The try harder if ye want to keep a second joke thread thread

Alpha Romeo · 15-07-2019 05:18PM

Oscar1978 wrote: »

What do we want ?
A cure for Alzheimer's....

When do we want it ?
When do we want what ?

What do we want?
A cure for Tourette's

When do we want it?
Cnuts

fryup · 15-07-2019 11:43PM

Pensioner's out protesting today were heard shouting....

"what do we want?....the toilet!"

"when do we want it?....now!!"

byrner88 · 15-07-2019 11:50PM

my parents admitted that the night I was concieved they were pissed on cheap Australian lager,

not nice finding out your a fosters child

Bob Harris · 16-07-2019 09:13AM

fryup wrote: »

Pensioner's out protesting today were heard shouting....

"what do we want?....the toilet!"

"when do we want it?....now!!"

I heard a few saying 'nevermind, it's too late'

byrner88 · 17-07-2019 12:11AM

I left my wife because of her obsession with football,

She crossed the line

castletownman · 17-07-2019 07:54AM

everlast75 wrote: »

The Patron Saint of copying people on email is St. Francis of A CC

Not to be mistaken of course with the patron saint of surveillance.

St. Francis of CCTV.

Or indeed the patron saint of playgrounds

St.Francis of a see-saw

TheChevron · 17-07-2019 10:54AM

Oscar1978 wrote: »

The guy who wrote the Hokey Pokey song died recently. They had awful trouble getting him into the coffin. They put his left leg in ......

I used to be addicted to the Hokey Cokey but I'm glad to say I've turned myself around...and that's what its all about.

TheChevron · 17-07-2019 10:56AM

The wife is not happy with the blinds I've hung in the sitting room.

It could be curtains for us.

jimgoose · 17-07-2019 10:57AM

My sister is a smartarse. She insisted the other day that the onion is the only food that makes you cry.

So I fast-bowled a coconut at her.

g6fdyotp5nj2l7 · 17-07-2019 11:58AM

jimgoose wrote:

My sister is a smartarse. She insisted the other day that the onion is the only food that makes you cry.

My sister thought the same till she got a slap of a turnip :-)

The Princess Bride · 17-07-2019 05:57PM

I can't remember how to write 1,1000, 51, 6 and 500 in Roman numbers.
IM LIVID

patmac · 17-07-2019 11:15PM

HELP NEEDED!
I’m trying to remember the name of an 80’s American sitcom. Set in a Boston bar, where everybody knows your name.
Does anyone know?
Cheers in advance.

RayCon · 18-07-2019 01:01PM

I've a bit of a phobia about a new speed bump on my road ..... but I'm slowing getting over it.

tayto lover · 18-07-2019 01:08PM

el_gaucho wrote: »

Did you hear about the dyslexic devil worshipper?
He sold his soul to Santa.

We should stop these jokes or the National Dyslexia Association (DNA) will be complaining.

The big Dyslexia protest march to the Dail ended up badly when they all arrived at Aldi.

blinding · 18-07-2019 01:39PM

Leo Varadkar .

RobMc59 · 18-07-2019 02:58PM

If smoking marijuana causes short term memory loss,what does smoking marijuana do?

BENDYBINN · 18-07-2019 05:54PM

What does what do?

decky1 · 18-07-2019 06:04PM

I love my job,went for a sh1t today and earned 7.50.

M.T. Cranium · 19-07-2019 12:07AM

There was a rock group called Aquarius, and they had a singer named Dawn. But she had to retire.

It was the aging of the dawn of aquarius.

frag420 · 19-07-2019 07:41AM

BENDYBINN wrote: »

What does what do?

What does memory loss do to your marijuana?

Capt'n Midnight · 19-07-2019 09:20PM

On the subject of genders, most of us have two sets of chromosomes xx if your female xy if you are male .

However there are other variations.

There is XYYsyndrome and Klinefelter syndrome XXY, Trisomy or triple X syndrome, and even a case in Australia of Tetrasomy where a child had 4 female chromosomes, they named her Castlemaine.

joe40 · 19-07-2019 09:42PM

byrner88 wrote: »

I left my wife because of her obsession with football,

She crossed the line

My wife left me because of my obsession with football. I was quite surprised we had only been together for 6 seasons.

Purple Mountain · 20-07-2019 12:10AM

Capt'n Midnight wrote: »

On the subject of genders, most of us have two sets of chromosomes xx if your female xy if you are male .

However there are other variations.

There is XYYsyndrome and Klinefelter syndrome XXY, Trisomy or triple X syndrome, and even a case in Australia of Tetrasomy where a child had 4 female chromosomes, they named her Castlemaine.

You what now?

Roger_007 · 20-07-2019 01:36AM

Capt'n Midnight wrote: »

On the subject of genders, most of us have two sets of chromosomes xx if your female xy if you are male .

However there are other variations.

There is XYYsyndrome and Klinefelter syndrome XXY, Trisomy or triple X syndrome, and even a case in Australia of Tetrasomy where a child had 4 female chromosomes, they named her Castlemaine.

Then of course there was that Welsh girl with triple Y syndrome that Tom Jones had a song about: YYY Delilah.

Suckit · 20-07-2019 01:42AM

Purple Mountain wrote: »

You what now?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mtwkDGlpWJk

Sheridan81 · 20-07-2019 05:17AM

I was going to join the debate team but someone talked me out of it.

RobMc59 · 20-07-2019 08:51AM

To the b*stard who stole my glasses,
I will find you..I do have contacts!...

patmac · 20-07-2019 12:44PM

joe40 wrote: »

My wife left me because of my obsession with football. I was quite surprised we had only been together for 6 seasons.

My wife left me because of my obsession with Fantasy Football, in my defence I had Shaw, Van Dyke, Robertson, La Porte and Alonso.

.red. · 20-07-2019 01:12PM

patmac wrote: »

My wife left me because of my obsession with Fantasy Football, in my defence I had Shaw, Van Dyke, Robertson, La Porte and Alonso.

I'd have left you too for having a defence like that.
3 left backs and 2 centre backs!

byrner88 · 20-07-2019 01:26PM

The Big Issue would sell a lot more copies if they made their sellers smarten up a bit.

Most of them look like tramps.

The try harder if ye want to keep a second joke thread thread

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