One-Liner Jokes

xlogo · 25-05-2022 03:49PM

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119110673#Comment_119110673

They're barely jokes but still better than any Hitler/gas 'jokes'!!

xlogo · 25-05-2022 05:50PM

I was really struggling to get my wife's attention.

So, I sat down on the sofa and looked comfortable. That did the trick.

barneygumble99 · 28-05-2022 02:41PM

I bought my Obsessive/Compulsive mate a picture of the Leaning Tower of Pisa.

He's going nuts trying to hang it straight.

barneygumble99 · 29-05-2022 04:31AM

I’m 6ft 3 and recently split up with my 5ft 2 girlfriend as we couldn’t see eye to eye

xlogo · 29-05-2022 07:07PM

My car broke down this morning, so I looked under the bonnet and saw a bat sitting on the engine.

Amazingly he said, “Hello, sir. You are a handsome fellow and very nicely dressed, too."

I realised the problem straight away.

Bat flattery.

barneygumble99 · 30-05-2022 12:03PM

My granny was recently beaten to death by my grandad. Not as in, with a stick – he just died first.

MonkieSocks · 30-05-2022 04:05PM

A telepathically controlled air freshener makes scents when you think about it.

Worztron · 31-05-2022 07:15AM

My math teacher called me average. How mean!

everlast75 · 31-05-2022 07:49AM

The funeral of lester piggot will be held on Thursday at 10/1

everlast75 · 31-05-2022 07:49AM

My dad used to say

"The first rule of theatre is to always leave them wanting more."

Lovely bloke... terrible anaesthetist.

xlogo · 31-05-2022 01:07PM

The barman says “we don’t serve time travellers in here”.

A time traveller walks into a bar.

MonkieSocks · 31-05-2022 03:41PM

I just asked my wife if I'm the only one she's ever been with.

She replied 'yes'. Apparently all the others were nines and tens.

Worztron · 31-05-2022 06:15PM

What did the blind man say when he touched sandpaper for the first time?

What the **** did I just read?

xlogo · 31-05-2022 07:06PM

I’m going to make a fortune in my new career designing and selling posh hats.

This time next year I’m going to be a Milliner.

blade1 · 31-05-2022 07:22PM

I've started a business making yachts in my attic.

Sails have gone through the roof!

Treppen · 31-05-2022 07:31PM

IKEA .... There's a joke in there but you've to assemble it yourself

MonkieSocks · 01-06-2022 07:24PM

Mountains aren’t just funny, they’re hill areas.

MonkieSocks · 02-06-2022 11:38AM

When you're a lion, every month is Pride Month.

xlogo · 02-06-2022 06:12PM

Used to love Robbie Williams till I discovered Geometry.

Now I’m loving angles instead.

MonkieSocks · 04-06-2022 07:18AM

I once opened a bar for dudes with erectile dysfunction, but sadly it was a total flop & nobody came.

Worztron · 05-06-2022 11:00AM

---... -....- -.--.-

xlogo · 05-06-2022 01:15PM

My extra sensitive Toothpaste doesn’t like it when I use other Toothpastes.

xlogo · 05-06-2022 04:37PM

During breakfast, my wife said she was leaving me because of my obsession with twitter.

I nearly choked on my #brown.

Worztron · 07-06-2022 07:15AM

What do you call a Mexican Jedi?

Obi-Juan

everlast75 · 07-06-2022 09:02AM

If anyone wants an old copy of "osteopath weekly", I have back issues.

everlast75 · 07-06-2022 09:03AM

Next time you see a clown, hold the door open for him.

It's a nice jester.

MonkieSocks · 07-06-2022 09:07AM

I’ve joined a dating website for arsonists, they send me new matches every week

xlogo · 07-06-2022 12:49PM

I have sex daily ........... No, wait ............I have dyslexia.

xlogo · 07-06-2022 05:05PM

Just had a threatening letter from the Herb and Spice company saying I owe them £100.

If I don't pay by tomorrow, they're sending the Bay Leaf’s around. .

xlogo · 07-06-2022 05:06PM

Most of my relatives are police marksmen, apart from my grandad who was a bank robber. He died recently, surrounded by his family.

One-Liner Jokes

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