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One-Liner Jokes

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Comments



  • “The definition of ‘insanity’ is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.

    Well, you would say that, wouldn't you?

    “The definition of ‘insanity’ is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.

    Well, you would say that, wouldn't you?

    “The definition of ‘insanity’ is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.

    Well, you would say that, wouldn't you?




  • Why did the elephant cross the road?

    Well, normally the chicken would do that but it got involved with a fox, a river and some grain so now the elephant is thinking it should never have accepted that trunk call.




  • The preferred pronouns of an American chocolate bar would be her/she.




  • What do you call a man with no shinbones?

    Tony




  • I just want to say to the person who stole my camouflage jacket and my flip flops.........you can hide, but you can’t run.


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  • I saw a cannibal in town today, he crouched down as he passed his friend on the pavement.




  • I’ve been hiding from exercise. I’m in the Fitness Protection Programme.




  • It's Friday in an insurance company office.

    Underwriter 1: Hey, it was my birthday during the week, so we're all going for drinks this evening.
    Underwriter 2: Congratulations! How old are you?
    Underwriter 1: 51 next birthday.




  • Pitched a show to ITV today, where Fern Britton kidnaps Chris Tarrant in a deadly game of cat and mouse.

    "Britton's Got Tarrant"


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  • I just found out I am colour blind. The news came completely out of the green.




  • Just watching the Italian match there. The Swiss don’t seem to have a lot going for them, though you’d have to say, their flag is a big plus.




  • Swiss guard really dropped their defence in Rome tonight




  • Did you know if you rearrange the letters of postmen they get really annoyed !!




  • I recently read one of those "100 things to do before you die" lists.

    For some reason, shouting for help wasn't included.




  • The flat earth society have made a new film, which has just won the Golden Globe award.




  • Did you hear about the farmer who won a Nobel Prize?

    He was out standing in his field.




  • My partner told me she thought I was average. I thought she was mean.




  • nudain wrote: »
    My partner told me she thought I was average. I thought she was mean.


    When you add it all up you really seem divided.




  • saabsaab wrote: »
    When you add it all up you really seem divided.

    Haha. Very good.


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  • nudain wrote: »
    My partner told me she thought I was average. I thought she was mean.
    Are you in a bad mode ?




  • As jokes go, these last few are mediocre.




  • Are you in a bad mode ?

    Sounds like she doesn't appreciate you for a fraction of your worth!!
    She should be nice as pi to you!




  • Everyone has heard of Karl Marx but, very little is known about his sister, Áine




  • Identity theft is the sincerest form of flattery




  • Went to a multiple personality disorder workshop. Took forever to do the name tags.




  • MOR316 wrote: »
    Everyone has heard of Karl Marx but, very little is known about his sister, Áine

    Or Skid Marx?




  • Identity theft is the sincerest form of flattery
    My friend had his ID stolen.

    We have to call him Dav now.




  • MOR316 wrote: »
    Everyone has heard of Karl Marx but, very little is known about his sister, Áine


    They say she took off somewhere in a fierce hurry.


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  • I like a woman who wears beads. You know you can count on her.


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