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One-Liner Jokes

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Comments

  • #4532
    [Deleted User]
    Posts: 2,264 ✭✭✭ [Deleted User]


    “The definition of ‘insanity’ is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.

    Well, you would say that, wouldn't you?

    “The definition of ‘insanity’ is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.

    Well, you would say that, wouldn't you?

    “The definition of ‘insanity’ is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.

    Well, you would say that, wouldn't you?


  • #4533
    [Deleted User]
    Posts: 2,264 ✭✭✭ [Deleted User]


    Why did the elephant cross the road?

    Well, normally the chicken would do that but it got involved with a fox, a river and some grain so now the elephant is thinking it should never have accepted that trunk call.


  • #4534
    MonkieSocks
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 8,393 ✭✭✭MonkieSocks


    The preferred pronouns of an American chocolate bar would be her/she.

    =(:-) Me? I know who I am. I'm a dude playing a dude disguised as another dude (-:)=



  • #4535
    MonkieSocks
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 8,393 ✭✭✭MonkieSocks


    What do you call a man with no shinbones?

    Tony

    =(:-) Me? I know who I am. I'm a dude playing a dude disguised as another dude (-:)=



  • #4536
    trashcan
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 4,430 ✭✭✭trashcan


    I just want to say to the person who stole my camouflage jacket and my flip flops.........you can hide, but you can’t run.


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  • #4537
    Victor
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 78,804 ✭✭✭✭Victor


    https://twitter.com/FCTwenteBenson/status/1404537773839863813


  • #4538
    MonkieSocks
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 8,393 ✭✭✭MonkieSocks


    I saw a cannibal in town today, he crouched down as he passed his friend on the pavement.

    =(:-) Me? I know who I am. I'm a dude playing a dude disguised as another dude (-:)=



  • #4539
    trashcan
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 4,430 ✭✭✭trashcan


    I’ve been hiding from exercise. I’m in the Fitness Protection Programme.


  • #4540
    Victor
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 78,804 ✭✭✭✭Victor


    It's Friday in an insurance company office.

    Underwriter 1: Hey, it was my birthday during the week, so we're all going for drinks this evening.
    Underwriter 2: Congratulations! How old are you?
    Underwriter 1: 51 next birthday.


  • #4541
    MOR316
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 2,276 ✭✭✭MOR316


    Pitched a show to ITV today, where Fern Britton kidnaps Chris Tarrant in a deadly game of cat and mouse.

    "Britton's Got Tarrant"


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  • #4542
    MonkieSocks
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 8,393 ✭✭✭MonkieSocks


    I just found out I am colour blind. The news came completely out of the green.

    =(:-) Me? I know who I am. I'm a dude playing a dude disguised as another dude (-:)=



  • #4543
    trashcan
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 4,430 ✭✭✭trashcan


    Just watching the Italian match there. The Swiss don’t seem to have a lot going for them, though you’d have to say, their flag is a big plus.


  • #4544
    RobbingBandit
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 18,507 ✭✭✭✭RobbingBandit


    Swiss guard really dropped their defence in Rome tonight


  • #4545
    GBX
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2, Paid Member Posts: 12,126 ✭✭✭✭GBX


    Did you know if you rearrange the letters of postmen they get really annoyed !!


  • #4546
    [Deleted User]
    Posts: 2,264 ✭✭✭ [Deleted User]


    I recently read one of those "100 things to do before you die" lists.

    For some reason, shouting for help wasn't included.


  • #4547
    MonkieSocks
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 8,393 ✭✭✭MonkieSocks


    The flat earth society have made a new film, which has just won the Golden Globe award.

    =(:-) Me? I know who I am. I'm a dude playing a dude disguised as another dude (-:)=



  • #4548
    [Deleted User]
    Posts: 2,264 ✭✭✭ [Deleted User]


    Did you hear about the farmer who won a Nobel Prize?

    He was out standing in his field.


  • #4549
    [Deleted User]
    Posts: 2,264 ✭✭✭ [Deleted User]


    My partner told me she thought I was average. I thought she was mean.


  • #4550
    saabsaab
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 8,825 ✭✭✭saabsaab


    Deleted User wrote: »
    My partner told me she thought I was average. I thought she was mean.


    When you add it all up you really seem divided.


  • #4551
    [Deleted User]
    Posts: 2,264 ✭✭✭ [Deleted User]


    saabsaab wrote: »
    When you add it all up you really seem divided.

    Haha. Very good.


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  • #4552
    Capt'n Midnight
    Moderators, Recreation & Hobbies Moderators, Science, Health & Environment Moderators, Technology & Internet Moderators Posts: 95,988 Mod ✭✭✭✭Capt'n Midnight


    Deleted User wrote: »
    My partner told me she thought I was average. I thought she was mean.
    Are you in a bad mode ?


  • #4553
    New Home
    Moderators, Arts Moderators, Recreation & Hobbies Moderators, Social & Fun Moderators Posts: 79,269 Mod ✭✭✭✭New Home


    As jokes go, these last few are mediocre.


  • #4554
    Potatopie
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 69 ✭✭Potatopie


    Capt'n Midnight wrote: »
    Are you in a bad mode ?

    Sounds like she doesn't appreciate you for a fraction of your worth!!
    She should be nice as pi to you!


  • #4555
    MOR316
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 2,276 ✭✭✭MOR316


    Everyone has heard of Karl Marx but, very little is known about his sister, Áine


  • #4556
    MonkieSocks
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 8,393 ✭✭✭MonkieSocks


    Identity theft is the sincerest form of flattery

    =(:-) Me? I know who I am. I'm a dude playing a dude disguised as another dude (-:)=



  • #4557
    saabsaab
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 8,825 ✭✭✭saabsaab


    Went to a multiple personality disorder workshop. Took forever to do the name tags.


  • #4558
    BENDYBINN
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,948 ✭✭✭BENDYBINN


    MOR316 wrote: »
    Everyone has heard of Karl Marx but, very little is known about his sister, Áine

    Or Skid Marx?


  • #4559
    Capt'n Midnight
    Moderators, Recreation & Hobbies Moderators, Science, Health & Environment Moderators, Technology & Internet Moderators Posts: 95,988 Mod ✭✭✭✭Capt'n Midnight


    MonkieSocks wrote: »
    Identity theft is the sincerest form of flattery
    My friend had his ID stolen.

    We have to call him Dav now.


  • #4560
    saabsaab
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 8,825 ✭✭✭saabsaab


    MOR316 wrote: »
    Everyone has heard of Karl Marx but, very little is known about his sister, Áine


    They say she took off somewhere in a fierce hurry.


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  • #4561
    MonkieSocks
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 8,393 ✭✭✭MonkieSocks


    I like a woman who wears beads. You know you can count on her.

    =(:-) Me? I know who I am. I'm a dude playing a dude disguised as another dude (-:)=



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