Ghosted after a few good dates

YellowLead · 09-05-2021 5:14pm

kowloon wrote: »

Not trying to argue anything, but is there a source for that?

There’s no real studies I can find, just opinion articles, that at more women want relationships. Lots though on men being more open to causal sex (and therefore I would argue that can make it harder for women because they need to determine if that’s all a guy wants from them or more)
https://www.google.ie/amp/s/verilymag.com/.amp/2015/10/men-women-casual-sex-differences

YellowLead · 09-05-2021 5:15pm

Lesalare wrote: »

I found about 90% of blokes on Tinder lie about their age. Esp. in their late 40's.
It's so stupid because it's as obvious as dog's balls they are lying. Why bother?!

Yep it’s annoying for sure. But you hear from loads of guys that women use filters or old photos and show up looking quite different. So I guess both genders have things to contend with

Lesalare · 09-05-2021 5:35pm

YellowLead wrote: »

Yep it’s annoying for sure. But you hear from loads of guys that women use filters or old photos and show up looking quite different. So I guess both genders have things to contend with

As a woman, I don't know why the girls do this either. I've used pics from a few years back but I know I still look the same. If I didn't I'd not use them and expect to be disappointed when the guy shows up to meet a totally different person. That's just setting myself up for the fall.

I'd never use filters or such. I don't know why people bother. Maybe they just want an ego kick and have no major intentions in meeting in person. Or are just stupid.

09-05-2021 5:37pm

When I see filters I just swipe left.

Lesalare · 09-05-2021 5:39pm

Deleted User wrote: »

When I see filters I just swipe left.

You aren't tempted by a woman in her 30's with a cute bunny nose and ears? Or trying to resemble a fish?

(

)

09-05-2021 5:42pm

Lesalare wrote: »

You aren't tempted by a woman in her 30's with a cute bunny nose and ears? Or trying to resemble a fish?

()

Well, if she's wearing those bunny ears for real...

Lesalare · 09-05-2021 5:43pm

Deleted User wrote: »

Well, if she's wearing those bunny ears for real...

I think we both know those aren't the ones I am talking about...

:D

sassyj · 09-05-2021 7:32pm

There are men using those bunny etc filters too in their 40s! F##king bunny ears on grown ups, (both men and women) what is the problem. Also, the tongue out pics, spare me.

Re the age thing, you see profiles that say X age, but their profiles say I'm actually XX age (only a few years older) "can't change this"
They are either really stupid and haven't considered that they could always delete and set up another profile, or alternatively they are trying to get in your age filter brackets by shaving a couple of years, hmmm (who doesn't know their DOB) .

YellowLead · 09-05-2021 8:06pm

sassyj wrote: »

There are men using those bunny etc filters too in their 40s! F##king bunny ears on grown ups, (both men and women) what is the problem. Also, the tongue out pics, spare me.

Re the age thing, you see profiles that say X age, but their profiles say I'm actually XX age (only a few years older) "can't change this"
They are either really stupid and haven't considered that they could always delete and set up another profile, or alternatively they are trying to get in your age filter brackets by shaving a couple of years, hmmm (who doesn't know their DOB) .

I’ve done this as an experiment on one app. I’ll prob change it back soon. Not a massive lie - I’m 36 and I confess this in my profile but I show up as 35. And yes this is to get past filters a lot of guys my own age have.

Thankfully I’ve never come across a single male profile with bunny ears etc.and I’m on 3 apps.

Mr.Sir · 09-05-2021 8:09pm

Filters won’t do much in real life for you. Showcase yourself for who you are. Forget the nonsense of stuffing socks down the jocks or toilet tissue in the bras.

YellowLead · 09-05-2021 8:31pm

Mr.Sir wrote: »

Filters won’t do much in real life for you. Showcase yourself for who you are. Forget the nonsense of stuffing socks down the jocks or toilet tissue in the bras.

Yeah I don’t understand why people do filters or use old photos. It’s just going to piss people off if you show up 3 stone heavier than your photo and 5 years older. I’d be so worried about the other person going like wtf? I wonder does it work sometimes, because you hear of it happening so often. Maybe people think somebody will be so hard up for a ride they’ll forgive and forget.

Mr.Sir · 09-05-2021 8:33pm

Would it not be difficult in getting the horn when the filters don’t match the real life?

YellowLead · 09-05-2021 8:36pm

Mr.Sir wrote: »

Would it not be difficult in getting the horn when the filters don’t match the real life?

You’d think! I just don’t know why people do it - it must work sometimes! I make sure to put one unflattering pic up so there are deffo no surprises.

Lesalare · 09-05-2021 10:31pm

sassyj wrote: »

Re the age thing, you see profiles that say X age, but their profiles say I'm actually XX age (only a few years older) "can't change this"
They are either really stupid and haven't considered that they could always delete and set up another profile, or alternatively they are trying to get in your age filter brackets by shaving a couple of years, hmmm (who doesn't know their DOB) .

Yeah the eternal 'Oh I have my age wrong on FB so I can't change it on Tinder'.... Just create a new Tinder account using your phone.

Odd. And just comes across really stupid.

raclle · 09-05-2021 11:11pm

sassyj wrote: »

There are men using those bunny etc filters too in their 40s! F##king bunny ears on grown ups, (both men and women) what is the problem. Also, the tongue out pics, spare me.

The jumping in the air pics is another one

Ms. Newbie18 · 10-05-2021 9:23am

YellowLead wrote: »

Thankfully I’ve never come across a single male profile with bunny ears etc.and I’m on 3 apps.

Do you see a lot of the same people across the 3 apps? I have only ever used one at a time (as do my female friends) but know a few men that use multiple apps at once.

Segotias · 10-05-2021 10:58am

YellowLead wrote: »

You’d think! I just don’t know why people do it - it must work sometimes! I make sure to put one unflattering pic up so there are deffo no surprises.

I did this too, changed up the pictures and especially included full length ones so there was no change or any catfishing or only showing good sides.

I never use filters, they're too obvious, blurry etc.

Oh and I agree with you on women being able to instigate casual sex as more men are willing. Whereas men have the control on relationships as women tend to be looking for that rather than a casual hook up. This is all from personal experience

YellowLead · 10-05-2021 12:16pm

Ms. Newbie18 wrote: »

Do you see a lot of the same people across the 3 apps? I have only ever used one at a time (as do my female friends) but know a few men that use multiple apps at once.

A lot of the same and a lot of variations too! I think most people I speak to are using more than one. Though I pause profiles depending on if I am dating somebody.
And with hinge for example I don’t go in and browse, just check out any likes that come in when I get a notification. I don’t really like bumble so I have a profile but don’t use it super often.

the beer revolu · 10-05-2021 2:10pm

Friend of mine was on a date before Covid.
Meal in a pub. Over dinner, she asked about kids.

He said that his plan was to not have kids as he'd had a vasectomy.
She stated that they had nothing else to talk about and left without finishing her meal or offering to pay for it.

It was as if she was extremely angry - that he had wasted her time!
Nice of her to show her true colours early on, I guess.

yourdeadwright · 10-05-2021 2:55pm

the beer revolu wrote: »

Friend of mine was on a date before Covid.
Meal in a pub. Over dinner, she asked about kids.

He said that his plan was to not have kids as he'd had a vasectomy.
She stated that they had nothing else to talk about and left without finishing her meal or offering to pay for it.

It was as if she was extremely angry - that he had wasted her time!
Nice of her to show her true colours early on, I guess.

Never ever go on a first date for Dinner , so many reason why and this is one of them , Left sitting there like a twonk even when she was the one who has issue's

People should be thought this stuff ,
Go meet up to grab a coffee, if it goes well then next time go for drinks ,
If not your done and home within 20 minutes also makes you look like you are not that desperate

10-05-2021 3:14pm

yourdeadwright wrote: »

Never ever go on a first date for Dinner , so many reason why and this is one of them , Left sitting there like a twonk even when she was the one who has issue's

People should be thought this stuff ,
Go meet up to grab a coffee, if it goes well then next time go for drinks ,
If not your done and home within 20 minutes also makes you look like you are not that desperate

I go for a pint as a first date, usually. I miss the old days...

raclle · 10-05-2021 3:14pm

Anymore suggestions for first dates besides coffee?

I was ever the traditionalist for dinner and drinks

yourdeadwright · 10-05-2021 3:57pm

raclle wrote: »

Anymore suggestions for first dates besides coffee?

I was ever the traditionalist for dinner and drinks

I'm a long time out of the game so to speak but going for dinner on a first date is crazy if you ask me especially if its off an app and you literally have never meet, its should be way more relaxed than that ,

A coffee ,a walk something that can be cut short in a none rude way is the best bet,

Always say you mite not like the person your on the date with but always be as nice a pie , who knows when you meet that person again or someone who knows that person , costs nothing to be nice ,

Iv have of course gone for drinks and there's nothing wrong with that either
I just think going for drinks can be like a confidence crutch for people ,
Plus some ladies look completely different during the day than a night out so you get to see that side first ,

Lesalare · 10-05-2021 6:10pm

raclle wrote: »

Anymore suggestions for first dates besides coffee?

I was ever the traditionalist for dinner and drinks

A coffee to me is not a 'date', it's an interview.
People should keep coffee to business meetings.

Lesalare · 10-05-2021 6:15pm

Deleted User wrote: »

I go for a pint as a first date, usually. I miss the old days...

Me too. I would be very hesitant to go on a lunchtime meeting over coffee. I like the notion of making a date a bit more of an occasion. If I don't get on with the fella, I'll still sit and make and effort to chat and a laugh over a few drinks then politely leave after a few hours. It's rarely happened I have had to do this - maybe once in 14 or so dates over the years. I only remember one date where I realised the second I met him there would be no spark, but we sat and chatted about stuff for a few hours. Didn't see him again and politely told him I wasn't keen to. Just because you don't have a spark does't mean they aren't worthy of your time. We are all human beings.

I don't believe in 'vetting' if someone is 'worth' going on an evening date by meeting them first. Generally I'll suss out if we get on ok, on phone for a convo and if it feels right I'll meet them for a drink on a weekend night. If something comes of it, great, if not no big deal.

10-05-2021 6:26pm

Lesalare wrote: »

Me too. I would be very hesitant to go on a lunchtime meeting over coffee.

I swear, if I go on another coffee date in Stephen's Green...

There's no craic to be had on coffee.

Lesalare · 10-05-2021 6:28pm

Deleted User wrote: »

I swear, if I go on another coffee date in Stephen's Green...

There's no craic to be had on coffee.

I'd seriously not bother doing this. It's just not my bag.

I think it's a very Irish thing to meet for coffee. I was part of a women's group a while back who said they always meet for a coffee first during their lunchtime or such to see if the fella is 'worth the effort to given up a Fri or Sat eve for'...

Smacks of arrogance a tad to me. But horses for courses etc.

Think it's a bit of a younger thing maybe too. Become the norm now.

10-05-2021 6:31pm

Lesalare wrote: »

I'd seriously not bother doing this. It's just not my bag. Horses for courses etc.

I'm the eternal optimist, I keep thinking I'll meet someone I hit it off with.

A glutton for punishment.

Lesalare · 10-05-2021 6:35pm

Deleted User wrote: »

I'm the eternal optimist, I keep thinking I'll meet someone I hit it off with.

A glutton for punishment.

I'm pretty picky in advance about who I meet for a date (or did pre covid). I've found it's worked quite well as I've not really had any disastrous ones.

raclle · 10-05-2021 6:43pm

I live in a big town but not many people available around here according to the apps so most dates for me are 20-40 miles away so a drink which I'd prefer wouldn't be feasible and I don't like coffee or I can watch them drink it

YellowLead · 10-05-2021 6:47pm

Lesalare wrote: »

I'm pretty picky in advance about who I meet for a date (or did pre covid). I've found it's worked quite well as I've not really had any disastrous ones.

Me too. The odd time I’ll go for a wild card, or somebody I’ve barely exchanged any messages with....but never a good outcome. Stick to the strategy

YellowLead · 10-05-2021 6:49pm

Lesalare wrote: »

I'd seriously not bother doing this. It's just not my bag.

I think it's a very Irish thing to meet for coffee. I was part of a women's group a while back who said they always meet for a coffee first during their lunchtime or such to see if the fella is 'worth the effort to given up a Fri or Sat eve for'...

Smacks of arrogance a tad to me. But horses for courses etc.

Think it's a bit of a younger thing maybe too. Become the norm now.

Well it was one of the only things to do during strict lockdowns! Did people really do it before covid?

buried · 10-05-2021 6:50pm

Difficult these days, but the best place to go on a first date is a dinner date. A dinner establishment that you actually like and want to go to because you know the place is good and you want to have the actual 'dinner' in the first place there, regardless of what happens on the date. The act of the 'date' should be secondary to the actual act of the 'dinner'. Look forward to the dinner. At least know you are going to get a good dinner, you will also be in an enjoyable mindset. If you or your date don't gel while you are in your own actual enjoyable mindset, that's all you need to know about the 'date' from the get go.

Lesalare · 10-05-2021 6:51pm

buried wrote: »

Difficult these days, but the best place to go on a first date is a dinner date. A dinner establishment that you actually like and want to go to because you know the place is good and you want to have the actual 'dinner' in the first place there, regardless of what happens on the date. The act of the 'date' should be secondary to the actual act of the 'dinner'. Look forward to the dinner. At least know you are going to get a good dinner, you will also be in an enjoyable mindset. If you or your date don't gel while you are in your own actual enjoyable mindset, that's all you need to know about the 'date' from the get go.

Really? Gawd, I'd find the idea of having to shovel food into me whilst possibly finding the situ tough going, and having to stare at the person, a nightmare.

I'd deffo suggest dinner for a second date though.

Disclaimer* I don't generally 'shovel' food into me - but you know...

Lesalare · 10-05-2021 6:53pm

YellowLead wrote: »

Well it was one of the only things to do during strict lockdowns! Did people really do it before covid?

Seemingly.

Yeah I get your point. I'm out of a 1.5 year relationship 6 months now, so I've just not bothered trying to date. I'd rather wait until I can do it the way I feel most relaxed. Plus my hair needs a good cut

buried · 10-05-2021 6:54pm

Lesalare wrote: »

Really? Gawd, I'd find the idea of having to shovel food into me whilst possibly finding the situ tough going, a nightmare.

I'd deffo suggest dinner for a second date though.

You don't shovel it, you savor it. If you find it tough going that's because you've put the date up on a pedestal in the first place. Never ever do that. Put the dinner up on a pedestal.

Lesalare · 10-05-2021 6:54pm

buried wrote: »

You don't shovel it, you savor it.

I was being facetious and smart.

10-05-2021 7:06pm

buried wrote: »

Difficult these days, but the best place to go on a first date is a dinner date. A dinner establishment that you actually like and want to go to because you know the place is good and you want to have the actual 'dinner' in the first place there, regardless of what happens on the date. The act of the 'date' should be secondary to the actual act of the 'dinner'. Look forward to the dinner. At least know you are going to get a good dinner, you will also be in an enjoyable mindset. If you or your date don't gel while you are in your own actual enjoyable mindset, that's all you need to know about the 'date' from the get go.

I can't imagine the horror of a dinner first date.

Lesalare · 10-05-2021 7:13pm

buried wrote: »

The act of the 'date' should be secondary to the actual act of the 'dinner'. Look forward to the dinner. At least know you are going to get a good dinner, you will also be in an enjoyable mindset. If you or your date don't gel while you are in your own actual enjoyable mindset, that's all you need to know about the 'date' from the get go.

Also I disagree with this. You should be more excited to go on a date with said other than looking forward to the food. You can do that on your own or with mates. The latter is secondary to the hopefully - good company - of your date.

But I work in the food industry and get plenty of very good meals handed to me - gratis, so it's not such a novelty to me. I'd be more interested in the company.

buried · 10-05-2021 7:14pm

Deleted User wrote: »

I can't imagine the horror of a dinner first date.

Why?

10-05-2021 7:15pm

buried wrote: »

Why?

I'm introverted.

buried · 10-05-2021 7:19pm

Lesalare wrote: »

Also I disagree with this. You should be more excited to go on a date with said other than looking forward to the food. You can do that on your own or with mates. The latter is secondary to the hopefully - good company - of your date.

But I work in the food industry and get plenty of very good meals handed to me - gratis, so it's not such a novelty to me. I'd be more interested in the company.

No, I disagree, you should by default these days, never ever put the person who you are about to meetup on a pedestal of any sort. You are just loading a load of stress up on to the occasion by doing so. You want to be in a good mindset, you want the person to see you at your most relaxed and enjoyable nature, your actual true self. That's what worked for me anyways so I can only give my own two cents worth, might be different for you and that's fair enough.

Lesalare · 10-05-2021 7:21pm

buried wrote: »

No, I disagree, you should by default these days, never ever put the person who you are about to meetup on a pedestal of any sort. You are just loading a load of stress up on to the occasion by doing so. You want to be in a good mindset, you want the person to see you at your most relaxed and enjoyable nature, your actual true self. That's what worked for me anyways so I can only give my own two cents worth, might be different for you and that's fair enough.

Not really getting the 'pedestal' angle... I'm a very confident sort. Happy in my own skin and very chatty etc. I just think dinner is a date best kept for a second or third date. Makes it something a little special - where you know you both somewhat 'like' each other and it can be an occasion where you feel more familiar and can kick back and really enjoy the food and ambiance etc.

buried · 10-05-2021 7:23pm

Deleted User wrote: »

I'm introverted.

Jaysus, so am I, way more on that side of the scale than the other extroverted side. A dinner date in a place that you yourself know to be good is the best place introverted people like us can show our good sides, which are many.

10-05-2021 7:27pm

buried wrote: »

Jaysus, so am I, way more on that side of the scale than the other extroverted side. A dinner date in a place that you yourself know to be good is the best place introverted people like us can show our good sides, which are many.

I dunno, I feels like too much pressure for me, sitting right across each other like that. That's why I like to meet for a beer. After a few drinks you can't shut me up.

buried · 10-05-2021 7:29pm

Lesalare wrote: »

Not really getting the 'pedestal' angle... I'm a very confident sort. Happy in my own skin and very chatty etc. I just think dinner is a date best kept for a second or third date. Makes it something a little special - where you know you both somewhat 'like' each other and it can be an occasion where you feel more familiar and can kick back and really enjoy the food and ambiance etc.

I mean, by putting them on a 'pedestal' by treating them different, treating them different to how you would treat your actual friends, I mean, you want this person on the 'date' to hopefully be your most trusting and loyal friend and partner in the long run, so you may as well show your most true side straight from the get go, or else its just another complete waste of time in the long run. That's how I see it anyways.

buried · 10-05-2021 7:31pm

Deleted User wrote: »

I dunno, I feels like too much pressure for me, sitting right across each other like that. That's why I like to meet for a beer. After a few drinks you can't shut me up.

Try it B, try it when the food places open up. You can also have a few drinks there too like. But make sure its a place you know is good and that you would enjoy going to anyways.

raclle · 10-05-2021 7:47pm

Deleted User wrote: »

I'm introverted.

I'm kinda both to be honest

YellowLead · 10-05-2021 10:17pm

I went for two dinner first dates and they were both excellent- one involved a lot of booze, the other didn’t.
I’d balk (sure that is a word but it doesn’t look right spelled that way) at the thought of dinner if I was up in the air about somebody and not that arsed but if you are pretty sure you’ll like them it’s actually really nice. Better than a bloody walk where you can’t see them really!

raclle · 10-05-2021 10:47pm

YellowLead wrote: »

I went for two dinner first dates and they were both excellent- one involved a lot of booze, the other didn’t.

You'll end up like "Phoebe" with multiple dates and can't choose

Ghosted after a few good dates

Comments