Things you want to say to husband/boyf/ex's/friends/family/people MOD NOTE POST #1

okiss · 20-10-2021 1:31am

Hello M,

Do you remember how I helped you out a few years ago? If I knew then what I know now I would not have helped you out as much back then.

I know that the past 18 months has not been easy for you but you not the only person dealing with issues. I have tried to be understanding when time after time I get excuses on why you can't meet me. What really annoyed me was that I had a significant event a few months ago that you totally ignored but at least other people treated me better than you did.

So I have decided to contact x. It's just a matter of time before I know exactly whats being going on in your life over the past few months. I want to find out just how much of what you told me recently is true. I have tried hard to stay in contact with you. I let certain things go because I figured that you were dealing with a few issues. I have given you long enough to make some effort with me. So once I know whats going on I will be acting upon it. I won't put up with your lack of effort for me for much longer espically after all the help and support I gave you in the past. It about time you learned that you don't dump your friends on the way up and expect them to be their on the way down.

Deja Boo · 22-10-2021 2:28am

You are heavy on my mind and heart today.

09-11-2021 11:33am

Your reactions are completely over the top and dissproportionate to anything I say.

I cant be myself. Don't even like myself when I'm in that situation and I'm not arguing with you anymore about things I haven't even done.

You were exceptionally hard on me and there's nothing admirable about it. Some of those things you said to me when I was clearly in a bad place, I'll never forget them. I tried to deny them even to myself because I really want to see the good in people but I just can't see it in you now. Kicking people when they're down, I can't relate to that.

Airyfairy12 · 14-11-2021 12:06am

I miss you, I felt such a connection with you, you tried in the beginning and it won me over but just when I started to give in and be with you properly, like you wanted, you started to distant yourself! You were the first guy I liked in so long but you turned out to be another disappointment. Why did you text me for 2 years and try so hard to get with me just to treat me like that? I opened up to you and now I wish I never did.

17-01-2022 11:27am

The last time we spoke I thought everything was grand. We had a bit of a laugh and that was that...then ye just flipped out at me for no reason.

I really don't like constantly being called names (I sort of forget and then get a quick memory of how hurtful it is) and berated about things that I haven't said or done.

I feel like I tried In every way to make things work and I don't want to argue anymore.

notenoughforyou · 19-01-2022 10:51am

Lavinia · 27-01-2022 6:53pm

if i could turn back time.. i'd try one more time to find a way to reach out and not to close the door as i did and now it stayed written in eternity..

i am so sorry..

31-01-2022 3:39am

Just don't feel good around you anymore after you put me down so much and through so much! (Not sure why you felt the need to do that/

Also..theres a way that you talk when youre communicating with me and ive noticed it with other lads sometimes too but it's...em...like I don't actually exist...just there to do something that pleases you or doesn't please you.

I just feel I want to be there for myself right now and enjoy me and not worry about anyone else and that's what I'm doing !

Deja Boo · 20-02-2022 7:00am

empty anniversary innit.

jellybear · 27-02-2022 7:48pm

It would mean so much to me if you could be a bit more impartial. Things are tough enough already.

13-03-2022 3:25pm

I'm sorry if I turned up uninvited the other day and it won't happen again. I'm not good at articulating what I want to say a lot of the time.

I didn't know you were under so much stress. I was under stress too.

Before when you seemed down and alone, I tried to be there as much as I could. I trusted you because I think so much of you and wanted things to be better. I am not psychic and didn't know. I don't like arguing and it does hurt.

Ive never had a close group of friends really, more aquaintences. You are very lucky that you have that. Not a lot of people do.

Deja Boo · 25-04-2022 6:26pm

Wishing you a safe birthday, wherever you are.

Not that my opinion ever mattered.

okiss · 21-05-2022 6:01am

Dear H,

So yesterday evening I get a message from you. I have not heard from you in nearly 3 weeks despite sending you at least 3 messages. So this evening you found the time to contact me with a poor excuse re your lack of contact. So when I asked you what happened I got told X is having problems. I said to you over 2 years ago that you needed to stop doing certain things with X. You were not happy to hear what I said to you then. It was hard for you to hear what I said then because you knew it all. In fact you tore strips off me then and blocked me for a few weeks. Then you contacted me a few weeks later when you cooled down.

So whats happened since then?

During covid you would not meet up with me even when the restrictions improved but we both know you met up with your other friends.

So last May all all the covid things were coming to and end. I was looking forward to us meeting up and going places again and instead this happened.

You have not once picked up the phone and rang me to see if I am dead or alive. You have not once found the time to call to my house. I tried to meet up with you in z and got we will meet up and this never happens. I had a major birthday and you said I have a card for you and we will meet up. Then I got a load of excuses why you could not do this. I gave you several weeks then because I knew you were busy with a few things including dealing with X. I have made the effort to keep in contact with you despite waiting days to get a reply to the messages I sent and we both know your not that busy. You even asked me to do a favour for you recently which I did.

So you contact me with that message. I dont know what you expect me to do for you now. I gave you advice in the past that you refused to listen to. After that I kept my mouth shut when you told me anything about X because I knew if I said anything it was just going to cause tension between us or that you get thick with me again. I figured you made some wrong choices re X and you now dealing with the fallout. This situation has been going on for a while. I also think that your so called friends are to busy with their lives to drop all and support you though this problem.

So you what do you want from me now? Do you expect me to contact you and see when you can meet me? Do you think I have nothing better to do that listen to your woes like I did so many times in the past? I won't cancel or change my plans to be their for you this week or in the future. We both know all I did for you in the past and it amazing how quickly you forgot this. One thing I have learned in life is that you don't dump your frieinds on the way up and expect them to be their for you on the way down.

Deja Boo · 20-06-2022 12:41am

C-Not many people I could say this of, but ... I can't come up with a single respectful memory any one of us could share about you today - dna of shame, what a deserving legacy you perpetuated.

Edit: I thought of one... You stayed far away from me, for that I am eternally grateful.

flowerchild · 04-07-2022 8:48pm

I just woke up in tears. Thought I would tell you this …

Treating someone with grace and dignity is crucial. The pain of the alternative may last a lifetime.

Deja Boo · 10-07-2022 6:44am

K-10 years since, wish I could get angry, I just feel pity - not sure who I pity more.

...and what ^ flowerchild said, I still recall the harsh words, unkind echos ring thru my soul, a decade later.

AgeofAquarius · 22-07-2022 12:28pm

I don't love you. Not in the way that I have fallen in love with previous boyfriends. Not in the passionate way that I feel I couldn't live without you, or that you are my best friend, or that I need to be with you.

We have been together 13 years now. I made the conscious decision to settle for you because I wanted to get married and have children, and you wanted that too. I understood all this before I got married to you. I thought maybe over time I would fall in love, like the way people in arranged marriages do. But that didn't happen. In fact, all the things that I ignored, the things that would have made me break up with you in my twenties had we met then, have amplified over the years.

I often wonder what my life would be like if I had waited it out and met someone that was truly my best friend. Someone that i could have long conversations with, someone that I could be totally truthful with and be totally myself. Someone who is outgoing and enjoys travelling and socialising, like me. Then again, I objectively look at my life and see how great it is. You are generally a nice person, even if you haven't turned out to be the hands on Dad I thought you would be. I have three beautiful children and a house in the burbs. All the things I wanted and all the things I compromised for. Sometimes it helps that I am not in love with you. I am confident that I would do just fine should our marriage ever end, and that helps me be more assertive and more protective of my boundaries. I am not twisting myself into trying to be the person you want me to be, like I did with the people I loved in the past.

I am 100% sure that you don't know any of this. I am a good actress and I know that you are convinced I am in love with you and always have been. Sometimes the pretending can be exhausting, especially during s*x, but I understand that this is the price that I pay. I would rather this than be one of my single friends, who desperately wanted children but never wanted to compromise on the relationship.

flowerchild · 25-07-2022 8:52am

I read a newspaper article this morning about psychopaths, and thought of you.

Charming, manipulative, without remorse, prone to risk-taking, and lacking empathy all seemed right. But it didn’t change what I think or how I feel, which is confusing but still true.

You can be very supportive, are an excellent teacher, intelligent, funny and driven, all of which can be admirable.

The article caused me to think about how people with straightforward personalities are not always attractive. Not like bad boys.

Hope you are well, and happy.

cena · 17-08-2022 11:23pm

To my friend R. Why lie saying you are not on Plenty of fish? I saw you on it.

18-09-2022 3:52am

Met and chatted to about 25 of you now 🙂🙄🙂

Lavinia · 18-09-2022 6:02pm

after all the hot and cold showers/ phases and so many years, why am i still here? 😶

Deja Boo · 10-10-2022 8:36pm

I loved (past tense) you so much that the memory of you hurts to the very depths. I see now why people burn love letters and cut pictures - who needs self-induced suffering? The present is hard enough without having to revisit the past and wonder how it all went wrong.

SaltSweatSugar · 11-10-2022 1:19am

I really, really miss you. All I want is to be wrapped up in your arms feeling safe.

Tri Oidhcheannan Eile · 11-11-2022 10:52am

"How you feeling, sweetheart? Are you moving on?

Are you sleeping okay or do the nights go on and on?

I hope you're eating well, I hope you're staying strong" - Mike Rosenberg

Happy birthday, Fi.

Deja Boo · 07-12-2022 2:54am

Talk to the hand and stop.pushing.my.buttons, cupcake.

Deja Boo · 03-01-2023 1:18am

My dear - what you are doing is hurtful.

SAMTALK · 17-01-2023 5:10pm

Please don't think i don't know what you both are doing . Stop treating me a fool who will be at your beck and call when you both decide what role I'm to play in the family !

The one thing that is sure to rub me up the wrong way is to take me for granted

As you know this happened me for years , but I won't let someone else do this to me . I have toughened up and if you push too hard be ready for the consequences

22-01-2023 4:51am

How little you thought of me that you didn't even aknowledge me to say goodbye even a slight nod and the effort I put in to make you and your family feel understood even though ye put me through hell and you knew exactly what you were doing. Best of luck. I hope we don't ever cross paths again. :|

sporina · 22-01-2023 11:27pm

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/120120825#Comment_120120825

go you!

Sardonicat · 24-01-2023 2:19am

You are just loving this, aren't you? Your favourite thing in the world is a death and a good oul funeral you can insert yourself into. Now, you can place yourself right at the centre, which us literally what you did today- at what was meant to he a private viewing for immediate family and very close friends. You extended that invitation beyond its intent and you're not even directly related! And there you were, right in the centre of the row accepting condolences for a man you hadn't even seen and couldn't be bothered with for 5 years. Yesterday, I had to ask you to move aside so I could sit beside my newly deceased father's remains to hold his hand. The sight if you sitting there holding his hand with that weirdly content smile on your face made my skin crawl. Not one single tear have I seen from you, you're not even being sombre or even trying to be. You are so clearly enjoying this. So utterly in your element. There is something really twisted and deeply disturbing in you. Let me tell you this: you may be fooling the mourners but you never fooled him. I see you, and he saw you too.

Neyite · 25-01-2023 12:00pm

I'm very sorry for your loss Sardonicat.

HildaOgdenx · 25-01-2023 12:15pm

I'm so sorry for your loss @Sardonicat

May he rest in peace. Mind yourself.

05-02-2023 3:26am

So for all this time of being told how horrible I am...when Ive been away from you, it's strange how peoples views of me are so different from yours...the other day someone told me that I'm a very 'soft' person in how I come across and they didn't mean it as an insult. I was also told that I'm very 'calm' and collected. Another person randomly told me 'you're lovely' out of nowhere and they said it twice to make sure I heard them. So, thanks for all the critique while I've known you but I'll make sure to get a second opinion.

Deja Boo · 20-02-2023 7:39am

Anniversary.

Putting a "happy" before that would be entirely laughable. So why must I continue to recall such inconsequential dates?

bannedboyband · 20-02-2023 8:21am

Dear Randomers online and in person I've encountered.

Leave the bitterness go and you will be truly happy and free.

BBB

Deja Boo · 21-02-2023 6:42am

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/120263792#Comment_120263792

Newby BannedBoy - If this is some sort of jab at any of our posts here, leave your own bitter judgmental commentary elsewhere. You cannot understand what anyone has gone through, nor know what is necessary to make them happy or free, truly.

This thread was created to allow us to share our thoughts or feelings, and if bitter happens to be one them (and in some instances, bitterness is indeed very appropriate), this is an ok place to vent it.

Airyfairy12 · 25-02-2023 12:39am

Everytime we hang out, which is rare now, youre not very 'present', its like you dont want to be there, you stay for half an hour, rush me and get annoyed with me like im forcing you to be there, when I ask you if everythings ok or point out that you seem a bit on edge, you come up with some random reason for why youre behaving that way. You subtly belittle me by talking over me, making everything I say about you & I find myself rushing to finish sentences to point were im stumbling over my words because you seem agitated & bored when I talk about myself or something going on in my life. Youre always so self absorbed in our interactions & generally quite mean and its very draining, I leave your company feeling worse than I did before meeting up with you and friendships shouldnt consistently leave you feeling like that. You just make no effort at all & im remembering now why I stopped making time for you all those years ago & why you have no other friends. If youre annoyed at someone whose been nothing but nice to you, it's you thats the problem so meeting up and sitting there in a bad mood and putting that on me like ive done something wrong isnt how I want to spend an afternoon or a night out & its not something I can talk to you about because you'll make yourself out to be victim. Im pulling back from the friendship now, its not worth my effort or time.

26-02-2023 9:25am

Don't take me for granted to be or use me for your fun again ..I have my own mind and you may have persuaded me somewhat but you didn't create me...I àlwàys was who I am and in general I'm proud of how I handled difficult situations with you,. you probably wouldn't understand what I'm saying but anyhow.,

flowerchild · 01-03-2023 5:14am

Ages ago, when I was deep in connection with you, I went on an interstate trip. I stayed in a regional location, messaging you often. It was a strange, strange experience. I had lunch and then walked back to my room, intending to have a swim. I saw a guy walking up towards me on the other side of the small road. For some reason he caught my eye - maybe it was the beard. I began to feel lightheaded but wasn’t sure why and kept on going. I changed into my swimsuit and got into the pool, which was small, deep and shatteringly cold. By that stage I felt very peculiar. I barely made it out of the pool and back to my room. I think I was very lucky to make it. Then everything was both swirly and out. I could swear there were several men in the room, doing things to me. I don’t remember dinner and I felt very sore and odd as I headed off to do my work the next day. I’ve wondered since then what exactly happened, and who arranged it. It has stayed with me as a very unpleasant almost memory. If you don’t remember it, did something bad still happen? Yes, I definitely think so. The body keeps the score.

okiss · 12-03-2023 4:48am

Dear x,

So I got a message from you yesterday. It was the 1st time I had heard from you in a while. You told me why you had not been in contact with me.

We lost contact with each other for a few years due to various things. You got back in contact with me not long before covid and we met up a few months ago. I knew you wanted to get into a friends with benefits situation with me. We had some fun that night and you were chatting and sex texting me since then. I have noticed that this is happening less.

So we are back to you I am so busy and I will send you a message if and when I feel like it.

The truth is that I feel sorry for how things turned out for you. I remember the person you once were and how you we were both their for each other in the past. I remember all the good times and how we cheered each other up and supported each other in the past. Now we are in this position and I know your not happy with me because of the no fwb situation. You made a decision a few years ago to turn me down for a relationship and moved on to get z pregant within a year of meeting her. You have been living with her and your child this past few years. So your not in a position to offer me a relationship. So I decided its a bad idea for us to get into a fwb situation. Anyhow I have my own life to lead and plans for my future.

Along with this what you told me in you last message I am not supprised at. You have been dealing with certain issues over the past few years and they are getting worse because you refuse to make changes. I warned you about this a few years ago and so did several other people but you kept doing what you always did. For you own sake you need to make changes because your life is going to get worse for you if you don't.

I have learned that you cant make people change unless they are willing to listen, want to change themselves and are willing to put in a bit of work in order to get where they want to. So I have decided that I will contact you and try to chat about things. I am not going to lecture you because I think you will just close down on me altogether if I do that and anyhow your an adult not a child so you should be aware of what you need to do now.

14-03-2023 10:23pm

Try not to lose your humanity...and you and your friends were right...we are not equal.

LilacNails · 14-03-2023 11:15pm

T,

What was it that changed ur mind or were u just not genuine. Im actually gutted, but I'll get over it.

outside the rain · 16-04-2023 3:33am

Thankyou...thankyou for 'teaching' me that no matter what I say or do it will not be listened too or considered because of my position..

But I already knew that. Thanks anyway ☺️

okiss · 08-06-2023 5:48am

Dear x,

I finally got a chance to say hello to you today without anyone beside you. Then you decided not to hear me. I just want to say how dare you. I was very supportive to you in the past. I have seen you run after that couple a & b. Have you not realised that one of them will tell your business to everyone and the other person will disappear when you need support. I hope you realise that when your next bad patch hits that you can't contact me and expect my help.

18-06-2023 6:44am

You don't know the half of what I'm going through sweet heart.

SAMTALK · 20-06-2023 10:12am

Ok I'm done. Cant do this anymore.

You've set out to achieve what you wanted and have got your way. You have broken me and I dont know what you want from me anymore

You keep changing the rules but forget to tell the rest of us, so forgive me if i cant keep up.

Family is supposed to have your back at all times but actually my friends are way more supportive

Bredabe · 23-06-2023 4:00pm

Mary,

You told me that I was the most difficult person you had in your 25 years to deal with, almost like I didn't want to follow your guidance. And that when I encountered bad behaviour in several workplaces towards me, that it was in some way MY fault.

Mary, you have my profile, you knew my labels and it would only have taken a Google search to find out why the impact of those labels would mean your suggestions were unworkable no matter how many ill throughout workarounds you suggested. Positive thinking does not pass driving pre-tests the same way that JUST FOCUSING on the material in hand overcomes sld-based memory issues.

I know you have been in your job for ages, so out of standard workplaces on a day by day, but even with that it should not be a shock to you that ppl who are in dead-end jobs who are board/unfulfilled WILL treat badly/bully the Newby who is different in any way, especially if that they trying to pass as normal.

If you haven't learned by now, that ppl who are bored and that way inclined WILL attempt to bully their "mark", where have you been? It's a basic life experience but you saying that makes me wonder if the reason you don't know this, is because you have always been the bully in those situations?.

Bredabe · 23-06-2023 4:04pm

Dear D

I know your life is very settled and your "love" for P is just a tingle that gets you through the monotony of your settled life.

BUT just cause he gives you a tingle doesn't mean he's not been a wanker to me, so please adjust your comments when I say he's making my already difficult job wayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy harder than it needs to be.

Bredabe · 23-06-2023 4:17pm

C,

I could never ever see why ppl though you were sooooo wonderful, so kind, pretty, obliging etc.

I saw you rolling your eyes when I had an issue with the machine I wasn't trained to use, the way you pretended to not hear when I was given out to by boss bc you had not finished your work and I was expected to make up the data in some way. Those were just the incidents I had time to look around and see you two revel in my difficulties.

Now as I'm venting, I'll add that I heard and understood each of the comments made about the fit of my trousers(I'm sure you have seen by now that a lot of women my age prefer not to show all our gynaecology using the fit of our jeans)

You and P were by a mile at least, the worst pair at hiding the fact that the boss was telling you it was ok to treat me the way you both did. Also, do you know how it looked to everyone there(more importantly how it reflected on you) when you didn't introduce me to your much-talked-about bestie and boyfriend?

As for the hyper-casual(bitchy/smarmy) way you and P said bye to me when I left for my hols that last time was such a giveaway that there were storms ahead. Thus robbing your idol of what she felt was her advantage in stabbing me in the back while I was not there to defend myself or prove my case.

An aside, pretending to be busy when I leave for the day as you do not want to offer me a lift, was such a waste of energy as I never wanted to share a car with you two going in the wrong direction to me anyway!

I hope that your girls have recovered from your hands-off and dismissive style of dealing with ppl and by proxy, family!

After almost a decade and two countries away, I still can't figure out why ppl didn't see you as the scheming, dismissive, lazy, co-bully you were in our time as "teammates"!

Ps as you would know given your fondness for American office speak, "There is no I in team" unless c wanted there to be one.

30-06-2023 1:06am

I thought you left me earlier and I was so hurt. I'm still a bit hurt anyway like when you have a dream and someone close to betrays you...but in many ways I was also relieved.

Things you want to say to husband/boyf/ex's/friends/family/people *MOD NOTE POST #1*

Comments

Things you want to say to husband/boyf/ex's/friends/family/people MOD NOTE POST #1