another guy"
is he still there?
"no hes gone now"
well,what do u want us to do about it?
"i dunno ted,ah Fckk it
have a nice day sir

ringing the guards to investigate a crime that may not have happened because without a ****load of evidence no crime has actually happened

if it was just one guy dealing it might make a differnce but when theres hundreds of them and using an entire stretch of the quays by the time the cops even arrived the suspects/and or gear would be gone

and since its not an emergency either theyre not gonna rush down,are they?

anyway guards only like to investigate things they can drive to with the siren on at high speed

anything else and ur wasting ur time

FlutterinBantam

madmik wrote: »

i love it when theyre so outta of it they do that taking a dump position in mid air

ive seen it a few times and its hilarious

god knows how they balance and hold it that long

Ive saw a few fighting and thats hilarious too

I work on the quays and have a birds eye view of them buying and selling heroin

wellington quay ,dublin 2

they walk up and down asking "are u lookin bud"

the wraps are €5 each and they also sell large tablets sometimes

any guards feel free to read this and get off ur asses

Aston Quay FTW

dsmythy

Madmik, you fail to understand the concept of the anonymous drug-dealing phone number. It's meant to be for residential areas not the city centre.

madmik

dsmythy wrote: »

Madmik, you fail to understand the concept of the anonymous drug-dealing phone number. It's meant to be for residential areas not the city centre.

i do understand but if u read back a couple of people were complaining to me as i hadnt reported it

certaintly its a useful number if someone is constantly dealing from a house or something

seanybiker

KTRIC wrote: »

Cadbury's Turkish Delight has never come in a foil wrapper. The wrapper is plastic and Kit Kats haven't come in a foil wrapper in years.

cadburys turkish do have foil wrappers.your thinking of frys turkish delight which is much superior. Way nicer

Rowley Birkin QC

The funniest one I have is from the time I was working on Wall St. in America. Was making an absolute fortune of money daily. Hair slicked back, expensive suits, living the high-life, Phil Collins and Genesis were past their peak but still great. To crown it all off I had the most perfect business card you could imagine, man it was exquisite; subtle off white colouring, tasteful thickness and even a watermark.

So anyway one night I went out and killed a junkie. Good times man, good times.

Cupcake_Crisis

on the way back from college today, a guy, who was very clearly under the influence, got on and sat down the back just across from me. He start talkin to everyone, even though no one knew who the hell he was!

then he turned around and looked at me. Looked away, then looked back at me smiled.

'I know yew from sumwer'
.....no you dont!!!
'no, i dew, its wreckin me hed wer i know ye from'
*nervous laughter*
'ahh, i dew know ye, is yhur name katreeena?'
......eh, why yes it is actually.......*gulp*
'haha, i fcukin knew i knew ye, thur a duurty bitch yew are'
........WHAT :eek:

He then rubbed my knee. i was disturbed.

'aaahh, im onlee buzzin wit ye luv, dah was just a lucky guess ha!'
.....more nervous laughter
'ive never met yew before in me life, sure id never forget a hed like dah!!'

....cheers love!!!

dsmythy

Cupcake_Crisis wrote: »

on the way back from college today, a guy, who was very clearly under the influence, got on and sat down the back just across from me. He start talkin to everyone, even though no one knew who the hell he was!

then he turned around and looked at me. Looked away, then looked back at me smiled.

'I know yew from sumwer'
.....no you dont!!!
'no, i dew, its wreckin me hed wer i know ye from'
*nervous laughter*
'ahh, i dew know ye, is yhur name katreeena?'
......eh, why yes it is actually.......*gulp*
'haha, i fcukin knew i knew ye, thur a duurty bitch yew are'
........WHAT :eek:

He then rubbed my knee. i was disturbed.

'aaahh, im onlee buzzin wit ye luv, dah was just a lucky guess ha!'
.....more nervous laughter
'ive never met yew before in me life, sure id never forget a hed like dah!!'

....cheers love!!!

Psychic junkie!

00112984

A few months ago. I was walking from Dublin's Capel St. along Mary St. to get to Henry St. after work and was surrounded by four older junkies. I was dark and the street was pretty empty so I went on the defensive, holding my bag closer into me, put my head down, said "sorry lads, I don't carry cash" and kept walking. But they followed me.

The head junkie gets in front of me so I have to stop and says "a'righ love, can you spell "needle"?"
I got a bit of a fright (I read far too much crime and was imagining the next line would be "now, can you spell "robbery with a "") so said "what?!". Again, he repeated "can you spell needle? My friend over there (points to another junkie who was standing a few feet away at this stage" sez it's n-e-i-d-l-e but I think it's n-e-e-d-l-e. Which one of us is right?"

I'm a complete pedant so pointed out that he was correct with his n-e-e-d-l-e. He said thanks and I was about to walk off when curiosity got the better of me so I turned back and asked why he needed to know. A third junkie, very shyly, produces a white sheet of paper and a pen and says "ah, we're filling out a form" and they all walked off happily.

phasers

None of mine are really funny tbh

nylon

how anyone can find junkies funny is beyond me. For me, they induce sadness, fear, even disgust, but never a laugh.

Duck's hoop

Yep. It's pretty easy for ivory tower dwelling individuals to sneer and snort derisively at opiate addicted people from less well off socio-economic backgrounds, but you know, it's not funny, it's pitiful as hell and sometimes well scary but I can honestly say I've never laughed at anything connected with smack. It's a bit like laughing at a car crash.

I've seen a lot of it over the years, it's mostly heads from poorer areas without much to look forward to in life, or at least they hold that perception, though occasionally some middle class wannabe gets involved, it's devastating either way, and as an earlier poster remarked, the junk takes over and the person is removed from the equation.

Bottom line for me is, junk's not funny, junkies robbed of their lives, self-inflicted though it may be, that ain't funny either.

Terry

nylon wrote: »

how anyone can find junkies funny is beyond me. For me, they induce sadness, fear, even disgust, but never a laugh.

Not even when they are looking for a six foot bunny rabbit?

Fair enough it was scary at the time. I was only 17.
The thing is, I've known the guy for most of my life and he's been on and off the gear for most of that time. He's also the type of person who would take any drug given to him.

I was on my way to a family christening at the time and when I told my cousins what had happened, they just laughed.

Rowley Birkin QC

nylon wrote: »

how anyone can find junkies funny is beyond me. For me, they induce sadness, fear, even disgust, but never a laugh.

One of the great lessons in life that I have learned so far is that you have to find the humour in everything. Only way to work things out and move forward.

dr.bollocko

A homeless man came up and asked me for a cigarette about this exact day last year in St. Kilda near Melbourne.
I didn't have anything else to do and man I was lonely as hell so I stopped and smoked one with him, starting conversation with weather and beer and rugby.
He told me, in an educated, soft-spoken lilt, that he was once a commercial pilot. He spoke fondly of the job, and with enough intelligence that I didn't feel he was selling me some con of a hard luck story so I would dip my hands into my pockets out of sadness.
I got the feeling he didn't want a thing from me, other than the cigarette. He definitely didn't know why I wanted to stop and talk to this scab faced ripped-jacketed old hobo sipping on the dregs of life on the streets at 8am.

He told me of his struggle with drink, and how he started smoking heroin, then the obvious fall from grace at work that always comes with that ****ing drug, and now he spends his time meandering through St. Kilda. He shuffles painfully slow, along narrow paths that bustle with tourists eating and drinking outside countless restaurant bars and only stops for ciggy butts.

I handed him 2 dollars and another cigarette, but wished I could have given him more. To be honest I wish I could have given him a pen and paper, so I could properly tell you all his story and not just be a second mouth repeating the dulled memories from a hung over conversation that is incosequential to the rest of the world in any case.

He consumed my walk home. I couldn't get him out of my head. A walking epitaph tenderly reminding a too-cruel world to look after it's weaker sons. I think I saw a lot of myself in him somehow. I had a taste of a destiny that could have been mine and am consumed by the sad romance of it all.
That poor wonderful bastard.
I looked out for him again, but the next time I saw him, not ten days later, he was in a wheelchair and didn't remember me, or ask for anything, just shuffled on past with this look of fresh pain in his eyes, like a small child that has scraped his knee. And on he shuffled, on and out of my life, a sorry sickened lump of pure man tenderised and then crushed by something he could never hope to understand.






How hilarious it is to poke fun at junkies.

Mr.Plough

In a cocktail bar I used to work in in the lower abbey st area, you'd occasionally have them sneak in to use the toilet. One time a guy and a girl slipped in when I wasn't looking, and a regular customer told me 2 junkies had just gone into the toilet. Armed with one of those massive white muddling sticks, I went into the ladies. Sure enough a girl was in the cubicle with the door still open cooking her sh1t. Got rid of her and went into the gents.

One of the cubicles was locked from the inside. Looking under there was no sign of feet so assumed he was standing on the seat. Stood on the toilet of the next cubicle and looked over and the locked cubicle was empty.

Nothing new I just assumed he had dived in after his gear like Renton out of trainspotting, so just climbed over and put the toilet seat down.

PaulByrne'sBald

Duck's hoop wrote: »

Yep. It's pretty easy for ivory tower dwelling individuals to sneer and snort derisively at opiate addicted people from less well off socio-economic backgrounds

though occasionally some middle class wannabe gets involved

I dont know why this made me laugh so much...

Boards.ie! savior and voice of the laptop weilding lower classes!!!