Ghosted after a few good dates

Lesalare wrote: »

I'm pretty picky in advance about who I meet for a date (or did pre covid). I've found it's worked quite well as I've not really had any disastrous ones.

Me too. The odd time I’ll go for a wild card, or somebody I’ve barely exchanged any messages with....but never a good outcome. Stick to the strategy

Lesalare wrote: »

I'd seriously not bother doing this. It's just not my bag.

I think it's a very Irish thing to meet for coffee. I was part of a women's group a while back who said they always meet for a coffee first during their lunchtime or such to see if the fella is 'worth the effort to given up a Fri or Sat eve for'...

Smacks of arrogance a tad to me. But horses for courses etc.

Think it's a bit of a younger thing maybe too. Become the norm now.

Well it was one of the only things to do during strict lockdowns! Did people really do it before covid?

Difficult these days, but the best place to go on a first date is a dinner date. A dinner establishment that you actually like and want to go to because you know the place is good and you want to have the actual 'dinner' in the first place there, regardless of what happens on the date. The act of the 'date' should be secondary to the actual act of the 'dinner'. Look forward to the dinner. At least know you are going to get a good dinner, you will also be in an enjoyable mindset. If you or your date don't gel while you are in your own actual enjoyable mindset, that's all you need to know about the 'date' from the get go.

buried wrote: »

Difficult these days, but the best place to go on a first date is a dinner date. A dinner establishment that you actually like and want to go to because you know the place is good and you want to have the actual 'dinner' in the first place there, regardless of what happens on the date. The act of the 'date' should be secondary to the actual act of the 'dinner'. Look forward to the dinner. At least know you are going to get a good dinner, you will also be in an enjoyable mindset. If you or your date don't gel while you are in your own actual enjoyable mindset, that's all you need to know about the 'date' from the get go.

Really? Gawd, I'd find the idea of having to shovel food into me whilst possibly finding the situ tough going, and having to stare at the person, a nightmare.

I'd deffo suggest dinner for a second date though.

Disclaimer* I don't generally 'shovel' food into me - but you know...

YellowLead wrote: »

Well it was one of the only things to do during strict lockdowns! Did people really do it before covid?

Seemingly.

Yeah I get your point. I'm out of a 1.5 year relationship 6 months now, so I've just not bothered trying to date. I'd rather wait until I can do it the way I feel most relaxed. Plus my hair needs a good cut

Lesalare wrote: »

Really? Gawd, I'd find the idea of having to shovel food into me whilst possibly finding the situ tough going, a nightmare.

I'd deffo suggest dinner for a second date though.

You don't shovel it, you savor it. If you find it tough going that's because you've put the date up on a pedestal in the first place. Never ever do that. Put the dinner up on a pedestal.

buried wrote: »

You don't shovel it, you savor it.

I was being facetious and smart.

[Deleted User]

buried wrote: »

Difficult these days, but the best place to go on a first date is a dinner date. A dinner establishment that you actually like and want to go to because you know the place is good and you want to have the actual 'dinner' in the first place there, regardless of what happens on the date. The act of the 'date' should be secondary to the actual act of the 'dinner'. Look forward to the dinner. At least know you are going to get a good dinner, you will also be in an enjoyable mindset. If you or your date don't gel while you are in your own actual enjoyable mindset, that's all you need to know about the 'date' from the get go.

I can't imagine the horror of a dinner first date.

buried wrote: »

The act of the 'date' should be secondary to the actual act of the 'dinner'. Look forward to the dinner. At least know you are going to get a good dinner, you will also be in an enjoyable mindset. If you or your date don't gel while you are in your own actual enjoyable mindset, that's all you need to know about the 'date' from the get go.

Also I disagree with this. You should be more excited to go on a date with said other than looking forward to the food. You can do that on your own or with mates. The latter is secondary to the hopefully - good company - of your date.

But I work in the food industry and get plenty of very good meals handed to me - gratis, so it's not such a novelty to me. I'd be more interested in the company.

Deleted User wrote: »

I can't imagine the horror of a dinner first date.

Why?

[Deleted User]

buried wrote: »

Why?

I'm introverted.

Lesalare wrote: »

Also I disagree with this. You should be more excited to go on a date with said other than looking forward to the food. You can do that on your own or with mates. The latter is secondary to the hopefully - good company - of your date.

But I work in the food industry and get plenty of very good meals handed to me - gratis, so it's not such a novelty to me. I'd be more interested in the company.

No, I disagree, you should by default these days, never ever put the person who you are about to meetup on a pedestal of any sort. You are just loading a load of stress up on to the occasion by doing so. You want to be in a good mindset, you want the person to see you at your most relaxed and enjoyable nature, your actual true self. That's what worked for me anyways so I can only give my own two cents worth, might be different for you and that's fair enough.

buried wrote: »

No, I disagree, you should by default these days, never ever put the person who you are about to meetup on a pedestal of any sort. You are just loading a load of stress up on to the occasion by doing so. You want to be in a good mindset, you want the person to see you at your most relaxed and enjoyable nature, your actual true self. That's what worked for me anyways so I can only give my own two cents worth, might be different for you and that's fair enough.

Not really getting the 'pedestal' angle... I'm a very confident sort. Happy in my own skin and very chatty etc. I just think dinner is a date best kept for a second or third date. Makes it something a little special - where you know you both somewhat 'like' each other and it can be an occasion where you feel more familiar and can kick back and really enjoy the food and ambiance etc.

Deleted User wrote: »

I'm introverted.

Jaysus, so am I, way more on that side of the scale than the other extroverted side. A dinner date in a place that you yourself know to be good is the best place introverted people like us can show our good sides, which are many.

[Deleted User]

buried wrote: »

Jaysus, so am I, way more on that side of the scale than the other extroverted side. A dinner date in a place that you yourself know to be good is the best place introverted people like us can show our good sides, which are many.

I dunno, I feels like too much pressure for me, sitting right across each other like that. That's why I like to meet for a beer. After a few drinks you can't shut me up.

Lesalare wrote: »

Not really getting the 'pedestal' angle... I'm a very confident sort. Happy in my own skin and very chatty etc. I just think dinner is a date best kept for a second or third date. Makes it something a little special - where you know you both somewhat 'like' each other and it can be an occasion where you feel more familiar and can kick back and really enjoy the food and ambiance etc.

I mean, by putting them on a 'pedestal' by treating them different, treating them different to how you would treat your actual friends, I mean, you want this person on the 'date' to hopefully be your most trusting and loyal friend and partner in the long run, so you may as well show your most true side straight from the get go, or else its just another complete waste of time in the long run. That's how I see it anyways.

Deleted User wrote: »

I dunno, I feels like too much pressure for me, sitting right across each other like that. That's why I like to meet for a beer. After a few drinks you can't shut me up.

Try it B, try it when the food places open up. You can also have a few drinks there too like. But make sure its a place you know is good and that you would enjoy going to anyways.

raclle

Deleted User wrote: »

I'm introverted.

I'm kinda both to be honest

I went for two dinner first dates and they were both excellent- one involved a lot of booze, the other didn’t.
I’d balk (sure that is a word but it doesn’t look right spelled that way) at the thought of dinner if I was up in the air about somebody and not that arsed but if you are pretty sure you’ll like them it’s actually really nice. Better than a bloody walk where you can’t see them really!

raclle

YellowLead wrote: »

I went for two dinner first dates and they were both excellent- one involved a lot of booze, the other didn’t.

You'll end up like "Phoebe" with multiple dates and can't choose

raclle wrote: »

You'll end up like "Phoebe" with multiple dates and can't choose

Lol they were not at the same time?

Ms. Newbie18

What are everyone's thoughts on speed dating? I have colleagues that when to events and enjoyed them but have never tried myself. Thinking it could be the way to go when things open up again. Better to meet people in person than on the apps?

yourdeadwright

I just don't get how anyone would enjoy a sit down dinner as a first date,
It seems way to formal its the dating equivalent of a job interview

Yes of course people have had great dinner dates as first dates but if you have a bad one its car crash stuff,

Ms. Newbie18

yourdeadwright wrote: »

I just don't get how anyone would enjoy a sit down dinner as a first date,
It seems way to formal its the dating equivalent of a job interview

Yes of course people have had great dinner dates as first dates but if you have a bad one its car crash stuff,

If it turns out to be a bad date you can literally just have your main meal, split the bill and leave. An hour and half tops. It might be a little longer than you want to spend in that persons company but its not that bad. Once its over you leave and move on.

My personal preference would be after work drinks..