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One-Liner Jokes

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Comments

  • Registered Users Posts: 1,122 ✭✭✭ nudain


    “The definition of ‘insanity’ is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.

    Well, you would say that, wouldn't you?

    “The definition of ‘insanity’ is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.

    Well, you would say that, wouldn't you?

    “The definition of ‘insanity’ is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.

    Well, you would say that, wouldn't you?


  • Registered Users Posts: 1,122 ✭✭✭ nudain


    Why did the elephant cross the road?

    Well, normally the chicken would do that but it got involved with a fox, a river and some grain so now the elephant is thinking it should never have accepted that trunk call.


  • Registered Users Posts: 7,388 ✭✭✭ MonkieSocks


    The preferred pronouns of an American chocolate bar would be her/she.


  • Registered Users Posts: 7,388 ✭✭✭ MonkieSocks


    What do you call a man with no shinbones?

    Tony


  • Registered Users Posts: 3,051 ✭✭✭ trashcan


    I just want to say to the person who stole my camouflage jacket and my flip flops.........you can hide, but you can’t run.


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  • Registered Users Posts: 77,980 ✭✭✭✭ Victor




  • Registered Users Posts: 7,388 ✭✭✭ MonkieSocks


    I saw a cannibal in town today, he crouched down as he passed his friend on the pavement.


  • Registered Users Posts: 3,051 ✭✭✭ trashcan


    I’ve been hiding from exercise. I’m in the Fitness Protection Programme.


  • Registered Users Posts: 77,980 ✭✭✭✭ Victor


    It's Friday in an insurance company office.

    Underwriter 1: Hey, it was my birthday during the week, so we're all going for drinks this evening.
    Underwriter 2: Congratulations! How old are you?
    Underwriter 1: 51 next birthday.


  • Registered Users Posts: 1,900 ✭✭✭ MOR316


    Pitched a show to ITV today, where Fern Britton kidnaps Chris Tarrant in a deadly game of cat and mouse.

    "Britton's Got Tarrant"


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  • Registered Users Posts: 7,388 ✭✭✭ MonkieSocks


    I just found out I am colour blind. The news came completely out of the green.


  • Registered Users Posts: 3,051 ✭✭✭ trashcan


    Just watching the Italian match there. The Swiss don’t seem to have a lot going for them, though you’d have to say, their flag is a big plus.


  • Registered Users Posts: 17,436 ✭✭✭✭ RobbingBandit


    Swiss guard really dropped their defence in Rome tonight


  • Registered Users Posts: 11,391 ✭✭✭✭ GBX


    Did you know if you rearrange the letters of postmen they get really annoyed !!


  • Registered Users Posts: 1,122 ✭✭✭ nudain


    I recently read one of those "100 things to do before you die" lists.

    For some reason, shouting for help wasn't included.


  • Registered Users Posts: 7,388 ✭✭✭ MonkieSocks


    The flat earth society have made a new film, which has just won the Golden Globe award.


  • Registered Users Posts: 1,122 ✭✭✭ nudain


    Did you hear about the farmer who won a Nobel Prize?

    He was out standing in his field.


  • Registered Users Posts: 1,122 ✭✭✭ nudain


    My partner told me she thought I was average. I thought she was mean.


  • Registered Users Posts: 5,460 ✭✭✭ saabsaab


    nudain wrote: »
    My partner told me she thought I was average. I thought she was mean.


    When you add it all up you really seem divided.


  • Registered Users Posts: 1,122 ✭✭✭ nudain


    saabsaab wrote: »
    When you add it all up you really seem divided.

    Haha. Very good.


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  • Moderators, Recreation & Hobbies Moderators, Science, Health & Environment Moderators, Technology & Internet Moderators Posts: 87,006 Mod ✭✭✭✭ Capt'n Midnight


    nudain wrote: »
    My partner told me she thought I was average. I thought she was mean.
    Are you in a bad mode ?


  • Moderators, Arts Moderators, Recreation & Hobbies Moderators, Social & Fun Moderators Posts: 71,194 Mod ✭✭✭✭ New Home


    As jokes go, these last few are mediocre.


  • Registered Users Posts: 69 ✭✭ Potatopie


    Are you in a bad mode ?

    Sounds like she doesn't appreciate you for a fraction of your worth!!
    She should be nice as pi to you!


  • Registered Users Posts: 1,900 ✭✭✭ MOR316


    Everyone has heard of Karl Marx but, very little is known about his sister, Áine


  • Registered Users Posts: 7,388 ✭✭✭ MonkieSocks


    Identity theft is the sincerest form of flattery


  • Registered Users Posts: 5,460 ✭✭✭ saabsaab


    Went to a multiple personality disorder workshop. Took forever to do the name tags.


  • Registered Users Posts: 1,505 ✭✭✭ BENDYBINN


    MOR316 wrote: »
    Everyone has heard of Karl Marx but, very little is known about his sister, Áine

    Or Skid Marx?


  • Moderators, Recreation & Hobbies Moderators, Science, Health & Environment Moderators, Technology & Internet Moderators Posts: 87,006 Mod ✭✭✭✭ Capt'n Midnight


    Identity theft is the sincerest form of flattery
    My friend had his ID stolen.

    We have to call him Dav now.


  • Registered Users Posts: 5,460 ✭✭✭ saabsaab


    MOR316 wrote: »
    Everyone has heard of Karl Marx but, very little is known about his sister, Áine


    They say she took off somewhere in a fierce hurry.


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  • Registered Users Posts: 7,388 ✭✭✭ MonkieSocks


    I like a woman who wears beads. You know you can count on her.


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