Ruining a wedding

NickNickleby · 28-04-2021 9:46am

2nd hand from work, but both the groom and best man worked in my building and both confirmed it...(in less than glowing terms by the groom)

Dublin guy and Kerry girl. Wedding in Kerry. Best man's speech ends with "... and for anyone interested, I'm in room 205 tonight. Not YOU Father!".

Apparently you could have heard a pin drop. Eejit.

rn · 28-04-2021 10:25am

Know your audience... Would have been hilarious in 5th year round 1997.

NickNickleby · 28-04-2021 10:46am

rn wrote: »

Know your audience... Would have been hilarious in 5th year round 1997.

Funnily enough, if memory serves me correctly, it WAS the late 90's. Certainly no later than 02.

PhilOssophy · 28-04-2021 10:51am

NickNickleby wrote: »

Funnily enough, if memory serves me correctly, it WAS the late 90's. Certainly no later than 02.

I think it still wouldn't go down well at a wedding. Maybe in another generation!

The J Stands for Jay · 28-04-2021 11:29am

odyssey06 wrote: »

I presume the ex of the bride.
Rather than someone who filmed an x rated video of her...

D'oh, I was thinking of a variable 'x'....

NickNickleby · 28-04-2021 12:12pm

PhilOssophy wrote: »

I think it still wouldn't go down well at a wedding. Maybe in another generation!

I was going to say "well here's an even worse one.." but actually I think the priest one is actually wayyyy beyond offensive, my next one is just classless - to the extreme...

Well known wedding venue, about 300 guests, a wedding planner's dream - every extra accoutrement you can dream up is on show. presents for the guests (ffs) etc...
Best man stands up to talk about what a 'lad' the groom is. Great hurler, great buddy and great gas in the pub. Sure one night he closed down a local nightclub (won't name it, but well known in a large county town). We're all mystified as to how he managed this, then after appropriate pause he goes on to say that the groom was in said nightclub and the toilets were full, so he dropped his 'kacks' (yes he used that word), and and then sat on a washbasin and did the business. At this point the audience is divided between people sitting jaws agape and a table of yer man's cronies guffawing manically. Best man says how all hell broke loose and the toilets were closed and the place evacuated by the bouncers. "and that's how Shamey closed down nighthawks* one Saturday night" . I knew the brides family and was mortified for them. I can't imagine the wedding video gets shown too often, or else its a case of judicious use of the FF button.

its probably telling , that I can't remember anything else he might have said, nor any of the other speeches.

*makey-up name for obvious reasons.

PhilOssophy · 28-04-2021 1:30pm

NickNickleby wrote: »

I was going to say "well here's an even worse one.." but actually I think the priest one is actually wayyyy beyond offensive, my next one is just classless - to the extreme...

Well known wedding venue, about 300 guests, a wedding planner's dream - every extra accoutrement you can dream up is on show. presents for the guests (ffs) etc...
Best man stands up to talk about what a 'lad' the groom is. Great hurler, great buddy and great gas in the pub. Sure one night he closed down a local nightclub (won't name it, but well known in a large county town). We're all mystified as to how he managed this, then after appropriate pause he goes on to say that the groom was in said nightclub and the toilets were full, so he dropped his 'kacks' (yes he used that word), and and then sat on a washbasin and did the business. At this point the audience is divided between people sitting jaws agape and a table of yer man's cronies guffawing manically. Best man says how all hell broke loose and the toilets were closed and the place evacuated by the bouncers. "and that's how Shamey closed down nighthawks* one Saturday night" . I knew the brides family and was mortified for them. I can't imagine the wedding video gets shown too often, or else its a case of judicious use of the FF button.

its probably telling , that I can't remember anything else he might have said, nor any of the other speeches.

*makey-up name for obvious reasons.

Yeah, there needs to be a "shut-off" on a wedding microphone, controlled by somebody sensible!

How could a best-man have thought that was appropriate....cringe.

Motivator · 28-04-2021 1:42pm

I heard of a wedding where the best man stood up to do his speech, talked about how great the groom was etc and how lucky he was to be marrying such a great girl. The groom stood up and punched the best man in the face. He caught the best man cheating with the new bride a few weeks before but decided to push it aside and press on with the wedding anyway. With all the stress and pressure out of the way, when he heard the speech it really dawned on him what happened. Hit him a slap, told his parents what happened and walked out of the room. Aside from wrecking a new marriage, the best man’s marriage also broke down as his wife was at a table no more than 20 foot away from the top table.

the beer revolu · 28-04-2021 1:45pm

Motivator wrote: »

I heard of a wedding where .

Another one!

Count Down · 28-04-2021 2:05pm

I was at a wedding where the so-called 'best man', in his speech told the joke about the rabbit and the lettuce, only he substituted the bride for the rabbit in the joke.
There was an embarrassing silence among the 70 or so guests, until a ripple of nervous laughter broke out and the groom managed to say a few words, changing the subject. The bride's mother nearly killed him afterwards.
It was buttock-clenching stuff to say the least.....

Leg End Reject · 28-04-2021 2:10pm

Count Down wrote: »

I was at a wedding where the so-called 'best man', in his speech told the joke about the rabbit and the lettuce, only he substituted the bride for the rabbit in the joke.
There was an embarrassing silence among the 70 or so guests, until a ripple of nervous laughter broke out and the groom managed to say a few words, changing the subject. The bride's mother nearly killed him afterwards.
It was buttock-clenching stuff to say the least.....

I don't know that one so you'll have to give details!

28-04-2021 2:13pm

Count Down wrote: »

I was at a wedding where the so-called 'best man', in his speech told the joke about the rabbit and the lettuce, only he substituted the bride for the rabbit in the joke.
There was an embarrassing silence among the 70 or so guests, until a ripple of nervous laughter broke out and the groom managed to say a few words, changing the subject. The bride's mother nearly killed him afterwards.
It was buttock-clenching stuff to say the least.....

Oh! The rabbit and Lettuce joke, nah, never heard of it, and strangely neither has wabbit, but he's all ears ^^^

Mister Vain · 28-04-2021 2:13pm

Motivator wrote: »

I heard of a wedding where the best man stood up to do his speech, talked about how great the groom was etc and how lucky he was to be marrying such a great girl. The groom stood up and punched the best man in the face. He caught the best man cheating with the new bride a few weeks before but decided to push it aside and press on with the wedding anyway. With all the stress and pressure out of the way, when he heard the speech it really dawned on him what happened. Hit him a slap, told his parents what happened and walked out of the room. Aside from wrecking a new marriage, the best man’s marriage also broke down as his wife was at a table no more than 20 foot away from the top table.

Jasus he would have needed some patience to wait that long to deck him.

Wabbit Ears · 28-04-2021 2:15pm

Deleted User wrote: »

Oh! The rabbit and Lettuce joke, nah, never heard of it, and strangely neither has wabbit, but he's all ears ^^^

My ears are burning

whitey1 · 28-04-2021 3:17pm

Back in the mid 90s it was a common practice to put disposable cameras on all the tables during the reception

Upskirting and photos of people passed out from drink were the order of the day

Many’s an aul wan got the shock of her life when she went to the pharmacy to pick up the photos

Purple Mountain · 28-04-2021 3:22pm

Motivator wrote: »

I heard of a wedding where the best man stood up to do his speech, talked about how great the groom was etc and how lucky he was to be marrying such a great girl. The groom stood up and punched the best man in the face. He caught the best man cheating with the new bride a few weeks before but decided to push it aside and press on with the wedding anyway. With all the stress and pressure out of the way, when he heard the speech it really dawned on him what happened. Hit him a slap, told his parents what happened and walked out of the room. Aside from wrecking a new marriage, the best man’s marriage also broke down as his wife was at a table no more than 20 foot away from the top table.

I'd assume that's easily verified with the wedding video?

sabat · 28-04-2021 3:23pm

Tow wrote: »

I once attended the wedding of a pair of our cultural cousins. There were about 40-50 at the church service, so not the huge affair you sometimes hear about. I was told that the bride was from a lower class in their culture, so the powers that be did not approve of the wedding. There is also a lot of pre and post story, due to their chaotic lifestyle. In order to keep the PC brigade happy I will not go into it, except to say the marriage ended up much like the wedding.

The day of the wedding was fine and sunny. And it started off much like any other wedding. Outside the church I was introduced to all the extended family and thanked for coming. When the bride arrived we all went into the church. Some of the women were stunners, but their outfits would be more in keeping with sunning on a beach than inside a church. The service started and I was sitting near the front. About half way through I heard some noise and noticed there were less people in the church. This continued and soon the only people left were the celebrants, priest, singer, two little old dears and a settled couple, who were also invited. When the service finished we all walked out of the church. It transpired that someone had arrived with a few slabs of beer and it was too much a temptation for the congregation. The priest said nothing throughout the whole service, but the look on his face when he came out said a lot. Finally the two old dears came out and the look on their faces could kill. One of them proclaimed they were "All a F***ing Disgrace'. Then she saw whom I assume was the 'Boss Man' and started on him. The sight of the little old dear taking on a big fellow, probably 5 times her size was greeted with great amusement by the other attendees. All with a fag in one hand and a tin in the other. I was invited to the afters, but politely declined.

Talking about traveller weddings, in Rathkeale half of those huge affairs you see with the Cinderella dresses and coach etc don't even end up having the actual church ceremony. The parish priest got so fed up of being left waiting for an hour or longer for the groom and his family to leave the pub that he introduced a strict policy of walking off after half an hour or 45 minutes and just had the couple call over to the parochial house later for a blessing.

pgj2015 · 28-04-2021 3:54pm

sabat wrote: »

Talking about traveller weddings, in Rathkeale half of those huge affairs you see with the Cinderella dresses and coach etc don't even end up having the actual church ceremony. The parish priest got so fed up of being left waiting for an hour or longer for the groom and his family to leave the pub that he introduced a strict policy of walking off after half an hour or 45 minutes and just had the couple call over to the parochial house later for a blessing.

I saw that before on gypsy weddings, it was a christening and they were 3 hours late, they were wondering where the priest was then when they turned up.

Pawwed Rig · 28-04-2021 4:08pm

pgj2015 wrote: »

I saw that before on gypsy weddings, it was a christening and they were 3 hours late, they were wondering where the priest was then when they turned up.

When we got our little one christened there was another child being done on the same day. We were all sitting in the church on 1 side (about 30 of us) and the other family had just the Dad and the baby. The priest said he had to start as he had a funeral after this so couldn't wait. 10 minutes later Godmother arrived in a catsuit. Halfway through the mother finally arrived. It was at the end that the Godfather finally got there. After it was all over we were leaving the church and there were still people sauntering in from the other family looking shellshocked. Missed the whole thing.

edit not travellers btw

hoodie6029 · 28-04-2021 5:10pm

My dad had an old Daimler and back in the mid 2000's my brother decided to volunteer to use it as the bride's transport at two of his friends weddings.

The car was never driven more than a few miles at a time by our Dad up to then.

Brother on the way to the first wedding and the car overheats and leaves him on the side of the stilllorgan dualler on a Friday morning! Bride ends up getting a taxi to the church and reception as I recall.

Needless to say, it wasn't used at the second wedding he'd volunteered for. Stressful for all involved to say the least.

Beatty69 · 28-04-2021 6:46pm

NickNickleby wrote: »

2nd hand from work, but both the groom and best man worked in my building and both confirmed it...(in less than glowing terms by the groom)

Dublin guy and Kerry girl. Wedding in Kerry. Best man's speech ends with "... and for anyone interested, I'm in room 205 tonight. Not YOU Father!".

Apparently you could have heard a pin drop. Eejit.

Ah I'd laugh at that.

:D

Beatty69 · 28-04-2021 6:57pm

Pawwed Rig wrote: »

When we got our little one christened there was another child being done on the same day. We were all sitting in the church on 1 side (about 30 of us) and the other family had just the Dad and the baby. The priest said he had to start as he had a funeral after this so couldn't wait. 10 minutes later Godmother arrived in a catsuit. Halfway through the mother finally arrived. It was at the end that the Godfather finally got there. After it was all over we were leaving the church and there were still people sauntering in from the other family looking shellshocked. Missed the whole thing.

edit not travellers btw

Some people are so flaky around time they don't seem to realise that church ceremonies go on without them!

A friend of my daughter's missed her communion altogether because her mother thought that it was an hour later. Worst thing was the poor little one was to sing a song and was really looking forward to it. Turns out they were outside the church during the ceremony taking photographs etc. Did they not wonder why no-one else was outside???

BaZmO* · 28-04-2021 7:12pm

Beatty69 wrote: »

Some people are so flaky around time they don't seem to realise that church ceremonies go on without them!

A friend of my daughter's missed her communion altogether because her mother thought that it was an hour later. Worst thing was the poor little one was to sing a song and was really looking forward to it. Turns out they were outside the church during the ceremony taking photographs etc. Did they not wonder why no-one else was outside???

Omg!! They were actually there?! Outside!! :facepalm:

Motivator · 28-04-2021 8:04pm

Mister Vain wrote: »

Jasus he would have needed some patience to wait that long to deck him.

I know the guy to see him but don’t know him, seems like a nice fella and this happened maybe 7 or 8 years ago and he has never remarried. Obviously he just snapped on the day when the pressure was off and the realisation hit him.

whitey1 · 28-04-2021 9:06pm

Every January our local paper would have pictures of couples who got engaged over Xmas.

I know a fella who had his picture in there one year and on the very same page was a report of him getting arrested on Christmas Eve for drunk and disorderly with a blow by blow of the foul language he used towards the Gardai during the arrest

Fitz* · 28-04-2021 9:11pm

whitey1 wrote: »

Every January our local paper would have pictures of couples who got engaged over Xmas.

I know a fella who had his picture in there one year and on the very same page was a report of him getting arrested on Christmas Eve for drunk and disorderly with a blow by blow of the foul language he used towards the Gardai during the arrest

Fantastic

pgj2015 · 28-04-2021 9:17pm

Beatty69 wrote: »

Ah I'd laugh at that. :D

I am not religious at all, have no time for it but that was a dirty dig, not nice at all to try and make fun of the priest like that.

nialler1978 · 28-04-2021 9:23pm

Motivator wrote: »

I heard of a wedding where the best man stood up to do his speech, talked about how great the groom was etc and how lucky he was to be marrying such a great girl. The groom stood up and punched the best man in the face. He caught the best man cheating with the new bride a few weeks before but decided to push it aside and press on with the wedding anyway. With all the stress and pressure out of the way, when he heard the speech it really dawned on him what happened. Hit him a slap, told his parents what happened and walked out of the room. Aside from wrecking a new marriage, the best man’s marriage also broke down as his wife was at a table no more than 20 foot away from the top table.

sorry but this sounds like a poor mans version of this urban myth

https://www.irishmirror.ie/tv/groom-humiliated-wife-wedding-reception-21178461

which I've heard so many varied versions of well before this graham norton one.

https://www.elitedaily.com/social-news/groom-pulls-off-savage-revenge-cheating-bride-wedding-reception/1660409

https://www.news24.com/you/Wellness/groom-humiliates-wife-at-wedding-reception-by-revealing-the-eight-guests-she-cheated-with-20200103

Panthro · 28-04-2021 9:46pm

whitey1 wrote: »

Every January our local paper would have pictures of couples who got engaged over Xmas.

I know a fella who had his picture in there one year and on the very same page was a report of him getting arrested on Christmas Eve for drunk and disorderly with a blow by blow of the foul language he used towards the Gardai during the arrest

Its a good one whitey but I heard it before

Toots · 28-04-2021 10:05pm

PhilOssophy wrote: »

Yeah, there needs to be a "shut-off" on a wedding microphone, controlled by somebody sensible!

How could a best-man have thought that was appropriate....cringe.

I was bridesmaid at a wedding where the best man effed and blinded his way through his speech. I’ve been accused of having a fairly coarse vocabulary and even I was floored by this. It was basically nerves, the poor guy was terrified of making the speech and he’d been sweating bullets since we arrived at the hotel - hadn’t even touched his dinner he was in such a state. We were all trying to calm him down, gave encouragement and told him he’d be grand etc. He sat down after his speech and was like “phew, that wasn’t too bad was it?” meanwhile the entire top table’s jaws were on the floor. He didn’t even realise that pretty much every second word was f*ck or b*llocks.

Definitely could have used a cut off button there.

spacetweek · 28-04-2021 10:32pm

Got a few for yis. I have been to over 40 weddings.

Was at a wedding where the priest knew the bride and went on at length about how he had known her "since she was a little girl running down the hill to church" and had watched her "slowly blossom into a beautiful woman", all the time with his gaze fixed on her.

My wife was at one in Germany where the groom's father delivered a 45-minute speech in German. Then he repeated the entire speech in English.

Was at wedding of two friends and the best man told an anecdote about one time the bride was so drunk the groom had to revive her in a bath. The bride goes "Actually, that happened to his ex, not me." You could hear a pin drop.

Friend of my wife's wedding, as the couple walked up the aisle her little son stepped accidentally on the veil and the bride's head was jerked back so hard she got whiplash.

My wife's very classy and refined sister was staying in a hotel with her brother and there was a Traveller wedding on. At 4am the guests were talking loudly in the corridor and woke both of them up. She opened the door and said, "Excuse me. But would you kindly. Shut. The. F*ck. Up." To her brother's astonishment, the Travellers apologised and left. I have never heard her swear in my entire life.

My wife was at one where the couple had 4 kids and the bride's sister was supposed to look after them. However beforehand she started drinking heavily and right after the ceremony the bride had to go up and mind the kids herself. An hour later someone volunteered to take over the babysitting.

Heard about one where the bride's sister had a restraining order taken out against her ex. But he showed up at the afters. Sat alone at a table drinking for about half an hour, then left thankfully.

Piece de resistance: Was at one where the best man got so coked up he had a threeway in the toilet with a woman and a bloke. He was straight.

I could go on. I love weddings.

nialler1978 · 28-04-2021 10:46pm

spacetweek wrote: »

Got a few for yis. I have been to over 40 weddings.

Was at a wedding where the priest knew the bride and went on at length about how he had known her "since she was a little girl running down the hill to church" and had watched her "slowly blossom into a beautiful woman", all the time with his gaze fixed on her.

As a man 42 years of age, with nothing but utter disdain for the catholic church having been very badly mistreated during my primary and secondary school years, for no reason that I can understand....I can still conclude what an utter load of sh*te that is, particularly with the verbatim quotation marks, so that happened word for word? Cop on to yourself.

Mod

nialler1978, this is a thread filled with unverified anecdotes. If you can't deal with that, perhaps this thread isn't for you. Rein it in or you'll be threadbanned.

StupidLikeAFox · 29-04-2021 12:14am

Toots wrote: »

My auld pair were at a wedding a couple of years ago where no drinks were provided for the guests at all - they had to pay for everything. Usually the guests would be given tea/coffee on arrival and a glass of wine with dinner at the very least, but at this one the arrival tea/coffee was €1.50 per cup, and then everyone had to pay for their own drinks at the dinner - there was a little "menu" card on each table with the drinks and the prices beside it. .

A lad I worked with got married to an American girl in a fairly plush venue in Ireland. As per the US tradition they had to have a free bar - pints, wine and standard shorts were free but top shelf shorts were extra. It was a fairly standard Irish wedding, 150 guests, and between the underdrinkers and the overdrinkers the free bar tab worked out at less than 4k. Granted the Americans weren't big drinkers but I thought that was fairly reasonable considering, especially at a decent venue

That is probably better suited to a "Things that made a wedding" thread though

PTH2009 · 29-04-2021 12:19am

Love this thread, never ruined a wedding myself but saw the usual overly drunk guests, Remember I got extremely drunk at an open bar wedding but nothing came from it only a bad hangover the next day ha

Some of the stories here were surly the gossip of the town and the nosy neighbours wet dream/tea chat etc

whitey1 · 29-04-2021 1:02am

I was involved in a pretty serious altercation at the afters to a wedding....it’s a very long story, I’ll try and shorten

The afters decamped to the “residents” bar of the hotel (even though 90% of people present weren’t even staying there.....they all lived within 2 or 3 miles of the hotel). The fella I’m with needed change for the cigarette machine and seeing as the bar had closed (about 4 am at this stage) I asked one of the fellow guests........who had been on the beer all day.

He reached into his pockets and got big 2 fistfuls of change and threw it all on the floor and essentially told me to go fvck myself. For some reason he had decided at that moment that it was a good time to take sides in a dispute that had absolutely nothing to do with him, but involved my buddy and someone this guy knew. Further words were exchanged, and at that stage my buddy hit this guy 3 or 4 shots and put him under a table.

At this stage, out of nowhere, a guy who must have been about 70 decided he was going to get involved (on behalf of the guy under the table) and he was told in no uncertain terms that he’d be joining his buddy under the table if he didn’t sit down and mind his own business.

At this stage we decided that it was time to leave and went out into the lobby, and of course the night porter was MIA and the door was locked so we were stuck in the lobby. About a minute later the guy who had been under the table came barreling through the doors looking for us, and round two followed. He got another hammering and there was no getting up this time.

Anyway we laid low the following day just in case the Guards were involved, but nothing ever came of it. The fella who got battered actually came looking for my friend to apologize.....I guess drink doesn’t suit him and several people told him that he had it coming all night and that most people were delighted to see him get his comeuppance

KissMeArse · 29-04-2021 1:38am

Great thread, have sunk numerous hours in the last few days reading all the replies, some stories have literally made me spit out what I was drinking!

My own wedding a few years ago could have been a disaster. It was in Portugal in summer, small group of us no more than 20 in total of just immediate family. The night before the big day, as is tradition, myself and the now wife spent away from each other. I was with all the fellas sipping away on pints at the hotel bar playing a few games of cards while all the women were off doing their own thing.

The wifes grandparents were out wandering around the town we were in and then the grandad collapsed and hit the ground. An ambulance rushed him to the nearest hospital and one or two from the group went to see what happened and ended up spending the night there with him. We all agreed to not let word get out to the rest of the women's group, especially the wife as she'd be up in a heap with worry all night on top of the normal pre-wedding nerves and everything else.

Thankfully her grandad was ok and they released him early the next morning after doing some checks. Turned out he got sunstroke as they asked him what he did all day and if he was getting in enough fluids. He responded by saying he alternated between being in the pool and panning out on a sunbed in the 30+ degree heat. In typical Irish oulfella fashion, he also said he was adequately hydrated after having two cups of tea and a small glass of orange juice with his breakfast that morning (the cups being those ones you get in hotels/apartments that hold enough tea to barely wet your whistle).

He genuinely had no clue of the concept of hydration in hot weather so for the rest of the time there we had to ensure he had a bottle of water at his side at all times. Was only the morning after the wedding we had breakfast with her grandparents and he accidently let it slip out about being in hospital, thankfully by then we were out of the woods though!

Most stories here are usually a result of fools having too much to drink or fcuking something up but this one is more down to just sheer bad luck/timing: Wasn't at it but the brothers friend got married about ten years ago. In the months before the wedding he got big into running and exercise and around the time of the wedding was looking in great shape. Everyone was complimenting him for the hard work he had put in to look his best for the big day.

The day before the wedding he came down with an awful dose of flu. One of those bad doses you might get every 5+ years where you're bedridden, aches and pains, cold sweats, cant keep food down etc. The morning of the wedding they got him suited up and looking as best they could, all things considered, but it was a struggle getting through the ceremony as he looked like death heated up.

After that it was another ordeal doing the photos which they tried to just wrap up as soon as they could. Half hearted smiles and it was etched across his face in every pic that he just wanted to get the fook outa there and back into bed to suffer in peace. When that was done he went back to bed for a few hours to try regain some energy for the evenings activities. They had to nearly carry him down to have a stab at the speeches, first dance and cutting of the cake which again was an eternal struggle as he was only fit to drop at that point. After the cake was done, he made his apologies, wished everyone a good night and headed off back to the scratcher.

You'd take a bit of rain on your wedding day or someone spilling some drink on a dress/suit but you'd be wondering what you did to p!ss someone off up above to get the kind of fortune to basically render you a non-participant in your own wedding.

Canis Lupus · 29-04-2021 2:42am

Didn't ruin the wedding but they decided to play musical chairs. Was down to drunk and overly competitive large lady versus the bride who was so skinny a stiff breeze would carry her away. Music stops, large lady rugby charges the bride and yeets her across the floor to claim the winning last chair music to either stunned silence or outright guffaws.

Was a good night.

29-04-2021 9:08am

whitey1 wrote: »

I was involved in a pretty serious altercation at the afters to a wedding....it’s a very long story, I’ll try and shorten

The afters decamped to the “residents” bar of the hotel (even though 90% of people present weren’t even staying there.....they all lived within 2 or 3 miles of the hotel). The fella I’m with needed change for the cigarette machine...

Did he even get the cigarettes ?!

HildaOgdenx · 29-04-2021 12:15pm

Toots wrote: »

I was bridesmaid at a wedding where the best man effed and blinded his way through his speech. I’ve been accused of having a fairly coarse vocabulary and even I was floored by this. It was basically nerves, the poor guy was terrified of making the speech and he’d been sweating bullets since we arrived at the hotel - hadn’t even touched his dinner he was in such a state. We were all trying to calm him down, gave encouragement and told him he’d be grand etc. He sat down after his speech and was like “phew, that wasn’t too bad was it?” meanwhile the entire top table’s jaws were on the floor. He didn’t even realise that pretty much every second word was f*ck or b*llocks.

Definitely could have used a cut off button there.

I feel sorry for him, being in such a state about a speech. And then making an absolute mess of it, while not even realising it.

I often thought there's no need for speeches at weddings.
Just wish the couple well, maybe a few thanks, if appropriate, and leave it there.

Aquos76 · 29-04-2021 12:22pm

The Nal wrote: »

I wasn't at it but.....

Im sorry, but thats brilliant

:D:D

Badly Drunk Boy · 29-04-2021 12:30pm

Aquos76 wrote: »

Im sorry, but thats brilliant :D:D

The way he picked her up as if it hadn't happened (or hoping that nobody saw) but without checking to see if she was conscious, and dropping her like a sack of spuds.

tonorio84 · 29-04-2021 12:53pm

I worked in a hotel throughout college and there were weddings every weekend.

This story certainly didnt ruin the wedding but did make me chuckle.

A local "celebrity" was getting married so the hotel pulled out all the stops. Even got the carpet cleaned in the ballroom for the first time in what seemed like years. Night before the wedding there was a function on and some young lad puked all over the freshly cleaned carpet. Cue frantic running around to hide it the next day. Lucky it was near one of the bars and away from the tables

The bride and groom decided to provide their own drink for the toast and had boxes of shot glasses delivered. We poured the drinks and delivered to them all the tables for the speeches. The father of the bride got up and spoke about how all the glasses were hand engraved and delivered from New York. As natural people started to read the writing when all you can hear is one falling on the ground smashing (table was on the dance floor). The look of horror on the father and the bride while all the barstaff had to turn around so no one would see us laughing.

Count Down · 29-04-2021 12:55pm

Leg End Reject wrote: »

I don't know that one so you'll have to give details!

The morning after the wedding, the groom presents his new bride with a bowl of lettuce for breakfast.
She says "What's this?"
He replies slyly, "I wanted to see if you eat like a rabbit too!"

You'd have had to be there to experience the reaction, especially at the top table - bride and grooms parents, priest, etc......

Count Down · 29-04-2021 1:05pm

The best man actually included the names of the bride and groom to 'suit' the joke, the backstard!

chooseusername · 29-04-2021 1:48pm

Count Down wrote: »

The morning after the wedding, the groom presents his new bride with a bowl of lettuce for breakfast.
She says "What's this?"
He replies slyly, "I wanted to see if you eat like a rabbit too!"

You'd have had to be there to experience the reaction, especially at the top table - bride and grooms parents, priest, etc......

That was some long wedding meal!

I thought the joke was about the redundant rampant rabbit.

spacetweek · 29-04-2021 2:19pm

cj maxx wrote: »

One way to ruin a wedding is to have multiple multiple people giving speeches. Groom, father in law , best man then sit the feck down.

??
There were 8 speeches at my wedding - me+bride, both my parents, her dad, best man, both bridesmaids. No harm, most of them were only a few minutes.

charlie14 · 29-04-2021 2:22pm

chooseusername wrote: »

That was some long wedding meal!

I thought the joke was about the redundant rampant rabbit.

From the reports of various female friends, the male species is becoming more redundant than the rampant rabbit.

spacetweek · 29-04-2021 2:32pm

A gay guy I know (everyone knew he was gay) went through with a sham marriage to a girl. The girl's father said as his speech, addressing her, "Why are you doing this?"

All through the engagement he was shagging blokes on the side.

They were separated within a year and he's in a relationship with a guy now.

GingerLily · 29-04-2021 2:39pm

spacetweek wrote: »

??
There were 8 speeches at my wedding - me+bride, both my parents, her dad, best man, both bridesmaids. No harm, most of them were only a few minutes.

We had something similar, all short though, most about 5 minutes and we did them while dessert was served so everyone should have had plenty to get on with if they weren't interested

I guess it's depends on the couple but I think speeches can give a lovely personal touch, I rarely don't enjoy them (provided I'm not hungry)

Toots · 29-04-2021 2:42pm

HildaOgdenx wrote: »

I feel sorry for him, being in such a state about a speech. And then making an absolute mess of it, while not even realising it.

I often thought there's no need for speeches at weddings.
Just wish the couple well, maybe a few thanks, if appropriate, and leave it there.

Yeah, the groom's parents were appalled but I think the vast majority just felt really sorry for him. The bride and groom felt pretty bad about it after because they didn't realise the state he was in.

Ruining a wedding

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