Talk About Your Relationships Here

Wibbs · 04-05-2008 11:42PM

Strange alright.

aliqueenb · 05-05-2008 12:05AM

yeah kinda weird

Lipraloof · 06-05-2008 12:25AM

Screw him if he is making u feel this way he ain't worth it. Have u told him how u feel?

John Mason · 06-05-2008 08:06AM

Lipraloof wrote: »

Screw him if he is making u feel this way he ain't worth it. Have u told him how u feel?

+1, why would you stay with someone who makes you feel like this? You are allow him to make you feel insecure. why would you do this?

Wibbs · 06-05-2008 09:27AM

irishbird wrote: »

+1, why would you stay with someone who makes you feel like this? You are allow him to make you feel insecure. why would you do this?

Maybe a chicken and egg thing. Which comes first? Him making her feel insecure or her being insecure and seeking out someone who will reinforce that belief.

Strangely enough, while yes he is being a knob, I don't "blame" him at all. Emotional blame is for the schoolyard anyway.

While others can influence our happiness and growth, we're all personally responsible for how that influence is felt. She's the one that has gone along with this for month after month. Would he pull this with someone who had more self belief and confidence? That would be a no and if he did he would get short shrift.

If every time a dog bites your hand, you give it a pat on the head, do you blame the dog when it continues to bite you? Same dealio, a little more complex but not by much.

I would reckon a goodly proportion of relationship issues, boil down to lack of emotional balance and self belief played out by one partner on the other partner(or both pulling the same thing). This accounts for a lot of the lack of communication, loss of attraction, staying in a bad relationship due to fear of loneliness, or a fear of change, often good change.

ilovetulips, confront him in a calm way by asking him directly why you haven't met his friends. Do not hint, he won't get it or will choose not to get it by ignoring it. And why shouldn't he ignore it as you've given him no reason to do so thus far.

Rozabeez · 06-05-2008 11:23AM

Guy mentioned awhile ago that wasn't paying me enough attention ended up paying me too much attention, I got all jumpy cos I never knew when he was gonna show up, discovered our personalities don't exactly click, got bored of having nothing to talk about and had to let the beautiful curly man go.

Sigh, sucks being so fickle.

ilovetulips · 06-05-2008 01:05PM

Well Ive since spoken to him and all was sorted out. As regards his whereabout that night I have since found out that someone is lying. Theres something goin on. One person says he was in one place and another elsewhere. I have been in relationships before and I have never been this insecure. I know its not just me. I enjoy being with him and I want to trust him but when you have people telling you otherwise, it becomes very difficult.
As regards the previous quote we are not in that space where we dont want to be together. We have only been together a little while and we get on like a house on fire in general. Im happy being on my own. Im not one of those people that wants to jump into things because I dont want to be alone. Quite the opposite actually so I dont know why Im hung up on this one little situation.
Just seems so weird

ilovetulips · 06-05-2008 01:07PM

By the way Wibbs, thanks for your response. I know hinting gets people nowhere!

Puddleduck · 06-05-2008 01:35PM

ilovetulips, tbh if your having trust issues with him so early on in the realationship it dosent bode well for things later on. If your suspicious about it then you should ask him outright. Wondering and torturing yourself over it will get you nowhere. If your certain he is lying, then he dosent seem like hes worth your time

conman78 · 06-05-2008 06:17PM

He's probably going out with the other girl still..heard of girl I know..going out with a fella for a year but had never seen where he lived..long story short he'd been going out with girl and living with her for 6 years! just run!

lee_arama · 06-05-2008 07:51PM

I heard a great one about a girl I was in college with and she'd met some fella from London or something and yadda yadda, eventually marriage was suggested and somewhen it was revealed that there was a long term Mrs Londonman around.

Oh the hilarity of it all.

Go find yourself a nice older guy (not me cos I be spoken for). We're far more settled than those flighty youngsters. Older guys trust younger girls more, and younger girls trust older guys more. Match made in heaven FTW!

Wibbs · 06-05-2008 10:35PM

I dunno about that I'm an older guy and I'm an almighty eejit at the best of times.:D

Rozabeez · 06-05-2008 11:29PM

Like telling someone, "Your necklace reminds me of a vagina"?

ilovetulips · 07-05-2008 06:38PM

conman78 wrote: »

He's probably going out with the other girl still..heard of girl I know..going out with a fella for a year but had never seen where he lived..long story short he'd been going out with girl and living with her for 6 years! just run!

He is not that much of an arse. He is actually a decent guy. Stupid at times, but very decent.
Ah things have since been sorted out. Just a misunderstanding that needed to be said straight.

Wibbs · 08-05-2008 06:03PM

So have you or are you going to meet this decent guys mates then? Maybe even his family? If not then I would be still very dubious and it would be more than a misunderstanding that needed to be set straight.

mollybird · 09-05-2008 06:08PM

oh my god my OH is driving me crazy. he has only gone and done some weird nerdy thing ot the tv where. the computer runs through the tv or vice versa. i tried watch neighbours from friends and the bloody thing froze and when it started again there was no sound and when i went back to friends the same thing happened. im ready to kill him. his answer ot it is that it is for him and his flatemate. well i said im here a bit when your not. so it would be nice to be able to use it when your not around. i said i leave you use my things when your there. but he said he is never there when im not and i just said because you won't stay without me. he is driving me crazy:mad:

ilovetulips · 09-05-2008 10:29PM

Wibbs wrote: »

So have you or are you going to meet this decent guys mates then? Maybe even his family? If not then I would be still very dubious and it would be more than a misunderstanding that needed to be set straight.

Yeah, Ive met his whole family since and Ive met a good few of his friends.
Things are going much better

Little Miss! · 12-05-2008 11:51AM

Hey all,

So here goes..... broke up with my boyfriend of 6 years at xmas as i'm working full-time and studying part-time and he didn't feel he was getting enough love and attention. We were living separating but had lived together for 5 years previous to me starting college. I did try to get home to see him every weekend (home being over 150km away), but after working the full week and being at college 2 nights, i was so tired by the time i got there i'd just want to sleep and the form probably wouldn't be the best.

Anyways, this morning he told me he's seeing someone new. I know everyone has to go through this but for some strange reason i thought we'd get back together and that we were only taking a break while i was at college.

I know i'd have no right to ask him to wait for me and i didn't, but i guess i just thought after all we'd been through we would wait for each other, obviously not.

And to make matters worse, i'm right in the middle of my college exams so this couldn't happen at a worse time. I'm starting to wonder what's the point anymore, i thought i was pushing myself to work and study to make life better for both of us, but now i'm totally alone and basically lost

Any help ye ladies could give me to help me through this would be great

Lil' Smiler · 12-05-2008 12:10PM

Hey,

That's a tough thing alright to happen during your exams. Just truck on with studying & stuff, don't let it get in the way! easier said than done i know, but focus on the exams. You should be doing your college course for you, not for both of you really. I kinda think, for education think about yourself. I made that mistake in the past, not applying to college in England or not applying anywhere outside Dublin because I wanted things to be easier for my bf and I at the time... Idiot!!:o So now, Im studying part time and every 2nd weekend is taken up but my bf just have to accept it and at the same time I do put in the effort to see him. But if I have to study, he understands.

You never mentioned who broke up with who? Or if you were really upset?

I think for most people, it will always be really hard knowing an ex has moved on, even if you are with someone else. I know if I was to find out that my ex was seeing someone, even though I'm in my new relationship a year and a half and am ridiculously happy, that it would bother me in some way. My friend and I were talking about this one time and were thinking, maybe we women want the guy to be upset as we are when it's a break up we didnt want and kinda expect them not to move on because no body will be compared to us... I dunno was just a view we had on it.

Just get through your exams and try not to think about it. Yes, he may be seeing someone new but it doesn't mean it will last or all hope is gone for you and him!

Good luck x

ash xxx · 12-05-2008 12:22PM

Hey Little miss,
I'm really sorry to hear about this and I completely understand what you're going through. Me and my ex only broke up 2 months ago and we were together for 3 and a half years. But I made some mistakes in that relationship, the main one being that I didnt do what was best for me. I didnt go to the college I wanted because I didnt want to lose time with him. I ended up doing I course I really didnt like and quitting after 2 years.

Well done on going to the uni that you wanted and all I can say is that focus on your exams cause no man is worth ruining your future for. Not that I'm single, I'm going back to college in September to do the degree I want. Think about it this way, now you dont have to go home every weekend and be tired all the time. You can stay up here and go out with people you work with or go to college with and get on with your life.

With regards to your ex, you dont know whats going through his head, this might be his way of trying to get over you, his rebound relationship if you will. If you are meant to be together you will be, and if you're not, hopefully you'll meet some rich, intelligent male model to make you happy.

And you will be happy!!! Good Luck.

Little Miss! · 12-05-2008 12:24PM

Lil' Smiler wrote: »

Hey,

That's a tough thing alright to happen during your exams. Just truck on with studying & stuff, don't let it get in the way! easier said than done i know, but focus on the exams. You should be doing your college course for you, not for both of you really. I kinda think, for education think about yourself. I made that mistake in the past, not applying to college in England or not applying anywhere outside Dublin because I wanted things to be easier for my bf and I at the time... Idiot!!:o So now, Im studying part time and every 2nd weekend is taken up but my bf just have to accept it and at the same time I do put in the effort to see him. But if I have to study, he understands.

You never mentioned who broke up with who? Or if you were really upset?

I think for most people, it will always be really hard knowing an ex has moved on, even if you are with someone else. I know if I was to find out that my ex was seeing someone, even though I'm in my new relationship a year and a half and am ridiculously happy, that it would bother me in some way. My friend and I were talking about this one time and were thinking, maybe we women want the guy to be upset as we are when it's a break up we didnt want and kinda expect them not to move on because no body will be compared to us... I dunno was just a view we had on it.

Just get through your exams and try not to think about it. Yes, he may be seeing someone new but it doesn't mean it will last or all hope is gone for you and him!

Good luck x

Thanks for the advice. Yeh i'm pretty upset alright, to be honest i'm fighting back the tears here in work, and the slight wobble in my voice isn't helping either!

At xmas he said he couldn't deal with it anymore, meaning me not being around all week. I think he resented me for leaving him to go to college, but i really did think i was doing it for us both.

Thing is exam on weds was already having trouble studying for it, now what hope have i....

Lil' Smiler · 12-05-2008 12:31PM

Think positive.

There's no point in dwelling on it and upsetting yourself ! As annoying as it sounds, have a positive, "can do" attitude!!

It is fine to feel the way you do about him seeing someone else, yes it was bound to happen but happened at a bad time. Just think about yourself, focus on the exam and if you're studying part time, you're doing it for a reason.. to further your career(?) but you are doing it for YOU!!!

aye · 12-05-2008 12:31PM

Little Miss! wrote: »

Thanks for the advice. Yeh i'm pretty upset alright, to be honest i'm fighting back the tears here in work, and the slight wobble in my voice isn't helping either!

At xmas he said he couldn't deal with it anymore, meaning me not being around all week. I think he resented me for leaving him to go to college, but i really did think i was doing it for us both.

Thing is exam on weds was already having trouble studying for it, now what hope have i....

chip up and head down.

he didnt support your decision to go to college part time to enhance you career. thats pretty ****ty to me.

you broke up, but you always thought you'd get back together. here is the problem, i did this before and essentially it made me emotionally unavailable to any potential new girl. dont do this.
he has moved on, it might not work out with him and new girl and maybe you two could end up back together who knows, but dont hold out for it.

get the exmas sorted, top priority at the moment. if you cant concentrate, go for a swim, trust me.
do the exams for you, no one else, and dont let him take away all the hard work you've done over the year.

chin up, it will be ok.

Dragan · 12-05-2008 12:33PM

Your only mistake was thinking you needed to make yourself a success for someone else.

Here's the trick, do what makes you happy and you will find someone who just enjoys that you are happy.

metaoblivia · 12-05-2008 04:05PM

I told someone I was interested in him today, and I'm 99% certain the feelings aren't mutual. So yeah. I feel like an idiot. And the shirt I'm wearing - completely stupid. At least my outside matches my inside. It's an all around :rolleyes: day.
Just needed to get that out.

Abi · 12-05-2008 04:41PM

metaoblivia wrote: »

I told someone I was interested in him today, and I'm 99% certain the feelings aren't mutual.

We are our own worst critics, you might have read him wrong.

You are a bit of a stunner and intelligent. So I'm 99% sure he is either
a) threatened by that, or b) gay.

Either way, his issues not yours. Dust yourself off lady and slap on a smile.

aye · 12-05-2008 04:47PM

metaoblivia wrote: »

I told someone I was interested in him today, and I'm 99% certain the feelings aren't mutual. So yeah. I feel like an idiot. And the shirt I'm wearing - completely stupid. At least my outside matches my inside. It's an all around :rolleyes: day.
Just needed to get that out.

dont worry about it, nothing ventured nothing gained

metaoblivia · 12-05-2008 04:59PM

Thanks, aye and Abigayle. It's hard putting yourself out there like that, and I keep hoping that maybe one day it will pay off. But I guess today's not that day.

ShaneU · 12-05-2008 07:47PM

Abigayle wrote: »

You are a bit of a stunner and intelligent. So I'm 99% sure he is either
a) threatened by that, or b) gay.

Agreed, that guy's a complete idiot imo

Pj! · 12-05-2008 09:04PM

metaoblivia wrote: »

Thanks, aye and Abigayle. It's hard putting yourself out there like that, and I keep hoping that maybe one day it will pay off. But I guess today's not that day.

Hey don't worry about it metaoblivia. Fair play to ya for putting yourself out there, it takes courage!

Feel good about yourself. You're a 'head turner'!

Talk About Your Relationships Here

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