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One-Liner Jokes

JackKelly

Well, in my opinion, one line jokes are the funniest of most jokes,so i was thinking, maybe i should try make a list. As you can never really find funny jokes on webpages, i thought that there would be more sucess on boards.ie! So anyone got any? You know the type im talking about.From ridiculos ones, to the tommy cooper type ones. I suppose i can give a few:

Stupid?
"Why'd the boy fall off his bike?
Cuz someone threw a fridge at him"
"Why did the plane crash?
Cuz the pilot was a loaf of bread"
"Why did the girl fall off the swing?
B'cuz she was dead"

(yea, they are stupid but dont say you didn't laugh)

TC
"I rang up my local swimming pool the other day and asked, "Is this the local swimming pool?" "depends where you live", he said.

Man goes to the doc, with a strawberry growing out of his head. Doc says "I'll give you some cream to put on it."

A blind bloke walks into a shop with a guide dog. He picks the dog up and starts swinging it around his head. Alarmed, a shop assistant calls out: 'Can I help, sir?' 'No thanks,' says the blind bloke. 'Just looking.'

"Doc, I can't stop singing the green green grass of home." "That sounds like Tom Jones syndrome. " "Is it common?" "It's not unusual."

Dunno if i should post the offensive ones

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[Deleted User]

“The definition of ‘insanity’ is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.

Well, you would say that, wouldn't you?

“The definition of ‘insanity’ is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.

Well, you would say that, wouldn't you?

“The definition of ‘insanity’ is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.

Well, you would say that, wouldn't you?

[Deleted User]

Why did the elephant cross the road?

Well, normally the chicken would do that but it got involved with a fox, a river and some grain so now the elephant is thinking it should never have accepted that trunk call.

MonkieSocks

The preferred pronouns of an American chocolate bar would be her/she.

MonkieSocks

What do you call a man with no shinbones?

Tony

trashcan

I just want to say to the person who stole my camouflage jacket and my flip flops.........you can hide, but you can’t run.

Victor

https://twitter.com/FCTwenteBenson/status/1404537773839863813

MonkieSocks

I saw a cannibal in town today, he crouched down as he passed his friend on the pavement.

trashcan

I’ve been hiding from exercise. I’m in the Fitness Protection Programme.

Victor

It's Friday in an insurance company office.

Underwriter 1: Hey, it was my birthday during the week, so we're all going for drinks this evening.
Underwriter 2: Congratulations! How old are you?
Underwriter 1: 51 next birthday.

MOR316

Pitched a show to ITV today, where Fern Britton kidnaps Chris Tarrant in a deadly game of cat and mouse.

"Britton's Got Tarrant"

MonkieSocks

I just found out I am colour blind. The news came completely out of the green.

trashcan

Just watching the Italian match there. The Swiss don’t seem to have a lot going for them, though you’d have to say, their flag is a big plus.

RobbingBandit

Swiss guard really dropped their defence in Rome tonight

GBX

Did you know if you rearrange the letters of postmen they get really annoyed !!

[Deleted User]

I recently read one of those "100 things to do before you die" lists.

For some reason, shouting for help wasn't included.

MonkieSocks

The flat earth society have made a new film, which has just won the Golden Globe award.

[Deleted User]

Did you hear about the farmer who won a Nobel Prize?

He was out standing in his field.

[Deleted User]

My partner told me she thought I was average. I thought she was mean.

saabsaab

Deleted User wrote: »

My partner told me she thought I was average. I thought she was mean.

When you add it all up you really seem divided.

[Deleted User]

saabsaab wrote: »

When you add it all up you really seem divided.

Haha. Very good.

Capt'n Midnight

Deleted User wrote: »

My partner told me she thought I was average. I thought she was mean.

Are you in a bad mode ?

New Home

As jokes go, these last few are mediocre.

Potatopie

Capt'n Midnight wrote: »

Are you in a bad mode ?

Sounds like she doesn't appreciate you for a fraction of your worth!!
She should be nice as pi to you!

MOR316

Everyone has heard of Karl Marx but, very little is known about his sister, Áine

MonkieSocks

Identity theft is the sincerest form of flattery

saabsaab

Went to a multiple personality disorder workshop. Took forever to do the name tags.

BENDYBINN

MOR316 wrote: »

Everyone has heard of Karl Marx but, very little is known about his sister, Áine

Or Skid Marx?

Capt'n Midnight

MonkieSocks wrote: »

Identity theft is the sincerest form of flattery

My friend had his ID stolen.

We have to call him Dav now.

saabsaab

MOR316 wrote: »

Everyone has heard of Karl Marx but, very little is known about his sister, Áine

They say she took off somewhere in a fierce hurry.

MonkieSocks

I like a woman who wears beads. You know you can count on her.