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One-Liner Jokes

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Comments

  • #4112
    MonkieSocks
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 8,393 ✭✭✭MonkieSocks


    Sometimes God sends your Ex back into your life to test your stupidity.

    =(:-) Me? I know who I am. I'm a dude playing a dude disguised as another dude (-:)=



  • #4113
    MonkieSocks
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 8,393 ✭✭✭MonkieSocks


    I thought my money worries were over when I started dating a rich girl, turns out I misheard her and she actually makes hats

    =(:-) Me? I know who I am. I'm a dude playing a dude disguised as another dude (-:)=



  • #4114
    joeguevara
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 8,346 ✭✭✭joeguevara


    MonkieSocks wrote: »
    I thought my money worries were over when I started dating a rich girl, turns out I misheard her and she actually makes hats

    Had to google that. Cracker


  • #4115
    gormdubhgorm
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 21,270 ✭✭✭✭gormdubhgorm


    NewMan1982 wrote: »
    A lot of people don’t seem to know what a one liner joke is.
    Look up Stewart Francis or Tim Vine and you’ll get the idea.

    That's two lines!

    Guff about stuff, and stuff about guff.



  • #4116
    gormdubhgorm
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 21,270 ✭✭✭✭gormdubhgorm


    MonkieSocks wrote: »
    I thought my money worries were over when I started dating a rich girl, turns out I misheard her and she actually makes hats

    Hat's off for that one!

    Guff about stuff, and stuff about guff.



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  • #4117
    saabsaab
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 8,949 ✭✭✭saabsaab


    gormdubhgorm wrote: »
    Hat's off for that one!


    Indeed! I doff my cap.


  • #4118
    bonzodog2
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 6,345 ✭✭✭bonzodog2


    MonkieSocks wrote: »
    I thought my money worries were over when I started dating a rich girl, turns out I misheard her and she actually makes hats

    I was in WTF mode, but it just clicked.


  • #4119
    MonkieSocks
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 8,393 ✭✭✭MonkieSocks


    Don't you just hate it when you clean out your freezer and find people you don't even recognise?

    =(:-) Me? I know who I am. I'm a dude playing a dude disguised as another dude (-:)=



  • #4120
    MonkieSocks
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 8,393 ✭✭✭MonkieSocks


    I just bought a new cologne made with Holy water....Eau my God

    =(:-) Me? I know who I am. I'm a dude playing a dude disguised as another dude (-:)=



  • #4121
    Dtp1979
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2, Paid Member Posts: 12,942 ✭✭✭✭Dtp1979


    bonzodog2 wrote: »
    I was in WTF mode, but it just clicked.

    I still don’t get it


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  • #4122
    MLC_biker
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 134 ✭✭MLC_biker


    Dtp1979 wrote: »
    I still don’t get it

    Google 'person who makes hats'


  • #4123
    MonkieSocks
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 8,393 ✭✭✭MonkieSocks


    Just heard that there is an island off the south coast of Italy that is inhabited by 5 million Sicilian people

    That is the biggest number i have ever heard

    =(:-) Me? I know who I am. I'm a dude playing a dude disguised as another dude (-:)=



  • #4124
    barneygumble99
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 4,629 ✭✭✭barneygumble99


    Before you get angry with someone, stop and take a deep breath, because then you’ll be able to shout louder.


  • #4125
    New Home
    Moderators, Arts Moderators, Recreation & Hobbies Moderators, Social & Fun Moderators Posts: 79,870 Mod ✭✭✭✭New Home


    MonkieSocks wrote: »
    Just heard that there is an island off the south coast of Italy that is inhabited by 5 million Sicilian people

    That is the biggest number i have ever heard


    :eek: That's even bigger than a Brazilian!!


  • #4126
    MonkieSocks
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 8,393 ✭✭✭MonkieSocks


    I tried calling the tinnitus helpline the other day, but it just kept ringing.

    =(:-) Me? I know who I am. I'm a dude playing a dude disguised as another dude (-:)=



  • #4127
    trashcan
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 4,450 ✭✭✭trashcan


    joeguevara wrote: »
    Had to google that. Cracker

    Same here :D. I love subtlety.


  • #4128
    MonkieSocks
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 8,393 ✭✭✭MonkieSocks


    I love gardening, from my head..... tomatoes.

    =(:-) Me? I know who I am. I'm a dude playing a dude disguised as another dude (-:)=



  • #4129
    stoneill
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 3,607 ✭✭✭stoneill


    I went to the butchers the other day and I bet him 50 quid that he couldn't reach the meat off the top shelf. And he said, "No, you're right the steaks are too high."


  • #4130
    MonkieSocks
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 8,393 ✭✭✭MonkieSocks


    A dad joke becomes apparent when it's full groan.

    =(:-) Me? I know who I am. I'm a dude playing a dude disguised as another dude (-:)=



  • #4131
    MonkieSocks
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 8,393 ✭✭✭MonkieSocks


    I think we're in for a bad spell of wether

    =(:-) Me? I know who I am. I'm a dude playing a dude disguised as another dude (-:)=



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  • #4132
    saabsaab
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 8,949 ✭✭✭saabsaab


    MonkieSocks wrote: »
    I think we're in for a bad spell of wether


    You might need to spell that out for us.


  • #4133
    Capt'n Midnight
    Moderators, Recreation & Hobbies Moderators, Science, Health & Environment Moderators, Technology & Internet Moderators Posts: 96,617 Mod ✭✭✭✭Capt'n Midnight


    I think we're in for a bad spell of wetter


  • #4134
    MOR316
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 2,277 ✭✭✭MOR316


    I always wondered why the French only have one egg for breakfast.
    Then I found out in France, one egg is Un ouef


  • #4135
    el_gaucho
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 582 ✭✭✭el_gaucho


    MOR316 wrote: »
    I always wondered why the French only have one egg for breakfast.
    Then I found out in France, one egg is Un ouef

    French people are so tough they eat pain for breakfast.


  • #4136
    MonkieSocks
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 8,393 ✭✭✭MonkieSocks


    Had a terrible start to my day, ran over 3 geese....it's given me goosebumps.

    =(:-) Me? I know who I am. I'm a dude playing a dude disguised as another dude (-:)=



  • #4137
    supernova5
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 748 ✭✭✭supernova5


    What's the first sign of madness,,



    when you see suggs coming around the corner...


  • #4138
    shazaam
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 23 ✭shazaam


    supernova5 wrote: »
    What's the first sign of madness,,



    when you see suggs coming around the corner...

    Can't beat the classics!!!! I think only the over 40's will get that one!


  • #4139
    MonkieSocks
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 8,393 ✭✭✭MonkieSocks


    I saw a Homeless guy in town shouting about a lot of random stuff... it was a vague rant

    =(:-) Me? I know who I am. I'm a dude playing a dude disguised as another dude (-:)=



  • #4140
    MonkieSocks
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 8,393 ✭✭✭MonkieSocks


    shazaam wrote: »
    Can't beat the classics!!!! I think only the over 40's will get that one!
    Welcome to Boards.IE


    jester.gif

    =(:-) Me? I know who I am. I'm a dude playing a dude disguised as another dude (-:)=



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  • #4141
    joeguevara
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 8,346 ✭✭✭joeguevara


    trashcan wrote: »
    Same here :D. I love subtlety.

    I put the b in subtle.


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