Ruining a wedding

BattleCorp

BaZmO* wrote: »

If someone told me how much money they were expecting from me for their wedding gift I’d be telling them I’m not going to their wedding. End of.

I normally give cash when I go to a wedding but if someone had the cheek to ask me for cash as a present, fcuk that, I'd be giving them an electric carving knife or a Sodastream machine.

the beer revolu

BattleCorp wrote: »

I normally give cash when I go to a wedding but if someone had the cheek to ask me for cash as a present, fcuk that, I'd be giving them an electric carving knife or a Sodastream machine.

When we got married if anyone asked, we said cash but only if they asked.

Sodastreams are popular again!

pgj2015

the beer revolu wrote: »

When we got married if anyone asked, we said cash but only if they asked.

Sodastreams are popular again!

That is as bad. You should never ask for cash.

BaZmO*

Absolutely no issue with people asking for cash if asked. Stops all the wasted presents. And for a lot of people it’s just easier to put cash in a card.

Demanding cash, or putting a figure on what’s expected is a whole different kettle of wedding cake.

razorblunt

pgj2015 wrote: »

That is as bad. You should never ask for cash.

Bullshît.

the beer revolu

pgj2015 wrote: »

That is as bad. You should never ask for cash.

What we should have lied and made up a list of stuff we didn't want?

Nah.

pgj2015

the beer revolu wrote: »

What we should have lied and made up a list of stuff we didn't want?

Nah.

just say get whatever you feel like. I couldn't look at myself in the mirror if I ever asked anyone for cash because they are coming to my wedding.

the beer revolu

pgj2015 wrote: »

just say get whatever you feel like. I couldn't look at myself in the mirror if I ever asked anyone for cash because they are coming to my wedding.

So, yes. Lie.

Damien360

BaZmO* wrote: »

Absolutely no issue with people asking for cash if asked. Stops all the wasted presents. And for a lot of people it’s just easier to put cash in a card.

Demanding cash, or putting a figure on what’s expected is a whole different kettle of wedding cake.

We had our own home a few years when we got married and quietly told people not to buy presents as it would be a waste but money would be appreciated. We didn’t specify an amount. And we certainly didn’t track who gave anything. Everyone got a generic thank you card sent to those that came, no mention of presents.

Every single wedding I have ever been to has been the same. You figure out the going rate yourself and give that. Gone are the days of dads/in-laws paying for the day. Rule of thumb for me is cost of a very, very nice meal out for each person going. So let’s say 150 to 200 for a couple, depending on relative or not.

charlie14

Damien360 wrote: »

We had our own home a few years when we got married and quietly told people not to buy presents as it would be a waste but money would be appreciated. We didn’t specify an amount. And we certainly didn’t track who gave anything. Everyone got a generic thank you card sent to those that came, no mention of presents.

Every single wedding I have ever been to has been the same. You figure out the going rate yourself and give that. Gone are the days of dads/in-laws paying for the day. Rule of thumb for me is cost of a very, very nice meal out for each person going. So let’s say 150 to 200 for a couple, depending on relative or not.

For myself and the wife if it`s not very good friends or family we don`t ask. We give 300 euro. 200 for the meal and 100 for themselves is how we see it.
If they asked for cash though it would most likely be the soda stream or the
carving knife:)

SeaFields

cee_jay wrote: »

This is the story of a wedding I was accused of ruining I am not friends with this couple anymore as I couldn't deal with their drama any longer.

Not one I was at but something that happened to a former work colleague. Similar reaction to your bridezilla. She was bridesmaid for a childhood friend. The morning of the wedding she was very sick. Vomiting. She ploughed through the morning as best she could she said but had to leave during the ceremony to vomit outside the church and was too sick to return. She went home but was taken to A+E shortly afterwards. Her appendix had burst..

The bride accused her of ruining the wedding and never spoke to her again....

Andrea B.

Like funerals, they are costly and often pretentious affairs for what they deliver. We had a modest affair, a few years after family started and specifically stated that we did not want any gifts. Can't remember the wording, but it was on invitation. Yes, we received some gifts and envelopes, but ultimately it i think our decision was based on it also being during last recession and we knew that many had their own challenges.
Great party though!!

Brilliant thread btw!!

LarryGraham

All this talk of cash gifts brings me back to my own wedding. My wife is from the UK and the cash gifts ranged from €1000 (bachelor uncle on my side) to £20 (her cousin). We cherished both guests (and everyone else) sharing our special day and the bad joke in my speech was that we only asked for their presence and not their presents. We fully appreciated our guests taking time out of their lives to celebrate with us.

We have a strange "keeping up with the Joneses" thing with cash gifts for weddings/communions/children's birthdays in Ireland. It really annoys me to be told that the "going rate is €X" with a whiff that I should know better.

Anyway back on topic. At our wedding, my new father-in-law was very nervous for his speech. To help, my brother-in-law arranged a slide show of pictures from my wife's childhood. In his nervousness, the father of the bride said in a reminiscent tone "and there's my wife...
... when she was thin".

She still wasn't speaking to him when we returned from the honeymoon.

Porklife

I thought you were gonna say he said let's start this **** show instead of slide show:p

Toots

BaZmO* wrote: »

If someone told me how much money they were expecting from me for their wedding gift I’d be telling them I’m not going to their wedding. End of.

I’d like to think that I’ve always been pretty generous with my wedding gifts but for someone to put an expected number on it!!! Nah, I’m not attending a gig!

About 10 years ago my husband and I were invited to a wedding. We weren't particularly close to the couple but my husband's entire family were invited and we felt we had to go. We were super broke at the time - my husband was out of work and I was on sick leave so we were really smashed, and we were stressing out about how we were going to afford to go to the wedding and bring a gift.

We actually had a row about it because I wanted to decline the invite because we just couldn't afford to go, but my husband really felt we should go. My husband's brother happened to be out in the pub with a group that included the groom, and the groom was bragging at length about how much money they stood to make from the wedding and how they'd calculated how many guests they needed to invite to turn a profit. Needless to say, as soon as my husband heard that there was no more arguments about going to that wedding.

interlocked

I'm way ahead of ye all in the curiosity stakes...Nearly 20 years ago I was at a wedding in the Dolmen in Carlow, it was a Mayo/Carlow wedding, the power went out at the reception as we were sitting at the table, and we were sitting in candlelight, I happened to be sitting beside the priest who was a classmate of the groom so I asked him to tell me his worst wedding stories. I can't remember them all but a couple included, one was where the best man got completely carried away and by the end of the speech, not alone was the bride crying, but the rest of the top table had their heads buried, afraid to look, another was that they had a balloon performers where they blew up balloons and twisted them into animal shapes, it ended up with the bride out on the floor humping a balloon that was shaped like a stallions flute.

Anyway, the wedding went off like a house on fire, I ended up in the after after hours bar, they're was probably less less than a dozen of us, a couple of lads from Mayo that hadn't a bed, a local buck that had wandered in, and the night porter who was throwing us out drink, the craic was ninety, it was around 5 in the morning, and we were all starving, so we decided we were going through to breakfast. The night porter disappeared for 20 minutes and arrives out with a huge platter of sandwiches that he'd made himself. "There you go lads, I knew you were hungry" didn't want a bob but he got some tip, it kept us going to the breakfast, had a big feed, fell into bed, was roused a hour later and spent the day touring around Carlow, ended up having dinner in a restaurant in Carlow with the wedding party, I was shattered by 9 o clock, made my excuses, they were laughing knowing the story, arrived back to the hotel, it was chaos, women sitting bawling on the staircase, a sign outside the bar saying "bar closed" I grabbed a member of staff and asked WTF was going on. Eyes raised to heaven "Dublin wedding" I went to bed.

Ash.J.Williams

Heard this from a carlow speech “now we all know Mary’s been a vegetarian since she was a young one but rumour has it she’ll be atin Eamon’s maate tonight wha haw haw haw”

whiskeyman

Got an invite to an afters of an old college friend years ago.
Arrived around 10pm just as the groom himself was being carried up to bed drunk by his Dad and brother while shouting / crying 'it's my big day too ya know!'.

The poor bride.
They're still together as far as I know.

Ave Sodalis

Deleted User wrote:

As far as Im concerned I dont have a wedding video. I dont believe it was done on purpose though and I know when people are getting married relatives often volunteer services but when it comes to wedding video I would advise to hire a professional

A family friend hired a professional photographer for her wedding. It was a very small scale affair, but a lot of detail went into it. The bride's father was very poorly at this stage, and they weren't sure he was going to make it to the wedding. With a lot of preparation, he did, in a wheelchair, and actually managed to have a good time. The bride's only stipulation for the photographer was good family photos. She was very much a daddy's girl, and her father meant the world to her. She worked two jobs, and still went in her lunch break/days off to help her mother care for her father.

The photographer had the father pushed off to the side in all of the set-up photos, as though he wasn't part of the family group. There were none of him in any of the other photos, and like I said, it was only a small wedding. The bride was devastated when she seen them.

chooseusername

Ash.J.Williams wrote: »

Heard this from a carlow speech “now we all know Mary’s been a vegetarian since she was a young one but rumour has it she’ll be atin Eamon’s maate tonight wha haw haw haw”

A Mr & Mrs game at a no children wedding;
"Where's the most unusual place you've had sex?"
Groom writes ;In the tractor while ploughing.
Bride; In the bum.
Silence..
until the best man asks; "but was it in the tractor while ploughing?."
Uproar

Another probable Urban myth;
Father of the bride speech;
"When he asked me for her hand, I said to him ;
'you've been having that for long enough,
it's time to get down to the real thing now'"

KathleenGrant

Mine is not so much a ruined wedding story as a ruined marriage story.

A few years after my husband left me I felt my heart was sufficiently mended to start a new relationship. I started seeing this guy who was working on a job in the town closest to where I live. I had started a job in a cafe where he had breakfast and lunch and we hit it off. I had a young family at the time and he was living in Dublin and driving to work so "alone time" :pac: was very difficult.

Then work sent him to Mayo for a job and he asked me to join him. I was delighted, sister and brother obliged by babysitting. He was staying in a hotel for the week and I was joining him for Thurs and Fri night. First night was perfect, romantic dinner, lovely time together, everything else after dinner was great too.;)

Next day he goes to work, comes back and i have been for a walk. We happen to meet in reception and are pretty much stuck in each other before going upstairs.

BUT there was a wedding party in reception and his wife's cousin (yes the **** was married and no I didn't know) was at the wedding. She starts a row there and then, best man tries to calm her down but she won't stop. Shouting and name calling at both of us , me in bits crying and the bride and groom walk into reception to this.

I drive home from Mayo to Wexford heartbroken. 2 days later the **** rings me and says (more or less) hey, good news, I am single. I have never spoken to him since.

charlie14

Possibly an urban myth, but the lady who told me this story in the late 80`s swore it was true.
I`m from the northwest of the country and the lady who told me this story was originally from Kerry, but moved to the area when she married.
She was then in here mid 50`s so if true what she told me would have occurred in the 30`s
When she was around 6 or 7, a local girl was getting married and all her family were invited. She was highly excited it being her first wedding. Everything went great up until the time the bride and groom were supposed to leave to go on honeymoon, but nothing happened other than the party breaking up very quickly and everyone heading home.
She had been looking forward to seeing the happy pair heading off and when she asked why people left before it happening, she was told never to speak of it again.
Years later she learned that when the groom had changed into his "going away clothes" and there was no sign of the bride, one of his sisters went to check she was ok only to find her in a rather compromising position with the best man. Bedlam ensued and she was told that the priest who was still present annulled the marriage there and then.
Years later after the lady who told me this story was herself married and living in the northwest, one of the bride`s parents died and she was told by relatives that the bride for the first time since the wedding was back with the best man and two of their children to attend the funeral.
I supposed you could call it a ruined wedding with a happy ending.:)

fergiesfolly

We had our house several years before we married so didn't need anything for the house as such.
We saved to pay for the entire wedding/honeymoon so didn't have to worry about gifts to get us over the line.
As a consequence when we were asked if we'd like a gift or cash, I would say neither. Turn up, enjoy the day and take loads of photos.
Of course people put money in the card but the amount never crossed our minds. It just wasn't on our radar.
Morning after the wedding, I went down to reception to meet the manager and pay the bill ( always payed up promptly. Hate owing anyone). The receptionist asked did I want the cards from the safe and I could use to pay off some of the bill. We already had a cheque and cash left in there to use, so I declined. Met the manager, paid the bill and the receptionist fetched the cards from the safe. A rather large box appeared on the counter and I was a bit surprised.
I took it back to the room and we opened a few. I was genuinely shocked at people's generosity.
We got a bit giddy and for the next hour or so we sat on the bed, opened each card, read the message and left whatever cash inside on the bedside table. There was a large pile of cash after all this. Way more than I'd ever had and I just started laughing. Then fulfilled a childhood ambition to throw a huge pile of cash into the air..and then spent quite a while making sure I picked it all up.
We had a fantastic day, had none of the stress of paying because we saved. And to top it off we had this was of cash spend, save or squander without consequence.

This obviously is not a ruined wedding story... sorry

Purple Mountain

Ave Sodalis wrote: »

A family friend hired a professional photographer for her wedding. It was a very small scale affair, but a lot of detail went into it. The bride's father was very poorly at this stage, and they weren't sure he was going to make it to the wedding. With a lot of preparation, he did, in a wheelchair, and actually managed to have a good time. The bride's only stipulation for the photographer was good family photos. She was very much a daddy's girl, and her father meant the world to her. She worked two jobs, and still went in her lunch break/days off to help her mother care for her father.

The photographer had the father pushed off to the side in all of the set-up photos, as though he wasn't part of the family group. There were none of him in any of the other photos, and like I said, it was only a small wedding. The bride was devastated when she seen them.

Sorry, but the bride was part of those photos so would have known there and then that they would not turn out how she had intended.
All she had to do was have a discreet word with the photographer on the spot and ask him to take the pictures as she wanted them.

Purple Mountain

Kathleen, that story is priceless.
Obviously very distressing for you and the wedding couple at the time but there's a screenplay somewhere there!

Motivator

Purple Mountain wrote: »

Sorry, but the bride was part of those photos so would have known there and then that they would not turn out how she had intended.
All she had to do was have a discreet word with the photographer on the spot and ask him to take the pictures as she wanted them.

I was just going to say it. Nonsense story.

Ave Sodalis

Purple Mountain wrote:

Sorry, but the bride was part of those photos so would have known there and then that they would not turn out how she had intended. All she had to do was have a discreet word with the photographer on the spot and ask him to take the pictures as she wanted them.

Motivator wrote:

I was just going to say it. Nonsense story.

Not nonsense at all. The bride was front and centre of the photos and trusted the photographer. Why would she check to make sure everyone was in the right place? Her father wasn't the only disabled person in her family, with a sibling with CP. She couldn't have possibly been expected to micromanage everyone and still enjoy her day.

joebloggs32

partyguinness wrote: »

I have been to a few weddings in England and I can safely say they have all been as dry as a camel's belly. Absolutely dreadful. Usually on a weekday with finger food...

I rememebr one on a Wednesday...pizza delivery was the food. Help yourself to the slices in the boxes. The bride and groom were both teachers...too fcuking tight to spend any money. Then they couldnt understand and a bit offended why everyone was gone by 10pm "It's a Wednesdsay night. We work tomorrow." It ain't midterm break for us.

At least weddings in Ireland tend to be "all out" affairs.

I went over to one a few years ago with Mrs Bloggs. It was her cousin getting married.

Hosted in a local sports club. They had a "DJ" who really was just the grooms buddy, and we were treated to pie and chips.
Her parents were actually a little embarrassed as they know the score with Irish weddings (not that i am a fan of over hyped weddings, but at least put on some sort of a spread, not whats served up to schoolkids in the canteen at lunchtime), but the groom was English and this was the done thing in his social circle.

Purple Mountain

I had the opposite experience with the only English wedding I was at.
A church wedding with the reception at a very upmarket golf club later.
My friends aren't wealthy by any means but it was a fabulous day.
The location was gorgeous, grounds with a lake and overlooking the golf course. The meal was buffet style but it was the most tasty and best presented food I've ever seen.
Choice of hot food or buffet salad. I actually took photos of how well the food was laid out. Desserts were of a similar high standard.
They had a DJ for the music but he was very good, dance floor was full all night and they had a free bar for the whole day.
Yes, the night ended around midnight but noone protested and we all had lifts arranged to bring us back to our accommodation.
Personally anyway, dragging the night out to 4am in a residential bar for me isn't attractive anymore.

Porklife

Purple Mountain wrote: »

Sorry, but the bride was part of those photos so would have known there and then that they would not turn out how she had intended.
All she had to do was have a discreet word with the photographer on the spot and ask him to take the pictures as she wanted them.

I was thinking the same thing. Surely the bride would realise her dad isnt beside her. You know who's in a photo.. that's kinda the whole point of capturing the memory!

I just remembered another story. The wedding was so boring I almost forgot i was at it. My friend married a non practicing Muslim girl. She smoked and drank like a sailor but around her strict family acted like an angel. A few of us stayed in the family home the night before the wedding and had a few drinks in the local pub. The bride was pretty hammered but had to act sober in front of her parents. She was frantically brushing her teeth in the pub toilet and dosing herself with perfume to hide the smell of booze.
We just about got away with it.
The wedding itself was a sober affair in more ways than one. There was strictly no booze allowed but there was a long banquet table with bottles of fizzy apple juice. The music was awful and literally nobody was on the dance floor. We got the bright idea to sneak out and get white wine as it looks like apple juice.
By the end of the evening we were all hammered throwing shapes around having a ball. The family were not impressed and the "Irish table" were politely asked not to attend the bbq the following day. We were delighted cos none of us wanted to go anyway. We went to the pub instead.
Looking back, it was a little disrespectful of us but we were all in our early 20s and the bride was sneaking over knocking back "juice" with us.
The marriage only lasted a year as far as I know.