Ghosted after a few good dates

YellowLead · 10-05-2021 7:47pm

Lesalare wrote: »

I'm pretty picky in advance about who I meet for a date (or did pre covid). I've found it's worked quite well as I've not really had any disastrous ones.

Me too. The odd time I’ll go for a wild card, or somebody I’ve barely exchanged any messages with....but never a good outcome. Stick to the strategy

YellowLead · 10-05-2021 7:49pm

Lesalare wrote: »

I'd seriously not bother doing this. It's just not my bag.

I think it's a very Irish thing to meet for coffee. I was part of a women's group a while back who said they always meet for a coffee first during their lunchtime or such to see if the fella is 'worth the effort to given up a Fri or Sat eve for'...

Smacks of arrogance a tad to me. But horses for courses etc.

Think it's a bit of a younger thing maybe too. Become the norm now.

Well it was one of the only things to do during strict lockdowns! Did people really do it before covid?

buried · 10-05-2021 7:50pm

Difficult these days, but the best place to go on a first date is a dinner date. A dinner establishment that you actually like and want to go to because you know the place is good and you want to have the actual 'dinner' in the first place there, regardless of what happens on the date. The act of the 'date' should be secondary to the actual act of the 'dinner'. Look forward to the dinner. At least know you are going to get a good dinner, you will also be in an enjoyable mindset. If you or your date don't gel while you are in your own actual enjoyable mindset, that's all you need to know about the 'date' from the get go.

Lesalare · 10-05-2021 7:51pm

buried wrote: »

Difficult these days, but the best place to go on a first date is a dinner date. A dinner establishment that you actually like and want to go to because you know the place is good and you want to have the actual 'dinner' in the first place there, regardless of what happens on the date. The act of the 'date' should be secondary to the actual act of the 'dinner'. Look forward to the dinner. At least know you are going to get a good dinner, you will also be in an enjoyable mindset. If you or your date don't gel while you are in your own actual enjoyable mindset, that's all you need to know about the 'date' from the get go.

Really? Gawd, I'd find the idea of having to shovel food into me whilst possibly finding the situ tough going, and having to stare at the person, a nightmare.

I'd deffo suggest dinner for a second date though.

Disclaimer* I don't generally 'shovel' food into me - but you know...

Lesalare · 10-05-2021 7:53pm

YellowLead wrote: »

Well it was one of the only things to do during strict lockdowns! Did people really do it before covid?

Seemingly.

Yeah I get your point. I'm out of a 1.5 year relationship 6 months now, so I've just not bothered trying to date. I'd rather wait until I can do it the way I feel most relaxed. Plus my hair needs a good cut

buried · 10-05-2021 7:54pm

Lesalare wrote: »

Really? Gawd, I'd find the idea of having to shovel food into me whilst possibly finding the situ tough going, a nightmare.

I'd deffo suggest dinner for a second date though.

You don't shovel it, you savor it. If you find it tough going that's because you've put the date up on a pedestal in the first place. Never ever do that. Put the dinner up on a pedestal.

Lesalare · 10-05-2021 7:54pm

buried wrote: »

You don't shovel it, you savor it.

I was being facetious and smart.

10-05-2021 8:06pm

buried wrote: »

Difficult these days, but the best place to go on a first date is a dinner date. A dinner establishment that you actually like and want to go to because you know the place is good and you want to have the actual 'dinner' in the first place there, regardless of what happens on the date. The act of the 'date' should be secondary to the actual act of the 'dinner'. Look forward to the dinner. At least know you are going to get a good dinner, you will also be in an enjoyable mindset. If you or your date don't gel while you are in your own actual enjoyable mindset, that's all you need to know about the 'date' from the get go.

I can't imagine the horror of a dinner first date.

Lesalare · 10-05-2021 8:13pm

buried wrote: »

The act of the 'date' should be secondary to the actual act of the 'dinner'. Look forward to the dinner. At least know you are going to get a good dinner, you will also be in an enjoyable mindset. If you or your date don't gel while you are in your own actual enjoyable mindset, that's all you need to know about the 'date' from the get go.

Also I disagree with this. You should be more excited to go on a date with said other than looking forward to the food. You can do that on your own or with mates. The latter is secondary to the hopefully - good company - of your date.

But I work in the food industry and get plenty of very good meals handed to me - gratis, so it's not such a novelty to me. I'd be more interested in the company.

buried · 10-05-2021 8:14pm

Deleted User wrote: »

I can't imagine the horror of a dinner first date.

Why?

10-05-2021 8:15pm

buried wrote: »

Why?

I'm introverted.

buried · 10-05-2021 8:19pm

Lesalare wrote: »

Also I disagree with this. You should be more excited to go on a date with said other than looking forward to the food. You can do that on your own or with mates. The latter is secondary to the hopefully - good company - of your date.

But I work in the food industry and get plenty of very good meals handed to me - gratis, so it's not such a novelty to me. I'd be more interested in the company.

No, I disagree, you should by default these days, never ever put the person who you are about to meetup on a pedestal of any sort. You are just loading a load of stress up on to the occasion by doing so. You want to be in a good mindset, you want the person to see you at your most relaxed and enjoyable nature, your actual true self. That's what worked for me anyways so I can only give my own two cents worth, might be different for you and that's fair enough.

Lesalare · 10-05-2021 8:21pm

buried wrote: »

No, I disagree, you should by default these days, never ever put the person who you are about to meetup on a pedestal of any sort. You are just loading a load of stress up on to the occasion by doing so. You want to be in a good mindset, you want the person to see you at your most relaxed and enjoyable nature, your actual true self. That's what worked for me anyways so I can only give my own two cents worth, might be different for you and that's fair enough.

Not really getting the 'pedestal' angle... I'm a very confident sort. Happy in my own skin and very chatty etc. I just think dinner is a date best kept for a second or third date. Makes it something a little special - where you know you both somewhat 'like' each other and it can be an occasion where you feel more familiar and can kick back and really enjoy the food and ambiance etc.

buried · 10-05-2021 8:23pm

Deleted User wrote: »

I'm introverted.

Jaysus, so am I, way more on that side of the scale than the other extroverted side. A dinner date in a place that you yourself know to be good is the best place introverted people like us can show our good sides, which are many.

10-05-2021 8:27pm

buried wrote: »

Jaysus, so am I, way more on that side of the scale than the other extroverted side. A dinner date in a place that you yourself know to be good is the best place introverted people like us can show our good sides, which are many.

I dunno, I feels like too much pressure for me, sitting right across each other like that. That's why I like to meet for a beer. After a few drinks you can't shut me up.

buried · 10-05-2021 8:29pm

Lesalare wrote: »

Not really getting the 'pedestal' angle... I'm a very confident sort. Happy in my own skin and very chatty etc. I just think dinner is a date best kept for a second or third date. Makes it something a little special - where you know you both somewhat 'like' each other and it can be an occasion where you feel more familiar and can kick back and really enjoy the food and ambiance etc.

I mean, by putting them on a 'pedestal' by treating them different, treating them different to how you would treat your actual friends, I mean, you want this person on the 'date' to hopefully be your most trusting and loyal friend and partner in the long run, so you may as well show your most true side straight from the get go, or else its just another complete waste of time in the long run. That's how I see it anyways.

buried · 10-05-2021 8:31pm

Deleted User wrote: »

I dunno, I feels like too much pressure for me, sitting right across each other like that. That's why I like to meet for a beer. After a few drinks you can't shut me up.

Try it B, try it when the food places open up. You can also have a few drinks there too like. But make sure its a place you know is good and that you would enjoy going to anyways.

raclle · 10-05-2021 8:47pm

Deleted User wrote: »

I'm introverted.

I'm kinda both to be honest

YellowLead · 10-05-2021 11:17pm

I went for two dinner first dates and they were both excellent- one involved a lot of booze, the other didn’t.
I’d balk (sure that is a word but it doesn’t look right spelled that way) at the thought of dinner if I was up in the air about somebody and not that arsed but if you are pretty sure you’ll like them it’s actually really nice. Better than a bloody walk where you can’t see them really!

raclle · 10-05-2021 11:47pm

YellowLead wrote: »

I went for two dinner first dates and they were both excellent- one involved a lot of booze, the other didn’t.

You'll end up like "Phoebe" with multiple dates and can't choose

YellowLead · 10-05-2021 11:50pm

raclle wrote: »

You'll end up like "Phoebe" with multiple dates and can't choose

Lol they were not at the same time?

Ms. Newbie18 · 11-05-2021 10:26am

What are everyone's thoughts on speed dating? I have colleagues that when to events and enjoyed them but have never tried myself. Thinking it could be the way to go when things open up again. Better to meet people in person than on the apps?

yourdeadwright · 11-05-2021 10:27am

I just don't get how anyone would enjoy a sit down dinner as a first date,
It seems way to formal its the dating equivalent of a job interview

Yes of course people have had great dinner dates as first dates but if you have a bad one its car crash stuff,

Ms. Newbie18 · 11-05-2021 10:36am

yourdeadwright wrote: »

I just don't get how anyone would enjoy a sit down dinner as a first date,
It seems way to formal its the dating equivalent of a job interview

Yes of course people have had great dinner dates as first dates but if you have a bad one its car crash stuff,

If it turns out to be a bad date you can literally just have your main meal, split the bill and leave. An hour and half tops. It might be a little longer than you want to spend in that persons company but its not that bad. Once its over you leave and move on.

My personal preference would be after work drinks..

YellowLead · 11-05-2021 11:52am

Ms. Newbie18 wrote: »

What are everyone's thoughts on speed dating? I have colleagues that when to events and enjoyed them but have never tried myself. Thinking it could be the way to go when things open up again. Better to meet people in person than on the apps?

Never tried it but was tempted over the winter. Any time I went on to book they were always booked out. I’d love to though in person would be much preferable.

Ms. Newbie18 · 11-05-2021 1:54pm

YellowLead wrote: »

Never tried it but was tempted over the winter. Any time I went on to book they were always booked out. I’d love to though in person would be much preferable.

Yes - everyone is there with the same intention (i'd hope) and in a group (sort of) setting it is a far more relaxed. I am hoping that people will be more inclined to meet and mix in person when everything opens. After being cooped up for so long I can't wait to get out again.

Feisar · 11-05-2021 2:17pm

Rude Boii wrote: »

Could weightlifting have saved op?

Starting Strength followed by Mad Cow and then 531.

Marco23d · 11-05-2021 6:54pm

OP maybe you were a bit too forward and too eager for her.

I noticed in your OP you say

I recently matched with "the one" on tinder

No offence man but that kind of thing scares women off

Feisar · 11-05-2021 7:06pm

Marco23d wrote: »

OP maybe you were a bit too forward and too eager for her.

I noticed in your OP you say

I recently matched with "the one" on tinder

No offence man but that kind of thing scares women off

I got gate after a few dates and a bad hungover ride once. She said I liked her too much, personally I put it down to the bad ride. She was a lil’ hottie with crackin’ tits but I definitely didn’t like her to much!

Greyfox · 11-05-2021 7:17pm

Ms. Newbie18 wrote: »

What are everyone's thoughts on speed dating? I have colleagues that when to events and enjoyed them but have never tried myself. Thinking it could be the way to go when things open up again. Better to meet people in person than on the apps?

I did it twice, it was great craic and got 2 matches but i couldnt remember a thing about either of them. Usually theirs drinks after the event so make sure you stay for that.

Ghosted after a few good dates

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