Thanks for listening again. Sorry I seem to have absolutely no willpower but then I'm also not sorry because I kind of hate you too.
Actually funny...but I've got myself into a very similar situation than I was in with you lol. There must be something wrong with me that I keep getting into this situation...although in this case..I was there first lol and I care less lol 😅😆😅 fml 😁😁😁 :D
Dear dictator, you seriously have got to lay off the pressure.
Everytime I give someone a chance they **** me over..I just can't do it anymore.
Why do you think it didn't work out? I mean why did you make it not work out? with you and me? Did you want it not too? I know I tried and I know I gave you everything....maybe that was the problem. I know that you will always be my sweetheart even tho well you are a bit of a ****..I guess we didn't feel the same connection..lol and I hate that word..how can I let you go?..it's not easy for me but I see it was easy for you so I can't hold on anymore.
Yes, I understand you want to be called she/he or he/him, they/their. As an ageing tomboy, I have been on the receiving end of some of the same kinds of attitudes you are dealing with.
HOWEVER, I have an issue with ppl who want me to change things to suit them while not bending to accommodate my issues, As I said when I speak I have a withdrawal disorder as part of my SLD, and this means for that for a long time I may use the wrong pronouns until my brain decides its got it and changes its behaviours on this issue.
There is NOTHING I can do about this until it sorts itself out on its own, hard I know, but it's how it is. In much the same way atm your outside and inside are different until the planned changes take place.
Getting in my face screaming your preferred pronouns, going to my boss, and badmouthing me to your community is not going to change this any more than you can change your current internal discord. So I propose you ignore when I misgender you in speech and look at how I treat and work with you and others for your preferred outcome.
You know that I'm so excited for Saturday 😊😊 sometimes I turn to you in between for advice, love and comfort my sweetheart Xx 😊
Did you do that to me on purpose? Closing the gap tightly ye?
just this
Everytime you post something with your new girl I feel like im being stabbed in the gut! We were awful together & you treated me terribly, I still have a scar from that horrible night, I dont know why I feel so strongly for you, you were manipulative, a liar, you cheated and it was an all round horrible relationship & what you did when we broke up really sealed the deal, it was a horrible thing you did and for what??.. but when I see you with her and how differently you treat her to how you treated me, it hurts so much knowing you had it in you to be that way but chose not to be. It seems like you found the one & im heartbroken you couldnt find that in me. Id never tell you any of this but im really sad.
K
Mick told me about the convo you and he had.
Lolled that a grown man thinks I'm chasing him when:
You picked up your phone when you could see I was calling.
I called to wish you luck with your fundraiser, as I said at the top of the call(I never thought you would pick up)
I'm known for my compassion for ppl in impossible sits such as the ppl you are fundraising for.
But never forget that I didn't get my hair done when we went out for Chinese that time. The reason I wasn't worth another phone call for years and years.
This is nice. Just us spending quality time together 😀
Dear Y,
I spoke to you last week after you sent me that message. After what you told me I gave you some advice. So today I contacted you to find out how you are. You then told me what your doing this week. I knew then that you refused to listen to my advice.
At this stage I have decided to just step back and say nothing. I can't solve your current problem and being honest it a problem entirely of your own making. I can't help you when you are unwilling or unable to make changes or listen to advice. It's your decision now to continue with what your doing. Your going to have to deal with the fallout this will protentally bring to you over say the next 6 months and in the long term. Other people in your life can step up and deal with you and what happens then.
I made a piece of art many years ago..if you could call it that lol actually it's pretty good....it's a picture and I often get compliments and questions about it and it's very strange...like a premonition....the center piece of that picture that I chose... despite at the time my lack of affinity or affection to the center 'object' or to you...I was insistent that it must be there at the time and it reminds me of you, there's no way it could not and I encountered you way after...lol...it's just funny and also sometimes it annoys me when I pass it everyday on my stairs.
I still really hurt and upset. I feel like a fool. I believed and fell for everything. And I was the only one who was being genuine. I feel like such an idiot but still I miss u.
You can't really be mad at me for not saying that you would the only person wearing white trousers and brown trousers on a weekend in a city of 50k.
I know you are self-obsessed but honestly, you still believe that?
Posting here the other week reminded me of you tina,
Did you stay friends with H (as she would have been so handy to have as a free bed when you came down east)?
I woke up the other night laughing to myself, so tks for that. It's so funny to me that you knowingly made it impossible for me to cook when I have finished lectures, but then was moaning to H about where I was getting the money to "eat out"! it takes a certain type of person to annoy themselves about something they were causing to happen by their own actions.
Btw, that comment I made to you about H charging her vibrator and not wanting to have separate bills for ebs/heating oil, was meant to be passed on and sure enough, I wasn't one bit surprised when she suddenly decided that she would go along with the idea. I can only assume that she was indeed charging her vibrator using communal electricity for this purpose which motivated her to change her mind so quickly.
Complaining to H snr that I hadn't cleaned one saucepan to your satisfaction when I have lodged plenty of complaints about you not cleaning them at all, fooled no one, and it reflected so badly on you. Targeting a grieving person for one slip-up might have seemed cool but it was petty.
I very much doubt that you have outgrown these traits given your determination to make sure your life didn't change, so I'll pass this to you so you can teach your grandkids, if you want to point the finger at the person in the group with a known memory issue, double check they hadn't left the house 24+ hours ahead of when the water was turned and left on for the rest of the weekend. !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Happy days indeed tina.
I thought you left me earlier and I was so hurt. I'm still a bit hurt anyway like when you have a dream and someone close to betrays you...but in many ways I was also relieved.
C,
I could never ever see why ppl though you were sooooo wonderful, so kind, pretty, obliging etc.
I saw you rolling your eyes when I had an issue with the machine I wasn't trained to use, the way you pretended to not hear when I was given out to by boss bc you had not finished your work and I was expected to make up the data in some way. Those were just the incidents I had time to look around and see you two revel in my difficulties.
Now as I'm venting, I'll add that I heard and understood each of the comments made about the fit of my trousers(I'm sure you have seen by now that a lot of women my age prefer not to show all our gynaecology using the fit of our jeans)
You and P were by a mile at least, the worst pair at hiding the fact that the boss was telling you it was ok to treat me the way you both did. Also, do you know how it looked to everyone there(more importantly how it reflected on you) when you didn't introduce me to your much-talked-about bestie and boyfriend?
As for the hyper-casual(bitchy/smarmy) way you and P said bye to me when I left for my hols that last time was such a giveaway that there were storms ahead. Thus robbing your idol of what she felt was her advantage in stabbing me in the back while I was not there to defend myself or prove my case.
An aside, pretending to be busy when I leave for the day as you do not want to offer me a lift, was such a waste of energy as I never wanted to share a car with you two going in the wrong direction to me anyway!
I hope that your girls have recovered from your hands-off and dismissive style of dealing with ppl and by proxy, family!
After almost a decade and two countries away, I still can't figure out why ppl didn't see you as the scheming, dismissive, lazy, co-bully you were in our time as "teammates"!
Ps as you would know given your fondness for American office speak, "There is no I in team" unless c wanted there to be one.
Dear D
I know your life is very settled and your "love" for P is just a tingle that gets you through the monotony of your settled life.
BUT just cause he gives you a tingle doesn't mean he's not been a wanker to me, so please adjust your comments when I say he's making my already difficult job wayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy harder than it needs to be.
Mary,
You told me that I was the most difficult person you had in your 25 years to deal with, almost like I didn't want to follow your guidance. And that when I encountered bad behaviour in several workplaces towards me, that it was in some way MY fault.
Mary, you have my profile, you knew my labels and it would only have taken a Google search to find out why the impact of those labels would mean your suggestions were unworkable no matter how many ill throughout workarounds you suggested. Positive thinking does not pass driving pre-tests the same way that JUST FOCUSING on the material in hand overcomes sld-based memory issues.
I know you have been in your job for ages, so out of standard workplaces on a day by day, but even with that it should not be a shock to you that ppl who are in dead-end jobs who are board/unfulfilled WILL treat badly/bully the Newby who is different in any way, especially if that they trying to pass as normal.
If you haven't learned by now, that ppl who are bored and that way inclined WILL attempt to bully their "mark", where have you been? It's a basic life experience but you saying that makes me wonder if the reason you don't know this, is because you have always been the bully in those situations?.
Ok I'm done. Cant do this anymore.
You've set out to achieve what you wanted and have got your way. You have broken me and I dont know what you want from me anymore
You keep changing the rules but forget to tell the rest of us, so forgive me if i cant keep up.
Family is supposed to have your back at all times but actually my friends are way more supportive
You don't know the half of what I'm going through sweet heart.
Dear x,
I finally got a chance to say hello to you today without anyone beside you. Then you decided not to hear me. I just want to say how dare you. I was very supportive to you in the past. I have seen you run after that couple a & b. Have you not realised that one of them will tell your business to everyone and the other person will disappear when you need support. I hope you realise that when your next bad patch hits that you can't contact me and expect my help.
Thankyou...thankyou for 'teaching' me that no matter what I say or do it will not be listened too or considered because of my position..
But I already knew that. Thanks anyway ☺️
T,
What was it that changed ur mind or were u just not genuine. Im actually gutted, but I'll get over it.
Try not to lose your humanity...and you and your friends were right...we are not equal.
So I got a message from you yesterday. It was the 1st time I had heard from you in a while. You told me why you had not been in contact with me.
We lost contact with each other for a few years due to various things. You got back in contact with me not long before covid and we met up a few months ago. I knew you wanted to get into a friends with benefits situation with me. We had some fun that night and you were chatting and sex texting me since then. I have noticed that this is happening less.
So we are back to you I am so busy and I will send you a message if and when I feel like it.
The truth is that I feel sorry for how things turned out for you. I remember the person you once were and how you we were both their for each other in the past. I remember all the good times and how we cheered each other up and supported each other in the past. Now we are in this position and I know your not happy with me because of the no fwb situation. You made a decision a few years ago to turn me down for a relationship and moved on to get z pregant within a year of meeting her. You have been living with her and your child this past few years. So your not in a position to offer me a relationship. So I decided its a bad idea for us to get into a fwb situation. Anyhow I have my own life to lead and plans for my future.
Along with this what you told me in you last message I am not supprised at. You have been dealing with certain issues over the past few years and they are getting worse because you refuse to make changes. I warned you about this a few years ago and so did several other people but you kept doing what you always did. For you own sake you need to make changes because your life is going to get worse for you if you don't.
I have learned that you cant make people change unless they are willing to listen, want to change themselves and are willing to put in a bit of work in order to get where they want to. So I have decided that I will contact you and try to chat about things. I am not going to lecture you because I think you will just close down on me altogether if I do that and anyhow your an adult not a child so you should be aware of what you need to do now.
Ages ago, when I was deep in connection with you, I went on an interstate trip. I stayed in a regional location, messaging you often. It was a strange, strange experience. I had lunch and then walked back to my room, intending to have a swim. I saw a guy walking up towards me on the other side of the small road. For some reason he caught my eye - maybe it was the beard. I began to feel lightheaded but wasn’t sure why and kept on going. I changed into my swimsuit and got into the pool, which was small, deep and shatteringly cold. By that stage I felt very peculiar. I barely made it out of the pool and back to my room. I think I was very lucky to make it. Then everything was both swirly and out. I could swear there were several men in the room, doing things to me. I don’t remember dinner and I felt very sore and odd as I headed off to do my work the next day. I’ve wondered since then what exactly happened, and who arranged it. It has stayed with me as a very unpleasant almost memory. If you don’t remember it, did something bad still happen? Yes, I definitely think so. The body keeps the score.
Don't take me for granted to be or use me for your fun again ..I have my own mind and you may have persuaded me somewhat but you didn't create me...I àlwàys was who I am and in general I'm proud of how I handled difficult situations with you,. you probably wouldn't understand what I'm saying but anyhow.,
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